An audio advice column where Amber Rose answers your confidence boosting (or confidence crushing) questions each Wednesday.
Hey Amber: How do I talk to my loved ones when they WILL NOT STOP focusing on body size, weight, and diets?
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You can view the full transcript here: https://www.theconfidencecolumn.com/theconfidencecolumn/the-confidence-column/communication-my-family-is-obsessed-with-weights-and-diets-how-do-i-tell-them-i-am-not
When those types of comments are no longer serving you, it's time to express that. However, you have to understand that this has been a core focus for a lot of people for much of their lives so it may take some reprogramming for them to truly understand what you are telling them / asking of them.
These are the four main things that can help support you in communicating to your family your boundaries around body, weight, and diets:
1. Make your desire to not have conversations focused around body, weight, and diets known.
The more you an express yourself from the heart vs in defense, the more people will be able to hear you. Maybe share a few reasons why you don't want to talk about the topic(s) and ask if conversations can move to something else. This is creating a boundary and sometimes people don't understand the seriousness until you spell it out for them (and some people really need it spelled out.)
2. Acknowledge > Mix-up > Move on
Acknowledge why you think they may enjoy talking about body, weight, and diets (because some people really get a kick from it!) and then say that you don't share that same passion, so can we mix up the conversation? Share with them things you enjoy talking about - hiking, traveling, doggos. Sometimes it can also help to explain to them why you like talking about hiking, traveling, and dogs vs body, weight, and diets, to help them see it more clearly from your perspective. This can help alleviate the pushback of "well, why don't you like those things" or "you probably don't like talk about this because xyz." It's a proactive measure that will help keep you in your power - you are expressing yourself not defending yourself.
3. Excuse yourself from spaces where people are talking about body, weight, and diets.
It doesn't need to be a grandstand and you don't need to leave the room huffing or puffing with attitude. Just move to another space. If someone asks you why you keep leaving the room, just remind them: I don't enjoy conversations about body, weight, and diets. I have expressed that to you and I want to be in a space where that's not the main focus.
4. Convert the conversation
Sometimes, people can't help but talk about the shiny thing in front of them, so give them a different shiny thing to talk about. In this case, I wouldn't recommend something in the same topic line...like body positivity or recipes you enjoy. Legit talk about something else, something you care about, and allow them to follow you. Some people are stubborn. Some people will also be stuck on bodies and food. At the end of the day, you have to choose for you how you want to engage these situations and establish your boundaries.
