Amused to the point of disgust.

A sniper tries to take out the Colonel, Chic Sikhs, Chris Martin, Frank Lampard's thumbs and why we allow the Scottish to play tennis

More comedy memoirs... Sage is sporting shorts and Crabtree is in silk... What exactly is the relationship between Dale Winton and the President of Iran? Also this week... beating and whipping, celebrity chefs, Mr. Blobby, fat people and fondling

No Colonel this week: Instead we have this special Celebrity News Report read by Ian Thespian

Did Delia Smith spike the Colonel's egg sandwich? Did Robbie Williams bait badgers? Did Louie Walsh headbutt a dolphin? Why did the Colonel steal the psychic false teeth of Cliff Richard's Mum? Last of the current series of the Colonel's Comedy Memoirs

Ever seen the Wu Tang Clan in pantyhose? Is Jimmy Tarbuck the Loch Ness Monster? Hiding in sporrans and more illusion, confusion and self delusion with The Colonel

Who eats porridge out of a plastic vagina? Is Tom Jones black? Is shit acceptable? These questions and possibly many others are answered by listening to this Episode of the Colonel's memoirs

The Colonel gets attacked by Gandhi, kidnapped by Cliff Richard and suffocated by a sandal. There's Catholic skullduggery afoot, dead relatives through the post, a sore bats wing and a load of bollocks... what else could you possibly desire?

The Colonel is in his usual lunatic mode this week with KKK bus drivers, Beefy Botham eating umpires... and of course, rectums all on the agenda

Kaki shorts, pictures of penises,finding solace in Charlotte Church's mum and trouble with traffic wardens are just some of the topics exposed by the Colonel this week