The Confidence Column

A audio advice column where Amber Rose answers your confidence boosting (or confidence crushing) questions each Wednesday.

How can I be more confident around my partner when he’s 100lbs thinner than me? When I see couples being all PDAish and being such different sizes and ethnicity, it makes me feel weird because I don’t have that in my relationship so I lose my confidence. Also, how do you have intimacy when you’re a larger person with a smaller person? We don’t have that at all and it also kills my confidence.

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An audio advice column where Amber Rose answers your confidence boosting (or confidence crushing) questions each Wednesday.

Hey Amber: How do I talk to my loved ones when they WILL NOT STOP focusing on body size, weight, and diets?

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Follow The Confidence Column and Amber Rose

TRANSCRIPT

When those types of comments are no longer serving you, it's time to express that. However, you have to understand that this has been a core focus for a lot of people for much of their lives so it may take some reprogramming for them to truly understand what you are telling them / asking of them.   

These are the four main things that can help support you in communicating to your family your boundaries around body, weight, and diets:

1. Make your desire to not have conversations focused around body, weight, and diets known.

2. Acknowledge > Mix-up > Move on

3. Excuse yourself from spaces where people are talking about body, weight, and diets.

4. Convert the conversation

An audio advice column where Amber Rose answers your confidence boosting (or confidence crushing) questions each Wednesday.

Hi Amber,  The holidays are a really stressful time for me. Every year I feel like I'm not doing enough or giving enough and it makes me feel like a horrible person. My self-confidence definitely takes a dive because I feel like other moms are doing it better than I am and I'll never be able to measure up. I want to feel good during the holidays!! Why is it so stressful and how to I get to a point where I enjoy these days instead of dread them?

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TRANSCRIPT

First I just want to say: You're not alone in any of these feelings. The holidays are often full of two things that drag women around:   

1. Obligation

You are experiencing the ultimate comparison and it's draggin' you around! I see that and I understand how that can compile the stress on you.   

Especially being a mom, I'm sure this time of year really is about how you can make it a great and memorable experience for your children and your family and we tend to look for those answers outside of ourselves, trying to copy movies or traditions.   

When it comes to holidays, I recommend putting some distance between you and the consumerism, the expectations, and ask yourself:   

What would make me feel good this holiday?

Not every year will be the same. Some years you'll have more to give and others you'll have less - and this is true for your energy, your attention, your money, all of it.  

It really doesn't need to be about anything other than you and your family.  I know the expectations of others can feel like a lot but can you look at the energy you have and the effort you put in and say "I did my best this year" and take pride in that? 

 It may be a new feeling during the holidays, checking in with yourself and your family and honoring what you need this year, but ultimately, it will help relieve this stress and help break away from the comparison game cuz your eyes are on your own life and your own family.  

And you and your family are truly what matters, right?   

Happy holidays, love ~ xo Amber

An audio advice column where Amber Rose answers your confidence boosting (or confidence crushing) questions each Wednesday. 

Hey Amber, how do I know if something is good enough to be done or to be sent out? I feel like I have perfectionism with a lot of my projects because I always think they can be better. What's the point I know they are good enough for me to stop working on them?

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TRANSCRIPT

Hey Amber, how do I know if something is good enough to be done or to be sent out? I feel like I have perfectionism with a lot of my projects because I always think they can be better. What's the point I know they are good enough for me to stop working on them? Thank you, Sarah

Hi Sarah! Great question! Ya know, I think nearly everything has an opportunity to be "better" but you wanna make sure you're not making "better" synonymous with "perfect" because, well, perfect doesn't exist. Therefore, you can't measure something up to it.   

Because you're reading this I know you're someone who wants to better herself. You work hard, you hold yourself to good standards. There will always be something you can see to make better but not everything needs to be your Pulitzer Prize.   

If you're putting in an honest effort to make something good, it will be. How much time and attention you need per project will depend on the project. Give yourself enough time and attention but not excessive or obsessive time and attention.   

Here is a personal example: My perfectionism kicks in around emails. I used to write, edit, rewrite, sleep on it, read again, edit, re-write, re-write, re-write, sometimes holding onto an email for over a week to make sure my message was perfectly conveyed.   

Emails don't usually need to be this serious so I started giving myself time limits and edit limits. For every email I write,  I'm allowed to edit/re-write a total of 5 times before I ask myself to hit send. I also make sure my draft box is empty at end of day and I usually give myself the time of 24 hours to send emails. That way, I don't hoard them, forget them, or obsess over them.   

You are smart. You're capable. Your work is good! If you find yourself obsessing over something and you can't think of a reasonable amount of timescape to give yourself, ask a friend or a colleague for feedback to help you personalize the releasing of your perfectionist tendencies around that project.   

Sometimes it really can help to see it through the eyes of people you trust.  Good luck with your release!