The Dad & Daughter Connection

Hey dads, and welcome to another episode of Dad Connections in 5, the place where five minutes of real talk helps you build a deeper bond with your daughter—one small moment at a time. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we're tackling something every dad hears a hundred times a day:

"Why?"

• Why is the sky blue?
• Why do I have to eat vegetables?
• Why do people lie?

Those questions may come at you fast—and at the most inconvenient times—but today we're talking about why your daughter's "why" questions are one of the best opportunities to connect, inspire, and grow her confidence.

Let's dig into the power of curiosity and how you, Dad, can fan the flame with just a little enthusiasm and intention.

Curiosity is how kids learn about the world—and about themselves. Every "why" question is a window into how your daughter thinks, what she wonders about, and what she values.

• When you answer with interest, you show her that her thoughts matter.
• When you stay patient, you build her confidence to keep exploring.
• And when you say "I don't know—but let's find out," you teach her that learning never stops.

The way you respond helps shape whether she keeps asking—or starts holding back.

Even if you don't know the answer—or you're tired or distracted—start with validation.

• "Wow, that's a smart question."
• "I've wondered that too!"
• "I love that you're thinking about this."

That response tells her: "Dad cares about what I think. It's safe to wonder out loud."

You don't have to be a walking encyclopedia. When you don't know something, say:

• "Let's look it up together."
• "Let's do a little experiment."
• "Let's ask someone who might know."

Whether it's googling a fact, reading a book, or asking a grandparent—you're showing her that curiosity leads to action.

This builds her confidence to keep asking and seeking.

Sometimes, the best way to keep curiosity alive is to turn the question around.

• "What do you think?"
• "Why do you think that happens?"
• "What would you do if you were in charge?"

Now, she's not just receiving information—she's thinking critically. You're helping her build her own ideas, and that's the real magic.

Here's your challenge: The next time your daughter asks a "why" question, don't brush it off.

• Start with enthusiasm—"Great question!"
• Be curious together—"Let's find out."
• Ask her opinion—"What do you think?"

Even if it's a small moment, it makes a big impact. Every curious question she asks—and every thoughtful answer you offer—is one more brick in the foundation of her confidence, her creativity, and your connection.

Because when you fuel her curiosity, you're not just answering a question—you're building a lifelong love of learning and showing her that Dad is her biggest cheerleader.

That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. If this episode reminded you how powerful your voice can be in shaping your daughter's growth, send it to another dad who's in the thick of the "why" phase. Until next time—keep showing up, keep wondering with her, and keep encouraging her to stay curious.

What does it mean to truly connect with your daughter? In this heartfelt episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Joe Carlucci and his daughter, Valentina, to explore the depth of father-daughter relationships, the power of perseverance, and the joys (and trials) of building a business—and a life—side by side.

The Carlucci story is more than just a tale of pizza and world records; it's a masterclass in showing up, learning together, and making family the center of everything you do. Joe, the owner of Valentina's Pizzeria in Huntsville, Alabama, shares how having his daughter involved in the restaurant has changed everything about how he leads, listens, and loves.

"I want her to have a life, to experience everything," Joe shares, emphasizing that legacy isn't about business success but about the kind of father he is. Valentina, already a Guinness World Record holder for pizza tossing at just 12, brings her own flair and opinions to the family business, reminding listeners that kids don't just follow in parents' footsteps—they blaze their own trails.

Parenting, of course, isn't without challenges. Joe's candid stories of failure, resilience, and growth highlight the value of letting your kids see you struggle and rise again. The episode dives deep into co-parenting, stepfamily dynamics, and the importance of putting pride aside so kids can feel fully supported, no matter what.

What makes this episode truly special is the genuine banter and obvious affection between Joe and Valentina. Their shared laughter, friendly teasing, and mutual admiration are a testament to what's possible when dads choose presence over perfection.

If you're a dad looking to build a stronger relationship with your daughter—or anyone inspired by stories of resilience, family, and food—this episode is an absolute must-listen. You'll walk away with practical advice, heartfelt wisdom ("If you fall down ten times, get up eleven"), and maybe even a craving for a slice of the world's best pizza.

Ready to be inspired? Tune in to this episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection and discover how showing up, listening deeply, and making your child your priority can change everything—for both of you. Find all episodes and more at dadanddaughterconnection.com.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started. Because being a great dad isn't just about being there, it's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to meet and work together, to be able to build those bonds that we want to have with our daughters, one day at a time. And I love that you come back every week to be able for us to be able to work together and to be able to find new ways to be able to engage with our daughters and find ways to be able to build those stronger bonds. So I thank you for coming back every week.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:20]: That's why this podcast exists. It exists to help you and to be able to give you some tools for your toolbox that you can walk away from every episode with some different things to think about in regards to the relationship that you have with your daughter and that relationship that you want to have with your daughter. Every week, I love being able to bring you different guests with different experiences that are having these great relationships together, but also that you can grow from the relationships that you are hearing from them. Sometimes we have dads on, sometimes we have daughters on, Sometimes we have dads and daughters on. And today, we have just that. I'm really excited to be able to have Joe, Carlucci and his daughter, Valentina, on. And we're gonna be talking to them about the journey that they've been on in regards to some food, some world records, and a little bit more to be able to talk about the bond that they have in correlation to all of this. And I am really just really excited to have them here today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:19]: Joe, Valentina, thanks so much for being here today.

Valentina Carlucci [00:02:21]: Thank you.

Joe Carlucci [00:02:22]: Thank you very much. It's an honor. We appreciate the opportunity.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:25]: Well, I am really excited to be able to have you here. We've been trying to make this work for a while, so I'm I'm really excited that we were able to find a time to be able to do this. I guess first and foremost, what I would love to do is talk to me about your relationship and what makes your bond so special.

Joe Carlucci [00:02:42]: Because she's my air, my breath, my world. Like, she's my everything. She's a smart ass, but she's amazing and, she's my heartbeat. She's the reason, I get up to be a better person, father, boss, son, and friend every day, every week, every month, every minute, every second of my life.

Joe Carlucci [00:02:58]: And, Valentina, what's the best part? I know that you work alongside your dad at the restaurant. And I guess as you think about that and the and the opportunity that you have to work with your dad, what's the best part about working alongside your dad in the pizza business?

Valentina Carlucci [00:03:13]: Getting to correct Tim because he makes a lot of mistakes, and I have to end up being the boss and taking care of everyone because he doesn't always know what to do when he's working. He can be a little. So

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:27]: So for you that are listening, Valentina just kind of twirled her finger around her around her ear saying that he's a little crazy. So I don't know, Joe. I mean, you said she's opinionated, but she definitely has her opinions here. And where does she get that from? Definitely not you. Right?

Joe Carlucci [00:03:45]: No. I'm not very opinionated. I keep my comments to myself. I'm very low key. I'm low spoken. I don't ever put gas on the fire. I usually put water. She likes to, which is okay sometimes, make make dinner for the staff, make desserts, give everybody a break, give them raises.

Joe Carlucci [00:04:01]: She's, all for the inmates and and not for the 40 sometimes. But when she has to throw the hammer down, she'll throw it down to anybody. So I give her that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:11]: I guess, Joe, seeing it, like you said, that, you know, Valentina is your heir. You said that, you know, she is following in your footsteps here. When did you first notice that Valentina shared your passion for pizza?

Joe Carlucci [00:04:22]: Man, she's been every step of the way at every restaurant I've had, food truck. I mean, since she was in diapers and strollers, she's always been inside the pizzeria restaurant business. When she got old enough to stand up, to wash dishes, to wipe tables down and sweep, like, I never thought anything of it. And when I launched Valentina's four and a half years ago, I had called her mother and said, hey. I'm gonna open a pizzeria again, and, I wanna name it after Valentina. She's like, let me ask her because, you know, she's kind of quiet sometimes. And I'm like, yeah. I don't know how she feel.

Joe Carlucci [00:04:51]: And she asked her, and she was like, absolutely. One thing only is no pineapple on pizza. And we end up having And we end up putting pineapple on pizza. And then when she came to work a lot more with me, she asked me about my records and did she get one? And I just thought it was a kid wanting to do what her dad does or not every day. And then as she got older, I mean, she's 12. She's got a long way to go, and then she it's in her blood, and she loves it. And I told her it's not the easiest, but today's age, we have changed the way we do things in the industry. You know, we're only open twenty seven hours. I like to say we like the Chick fil A pizza. We're closed Sunday and Mondays.

Joe Carlucci [00:05:26]: We don't open for lunch. We only open for dinner. It is where the area we are, but, I want her to have a life too, and I don't want the the life to be inside this restaurant. I don't she gotta put the time in, but at the same time, I want her to experience other things as well. And she's right now adamant about taking it over.

Joe Carlucci [00:05:42]: So I guess for those that are listening that don't know you, Joe, and don't know your your your background and don't know the restaurant, give me a little bit of the history which led you to some world records so that someone that doesn't know you gets a better feel for not only what led you to starting Valentina's, but what led you to moving from New York to Alabama?

Joe Carlucci [00:06:05]: Sure. I'm a consultant. I used to be a consultant. Excuse me. And I came down to Alabama fifteen years to go to open a pizzeria, and I just fell in love with Huntsville, Alabama, where we are now at Valentina's. And I decided to come down and help the gentleman and move the consultant down here. The consulting thing was kinda hard in the South, and I ended up working for him. Along the way, I've had a couple restaurants and I failed at them, and they she was my passion to keep driving.

Joe Carlucci [00:06:29]: And when you get knocked down, you gotta get up 10 times harder and faster, and no one's gonna worry about you or cry about you, and you have to take care of yourself. And I taught her that. Like, one thing I could teach is you never give up. I did not, by the wildest dreams, think this restaurant, Valentina's Pizzeria, would ever blow up to what it is. We went from having 10 employees to having 47 employees. We have a full time life coach, a GM that, has a law background that runs the whole entire restaurant. She loves her. I have a manager that's, been with me ten years, and we're growing every day.

Joe Carlucci [00:07:01]: We just bought a food truck again to go do double dip, and I love the area of Huntsville, Alabama. I mean, people think Alabama. I think my cousin Vinny, and I probably look like my cousin Vinny. But it's just been a great experience. We went from a 1,500 square foot to buying our own land and having a 5,000 square foot with 190 seats. I was actually kidding around with her the other day and I said, you know, someone offered me millions of dollars to sell. She's like, you can't sell. To my restaurant.

Joe Carlucci [00:07:25]: I said, what about 10,000,000? I said, no. 20. She said, no. We're not selling. I said, what do you mean we can't sell? She goes, the restaurant's for me. I said, yeah. But that's a lot of money. We can go to Disney.

Joe Carlucci [00:07:35]: We can have some I'm a system. The reason why we have this restaurant and all this money is because of me, because we wouldn't have this amazing place without me. So you have to put that factor into. You can go on that.

Joe Carlucci [00:07:50]: So I need them. I said, well, I was just kidding, but she goes, good. You can get all you want, but it's mine. So it is everything that we're doing is for her to build the brand, and she's gonna have to, put the hair back, put the apron on, and firstly in those pizzas.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:03]: Now, Joe, you mentioned that you strive to be a strong role model for Valentina. What are the most important qualities that you try to demonstrate for her?

Joe Carlucci [00:08:11]: Have a backbone, have a voice, have empathy for people, care, but believe in yourself and love yourself more than anybody loves you. And don't listen to the critics or the keyboard warriors or the haters. Like you can do anything you put your mind to. Listen. I'm probably the dumbest guy you ever speak to on your podcast. I can't screw a light bulb in. Okay? And I put my head down and described. Hard work beats talent every day and twice on Sundays.

Joe Carlucci [00:08:35]: And you can outwork anybody any day, any week, any month. And that's the hardest lesson to teach her because sometimes she can be a little lazy, but I still love her. Yeah. You know? But it's the youth, but we're getting we're getting it out of you. We're we're kicking it out of you. But I would, like, teach her that. Never give up on yourself and believe in others. Don't give up on others either.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:52]: Now, Valentina, based on what your dad just said and what he's taught you, what have you learned from your dad about hard work and dedication?

Valentina Carlucci [00:09:00]: Well, so for one, if you do a job, do it correctly and try to do it good. It's okay to make a mistake, but don't make the same mistake a million times. And then, of course, like, if you fall down 10 times, get up 11 times. So, like, overall, like, never give up and always try your hardest no matter what the job is.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:24]: I love that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:24]: Now, Joe, parenting comes with challenges. It's not always easy. And I know that in the past you've spoken about letting your kids see you fail and grow. And you just mentioned that you have failed and you've had to pull yourself up and keep going. Can you share a moment where you learned an important lesson in front of Valentina that she had that you wanted her to learn even though it may have been hard for you?

Valentina Carlucci [00:09:46]: At one time, the quarantine family.

Joe Carlucci [00:09:50]: Chris, when we had the food truck during COVID, we'd go out in the beginning because it was a lockdown and sell, like, 200 pizzas. And as time got on and they lifted the the lockdown, she'd come out with me in a 20 degree weather. She'd be sweating on the food truck. She was, like, 78 years old. We sell four pizzas, literally. I had to throw all the dough away, all the ingredients. It was, like, week after week until I finally decided that the money I'd save from COVID during with the food truck is to make the transition to a brick and mortar again. But got life lesson just, why are we doing this? Can we go home? Like, no.

Joe Carlucci [00:10:23]: We're gonna stick it out, and we'd sell pizzas in five hours. It was just teaching her how to not give up. I did this political box over the course of last four months with the president on there, and we got a lot of backlash from it. And I'm not very political. I'm just controversial. I don't know a lot of it. I'm saying it's not controversial in my mouth. You can ask anybody my rep, but I've never brought up politics once before this election.

Joe Carlucci [00:10:45]: Never. Oh, never. I don't talk about it, but college football, as you know, where you are too is king, and I just had to think of a marketing scheme. Well, long story short, it has developed into an animal of its own. And it took on a whole new world here for the last two months. It's been insane. And we had a customer or a stalker not even a stalker, keyboard warrior come in on last Saturday who was already trashing us. And it was a little incident, and I had to be a little bit more professional around her and just put the water on the fire that time with her and her younger sister, who's always over at my house, her stepsister.

Joe Carlucci [00:11:21]: Didn't teach her, like, sometimes you have to control yourself because I had my staff. I had people there, and I had my daughter there. And I don't wanna, like, do what my what I really wanna do, but, you know, it's not professional and it's not teaching her anything. So I had to handle that situation a little different. Not saying I wouldn't if she wasn't there, but it would've been a lot easier to not handle the right way. But when my dog when you turn around and your daughter's looking at you, it's the older man that you don't wanna be fighting or screaming at people. So sometimes, like I told her, dads are not perfect. I never had a 12 year old.

Joe Carlucci [00:11:50]: I've never had a 13 year old. So guess what? I'm gonna mess up because I've never had a kid before. So I'm learning as she's learning. So I just let her know that I'm not perfect in any way, shape, or form and that no matter what, I'm always gonna love her even if she's burns pizza sometime.

Valentina Carlucci [00:12:05]: So I correct you when you burn pizzas, but I don't burn pizzas, and that's why my pizzas are better.

Joe Carlucci [00:12:11]: Well, maybe we'll ship them one if you tell us.

Valentina Carlucci [00:12:13]: Yeah. Well, no. It'll be bad. So we we freeze it. We can? Yeah. Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:19]: That would be great. So, Valentina, you just heard your dad talk about some challenges that he's had and some struggles that he's gone through. And I guess as you think about that and you've seen your dad struggle with different things, how did that affect you and affect the way that you think about making mistakes?

Valentina Carlucci [00:12:39]: It made me wanna try harder. It made me wanna do the business more. It made me wanna make my dad proud. And it also, like, taught me some lessons on, like, whenever anyone comes into your electronic complaining, he didn't escalate it at all. But whatever you do, do not escalate it and make it worse because that's the one bad thing you could do. And then you could be in the wrong if, like, you do anything to them because the customer is always right.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:10]: And Valentina did put up her quotes because, you know

Joe Carlucci [00:13:13]: Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:14]: I get it. Now, Joe, I know that you mentioned the fact that Valentina's got step siblings, and you've talked in the past, I know about co parenting and co parenting can bring its own challenges. So you've talked about that in the past with step kids and half siblings. What has helped you to maintain a strong unified family dynamic?

Joe Carlucci [00:13:35]: Well, my pride, it's hard enough to be a kid in 02/2025. Her mother and I didn't have the best, and we didn't have the worst relationship. We didn't do anything to hurt each other. We just weren't the right fit. So why make your kids suffer for twenty, thirty years because you made a decision in thirty seconds when you went to bed. Right? So it wasn't always like this. I I had a a lot of, looking in the mirror like, who's the problem? Is the world the problem, or is Joe the problem? And I decided that I was the problem. And her stepdad is she's so lucky to have a dad like that.

Joe Carlucci [00:14:08]: I mean, I think he's one of the most amazing people. She has one of the best mothers that god has ever created in a very weird, people say, relationship. Her past sister is over my house. It's always my always my my Christmas. My my girlfriend gets her gifts, sends the gifts. She's over my house three weeks, four weeks out of summer. She sleeps over during the week. I mean, she's like my second kid, and we we're actually all a family, and it and it works.

Joe Carlucci [00:14:31]: I think it's sometimes under those situations, not every situation is like mine. You have to look in the mirror. And I just made a pact that I know it's gonna be a tough life for any kid growing up, and I'm not gonna make my daughter's life harder. And we're we're all friends. Like, her stepdad does pest control. He does my house. He does my restaurant. I have a problem.

Joe Carlucci [00:14:48]: He comes here. Her mom and I co parent very, very well together, respect each other. My girlfriend knows my situation, and she's open to it. And she loves Cadence just like she loves Valentina. So it worked. Everybody at the restaurant, my GM, my managers, like, they take Valentina. They sleep over her house. She sleeps over there.

Joe Carlucci [00:15:08]: I mean, it's a big family. It's one big family, and it all starts with knowing what to do, when to do it. And it's not always about me. Like, if it's better than my daughter's life to co parent and put our differences aside from fifteen years ago, then let's do it. I mean, if you saw her step sister here, do you think she's my daughter? She just bring drags her stuff in. We had a pizza named after her on the menu. So it works. You just had to do a lot of soul searching.

Joe Carlucci [00:15:33]: I think that's the hardest thing for people today is, like, look in the mirror. I'm not talking about situations where someone's died or cheated. My situation was nothing like that. We were just oil and water. She's an engineer. I'm a pizza guy with ADHD, but we're better off we are now because I told her she's got two dads instead of one. Right? So it worked on both hands.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:50]: And, Valentina, what's one thing your dad does that makes your whole family feel connected and supported?

Valentina Carlucci [00:15:55]: Well, he's always open for Cadence to come over here. He treats her like how he treats me. He's, like, best friends with my stepdad and my mom. He always invites him over to the restaurant. Whenever my mom drops Cadence off sometimes at the house, she'll even stay for a little longer and just talk to my dad. So it's not like how it would be for normal parents that are not together anymore. They're fine in a room together. They could talk normally like friends.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:26]: Joe, with the situation and the kind of the family dynamic that you have right now, what advice do you have for dads that are navigating co parenting challenges while keeping their child's best interests at heart?

Joe Carlucci [00:16:37]: Put your pride aside. Look through the lens as your child would. Put yourself in your child's shoes. Even if you can't get along, don't you know what I'm saying? If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything. Not every situation is gonna be like mine. So the less said is the better. So it no matter what, that's gonna be your mother and that's you're gonna be the father for the rest of her life. So you have to figure out some way to at least respect each other as a parent, everything else, you know, under your situations, but say less.

Joe Carlucci [00:17:02]: I know because kids today don't wanna go back and forth and hear about the kids fighting or the parents saying this. This parent said death and step you know what I mean? It it's just hard enough for these kids. It's hard enough. So if if you can't get along, which is understandable in certain situations, don't say anything. Just don't comment on it, and then they don't have to feel that they have to stick up for that, parent. They don't have to defend that parent. It also makes you look worse, I think, as a parent because kids are not stupid. They're smart.

Joe Carlucci [00:17:27]: The older they get, they'll see. They'll feel it out, Whether their dad's absent, their mom's absent, or just whatever the situation is, they they'll they'll figure it out. You don't have to lead them to order. They're they're smarter than us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:38]: Now I know, Joe, you've had a number of businesses that you've started that may have been successful, may have failed. What's the biggest lesson though that you've learned in business that has also helped you as a father?

Joe Carlucci [00:17:49]: Open minded. Take advice from people that have been there. Maybe people that are in their seventies. You know, as a father that had multiple kids or been in my situation and in the industry, I have, been blessed and lucky and honored to be, taught under Tony Geminiani. He has over 200 locations in the number of pizza in The US, and he's been, like, a mentor to me in every way. And looking up to other people that have kids or in my situation and that are good role models for their kids that I could take advice from moving forward.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:20]: And Valentina, I know you help your dad at the restaurant and you work hard. What's your ultimate dream in the pizza industry? I know you said you already cook and you're you're better than your dad. So how do you want to follow in your dad's footsteps or go beyond your dad in this industry?

Valentina Carlucci [00:18:35]: Well, I wanna be exactly like him or maybe even better when I grow up. I wanna have over a thousand stores.

Joe Carlucci [00:18:43]: Okay.

Valentina Carlucci [00:18:43]: No. I'm being for real. Like, I do wanna have over a thousand stores, and I want my pizza place to be number one in the whole world to where all these influencers are trying to come here saying how good our pizza is. And so, like, one day when my dad dies, I can just look up, no, I made him proud.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:00]: Joe, talk to me about what is having Valentina involved in the restaurant done or changed in the way that you run your business?

Joe Carlucci [00:19:10]: Oh, everything. Since she was born. My whole way I look at people and I treat people and I act when she's not here because I I always think, like, it's great you you do it when she's not when when she's here, but in anything you do when she's not here. It's just changed the way my perspective on life is on people and having empathy for my staff and caring for them and just I used to be a Gordon Ramsay of pizza that's yelling, screaming, throwing things in. They say you get more flies with honey. So I'm still working on that, but, you know, I hired a full time life coach to help navigate where I wanna go and help people understand my vision. My standard is extremely high the way I carry the restaurant, and I expect everybody to meet that standard, always there, but I wanna be better than yesterday. I don't care about today.

Joe Carlucci [00:19:56]: I don't care about tomorrow. So she has a big influence in that because if I could build the standard for Valentina's and the standard I wanna be as a man, then she'll know what kind of man she needs. And I don't care if she she'll always be open to telling me, hopefully, that she has a boyfriend because, like, since she was, like, six, I would open the door for her and tell her, if they don't open the door, they don't open the door, don't get in. So now when we go home tonight or we go to Korean barbecue or for pizza, I'm I'm in the car, and she's sitting outside standing outside. I'm like, what are you doing? She's like, I'm not getting until you open this door. And I'm like, oh my god. This is a little too much. And I said, what are you gonna do if you're on a date? She said, I'm gonna Uber.

Joe Carlucci [00:20:35]: I'm gonna call you. I said, okay. Good. I've been, I'm literally at six in the morning. I'm gonna take her to the school. She'll just stand outside. It'd be 30 degrees. She's like, I'm not getting in.

Joe Carlucci [00:20:43]: I'd get out of the car. I gotta go around. I gotta open the door. So she knows what she's doing on that end.

Joe Carlucci [00:20:49]: Now earlier, Valentina, I talked about the Guinness world record for pizza tossing. Congratulations.

Valentina Carlucci [00:20:55]: Thank you.

Joe Carlucci [00:20:56]: What was that experience like, and what did your dad teach you to help you get there?

Valentina Carlucci [00:21:01]: Well, so how my dad taught me was when I was at his house, at the time, I was only there Sunday, Monday, and then I left Tuesday morning. So both days, we practiced for, like, four hours. And then he gave me, like, this rubber dough, and I bring it to my mom's house with me and I practice every day. And so before I tried to get the, record, I, like, practiced a lot. And there was some tears because I, like, really wanted to win, and I did. But the process of it was really fun. My mom got to come, and we had this whole, like, little celebration.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:38]: And, Joe, seeing Valentina break a world record at such a young age must have been an incredible moment. How did that feel as a father?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:45]: It was one of the greatest moments of my life to see her do it. And, actually, she was the one with the idea. It wasn't me throwing this on her. Like, I never want her to get in this industry. It's a tough industry, but, like, she keeps pushing that idea away. So when she wanted to do this, she was eight or nine.

Valentina Carlucci [00:22:00]: Four. No. You want four? When I wanna do

Joe Carlucci [00:22:03]: No. When you did the Guinness record.

Joe Carlucci [00:22:05]: Oh. She was eight or nine. She can't count. She's really bad at math.

Valentina Carlucci [00:22:07]: No. I'm good at math.

Joe Carlucci [00:22:08]: But just having her want to do it and then her actually accomplishing it, it was a goosebump feeling, kind of like one of those moments that were surreal.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:16]: Now, Joe, earlier in the conversation, you talked about that you invested in a life coach to help you grow as both a father and a business owner. What's been the biggest shift for you and your mindset since starting that journey?

Joe Carlucci [00:22:29]: The biggest shift has to be my attitude because as hard as it is and it's many layers I have on my back, whether it's the loans, the mortgage, like, everything starts and ends with me. And even the box, I put a bull's eye on my staff. Like, I knew that politics and religion, you don't bring into the restaurant, and I did both. And I did both. And learning how to understand and deal with that, but also 47 people do not work for me. I work for 47 people. I work for my staff. They don't work for me.

Joe Carlucci [00:22:57]: And he has taught me that and helped me with that. And understanding what that means is hearing people, letting them have a voice, understanding them, understanding, like, no one's perfect. No one has perfect life inside and outside of here. And it's just shifted my attitude of the perspective I I have on people.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:16]: And, Valentina, have you noticed any changes in your dad since he started working with a coach?

Valentina Carlucci [00:23:20]: Yes. So I will say before, he wasn't the best when with when people would start crying. Of course, he would, like, try to hug them and ask them what's wrong, but he wasn't the best with it. And now if you notice because we have a ton of girls that work for us, and girls can be emotional. And he's just gotten a lot better with it, like, with emotions, understanding, and dealing with them. And I think the life coach really helped with that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:46]: Joe, I guess as we finish up, what legacy do you hope to leave for Valentina both as a father and as a businessman?

Joe Carlucci [00:23:53]: Well, it's just one. I don't care about the business. That was the best that I could make to her. That's my legacy. Like, I love pizza, some of my blood, but my legacy is is as a father. There's nothing second or close to it. I I can care less if she did this. Whatever she wants to do in life, she's gonna be super successful.

Joe Carlucci [00:24:10]: But my legacy is as a father, not as anything to do in this industry at all. There are so many more talented people in this industry than me. I've just been blessed to be around some great mentors like Tony. And at moments, I've captured those winning championships at that minute, that second, that hour, but nothing comes close to being a dad. That legacy is number one and the most important to me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:36]: And, Valentina, if you had to give your dad a best dad award, what would it be for?

Valentina Carlucci [00:24:40]: Being the best dad, everything he does is amazing. Of course, he'll make mistakes on the way of being the best dad, but to me, he's the best dad that there can ever be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:49]: And we always finish our interviews with what I call the dad connection six. And a lot of times I have these just for dads, but with both of you here, I'm gonna ask both of you these questions and see see what you have to say. So, Valentina, I'm gonna start with you. What's one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Valentina Carlucci [00:25:06]: Amazing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:07]: And let's flip it. Joe, what's one word that describes your relationship with Valentina?

Joe Carlucci [00:25:11]: Princess.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:12]: Valentina, what's the best piece of advice your dad's ever given you?

Valentina Carlucci [00:25:15]: If it's all Valentine times, get up eleven.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:18]: And, Joe, what's the best piece of dad advice that you've ever received?

Joe Carlucci [00:25:22]: Listen to them, don't hear them. Or hear them, don't listen. You know when they say you you you're listening, but you're not hearing me? Hear them. A lot of parents don't hear their kids. They listen to their kids, but they don't hear what they're saying. It's a big difference. My employees do the same thing sometimes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:34]: Valentina, what's one activity that you and your dad love to do together?

Valentina Carlucci [00:25:38]: Anything that includes having fun.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:40]: And Joe?

Joe Carlucci [00:25:41]: Cooking. She we've been going out for Korean barbecue on Sundays and, Italian on Mondays. And she said to me about six months ago, like, these meatballs are horrible. Just and she knows how to make our meatballs in the sauce. She's like, can you just can we just cook at home? Can you just teach me? I was like, yeah. So we stopped going out to eat. Then we started doing the Korean cooking at home and the Italian the next day. And that's probably the best way to describe the connection was cooking.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:06]: Now, Joe, I'm gonna follow-up with that. And if you could give Valentina one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Joe Carlucci [00:26:12]: It's not how hard you hit. It's how hard you hit back. Kinda like getting knocked down, get up, but, like, every life's gonna throw you a lot of curve balls. You gotta be able to swing them all over.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:20]: Valentina, what's one thing that your dad has taught you that you'll never forget?

Valentina Carlucci [00:26:25]: I'll say if you try anything, always try your best at it. Or again, like, no matter what you go through, no matter what happens, never have an excuse for it. Always do it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:39]: And Joe, what's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Joe Carlucci [00:26:43]: That I can't do this because I didn't think I could. Scary. As long as I'm on this earth, I have to lead by example and I didn't think I could do it. It's not an easy job for any of us. And just trust me, dealing with this one. I have Corrine in there. Let me tell you, you know where Draly is to all the girls. So

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:00]: Valentina, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? What would you say to them?

Valentina Carlucci [00:27:08]: Don't always nag your kids around. Meaning, like, say if you correct them once, that's okay, or a couple of times. But if all you do when you're with them is, oh, why does your hair look so bad? Or your room's a mess, or you've been a slob lately. And if you just keep on correcting them, they'll never come out of their room and they won't wanna talk to you because every time they talk to you, it's just them insulting you instead of saying, hey. Would you like some help or would you like want me to clean your room if you are do a deep clean or something? There's always a necessary way to say something.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:43]: And Joe, what would you say?

Joe Carlucci [00:27:44]: But you sell second time. You can't make up time in life, so make them your world because you don't have them for a long time. The older they get, the less they are. So make them your priority. Don't make other things your priority. My priorities are if I'm not working, I'm with her. If I'm not and if sometimes she's working with me and I'm with her outside of the year. But make them your priority.

Joe Carlucci [00:28:06]: Not a priority where it's it's a business and, you know, in the sense of, like, oh, I gotta take them to sports. I gotta spend quality time with them, whether it's with homework, watching a movie, listening to them, hearing them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:17]: Well, Joe, Valentina, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for your time tonight and for sharing this journey that you're on. It's not over. It's definitely just the starting point and we'll continue throughout your lives together. And I know that I have loved to being able to see this dynamic play out in front of me, but I know that others will learn from this as well. And I truly wish you both the best.

Joe Carlucci [00:28:42]: Thank you.

Valentina Carlucci [00:28:43]: Thank you.

Joe Carlucci [00:28:44]: It was an honor to have a be with you today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:45]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:29:16]: We're all in the same boat, and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men.

Musical Performer [00:29:56]: Get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Hey dads, welcome to Dad Connections in 5—your quick stop for five-minute insights to help you connect with your daughter in real, lasting ways. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we're talking about something that can easily be missed in the hustle of daily life:

Celebrating small wins.

Not the straight A report cards or the championship games—though those matter too—but the little victories: finishing a tough homework assignment, making a new friend, getting through a hard day with courage.

Why do the little things matter so much? Because when we celebrate those, we're telling our daughters:

• "I see you."
• "You're growing."
• "Your effort matters, not just your outcome."

Let's unpack how noticing and celebrating the small stuff builds confidence, connection, and resilience.

Think about this: If your daughter only gets praise for "big things," what message might she take in? That she has to perform or achieve something grand to earn your attention.

But when you highlight small efforts and daily courage, you're reinforcing:

• Her value isn't based on results
• Progress matters more than perfection
• You're with her in the everyday, not just on the mountaintop

That kind of support builds a solid foundation—the kind she can stand on when life gets hard.

Notice when she makes a good choice, shows effort, or keeps trying—even if it didn't go perfectly.

Say things like:

• "I saw how you stuck with that even though it was tough—that's awesome."
• "You were nervous about that presentation, but you did it anyway. I'm proud of your courage."
• "You handled that with kindness. That matters."

You're not waiting for perfect. You're praising the process—and that builds confidence.

Turn small celebrations into a visible ritual.

• Write down little wins on sticky notes and post them on a wall
• Drop them into a jar and read a few at the end of each week
• Let her decorate it with her own flair

This teaches her to track her own growth, not just rely on outside praise. And it's a fun, visual way to reflect on how far she's come.

You don't need to buy anything or throw a party. Sometimes, the best reward is your time and presence.

• "Let's grab ice cream and talk about how you crushed that quiz."
• "Want to go on a walk and celebrate how brave you were today?"

These moments say: "I noticed. I care. Let's share this joy together." That's how trust grows—and how relationships deepen.

Here's your challenge: Catch your daughter doing something small—but good. And celebrate it.

• Did she help without being asked?
• Finish a book she's been reading?
• Manage her frustration better than last week?

Whatever it is, name it. Praise it. Celebrate it.

Because every small win you see and speak into life becomes part of her inner voice—the one that says:

• "I can do this."
• "My effort matters."
• "Dad believes in me."

That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. If this episode reminded you of the power of paying attention to the small stuff, share it with another dad who's walking this journey too.

Until next time—keep encouraging, keep noticing, and keep celebrating the small wins that are shaping the big story.

When it comes to the unique and deeply important relationship between fathers and daughters, few conversations are as honest, insightful, and practical as the recent episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast featuring Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield. Whether you're a father looking for inspiration, practical tips, or simply reassurance that you're not alone on your parenting journey, this episode stands out as a must-listen.

Honest Conversations About Fatherhood

Host Dr. Christopher Lewis welcomes Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield, a renowned expert on father-daughter dynamics, back for a candid and heartfelt conversation. She shares her personal story—growing up as one of four daughters with a father from a tough South Chicago background, and navigating a complex but loving relationship marked by resilience and honest effort. Dr. Canfield's openness about family wounds, generational patterns, anger, and the need for introspection brings a refreshing vulnerability to the dialogue. Her reminder is clear: you don't need to be perfect, but you do need to be present, willing to learn, and capable of examining your own story.

Practical Strategies Every Dad Should Know

One of the episode's biggest strengths is its wealth of actionable advice. Dr. Canfield emphasizes the power of curiosity, vulnerability, and humility in connecting with daughters. She advocates for practical steps like

• Starting meaningful conversations—even if it means getting creative or asking your daughter to teach you something new,

• Making amends and taking responsibility when you've made mistakes,

• And, perhaps most importantly, "dropping your anger"—a theme that resonated deeply with listeners and quickly went viral on social media.

Dr. Canfield also explores how fathers can help daughters build resilience and self-confidence in the digital age. She encourages dads to lean in with curiosity when confronting social media challenges, ask thoughtful questions, and co-create boundaries around technology use.

Why You Should Tune In

This episode is not just for dads who feel like they have it all figured out—it's for every father, at every stage, who wants to do right by his daughter. The conversation is compassionate, empowering, and full of wisdom you can put into practice today.

Ready to build a deeper, more meaningful relationship with your daughter? Listen to the full episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection" and take your first step towards being the dad she needs—present, engaged, and always willing to grow. TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started. Because being a great dad isn't just about being there, it's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection. I am so glad that you are back with us again this week. As always, every week, you and I are on a journey together as we are working to build those strong relationships with our daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]: And it takes time. It takes effort. It takes a willingness to jump all in because every day is gonna be different, and some days are gonna be better than others. And you have to be willing to learn. You have to be willing to take that jump and know that you're not always gonna have all the answers. And that's why every week this podcast is here to give you some some help, some hints, some tips to be able to add to your own toolbox so that you can be that dad that you wanna be, so that you can keep showing up with your daughter and building that strong relationship that you want. And that's why every week, I love being able to bring you different guests with different experiences that can help you to do just that. And this week, I am really excited because I'm bringing a guest that I've interviewed on a previous podcast back, and I am so excited to introduce her to you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:00]: Doctor Michelle Watson Canfield is with us today, And Doctor. Canfield and I go back. The last time that we talked, I think was in 2020, and we were talking about her newer book at that point called Let's Talk. And at that time, that was a new book for her that she was just bringing out and was conversation starters for dads and daughters. But she has been talking to dads, working with dads for many years in helping them to build great relationships with their daughters. She's had a radio show. She has a podcast now. She has a number of books that are out there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:38]: She speaks. She does a little bit of everything, and I am really excited to introduce her to you and to have her here today. Michelle, thanks so much for being here today.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:02:47]: Oh my goodness, Christopher. It's great to be back, and glad we can kinda, in a way, pick up where we left off.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:52]: Definitely. You know, it it it's been a few years, but I think we both been rowing in the same direction. And I love the fact of the work that you're doing and helping dads. And, you know, I think that the work that you're doing and that that I'm trying to do here just work so well in tandem.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:03:09]: Exactly. We line up our vision and our passion lines up where we care. We care about our country being healthier from the ground up. And you and I, you're, you know, a girl dad. I'm one of four daughters. We both come at this from different vantage points, but we totally believe, right, that our country will be healthier from the ground up with healthier women. And so often when we see unhealthy women, it's a dad void or a dad wound that leads them to massage that wound or fill the void in unhealthy ways oftentimes, not always. And if dads can dial in with more intention and consistency to their daughters' hearts, literally, that will change our country, make it better, make it stronger.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:52]: You know, one of the things that I love doing, and I would love to to have a conversation with you first on is I wanna talk about your dad. Because as you said, you're one of four daughters. And so your dad had his hands full in in helping you to become the person that you are today. I guess first and foremost, tell me about your dad.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:04:11]: So my dad grew up on the South Side Of Chicago, and he was one of seven kids, six boys, one girl, three different last names among those kids, grew up in with really abject poverty being his standard. He was always really industrious and creative in finding ways to make money. So even as a kid, he would say, if I buy this amount of fireworks and go around the neighborhood and sell them, you know, I can do 10 times the money I put out, I can get back in. Like, very creative and industrious, which then led him years later after he was even like he rode. He get bucked off bulls and and stuff, and he would break his leg, but anything to make money. He had to pay his own way because his dad was an alcoholic, died of gangrene in a boxcar, worked for the railroad. They were divorced at that point, his parents. And so he really had to always make his own way.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:05:11]: Again, South Side Of Chicago, even then, really one of the most gang ridden crime dominant places. Like, my dad was in gangs from the time he was 12. So you kinda look at this fact that my dad had no template for how to be a dad. None. And so as he got older, you know, he marries my mom. They were in the military together. My mom was my dad's boss. They were stationed in the army in San Francisco.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:05:38]: And about six years in, my parents decided that they were gonna get their life kind of under new leadership, new management, and they started a faith journey together as Jesus followers. They're doing this thing together, trying to grow because my mom then on her side came from an abusive father who was a farmer in Minnesota who was sexually molesting his children. And to be candid here right at the front, I'm one of the fallouts even of that grandfather's abuse. So my parents find each other with a lot of brokenness, a lot of unmet needs, a lot of lack of fathering that was positive. So my dad finally, we moved from California to Oregon, so my dad could, of all things, goes to seminary. He's gonna become a pastor, which what was funny is he was raised Catholic. And my grandma, again, my Chicago grandma would say, well, I'm getting in the front door to heaven. You're gonna get in the back door as a a Baptist.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:06:33]: You know? And it was kind of this funny, banter between them. And so I'm just telling you that that foundation of my dad's life, which shows that he's an overcomer dad. He's a resilient dad, a man in many ways. He's a hardworking man. But you want to know the downside of what he was raised with is he didn't learn how to always, what I would call, lift up the hood of his car when he saw the red light, and I'm using that obviously as a metaphor of his own stuff, and how to look at when a red light comes on the car and we look at that, you can either ignore it. You can get a hammer out and pull the lid of the car up, the hood of the car, and just bang out the wires you don't wanna look at so that the light goes out. But at the end of the day, if you ignore the light, you're gonna have a problem. And so I really believe that some of my passion for fathers is to help equip dads to have a skill set that I often wish my dad would have.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:07:39]: My dad's in his late eighties now, where my dad would say to me, like you know, this is maybe a decade ago where I'm saying, dad, do you think we're all that close? And he goes, not as close as you'd like us to be. And I said, yep. Yep. Pretty much. Because I wanna have deeper conversations. I want my dad to delve into my heart space and mine the depths of what's there by asking better questions. And so a lot of the ten years in Portland where I'm doing this group for dads of daughters who were daughters in their teens or twenties, and even since then where I speak at conferences or write books or do my dad whisperer podcast, is I wanna equip dads to set the bar higher in what they require of themselves in growing in their skill set as a man without just saying, yeah. I'm not so good at communicating, or, yeah, I'm not so good at emotions, or, yeah, that's kinda we're different, or I don't like her reaction, so I just back off.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:08:37]: I'm like, dad, no. I wanna equip you to lead your daughter and lead yourself to a deeper relationship. So in many ways, I don't wanna give a false narrative here or presentation, if you will, of my story of going. My dad and I are really in a great place. Because to be honest with you, Chris, my dad and I are really tough place right now because my dad isn't willing to look at his stuff. And it has created some real big challenges within the last year. My dad's words to me as we sat together at lunch, Portland, Oregon, he said, I think we're at an impasse. And I said, yeah, I think we are.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:09:18]: And that breaks my heart because I am all about advocating for father daughter health. And yet I'm saying to dads out there that are gonna places that are really hard with their daughters, you gotta do your own work. You gotta lift that hood of your car and say, where is the wiring faulty? Where things aren't firing like they need to and like they were created to, which is going to involve humility. It's going to involve self introspection. It's going to involve honesty, making amends, taking responsibility, asking forgiveness, and going deeper in your relationship with your daughter. So I love my dad. But to be honest with you, it's really interesting that you started by asking that question about his story because I wanna be honest in what I'm sharing with you today.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:06]: Well, I appreciate you sharing that. I guess, in you talking about that, is there something you wish your dad understood about you that would bring you closer together?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:10:16]: You know, in some ways, I really think he does understand me. He knows I'm a fireball. He knows I've got a lot of intensity and passion. And sometimes, he's like, calm down, Michelle, you know, or bring it down a few notches. And I say, dad, I'm just trying to have an honest conversation. But, you know, one of the things I've learned in my profession, almost thirty years now in mental health, you know, in the trenches with men and women, a lot of daughters, a lot of dads. In fact, now I'm coaching more with dads around the country now that I've moved from Portland to Arkansas, right, where dads are reaching out. And I love being in the trenches with dads and daughters or just the dad saying, I don't even know where to go in my own story.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:11:01]: I don't even know what that looks like. My dad didn't model that, or I didn't grow up in a family where mental health was all that valued. And so, really, as I come at this theme of how do we become healthier people so that our relationships are healthier, what I I know is my dad knows I'm intense. I'm a communicator for a living. I wanna go deep is what I think in some ways, it's it's not as much that my dad doesn't know things about me. It's that I haven't always known things about him. And we even started I'll call it a game where for a number of years I may have even shared this back in twenties that with you that my dad and I, for a number of years, would shop on Monday nights and get our groceries. You know? So here I'm a single adult because I've only been married now for not even five years.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:11:48]: You know? Got married at the age of 60 for the first time. That came up in our last conversation, you know, back in '20. But so here I am, you know, especially through my fifties where my dad and I wanting to forge a stronger, healthier bond with my dad because this is my passion, my mission, my calling. And so I said, dad, what if we went and got groceries on Monday nights? It was my idea. So we go to Costco for dinner. Yeah. I'm a cheap date. Right? He'd buy dinner.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:12:15]: A lot of times I would, you know, pizza, salad. I know. So not healthy, but it's so good. And we would have conversations there at the picnic tables at Costco, and then we go across the street to this other store and buy groceries. And so on the way home, Chris, I started this thing where I said, dad, we've only got ten minutes. What if you told me one story from your childhood, from your life? And he go, okay. So I found that that was a way that my dad could handle a short story. And I remember he got to the point at one point where he said, I think I've told you all my stories.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:12:49]: And I said, I wanna hear him again. And new details would emerge. And it helped me understand my dad better. And I truly do understand that he didn't really get all that much fathering or all that much parenting input or all that much relational, I would say, foundation laid in his own life, and that has left him at a deficit. And he's overcome so much. I'm so grateful for that. And yet I just say to dads, don't ever stop doing your own work. Do your own work to face your own deficits, your own wounds.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:13:23]: Because if you don't, your daughter may outgrow you in her skill set, and the distance between you at a heart level or relational level will get wider. And one of the things I was gonna say probably five minutes ago that comes back to my mind now is that because I sought out a profession. Right? I'm a licensed professional counselor with a master's in counseling psychology, a PhD in health psychology, where I understand the importance of relational health, is that I would say we all have a window of tolerance. We can only handle so much, but the beauty is we can expand how much we can tolerate. Our capacity for emotional, I would say, communication, our emotional depth, our vulnerability, our honesty, how that impacts resilience can grow. So, dad, if you're at a place where you're like, yeah, I just didn't get dealt a great hand from my family of origin, I wanna say you can grow. Reach out to me. I'll do work with you.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:14:24]: I'll help you face some of your own stuff. Because the more you face those things in yourself, the healthier bond and relationship you will have with your daughter. No doubt.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:36]: Now I know you mentioned the fact that dads need to be able to unpack things for themselves. And as you look back at the years that you've had with your dad, and I know it's been quite a few, but as you have had those years with your dad, are there things that you wish that your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship? So if you think all the way even all the way back to when you were young, to where you are today, are there things that you wish that he did differently?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:15:05]: You know, I think I'm gonna start by answering what he did well and what he did what I would say even right, even though that's a relative term, a subjective term. But my dad, because of the lack of fathering role model, he would ask other men, what should I do? So back when I was, you know, I would say in my early teens, you know, middle school, he came to me, and I have a sister two years younger, and he said, we're gonna start something called a life notebook because some other dad said to him, this would be good to have meetings with your daughters, with your kids. So with him, it was daughters. So he got me a notebook, and I'm like, okay. This is really awkward. I'm sitting with my dad down in his office, you know, and we're having this meeting. And he would start by saying, Michelle, I know you struggle with fear. Let's talk about that.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:15:55]: And, hey, that was wouldn't you say, Chris, that was huge steps forward for my dad to say. I didn't even know what to talk about or what to do. He would say, let's talk about your name and what it means. So we go to the website, look up well, there wasn't much web then. Somehow he accessed the meaning of my name, and he would write it out for me. So I begin to have pages in this life notebook. And because my dad at the time was going to school to become a pastor, he would use the Bible as a template. What does the Bible say about your name? What does the Bible say about fear? Now some people listening might go, oh, that's really super weird.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:16:33]: I'm not trying to shove anything down anyone's throat. I'm just telling you my story. And so my dad did things like, okay, we're gonna do something he called perfume day because he went to a men's retreat where they said, what are your kids like? Do that more with them. So my dad came home and said, okay. It was Christmas time. We're gonna start a tradition, which we did for probably twenty five years. Once I got married, he said, you're you're on your own. Husbands get to carry that mantle now or that torch.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:17:01]: So he would take me out to Nordstrom or it was Meyer and Frank and Macy's back in the day, and he would sit in the perfume section at Christmas time. And I would try all the smells, like you gotta put perfume on your body. They smell different, right, on every woman. And then he would buy me whatever perfume I wanted. So look at my dad's, and I'm gonna try to create rhythms and traditions that begin to set a foundation of letting you know that I care about you. So I wanna give my dad big props for that. But now to your question of what do you wish your dad would have done different? One of them is I wish my dad would have had a lot less anger. And that is something that across the board in my now fifteen years, if you can believe that, of walking alongside dads, coaching dads of daughters.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:17:54]: That's come out as a huge theme. And I've been coaching or mentoring or counseling women since I was 19, and I'm almost 65. So this is forty five years. I've been close to women's stories on my own where they say, my dad's anger is done more to destroy stuff inside me than anything else. And even though daughters hate when their dads are disappointed, I would say the anger thing is a big, big, big deal. In fact, even since you and I talked a couple of years ago, not even two years ago, a friend interviewed me for his podcast, put a 47 clip, you know, out onto social media. I've never had anything go viral. This one, three point four million views.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:18:39]: And all I said in this interview was, dad, I got a three word phrase for you that you've got to keep in mind to become a better dad to your daughter. Three words, drop your anger. And what I said in that forty seven second clip, Chris, is your anger will do more to destroy the core of who your daughter is. Hurt her spirit, make her give up and stop trying, and she will internalize your view of her into the core of who she is, and it will shut her down and make her stop trying. Your anger will do more to destroy her than anything else. So I said, dad, make a commitment today to make a vow with your mouth that you are not going to respond in anger? And I know that seems like a big ask, but every dad I know loves his daughter and wants to be a better dad to her. I'm like, dad, that one thing will be a game changer is if you can tell you start to respond in anger and the numbers zero to 10 are climbing inside of you, you gotta give yourself a time out. Get away.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:19:43]: You'll never regret coming back and responding or disciplining or correcting your daughter if you do it after you've calmed your own brain down. When our mid brains are on fire, we flood our prefrontal cortex, that front part of our brain, and we go offline. You may not even remember some of what you said, but your daughter will carry it for years. So, dad, one thing, I wish my dad would have been better at he he didn't blow up a lot, but I could feel it, and I avoided wanting to step on those landmines. So that's one thing. I think another thing is I wish that my dad would have come and made amends more when he did maybe respond in anger or overreact on his own. I think that would have been a huge game changer from another one would be for my dad to take responsibility for things that really were his fault or his part. And often I, I would say I was left to believe it was me who was bad or me who overreacted or it was my fault.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:20:48]: And so those are some things that I wish my dad would have done different that I wanna say out front here and very clearly because I know there's dads listening that say, I love my daughter. I wish we were closer. I've talked before about a bombed out bridge between a dad and a daughter, between your heart and her heart, and ways that you can repair the bridge, rebuild the bridge is, dad, you gotta start by taking responsibility for your part, even if it's deficits, rather than making excuses and make amends and come with humility. And I I think a game changing question a dad can ask his daughter is tell me how I hurt you when. It may be, tell me how I hurt you when I responded that way. Tell me how I hurt you when your mom and I divorced. Tell me how I hurt you when I had that affair. Tell me how I hurt you when I was so busy with work.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:21:42]: I didn't have much time for you in those years. And when you come with humility and say, I wanna listen more than I talk. Got two ears, one mouth. Dad, watch what happens in your relationship. I promise you, it will be a game changer for her to know that you want to hear how you've impacted her, and then you listen without defensiveness. Watch what happens. It will be life changing for both of you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:08]: Now I know that you've had a lot of experiences over the years in working with dads. And in your experience, what would you say are some unconventional ways fathers can initiate deeper conversations with their daughters, especially during the teenage years?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:22:24]: Unconventional. Oh, you're catching me by surprise. I'm intrigued by that. You're making me think. Right? You're making me on the fly go deeper. So I love that, which by the way, you ask great questions. So that's really when you said conversations is why that second book. Because as the dads I was leading in the Abba project, I said, you know, Abba means daddy in Aramaic and men love a project.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:22:46]: And I said, do you guys want more practical action steps, right, to reach your daughter's heart? So it has 60 themes in that book. Dad leader to laugh, leader to love, leader to listen. And I even have leader to lament in there because if there's been wounds there and then the listen one is how your daughter can ask you questions about your life. So in some ways, that might be an unconventional different step a dad could take is to get my book, hand his daughter the book because the end is where she can ask you questions about your life. And so you don't have to reinvent the wheel. But, dad, your daughter wants to know what obstacles you've overcome. She wants to know how you learn things the hard way. So what some questions in there where she can ask you, dad, tell me what you wish you wouldn't have done.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:23:36]: Tell me about the stupid decisions you've made, but that you've learned the hard way. I mean, I always think why are these, I would say, stupid shows on television such a hit about quote, unquote reality TV? I think it's because we wanna see a trademark worse than our own, but there's no redemptive side of it. There's no learning the right way or the hard way. Dad, let her know the stories of your life. Because I've had some dads say, oh, I don't want her to know that. But as your daughter heads into her teen years, her brain is developing this midsection. The corpus callosum is is where you go from right brain to left brain is growing and developing, and your daughter's is really interested in the gray areas more, not the black and white things. The less concrete she wants to know the messy stories with what you learned the hard way because she's then internalizing resilience to go, you know, whatever your last name is, like Lewis.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:24:30]: That's what Lewis' do. They don't give up when it's hard. They don't shut down just because they've had obstacles. So you're that might be an unconventional new tool for your toolbox, dad, is okay. I'm gonna start opening up more about some of my messy story with the part of the story of what I learned and how I course corrected on the other side. Maybe another unconventional way is that you let your daughter see your emotion that's softer. That's the cool thing is testosterone grows and like, as dads grow, testosterone decreases. It tends to increase for women, and that helps men become softer, more tenderhearted.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:25:09]: Let your daughter see your tears. Let her see what breaks your heart, not just the strength, right, of how hard you work or how hard you overcome. That might be unconventional. I think another thing might might be, let your daughter teach you something she's good at that you're not good at. It may be spending time in the kitchen because she loves cooking and you're, you know, you're all thumbs and you drop things. Let her be better at you in some areas. Teach you what she knows where you're not in the lead. Ask her what are 10 outrageous things you wanna do in your life.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:25:45]: 10. Give me 10. I mean, one of mine back in the day was I wanna write a book. I never thought I could write a book. I still in some ways go, I'm not an author. Well, apparently, I am. You know? But I think the more you as a dad are humble, soft, tenderhearted, and you join your daughter in what she's good at, you may say, I am very uncomfortable with this. I am very awkward because we're gonna go to a paint paint by number night where you're guided to do a a painting.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:26:15]: I am so not right brain gifted. I don't know how to paint. But if that's what she loves, go do it with her. She loves books, and you're not so much of a reader. Take her to a bookstore. Let her pick out a couple books, and you walk through the aisles with her. The more you can join her in what she loves, she will bond with you in ways like never before.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:35]: Now social media can be definitely something that is challenging for parents, for fathers. How can fathers effectively support their daughters in developing resilience and self confidence in today's social media driven culture?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:26:51]: Well, we all know it isn't going anywhere. In fact, I recently did a couple podcasts. I do a dad daughter Friday blog, which I've done now for eleven years, where I'm wanting to give dads bite sized practical wisdom, which I know you've been very passionate about that as well. Having having dads who may not wanna read a whole book or listen to the audio, but get can get short snippets. But recently, I focused on doctor Jonathan Haight who wrote the anxious generation about how social media is really destroying our our kids. Right? Delay as long as you can, giving them a phone that has access, right, to the world beyond their walls. But at the same time, we all know it isn't going anywhere. So I would say, dad, limit the amount of time your kids are on there.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:27:34]: Let her push back. Let her react. Let her have a fit. Let her get angry because her brain is so impacted, right, by the amount of time and exposure to what's on social media. But I say, dad, know what she's looking at, limit her screen time, have her plug in her phone every night. Everybody's phone goes to a dock, so she doesn't have access because, honestly, Chris, I have counseling clients in their teens that never turn off their phone. And they'll say, yeah. I got a text at 2AM.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:28:04]: And I'm like, what are you doing with your phone on? But I can't go against a family norm just because I'm a therapist and inform them. Right? It's not my call. But I would say, absolutely. Have your kids shut off their phone at night. Absolutely. They need more deep sleep, REM sleep for their own health, wellness, and development. But, dad, join your daughter. Go sit with her and say, show me what you're looking at.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:28:28]: I wanna see the sites you're accessing. Put safeguards. Right? There's a lot of them out there. There's even you know, I just interviewed a guy on Gloo AI, g l o o a I, where they're putting safeguards, right, on phones, on social media so that there can be more safety around what your kids are watching. And we know with AI, you know, kids believe what they hear. They believe it as solid concrete facts. Anything they hear on social media. And I know that may be an overreach, but would you agree with me? They tend to believe if the Internet says it, it must be true.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:29:04]: Well, what's happened with AI is they're developing relationships. So he sits with his daughter, this Glue AI guy, and says, hey, AI. Tell me a story to my daughter, Paige. And the thing will talk to your daughter as if she's a real person and say, I love you, Paige. I love you too. So these, you know, artificial intelligence realities for kids are stepping in and kind of creating pseudo relationships. So, dad, be aware of what your daughter's listening to, how she's using AI, and come with curiosity. If she feels your judgment, she's gonna hide more from you.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:29:38]: But if you come curious, tell me what you're hearing. And the better questions you ask, the closer you'll be, which I remember when I went to counseling school, I was getting my master's. My very first counseling class was doctor Joan McElroy. She said, you will be a better counselor if you learn to ask better questions. And I would say, dad, you will be a better dad, a girl dad, if you learn to ask better questions of your daughter. So rather than coming going, what are you listening to with that tone? Right? What are you looking at? She's gonna shut down and go, I ain't showing my dad that. But if you come and ask questions with a tone of voice that's curious, she'll hear it more as you wanna know about her world rather than you're interrogating her. What are you looking at versus tell me what you're looking at? Show me what you're looking at.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:30:23]: I'm interested. Let's learn together. You can ask her, did you hear anything maybe off base with what they just said? Could we look together on the Internet and explore what we just heard said as concrete fact? And you teach your daughter that how to think, not just what to think by doing that with her because you may go, that was not even true. And she just swallowed it. Remember her brain doesn't fully develop till 25 that prefrontal cortex to make good decisions and have judgment and reasoning. So there's not something wrong with her at 15 that she swallowed that, that someone told her that's her brain isn't fully developed. And that's why she needs you to help find ways to explore it, ask questions. And you let her find it out and go, oh my goodness.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:31:08]: I didn't even know that wasn't true. And you're sitting right there with her, bonding the whole time and teaching your daughter how to ask better questions of herself and what she hears out on social media.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:20]: Now reflecting on your extensive counseling experience, what are some common misconceptions that fathers have about their daughter's needs or perspectives, and how can they best overcome them?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:31:32]: Well, I think sometimes a misconception is that dads will tell their daughters, don't make a big deal out of everything, or don't care about what that girl says or that guy tends to be girls, to be honest with you. That's why we have a movie called Mean Girls, not Mean Guys. But you cannot tell your daughter not to care about what other girls think. Just don't let it bother you. Just don't listen to the mean girls. It absolutely is impossible for us as women. It's our core wiring as girls to be relationally driven. And so to tell her you're overreactive, don't let those bullies or those mean girls bother you, or don't let what everybody else says is popular.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:32:12]: Or even to tell your daughter, don't care about what the style is. Some girls care a lot about how their outfit looks. And And so I would even say to dads, a misconception is that your daughter, even on the way out the door with an outfit that you think no daughter of mine is gonna go out looking like that, that's not the time to course correct. She's planned that outfit or her hairstyle. In fact, I would say a really proactive dad tip is I call it dadvice, is what about saying, that dress is really short and that is showing a lot of skin or she's gonna draw all the wrong kind of guys if if she's wearing that. Use that as a teachable moment, dad, to say, oh, okay. I wanna say right now, go change. But I would also ask who will did mom know about that outfit? That's between you and your and, you know, her mom, whether you're married or not, have that conversation adult to adult.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:33:07]: But you're saying, hey. What if we set up an experiment today? What if you noticed? Do you get more guy attention in that outfit? Do you get less? What kind of guys are drawn to you in that really short skirt? Like, use those teachable moments to help your daughter learn how to interact with the world around her, and you get to speak into her life saying, if I was a teenage guy, it would be really hard to look at your eyes and see your intelligence with that much skin. But I know. I'm old fashioned. I know I'm old. Hey. Maybe we could learn together. I wanna hear some things.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:33:42]: So let's meet up after school, take her to somewhere fun that she loves to eat, and have conversations with her to teach her how to think, not just what to think. Like I keep saying, you are in her life for a purpose as a dad to help steer, and you may need to pull the dad card. You know what, hon? I know you love that, but I really I can't support that one. But if every time you're blocking her way from being expressive with her style or her personality, she will find a way to hide it from you and still pull that off. So the more she can be honest with you and open with you and you're coming together, some of the times that unconventional might be, you know, that you asked even earlier, what's an unconventional dad tip? It may be compromising and coming together saying, I'm really uncomfortable with this. Ask mom, what do you think? Ask other other women in your life. It might be a sister or a coworker or your mom. You're growing and being okay with things that might be a little uncomfortable for you.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:34:42]: But for the sake of the relationship, you're finding a middle ground.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:46]: Now as you look ahead to the work that you are doing to the work that you're doing with dads, what emerging challenges do you foresee in the father daughter relationships, and how can fathers proactively address them to maintain strong connections?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:35:00]: You know, I think the clear one we've talked about is social media and the impact and the amount of input girls are getting from especially their peers about what is acceptable to believe. You know, we have a lot going on with gender confusion. I think on this side of the pandemic a little bit, it's less of a hot button issue, but it still is there. Is gender confusion, gender identity, right, and who you are. And, you know, the more your daughter can even have a faith foundation, then when you're not there as her earthly father, can she connect with God perhaps as a heavenly father? I think that's really a confusing time in our culture where there's so many spiritual leaders falling and failing that sometimes your daughter may wanna throw the baby out with the bathwater. I don't wanna touch faith with a 10 foot pole and maybe you as a dad say, I'm so lost. And then the whole family kinda throws faith by the wayside. I would say, dad, why not enter into that arena with her and say, let's read something together that we both find interesting about faith or about your identity as a woman.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:36:15]: Right? That's getting really hit hard in our culture where it's almost scary for a girl to hold strong to an identity as a female, even as a a bold, resilient, strong woman with a voice who has I I always think voice and choice are what get hard with us as women. You don't wanna be too loud. You don't wanna be too soft or too quiet. Dad, champion your daughter's voice and her choice. What does she care about? What is she passionate about? And regardless of what's happening in the culture, if you and your home can support your daughter's gifts and passions, it will outrank, and that will stand. I I really believe this, and I've seen it over three decades, is your view of her will really take hold stronger than what the voice of the culture and the narrative that she's hearing about what matters. What happens between you and her will really outrank, outlive, outlast the other voices. And the research confirms that that every area of your daughter's life will be better and stronger with a stronger bond to you.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:37:27]: Better grades in school, more likely to finish high school and attend college, greater self esteem, greater academic performance. She will be more likely to find steady employment, healthier weight, less body dissatisfaction. She'll delay her sexual debut. She will have more resilience. I mean, on and on. Every area of her life will thrive by a connection to you. So I would say, dad, don't get sidetracked with being afraid of every other voice or the narrative or the cultural climate because your bond with her is more important than all of that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:03]: Well, Michelle, I just wanna say thank you. And we always finish our interviews with what I typically call our dad connection six, and I still call it the dad connection six. But usually, it's just for the dads. But I'm gonna ask you a couple questions. I wanna see what your answers are as well.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:38:19]: I love it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:20]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:38:25]: Complicated.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:26]: What's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received or heard?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:38:31]: Probably where a dad told me that he had a three word phrase that was a game changer for him with his daughter, which is tell me more. Is that a daughter looks at a dad's face, and when she sees deers deer in the headlights kind of eyes that are trailing off or he's disinterested, that goes into make her think she's uninteresting and unworthy of being listened to. My friend, Mike Betts said that is he learned, he's a business coach for companies. And he said, I say to them all the time, tell me more. And I helped that company figure out their vision, their their strategies. And he said, when I brought that to my daughter, it was a game changer because I learned to listen longer to her rather than, okay, that's a lot of words or that was a lot of listening, but just tell me more. She began to open up more. So I would say that stands out really at the top of one of the best things I've heard a dad say.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:39:27]: If your dad could give you one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:39:32]: My dad has given me a life lesson, which is never give up. My dad, he's been beat down, and he hasn't stopped. He's continued to get up again with resilience. So I'd say never give up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:39:44]: And the final question, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:39:51]: I've got two three word sentences, which you can tell a lot of these are three words. But one is drop your anger. That's the one I've told you before. Drop your anger. And the second one, so that's more what not to do. This one is what to do. Pursue her heart. We as women, we thrive, we blossom, we grow.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:40:12]: We're successful when our heart is engaged. But hearts for women shut down, and we put the wall up when we don't feel safe or we feel threatened. And so the more you pursue her heart and wanna connect, there's your word of your podcast, connect with her heart. She will open up to you. She'll open up to the world. She will be more of her authentic self and who she truly is, the more she's hard engaged. So if you as a dad pursue her heart, even more than her head, both matter, but pursue her heart, I would say you're gonna see not only your relationship thrive, but you will see your daughter thrive.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:40:48]: Well, Michelle, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for your passion, and for your work, and helping dads to be better dads. And if people wanna find out more about you, where should they go?

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:40:58]: Mhmm. You can go to doctormichellewatson.com. M I c h e l l e Watson Com. You can find links to my two books, and one of them is in Spanish. So even if that there, that's on Amazon. Let's talk conversation starters for dads and daughters. First one, dad, here's what I really need from you, A guide for connecting with your daughter's heart, and then I've got my dad daughter blogs that you can also subscribe. They're all free.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:41:22]: I've got lots of free resources there. And then links to the dad whisperer podcast, which is on all platforms as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:41:29]: Well, we will put links in the notes today. Michelle, thank you for being here today, and I wish you all the best.

Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield [00:41:34]: Oh, always a joy to connect with you, Chris. Thanks so much for having me back.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:41:37]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:42:08]: We're all in the same boat. And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and musclemen get out and beat the world to them.

Musical Outro Performer [00:42:55]: Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Hey dads, welcome back to Dad Connections in 5—the podcast where in just five minutes, you get simple, meaningful ideas to help build a stronger connection with your daughter. I'm [Your Name], and today we're hitting the road—literally.

Let's talk about how those everyday car rides—school drop-offs, errands, sports practice—can become some of the best bonding moments you'll ever have.

You don't need a special trip or a deep heart-to-heart planned. You just need a little intention—and the willingness to show up, even between red lights.

Think about it:

• You're both in the same space.
• Distractions are minimal (unless the radio's blasting).
• And most importantly—you're side-by-side, not face-to-face.

That side-by-side setup? It's powerful. It's less intense, less intimidating, and often opens the door to more open, honest conversation.

Car rides can be that perfect mix of casual and meaningful—a natural space where your daughter feels safe to talk without pressure.

We all fall into the "How was school?" trap. But try swapping that with:

• "What made you laugh today?"
• "What was the weirdest thing you saw?"
• "What's one thing you wish you didn't have to do this week?"

These aren't interviews—they're invitations. You're saying: "I'm genuinely interested in your world."

And even if she shrugs the first few times, keep going. Over time, the message sticks.

Let her DJ. Seriously. Ask her to share her favorite songs—and actually listen. Even if it's not your thing.

Then say:

• "What do you like about this song?"
• "This one reminds me of something I listened to when I was your age."

Music can be a powerful bridge. It's emotional, expressive, and a way to bond without needing constant dialogue.

Not every ride needs to be packed with conversation. In fact, quiet moments can be just as valuable.

Sometimes she's processing. Sometimes she just needs your calm presence.

And then—out of nowhere—she'll start talking. About something funny, or something serious.

And you'll realize that because you stayed present—she trusted the silence enough to break it.

Here's your challenge: During your next car ride with your daughter, pick one of these simple steps:

• Ask a question that's different from your usual go-to
• Let her pick the music—and actually talk about it
• Sit in the quiet, and be ready when she opens up

And when she does?

• Listen without fixing.
• Laugh with her.
• Let her know you love these moments just as much as she does—even if she doesn't say it back.

Because connection isn't always about the destination. Sometimes, it's built one mile at a time—on the way there.

That's it for this episode of Dad Connections in 5. If this reminded you that bonding doesn't have to be complicated or scheduled, share it with another dad who's doing the morning drop-off or weekend errands.

Until next time—keep driving, keep listening, and keep using the in-between moments to build something that lasts.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

Building a strong, meaningful connection with your daughter doesn't come with a manual—a truth at the heart of every episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. In a recent interview, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with David Andrews, Lansing's beloved news anchor and a proud father of three daughters, to dive into the joys and challenges of being a dad.

This heartwarming episode is packed with both relatable moments and insightful advice for dads at any stage of their parenting journey. David openly shares that fatherhood, especially to three daughters with very different personalities, has been "a crash course" in love, patience, and adaptability. Yet, through each unique relationship, a single lesson rings true: being present and intentional is what builds lasting bonds.

Intentional Connection

A recurring theme of the conversation is the power of simply being there. David recounts the choice he and his wife made to adjust their work schedules, ensuring one parent was always home. By prioritizing presence, not perfection, David built trust and closeness with each daughter. From doing Austin's hair in the mornings to spontaneous fishing trips with Carson as an adult, these moments weren't just about activities—they were about making memories and fostering meaningful conversations.

Guidance and Independence

David is honest about the tricky balance between guiding your kids and letting them carve their own paths. He emphasizes the importance of supporting unique dreams—even when they take unexpected turns, like his daughter transitioning from tattoo artist to hair colorist, or another working to eradicate mosquito-borne diseases. His approach? Offer guidance, but let them discover their true passions, leaning on your own life experiences for wisdom without controlling their choices.

Listening and Traditions

The essence of feeling 'valued and heard' is simple: listen more, lecture less. David's philosophy on fatherhood centers on being a reliable sounding board—letting his daughters express themselves openly, knowing he'll respond with empathy (not a sermon). He also highlights the value of family traditions, from regular birthday dinners to playful social media photoshoots, which have evolved into cherished rituals that unite his family.

Taking Life Lightly

With humor as a family glue, David reminds dads: don't take life too seriously. Whether through social media antics or cheering for the Green Bay Packers together, laughter keeps relationships strong and reminds everyone that joy is found in the journey, not just the destination.

Ready for More?

If you're eager for practical wisdom and real-world stories about raising strong, independent daughters, this episode with David Andrews is a must-listen. Tune in to the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast—because every dad deserves to feel seen, supported, and inspired.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. I am so excited that you're here today as we are delving back into that relationship that you're trying to build with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:02]: It is such an important relationship, and every week I love that you are here to be able to talk about that, but also to learn and to grow from that. Because none of us walk into fatherhood with a manual about how to be the dad that we want to be. We learned it along the way. We trip, we fall, we make mistakes as well. And that's why every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences and be able to offer you some sneak peeks into their experiences in raising daughters so that you can learn from them. Today we got another great guest with us. David Andrews is with us today. And David is a news reporter, a anchor, someone that's been in the Lansing news market for many years.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:49]: He's been at WIOX since the late 90s and even before that was at Channel 6 in Lansing. So he's been in the news agency for a long time. Very well known in the Lansing community, but he's got three daughters himself. So I'm always excited to be able to talk to other dads with daughters, to be able to gain some knowledge from them. David, thanks so much for being here today.

David Andrews [00:02:12]: Yeah, Chris, it's wonderful being with you. I know you've been asking me to be on this podcast for some time, and finally I'm glad to be able to sit down with you and talk about daughters. Like you said, I have three of them and it's been a wonderful experience.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:27]: So to start off today, why don't you tell me a little bit about all three of your daughters?

David Andrews [00:02:30]: Yeah. Oldest daughter is Austin, born in 1991, and she's now 34 years old and she is a hair colorist. With a place in Lansing, Holiday Hair House in Lansing. So she's been doing that for a number of years. She started out actually as a tattoo artist, so it was a neat transition for her to go from that to being a hair colorist. Middle daughter is Carson. She is four years younger, so she just turned 30 years old. And she works in the Chicago area as a scientist.

David Andrews [00:03:04]: She graduated from Michigan State University and she's now working with a company trying to eradicate mosquitoes. They come up with different chemical formulas for not just residential use by municipalities, but also third world countries where malaria is a problem, that people can die from diseases that mosquitoes carry. And so that's what she does. She works with mosquitoes on a daily basis. And then our youngest daughter is Peyton and she's 25 years old and she is a barber and she runs the Ram Barber shop in Holt, which was established more than 60 years ago. Same guy ran it for that many years. He retired and she was able to get into there. And now she is the barber at the main, I guess, barber shop in Holt.

David Andrews [00:04:00]: So we're very proud of her and she just started that about a year ago.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:03]: So as you think about your three daughters, very different people, very different experiences, I'm sure, with them. As you think back to the moments that you've been able to share with them thus far, what's one of the most meaningful moments that you've shared with each of them and what about it made it special?

David Andrews [00:04:20]: Well, I think each one of them, because they, like you say, they are so absolutely different in many ways, yet they're the same in a lot of ways too. But I think each one of them growing up, we had a unique dynamic. We never had to have daycare in our house because my wife Monica was in radio for many years and she worked the morning shows. And I, at the time when our daughters were growing up, I always worked the evening news, 6 and 11 o' clock. And so there was always one of us in the house parenting. So we never had to have any kind of daycare for the daughters, which I thought was an important thing, plan it that way, it's kind of how it worked out. But with each one of them and being, you know, four years apart and then five years apart, I was able to experience like with my first daughter, Austin, being the first and being a new parent and a dad of a daughter, I had no idea what to do yet I was thrust into getting her ready every morning and being the sole parent there and not being able to rely on anybody. So it was really a crash course in not just parenting a child, but parenting a daughter.

David Andrews [00:05:36]: And so dealing with the hair. I think that was a big connection with her. And it's funny because now she's in the hair business, styling people's hair. I was the one had to style her hair. So we have that unique connection with Carson being the middle child. Now she's the middle child, but at the time she was the second child. I seem to have a better grasp maybe on now here's another daughter. I know how to do daughters.

David Andrews [00:06:03]: And so when she came along, I think it seemed I've got a better grasp on this. And she's kind of the one that is a very steady kind of demeanor. So my connection with her is probably a little more straightforward. She's not as emotional as I am or as my oldest daughter Austin is. She's a little more of the calm demeanor. And so our relationship is one of more kind of a matter of fact, but very comfortable. And. And then our third daughter, you know, then came five years later, kind of by surprise.

David Andrews [00:06:41]: And so when we knew we were having a third child and when we found out that it was going to be another daughter, I kind of was relieved because again, I know how to do daughters, so it seemed like a no brainer for me. So. And of all the three daughters, she's probably most like me. So we have a great connection, yet a very much an adversarial connection because you're competing with the same person sometimes with what you like and what you don't like. I see things in her that I see in me that I don't like. And so it's a yin and the yang with her. We have a great relationship, but yet she's the one who's most like me. And it's kind of scary now, you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:26]: Know, I know that with your kids there's this balance that you play and trying to guide them while still giving them independence. And I guess as you think about that, how did you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to become the people that they were becoming?

David Andrews [00:07:45]: And that's probably to me, the hardest thing because you want to make the decisions for them. And I found myself having to step back and saying, no, they've got to make their own path. I can't decide their path for them. All I can do is guide them. And if they want suggestions of how to do it, I will give them suggestions and help them with whatever path they take. And for example, Austin, when she wanted to Be a tattoo artist. That was such an unconventional thing that it was like, okay, if that's what you want, we will support you. And we did.

David Andrews [00:08:26]: I mean, we helped, you know, her go to classes and finance that so that she could experience that. And then when she said, I don't want to do that anymore and I want to do this, it's. Then it's like, okay, then it's. You've got to support it. Because I was the same way when I was in college. I mean, I was a park ranger for the National Park Service. And then all of a sudden, in the middle of my degree, I up and said, I don't want to do this anymore. I want to do something else.

David Andrews [00:08:54]: And then eventually got into tv. And I know my parents at the time were like, what are you throwing away four years of college? And so I always look back on that, what I did in shifting my life. So I always remind myself, you know what dramatic change is not bad because they'll fall into whatever is right for them. And so that's. I think I relied on my own experience to then guide them, to help them find out what they eventually want to do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:25]: Now, this show is all about developing connections, and you've talked about some of the ways that you have created connections, and as a father of daughters, you have. Have to make those intentional connections to build those bonds with your kids. What are some intentional ways that you've been able to strengthen the bonds that you've had through those intentional connections that you've had with your daughters?

David Andrews [00:09:46]: I think just like you say, being there and doing things with them, I mean, when they were younger, I always tried to, well, be at their sporting events. But now, in later years was, you know, let's go canoeing. Let's. Even as adults, you know, hey, you want to go? Go fishing? I remember with my middle daughter, Carson, I mean, it was just a couple years ago. She was in her late 20s. I didn't realize I'd never taken her fishing. And so we, like, 27 years old, we got fishing boats, went fishing, and so it's that kind of thing. And my youngest daughter, I.

David Andrews [00:10:19]: Sporting events are big for us, so we love going to sporting events together. So it's doing things together that help strengthen that bond and conversation at the same time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:31]: What do you intentionally do to be able to help your daughters to feel both valued and heard?

David Andrews [00:10:38]: Definitely listening. Listening to them and not lecturing to them so that they know that they can come to me and they're not going to get a speech about what they should be doing, but more of a sounding board of, you tell me what's going on in your life. And if you want me to interject, that's fine. But if you just wanted me to be a sounding board, that's fine too. I think listening is probably the most intentional thing that I could do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:06]: What's a tradition or a routine that you've created together with your daughters that has been able to strengthen your bond?

David Andrews [00:11:13]: I think just getting together as a family, holidays, special occasions, we still make very much a point, like on birthdays, that we're going to go out to dinner somewhere, we're going to get together on certain occasions, it's going to be the family unit if everybody can get there. But we haven't let that, that pass, that we're just big into traditional things that families do that all families do, and we don't want to let go of those no matter where we are in life, in proximity. So that's been important to us.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:48]: Now, anybody that's followed your social media knows that you have a sense of humor and you put that sense of humor out into the world through your, the posts that you put out there and even some of the pies that you bake and things like that, and cakes, I should say as well, talk to me about how you were able to infuse your own humor with your daughters and how that helped you to be the father that you wanted to be.

David Andrews [00:12:14]: Well, it's funny because social media, I was much more outgoing with it than my family initially wanted to be because every time I would invite them over to come over, they would go, do we have to be camera ready or do we not have to be camera ready? And sometimes if I really wanted them to come over, I would tell, I'm not going to take any pictures, just come over. You don't have the, the pressure of taking pictures. But now it's evolved into they know that pictures are going to be taken and they come prepared and now they come prepared with ideas of what picture we should take. So it really has evolved into something fun that now they enjoy and they enjoy being in the pictures and then to seeing how many likes and shares that we get. So it's almost competition between them now to see who can get the most. But it actually has turned into a bonding experience what we post, you know, and every time we, when we're doing a birthday, they know, come over, we're going to take a birthday picture with you. And they just know that's part of the routine, and it's been a fun bonding experience.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:27]: Now, I know that you and your wife Monica, both personalities, people that people in the community, at least in the Lansing area community, know, and people feel like they know, know you very well. But you have your personal life, you have a professional life. When you have kids, there's that balance of playing for anybody that is in the, we'll call it the limelight, per se, of being able to live the personality versus the home Persona. How did you either safeguard your kids from that as they were growing up or include them as a part of that? And what did you have to do to be able to have that optimal balance in that regard?

David Andrews [00:14:06]: I think that probably has been one of the most challenging parts of parenting for the both of us is because of the notoriety we have, we can't hide. There's no hiding from anything. So everything we do is kind of has a public perspective to it. And to try and shield the kids from it, I think would be impossible. I think what we tried to do is to incorporate them into it and to never hide anything from them, to share with them that this is who we are and this is what comes with this territory to help soften that blow to them, that when you're going out in public, people are going to come up to us that we don't know and may come up to you as well. And so that's been a balancing act that I think they've totally adapted amazingly well to over the years. There's never been a time when any of them have thought it was a burden.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:07]: We always finish our interviews with what we like to call our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

David Andrews [00:15:20]: Positive.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:21]: What's the best piece of dad advice that you've ever received? Listen, what's one activity that you and your daughters love doing together?

David Andrews [00:15:31]: Watching football.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:33]: And favorite team.

David Andrews [00:15:34]: All of ours, in fact, are the Green Bay packers. And much to my wife's chagrin, who is a Detroit Lions fan who thinks all these three were born and raised in Michigan. Why aren't they? I was born and raised in Wisconsin and somehow they all took my allegiance when it came to football.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:55]: They all became Packerbackers.

David Andrews [00:15:56]: Yes, they did.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:57]: Yes. I lived in Wisconsin for three years. And when you live in Wisconsin, you better be a Packer, otherwise you're really going to be ostracized.

Musical Outro Performer [00:16:04]: Right?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:05]: Right. I completely understand that. Now, if you could give your daughter one life lesson. And this could be all for all three daughters. I should say in a single sentence, what would it be?

David Andrews [00:16:14]: Don't take life too seriously.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:16]: And what's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a father?

David Andrews [00:16:20]: That I shouldn't take life too seriously. Yeah. The same thing. Yeah.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:26]: And to finish up today, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

David Andrews [00:16:35]: I think being there in all capacities is the most important thing to any loving relationship. Being there and being a positive force in their lives.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:49]: Well, David, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey today. I know it's not ended in any sense. You always are a father of daughters and you're always going to be that person that they come back to and that they are going to rely on to be able to help them in different ways. It just changes and adapts as they get older. But I truly thank you for your time today. If people want to find out more about you, where should they go?

David Andrews [00:17:12]: They can go to David Andrews.com or my Facebook page @DavidAndrews wilx.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:24]: Well, David, thank you again for being here today, for sharing your own journey. And I truly wish you, you all the best.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:31]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our [email protected] until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:18:01]: We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your AK cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can.

Hey dads! Welcome to Dad Connections in 5, your quick, practical guide to building a stronger bond with your daughter—one meaningful moment at a time. I'm [Your Name], and today, we're tackling an issue that affects so many girls today—body image and self-esteem.

Let's be real—the world bombards our daughters with unrealistic beauty standards every single day. Whether it's social media, TV, or even casual comments from others, the pressure to look a certain way is everywhere.

But here's the good news—you, as her dad, have a powerful role in shaping how she sees herself. Your words, your actions, and even the way you talk about yourself can build her confidence or tear it down.

So today, I'm giving you three powerful ways to help your daughter develop a healthy body image and strong self-esteem.

Why Your Role as a Dad Matters

Girls with supportive, affirming fathers tend to:

✅ Feel more confident in their own skin. ✅ Base their worth on who they are, not how they look. ✅ Have higher self-esteem and resilience against negative influences.

The way you see her will become how she sees herself.

3 Ways Dads Can Help Their Daughters Build a Healthy Body Image

1. Compliment Her Beyond Her Appearance

It's easy to say, "You're beautiful"—and you should! But if the only praise she hears is about her looks, she may start believing her value is tied to her appearance.

✅ Mix in compliments about her character: 💬 "I love how kind you are to your friends." 💬 "You are so strong and determined—I admire that about you." 💬 "Your creativity blows me away!"

This reinforces that her beauty is more than skin deep.

1. Be Mindful of How You Talk About Bodies—Including Your Own

Your daughter is always listening, even when you're not talking directly to her. If you're constantly saying things like:

❌ "Ugh, I need to lose weight." ❌ "I can't eat that—I'll get fat." ❌ "She looks terrible in that outfit."

She learns that appearance is something to be criticized.

Instead, model self-acceptance by: ✅ Speaking positively about your own body – Show her that health matters more than size. ✅ Avoiding body-shaming comments about others – Teach her that everyone deserves respect. ✅ Focusing on what your body can DO, not just how it looks – "I love that my legs are strong enough to run with you."

Your words shape how she talks to herself.

1. Teach Her That Social Media is NOT Reality

Filters, editing, and curated images make it easy for girls to compare themselves to impossible standards.

Help her develop a healthy mindset by: 💬 Asking critical questions – "Do you think this picture was edited?" 💬 Pointing out unrealistic portrayals – "No one actually looks like that 24/7." 💬 Encouraging social media breaks – Help her see that her worth isn't tied to likes and comments.

If she struggles with comparison, remind her: 👉 "The most important thing about you isn't what you look like—it's who you are."

Quick Takeaways: Start Today!

Here's your challenge: Today, give your daughter a compliment that has nothing to do with her appearance.

✅ Encourage her for her strength, kindness, or intelligence. ✅ Be mindful of how you talk about bodies—including your own. ✅ Help her see that social media isn't reality.

The way she sees herself starts with how you see her—make sure she knows she is enough, exactly as she is.

That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5! If this was helpful, share it with another dad who wants to help his daughter build unshakable confidence. Until next time—keep showing up, keep lifting her up, and keep reminding her that she is more than enough.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

If you're a dad looking to deepen your relationship with your daughter and help her thrive, this week's episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast is a must-listen. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Michele Pettinger—owner of P3Running, coach, nutrition expert, and author of The Young Runner's Guide to Nutrition—for an inspiring, heartfelt conversation about parenting, connection, and empowering young women.

The Power of Presence and Shared Activities

A central theme of the episode is the lasting impact of simply "showing up" for your child. Michele recounts how her father, a high school cross country coach, introduced her to running by joining her on her very first run at age 12. It was more than physical activity; it was a moment of connection, respect, and mutual understanding. Even when they didn't always see eye to eye, their shared love for running kept their bond strong.

Michele's story reminds us that the foundations for confidence and independence are often laid not through grand gestures, but through small, consistent acts of engagement and support.

Nurturing Healthy Habits—Body and Mind

Drawing on her new book, Michele emphasizes the importance of instilling positive nutrition habits in young athletes, particularly girls who can be vulnerable to mixed messages around food and body image. She highlights the unique influence fathers can have—by focusing on their daughter's strengths and performance, not appearance, and by taking an active role in meal planning and family routines. Her advice? Share the kitchen, have open conversations, and model an attitude of curiosity and empathy.

Beyond nutrition, Michele also touches on how dads can support their daughters emotionally, helping them overcome self-doubt and imposter syndrome by celebrating effort, resilience, and genuine interests. Sometimes, she notes, daughters just need you to listen rather than offer solutions.

A Toolbox for Every Dad

This episode is packed with practical insights—from finding moments of connection outside traditional family dinners, to fostering open dialogue about challenges like eating disorders and self-esteem. Michele and Dr. Lewis provide actionable advice and heartfelt encouragement for fathers at every stage of parenting.

If you want inspiration and real-world tips for being the dad your daughter needs, tune into this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection. Listen now and become part of a community dedicated to raising strong, confident young women—one day and one conversation at a time.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started because being a great dad isn't just about being there, it's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and daughter connection, where every week, we have an opportunity to work together to walk on this path side by side as we are working to raise our daughters and to build those strong relationships with them one day at a time. This podcast is all about building strong connections between ourselves and our daughters, and there are things that you and I can do every day to be able to do just that. It's not always gonna be easy. There's going to be bumps in the road.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:25]: But as long as we keep showing up and keep working at it and keep engaging with our daughters and meeting them where they are, things are going to be positive. Things are gonna be moving in the right direction. But this podcast is here to be able to give you some tools for your toolbox, to give you some insights, give you some thoughts, give you some things to chew on as you are going through your day and to allow you and help you along this journey. That's why every week, I love being able to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences that can provide you with some perspective, provide you with some thoughts, some things that you can potentially put into practice in your own home. And today we got another great guest. Michele Pettinger is with us today. And Michele started running at a young age in the Midwest under the tutelage of her father, who was the high school cross country and track coach. She's got a passion for carrying on the legacy of reaching young runners and helping them build a solid nutritional foundation that will empower them now and long into their future running careers.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:33]: I'm really excited to have her here. She has a brand new book that is out now called The Young Runner's Guide to Nutrition. And this book really touched my heart because of the fact that my daughter enjoys running, and she just finished her first half marathon. And as I started looking through this book, I said, I've got to share this with my daughter, and I need to share this with you. So I'm really excited to be able to have Michele here and to welcome her to the show. Michele, welcome.

Michele Pettinger [00:03:04]: Thank you, doctor Lewis. I'm happy to be here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:07]: I'm really happy to be here. I'm really happy that you're here as well. I'm really happy to have you here and to talk not only about your book, but really about let's start off with talking a little bit about this relationship with your dad. Because as as I mentioned in your bio, this book has a lot of connection between you and your dad. And I always love starting the conversation with questions that really delve into your own relationship with your dad. So I guess thinking back on the relationship that you have with your dad, what's one thing your father did that made you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Michele Pettinger [00:03:46]: He took me on my first run when I was 12 and he saw what my need was at that moment. And I think that if I were to reflect, my need was to connect with him. And I knew that that was a way that I could. And without saying anything, he also knew that. And so we went on our first run together. It was a mile. It was from the house to the stop sign and back. And I don't remember a lot of words being exchanged outside of him talking through my breath and arm swing and stride and rhythm.

Michele Pettinger [00:04:32]: And I remember I remember like it was yesterday. We were just in sync together, and that set a rhythm from which I still live by, and it set a rhythm for our relationship. And even if we didn't always see eye to eye, we could always come back to running, and there was always mutual understanding and respect there. And in that, I felt valued.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:04]: How has the relationship with your father influenced the way you navigate life, relationships, or challenges that you run against?

Michele Pettinger [00:05:13]: I'm gonna speak to challenges. Running has taught me to move through challenges, and it's and and when I I'm up against a difficult time in life, whether it's a decision that I need to make or it's a relationship that I'm struggling with, I usually go for a run-in order to process, kind of get to the truth of what I'm really feeling in order to navigate that decision or the relationship. And I think that growing up in in watching my father coach and parent, the way that he was doing that was sinking into my subconscious without knowing it. And my father didn't have the easiest childhood, but he had wonderful mentors that allowed him to have a passion for mentoring people and seeing people for he didn't see his runners as runners. He saw them as individuals, as a whole person outside of running, and he his coaching was about relationships and knowing that he wasn't just coaching runners, but he's he was coaching the next, you know, scientist or or teacher. And I feel like those are some of the values that as I was watching him were kind of sinking into me and have influenced how I approach athletes that I coach.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:51]: Now, as you said, you don't always see eye to eye with your dad, and there are definitely going to be some bumps in the road along the way. What are some things that you wish your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Michele Pettinger [00:07:04]: My dad has passed on now. And in his kind of final weeks, thankfully, we had a lot of time together and a lot of time that he was reflecting. And because he felt like he did such great work, you know, in coaching, he was a teacher too, but he always said that he felt like he did greater work on the track or cross country course than he did in the classroom, whether that was true or not, he questioned whether or not he was around enough. And he took us to the track, and he took us to meets. And I wish that he had recognized how much we enjoyed that and that it was exactly what we needed was that time around him. I guess what I wish would have been different is that he would have had more value for how he did parent.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:55]: Now you mentioned your dad had passed. And if you could spend an entire day still with your dad doing anything, what would it look like?

Michele Pettinger [00:08:04]: We'd have coffee together, and we would he would tell me stories of his upbringing. He would talk fondly of the great love that he had with my mom. He would talk of all of his great memories coaching, and we would reminisce on all the great summer vacations. And then we would we would get to what's happening now, and he'd be so interested in what his granddaughter was up to and and his son-in-law. And we'd talk about my running and and coaching, and I would ask him for advice, coaching advice for any athlete that I might be unsure of what direction to go. And then he would be if in this day, he would be able-bodied, and we'd then go for a run together. We'd go for a run together, and then my mom would make a dinner of spaghetti and meatballs.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:09]: Sounds like a great day. Now I can tell your dad infused a lot of confidence in you and allowed you to become who you are today. How did he encourage you to be confident and independent in your life?

Michele Pettinger [00:09:26]: I think that the confidence and independence happened more after I was outside the home. After I went away to university, I became an adult and he really allowed me to be an adult and to make mistakes and learn hard things on my own. But even after learning hard things, coming back and still a % being my cheerleader, loving me and supporting me and allowing me to to evolve into the the person that I am today, whether it was always in an agreement or not.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:14]: In this book, as I said, you have really brought a lot of ideas forward. And whenever I bring on a guest that has written a book, I know how much time goes into the writing, the thought process. I as an author myself, I know there's a ton of blood, sweat, and tears that go into writing a book. So tell me the origin story and why you felt that it was so necessary to write this book and put this out into the world.

Michele Pettinger [00:10:39]: I think that my inspiration really started working with I work with a lot of adult athletes around their nutrition and seeing their struggle with mixed messages from media and sometimes not coming into sport until later in life and so not having that nutritional foundation. And then that in combination with my daughter, we brought her up in she played club soccer until, I think, her sophomore year of high school, and then that's when she turned to track and cross country. That was also during the pandemic, and she was schooling at home, and I was seeing how she was eating at home and around workouts. And then from there, she returned to in person school, and I saw the struggles that she was having with maintaining good nutrition throughout the day and around her workouts. And so that is when I had that moment of I wanna reach the youth population and give them this toolbox from which they can learn strategies for where they are now and then carry into adulthood and really help them understand that their bone health and their muscle development and their brain and cognitive function are all being formed now and are gonna affect their future overall health and well-being. So that was really kind of at the crux of this is why I want to write to the youth runner. And then as a coach, I thought I could bring the perspective you know, I understand what these middle school and high school coaches are going through. Sometimes, getting large groups of kids, not having enough volunteers, writing individual workouts, planning practices, race logistics, and the nutrition education can fall to the wayside.

Michele Pettinger [00:12:33]: So I wanted to give them a tool of, okay. This is how I can here are some simple ideas for how I can inter integrate nutrition education into my run program. And then the I wrote the chapter for parents because, you know, I wrote that for the parent I was ten years ago when I was working in and outside the home and driving carpool and having the pressure on myself to get everything right all the time. And I think that if we are going to have these healthy sport running communities that the youth need to be educated and the coaches and the parents all need to be involved too. So those were some of the things that drove my passion for writing this

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:19]: book. Now I mentioned that you have a new book, The Runner's Guide to Nutrition, How to Fuel Your Body to Train Smarter, Run Faster and Recover Quicker. And as I mentioned, my daughter enjoys running. She does it for fitness, but she just did that first half marathon. So this was a timely book, and I definitely am planning to share it with her when I see her next. One thing that as I was looking and reading through the book that came up was that your book emphasizes the importance of nutrition in young runners' performance and well-being. How do you feel that fathers play an active role in helping their daughters develop a healthy relationship with food, fueling their bodies without the pressure of diet culture or body image concerns?

Michele Pettinger [00:14:11]: That's a really good question. That's that's something that's very important to me and a message that I hoped to get across the best way that I could in the book. I think that dads are much more involved in meal planning and preparation and grocery shopping and those things now. And I'll touch on that in a minute. But I think focusing on their daughter being strong and confident, not making comments around appearance. And if they see their daughter struggling with food or body image, inquiring with empathy and curiosity, approaching them with love and just asking a simple question like, how did you feel during your practice today? And if their daughter's coming to them and and feeling maybe unsure around food or or body image or or questions, listening to them and saying, hey. Let's let's figure this out together. Let's find a plan where, we're making sure you're getting the nutrition that you need to be strong, and so focusing on performance and skill and not appearance.

Michele Pettinger [00:15:34]: And then I think another way I I started to talk about meal planning. I think another way to do that is inviting their daughter to be involved in the kitchen. And one of the reasons I bring that up is because I feel like it can be a really special time between a parent and child, getting them involved, collective learning, making sure that you're preparing food that is of interest to your child. A lot of a lot of times, under fueling is unintentional, and I think that if the if the parent and the and the child are working together on that, there's less chance of that happening. It's also it's understanding, and that's why I start the book with a chapter on adolescent physiology. It's understanding the great energy demands of an adolescent. They're still growing and develop me developing, and their nutrition needs to first and foremost support that. And then you add on sport and other extracurricular activities and their energy needs become that much greater.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:44]: So Now many young female athletes struggle with self esteem and imposter syndrome, especially in competitive environments. What are some key ways dads can support their daughters, not just nutritionally, but also emotionally to help them build confidence in their abilities?

Michele Pettinger [00:17:01]: I think focusing on their performance and skill, not on appearance, doing their own research and education. There are some great resources out there that I mentioned in the book. Because the book was on nutrition, I definitely I felt it very important that we discuss some of these nutrition challenges, but then I just provided further resource for resources for research. There's the National Eating Disorders Association, the Dove Self Esteem Project. I would encourage dads to look at some of those resources, especially if they need to they feel like they need to have start a conversation with their young athlete around body image or nutrition. Being prepared to do that and kind of coming to the conversation with potential solutions.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:55]: Now you highlight in the book the role of family support and the athlete's success. What are some practical ways that fathers can engage in their daughter's training and nutrition, whether that's through meal planning, workouts, or simple simply fostering open conversations about health and well-being.

Michele Pettinger [00:18:12]: I think I'll use the example of when I was growing up, it was a different time, and dinner was on the table at five every night. And it was an ideal that I grew up with, and I I carried it into into parenting. I right or wrong, I put a lot of pressure on myself to want to provide that that dinner that and have that family meal. And today's day and age, schedules just don't look like that. We're dispersed at that time of day. And so it's a little bit of thinking outside the box of that family dinner time. That time of connection, which I think is really important because that's where some of these difficult conversations can happen. It could be over a brunch.

Michele Pettinger [00:18:59]: It could be driving to the grocery store. It could be while you're meal planning. It's finding what works for your family dynamic. In the book, I tell the story of my friend in Seattle who breakfast was really important to her son. So that was a time that she chose to connect with him. And I don't I'll use my my daughter as an example. She used to choose the tough conversations would happen in the car. It was a time when she knew that she had my undivided attention, but it wasn't necessarily directed right at her, and she felt safe to bring up things to discuss.

Michele Pettinger [00:19:36]: And it happens during cooking too. So I think that, you know, I think dads are much more involved in the kitchen now. And so not only can it be a time for them to connect, but it can be a time to make sure that they're creating meals that are going to support what their young athlete's schedule looks like, understanding that they the type of breakfast they need, what type of snack they need before, during, and after their workouts. And so just discovering together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:10]: We already talked a little bit about body image, but your book also goes into eating disorders, which are especially common among young female runners. What advice would you give to fathers who want to create that safe space for their daughters to talk about these challenges and feel supported?

Michele Pettinger [00:20:27]: Every child's going to be different and approaching the conversation with empathy and you wanna do it in an environment that doesn't involve food. And you can start simply asking a question like, I can see that you're struggling right now. What can I do to help? And then also, again, I think it's that's where it's also important to have resources if they are open to getting further help. You have to be prepared for there to be pushback or for them not wanting to open up. And so not pushing that and just saying it's okay that you're not ready to talk about this right now, but then having a plan for circling back.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:09]: Now earlier, you talked about that you started running at age 12 with the encouragement of your dad. Looking back, what were some of the most impactful things that he did that strengthened your love of the sport? And how can dads encourage their daughters to enjoy running and movement in a way that's fun, sustainable, and pressure free.

Michele Pettinger [00:21:33]: He never pushed running on me. It was just it was part of our lifestyle. It's Saturday. Friday nights were spaghetti dinner night with the track team or cross country team before the big meets. And so I I naturally fell into it, but he never pressured me to run. If I had gone to him and said that I didn't want to, that not wouldn't have been an issue. Nutrition was not at the forefront of the conversation when I was growing up in sport. You know, now we have science to to sport how how much it can impact health and and performance.

Michele Pettinger [00:22:10]: However, you know, growing up in the Mid Midwest, I had there were three squares a day on the table. And then I ran recreationally in my twenties. I ran my first marathon in '98. And then from there, I took my marathoning into ultra marathoning. And I was terrified to tell my dad that I was getting into running these longer distances because I feared that he just thought that it would be too much or not healthy or that I wouldn't be able to to handle it. But instead, and I should have known, he continued to be my biggest cheerleader and now he's curious about how I was training and and how races were going. And so I think it's just being present and listening and seeing what's your daughter drawn to and whether you know something about that sport or not, being curious and just celebrating where

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:13]: she

Michele Pettinger [00:23:13]: is and supporting where her interests are.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:16]: Now we always finish our interviews with what I call our dad connection six, which is a way for us to be able to get to know our guests a little bit more. Usually, it's it's our dads on, but when I have other resources and other people on, I put you through the test as well. Are you ready?

Michele Pettinger [00:23:32]: Okay.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:33]: What's one word that describes the relationship that you had with your dad?

Michele Pettinger [00:23:38]: Loving.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:39]: What's the best piece of dad advice that you ever received?

Michele Pettinger [00:23:43]: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:46]: And you've kind of answered this question already, but I'll let you answer it again. What's one activity that you and your dad loved doing together

Michele Pettinger [00:23:54]: running? And I have to say my dad was still running when he was 80 and he was probably 80 when we went on our last run together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:04]: If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Michele Pettinger [00:24:10]: Have grace for yourself and forgiveness for others.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:13]: What's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a mom?

Michele Pettinger [00:24:18]: I certainly don't have all the answers and that I've been given the gift of being able to learn from my daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:28]: What advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Michele Pettinger [00:24:36]: I think I'll go back to and my husband inspired this a little bit because he says it's in a man's DNA to want to problem solve. But sometimes our daughters, most of the time, they just need us to listen, and then they work it through on their own.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:54]: I'm laughing because we've had this conversation before on this show, and definite will continue to bring this up because you're right. Fathers, men tend to be fixers by nature. And as you said, women don't always want that. And I'm not even just saying our daughters, but women in general don't always want that. So I appreciate that you shared that and for that advice. Now if people wanna find out more about you and about the book, where should they go?

Michele Pettinger [00:25:22]: My website is p3running.com. I'm at p three running coach on Instagram and p three running on Facebook. And the book, there's a there's a link on my website and Instagram, but it can be found on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Simon and Schuster.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:40]: We'll put links in the notes today so that you can find Michele. I Michele, thank you so much for being here today, for sharing all of this, sharing your journey and your journey with your father, but also the also the journey that you've been on as a coach, as a mentor, and as a mom. And I truly wish you all the best.

Michele Pettinger [00:26:00]: Thank you for having me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:02]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:26:33]: We're all in the same boat, and it's full of tiny AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time blows by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, world to them. Be the best dad you can be. You're the best dad you can be.

Hey dads! Welcome to Dad Connections in 5, your quick, practical guide to building a stronger bond with your daughter—one meaningful conversation at a time. I'm [Your Name], and today, we're tackling a tough but important topic: What to say when your daughter feels like she's not "good enough."

Maybe she's struggling in school, feeling left out with friends, or comparing herself to others on social media. No matter the reason, hearing your daughter doubt herself is heartbreaking—and as a dad, you want to fix it.

But here's the thing—you can't just tell her she's amazing and expect her to believe it. Confidence doesn't come from just hearing "You're great." It comes from learning how to face self-doubt and push through it.

So today, I'll share why she might feel this way, what NOT to say, and three powerful things you CAN say to help her build confidence.

Why She Might Feel Like She's Not "Good Enough"

Kids, especially girls, are under so much pressure—to be smart, pretty, talented, popular, successful. And if they don't meet these impossible standards, they start believing:

➡️ "I'll never be as good as everyone else." ➡️ "I'm just not talented enough." ➡️ "No matter how hard I try, it's never enough."

This self-doubt can come from school, friendships, social media, or even just being too hard on herself.

What NOT to Say

When she's feeling down, you might be tempted to quickly reassure her, but some common responses can actually backfire.

❌ "That's not true, you're amazing!" (She won't believe it in the moment.) ❌ "Stop being so hard on yourself." (She doesn't know how to stop.) ❌ "Other people have it worse." (Minimizing doesn't help—she just wants to be heard.)

Instead of trying to fix it immediately, help her work through it.

3 Things to Say When She Feels "Not Good Enough"

1. "It's okay to feel this way, but let's look at the facts."

Self-doubt often comes from feelings, not facts. Help her step back and see the bigger picture.

💬 "I hear you. You feel like you're not good enough—but is that really true, or just how you feel right now?" 💬 "Let's look at all the ways you've improved or worked hard."

When she separates emotions from reality, she can start to reframe her thinking.

2. "What would you say to a friend who felt this way?"

When kids doubt themselves, they're often much kinder to others than to themselves.

💬 "If your best friend said, 'I'm not good enough,' what would you tell her?" 💬 "Why don't you deserve that same kindness?"

This helps her recognize her own worth—on her own terms.

3. "Let's focus on growth, not perfection."

Perfectionism is a major reason kids feel like they're not good enough. Teach her that progress matters more than being the best.

💬 "You don't have to be perfect to be valuable." 💬 "Every mistake is a chance to learn and grow." 💬 "What's one thing you can do today to take a step forward?"

By focusing on small wins, she learns that effort is what really counts.

Quick Takeaways: Start Today!

Here's your challenge: The next time your daughter says she's not good enough, don't just tell her she is—help her believe it.

✅ Validate her feelings without minimizing them. ✅ Help her see facts, not just emotions. ✅ Encourage her to treat herself like she would a friend. ✅ Shift her focus from perfection to progress.

Your words won't just lift her up in the moment—they'll shape how she talks to herself for years to come.

That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5! If this was helpful, share it with another dad who wants to help his daughter believe in herself. Until next time—keep listening, keep encouraging, and keep showing her that she is more than enough.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

Few things bring generations together like music can, and in a recent heartfelt episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with the incredible Edwin Rayner—better known as "Granddad Sings"—to explore the timeless bonds between fathers, daughters, and granddaughters. This inspiring conversation is more than just a story of viral fame; it's a touching lesson in love, support, resilience, and the ways we nurture one another through life's changing seasons.

The Heart of Fatherhood

Right from the start, Dr. Lewis sets the tone: being a great dad is about true connection. Edwin Rayner, at 92 years young and an internet sensation thanks to the encouragement of his granddaughters, shares moving stories of fatherhood, like welcoming his daughters into the world and then watching them grow, stumble, and flourish through life's ups and downs. His approach to parenting resonates: be present, offer gentle guidance, and let your children make their own way with your unwavering support behind them.

Music as Family Glue

Another beautiful theme in this episode is how music, both old and new, has woven throughout the Rayner family's life. From singing while doing chores to making Christmas memories with Andy Williams' carols, Edwin reminisces on how music naturally brought his family closer—creating traditions, sparking laughter, and even helping process loss. The revival of his singing career on TikTok, pushed by his granddaughters, not only sparked global joy but also deepened their family bonds. Their teamwork—picking songs together, going to the studio, encouraging Edwin to try new genres—shows how shared passions can bridge generational divides.

Encouragement, Acceptance, and Growth

Throughout their conversation, Edwin and Dr. Lewis emphasize the importance of encouragement, understanding, and letting our children and grandchildren find their unique voices. Even when they choose different paths ("I wish they were singers," Edwin chuckles about his daughters), support and unconditional love shine through. Edwin's advice to dads, granddads, and parents: be there, give encouragement, work together as a team, and celebrate each person's journey.

Tune In and Be Inspired

Whether you're a dad, a daughter, or simply someone who values meaningful connections, this episode is full of heartening wisdom and relatable moments. Listen to hear stories that will make you smile, reflect, and perhaps even sing along. Dive in at Dad and Daughter Connection and discover how music and love can help us all be the best family we can be.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and daughter connection, where every week we have an opportunity to be able to build those strong relationships, those strong connections that we want with our daughters. And I love being on this journey with you because it's an opportunity for us to be able to work together, to learn and grow together. You know, I've got two daughters, and as a father of a daughter, every day we need to be able to do something a little bit different.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:17]: To be able to connect with our daughters and to be able to be the dads that they need to support them in their journey. Every week I love being able to bring you different guests with different experiences, people that have gone through being a dad themselves, but also are going through it right now. And I I love that because every week you're going to learn something new and gain some new insight into things that you might be able to do to be able to build those strong relationships that you want. This week we got another great guest. Edwin Rayner is with us, and he is affectionately known as Granddad Sings. And he is 92 years old young and an Internet sensation who has captured the hearts of many with his song covers that he sings on TikTok and other platforms. And his journey into the spotlight began with the encouragement of his granddaughters, Laura and Liv, who introduced him to TikTok. And his rendition of Lana Del Rey's video games garnered 16,800,000 views, which is amazing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]: I was introduced to him from some other people, and they said, you gotta reach out to Edwin. You gotta see if Edwin would talk to you. And I was so excited when Edwin said that he would. So today we've got Edwin Rayner with us. Edwin, thanks so much for being here today.

Edwin Rayner [00:02:38]: It's a pleasure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:39]: Well, first and foremost, I would love to delve into you being a dad and a granddad. And I know that you are a father, you're a grandfather. And so as you think about the relationship with your daughters that you've built over the years, your granddaughters now as well, What's one of the most meaningful moments that you've shared with your daughters or granddaughters, and what made it so special?

Edwin Rayner [00:03:06]: What was the moment? Well, I think the when I saw my little teeny weeny weeny babies with their mommy, there they were. What have we got? And we got a little girl. Thank the Lord for that. You know? And then the the second one came along and the same situation. You weren't born at home, Susan. You were born in, I can't remember the name of nursing home now. Anyway, there was a little girl, and, and there she is. And it's seeing your baby.

Edwin Rayner [00:03:36]: You know this is your baby. It's absolutely amazing. And then three years and a half later, it all happened again. But this time, it was Susan, and, this time, she was born at home. And, I was there to hold Margaret's hand with the birth, and that sort of thing is so precious. If you haven't experienced it, you don't know. But there's your baby. That's your baby.

Edwin Rayner [00:04:04]: And there you are, and they grow up and they keep growing, and then they begin to talk. First of all, they begin to crawl. They begin to walk. They begin to talk. I remember when my two little girls I used to bath them in the sink. It was a big sink in the kitchen, and, they'd sit on the draining board, and I'd I'd bathed them in the kitchen. I don't know if that's important or not, but sort of thing we did. And, and then they watched them grow up, and they they grew into two beautiful, loving daughters.

Edwin Rayner [00:04:36]: And we, Margaret, and I I lost Margaret ten years ago. We were so lucky, and they're brilliant now. I mean, they do everything for me. I've gone through the period of doing everything for them, and now they're doing everything for me. So there you go. I still do my own housework, though, saying, Diane. Don't know. Again, their names ring stuck.

Edwin Rayner [00:04:55]: You see? So Trey, I call one Diane, and that's Susan. I call that Susan. That's Diane. That happens all the time. Anyway, so there you go. My precious moment was seeing my little babies. They've all been precious moments. I got married and all the sorts of things that go on.

Edwin Rayner [00:05:11]: You know, being a father is a wonderful, wonderful thing. And then you've got two wonderful daughters. You're very, very, very lucky.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:17]: So over the years, as your daughters grew, and now you have granddaughters as well, how did you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into their own person?

Edwin Rayner [00:05:31]: I tried to guide them, lead them along the pathway that I wanted them to go, and sometimes that's not easy because they don't quite wanna go that way. But you've gotta be a father. You've gotta be I think it was the same. You've gotta be a father to a girl, And you've got to let them do what they want to do, within reason, of course. You've got to let them do what they want to do. There's a story that comes to my mind. Smacking your children is not done. You it doesn't happen.

Edwin Rayner [00:06:00]: It did happen once with my two girls. We were, having a wonderful day, and it was a lovely summer day. Do you remember, Diane? I don't remember. And we were no. She wouldn't remember. She was about three years old. And we were playing in the garden, and we got the bath you know, ball out there, and we were playing in the pool. And then we came in to get something from the kitchen.

Edwin Rayner [00:06:22]: And she was standing at the sink on a on a box or not on a box, on a chair or something, and she was screaming. She's going, no. No. No. So I said, dine. Don't do that. That's just not nice. And then when she didn't take any notice, she did it again.

Edwin Rayner [00:06:36]: I said, Diane, if you do that again, I'll just have to smack you. And she's, because she'd never been smacked before in her life. So I tapped her on the leg, and she started crying, you see. And it's the worst thing that ever happened to me as a as a father. You know? I made her cry, and she deserved it. But I'll tell you, you remember, you you know, things like that. And Susan, well, I've never needed to smack Susan. You don't smack your kids.

Edwin Rayner [00:07:04]: You talk to them. You love them. And, anyway, there you go. As a father of girls, you've got to let the girls not exactly do what exactly they want to do, but when they're doing something that isn't quite right or you didn't think it's quite right, you can try and gently guide them and say, well, I don't think Diane or Susan, you should go down that pathway. And if they do go down that pathway and it doesn't turn out right, like, you just accept that it's gone wrong and you you knew in your heart that it wasn't quite right, but you don't tell your daughter, look, I told you that you should have done that and so it's your fault. No. You love them. You cuddle them and you say, well, you come back.

Edwin Rayner [00:07:41]: You you know, we look after you. So there you go. You gotta be a father to a girl. There's a song. You've gotta be a father to a girl. I just think I'll have to try that one time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:50]: Were there intentional ways that you worked to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times?

Edwin Rayner [00:07:59]: Yes. You're always there to help. You're always you've got to be there, and you're always you hope you're able to help them. Now I don't know what to say, really. You've gotta be there. You've gotta advise. You've gotta hope they take your advice. But if they don't take your advice, you've gotta accept the fact that they're young adults, and they've got a mind of their own, and they wanna do things their way.

Edwin Rayner [00:08:25]: I suppose as a kid, I wanted to do things my way. So you girls do things their way. You don't always approve of what they're doing. I think I said this, but I think that's the best I can do to answer that question.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:38]: I know you mentioned that at times, there may be points where your daughters may make decisions that you wouldn't have made yourself, but that you have to be there to support them, to be there to hold them if they need that, to pick them up and support them in any way possible. How did you support your daughters in pursuing their passions and dreams?

Edwin Rayner [00:09:00]: Well, when they wanted to do something, enthusiasm, you've you've got to show that you're you're with them, you're behind them, that what they wanna do is wonderful. So enthusiastically help them, put them on put them on the right path. This is what you wanna do, sweet you know? Diane, Susan. Yeah. Okay. Do do your best. You can only do your best, and we can only do our best for you. But it's so important that we do love each other, and we do support each other.

Edwin Rayner [00:09:28]: And, of course, we had a wonderful mom who was unbelievable.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:32]: So I mentioned at the beginning that you're now known as Granddad Sings online, and people have gotten to know you in that way. And I know that for a number of years, you stepped away from singing after singing for many years and enjoying singing after your wife passed. And I guess many people have heard that story. I would love to hear what was going through your head when your granddaughters came to you with this idea and especially going above and beyond into music that you've never touched before into a platform that you probably didn't know a lot about. And talk to me about that and what was going through your head at that point.

Edwin Rayner [00:10:12]: Well, you're right. The fact that I gave up singing, I just thought I couldn't go on the way I was without Margaret. And so that was it. Given up. Coming on. And one day, grandchildren, Liv and Laura, said to me, granddad, we're gonna put you on TikTok. I think I've said this before. We're gonna put you on TikTok.

Edwin Rayner [00:10:28]: And my immediate reaction was, what's TikTok? Never heard of TikTok before anyway. They said, you've seen a song, and we record the song, and we put it on TikTok, and all the people like it or don't like it. And so I thought, okay then. So I I sang the song, and we put it on TikTok. I think it was something from The Wizard of Oz, which I played I was the line in The Wizard of Oz years ago. And we put it, like, for you on TikTok, and it did remarkably well. Not as well as my latest songs are doing, but it got about six to 8,000 like, which was a lot. And then from there, I got a bit big edit, I suppose.

Edwin Rayner [00:11:02]: I thought this song went well. We'll do some more. So, I picked a couple of the songs that I knew because I signed them. And then Leland always said to me, well, granddad, you gotta sing something more modern. I thought, have I? So these modern artists, their songs, and I never heard them before. And then I thought, well, I'm never going to learn this. Anyway, so what we did, I downloaded the song with the artist singing the song, and I signed to the song with the artist singing it. It was so difficult, believe me.

Edwin Rayner [00:11:33]: And I kept singing, singing, singing about that maybe a hundred times, maybe more. And then when I felt that I'd got the song, I then downloaded a backing track for the song, and then I began to sing to the backing track. Now that ain't easy because backing tracks today don't follow the melody in the song in the past, you know, by way and all the songs like that, which I love to sing. It gives you the melody, and you can cope with it. But these songs don't give you the melody. They give you something which is way out. And learning that is not at all easy, but I do it. And this last one that we put on about a fortnight ago, the Pink and Pony Club, I'm on TikTok and Instagram.

Edwin Rayner [00:12:09]: And over the two things, it's had two or 3,000,000 likes. And more than that, I can't remember how many likes, but it's been a fantastic hit. But so have the others. I mean, others have got two and three million likes, the these old songs, and it's it's unbelievable, really. Here I am at my age singing these songs and getting such response and getting wonderful comments from thousands of people is totally unbelievable. And I just can't believe it's happening, but it is happening. Every time I look at my phone, I've picked up another twenty, thirty, 50, a hundred followers. And my following now is nearly 13,000,000, I think, isn't it? 30 I can't remember, but it's absolutely unbelievable.

Edwin Rayner [00:12:54]: I'm gobsmacked, to be honest with you. And the comments are really, really lovely. And some of the comments are people who have been in despair and have been so sad and things have gone all wrong. And sometimes my songs have brought them back and helped them so much. And they're it's very gratifying to get people saying things like they do. It's absolutely amazing, and I can't believe it. I'm so lucky. I get tremendous support from Diane and Susan.

Edwin Rayner [00:13:22]: You know? They're absolutely fabulous. And, of course, I get tremendous support from Liv and Laura, who are my managers or whatever you call them. I've got an agent. I told them to believe. Do anything professionally. And Liv and Laura picked the songs, and then they said to me, granddad, try this one. I'd play it. I asked my Alexa, say, play it so and so.

Edwin Rayner [00:13:39]: Will it? They play it. I thought, oh, the devil. I was I was talking back to me. How the devil? I've gotta learn this one. I don't know. But I persevere. I work hard on it. Sitting in front of that computer, sing, sing, sing.

Edwin Rayner [00:13:52]: But sometimes, I think, blow this, I'm gonna sing some of the songs. I wanna sing, and I've got them all on the computer till I start singing singing those, the songs of my lifetime. You know, I've been Crosby. Not so much been Crosby. Frank Sinatra, Matt Monroe. All those people are the songs I used to sing. I used to do an awful lot of religious singing as well. I would sing with choirs.

Edwin Rayner [00:14:15]: I would sing as a ton of soloist with the choirs, and that's where it all began. I would, at this time of year coming up for Easter, of course, we will be doing the crucifixion, stainless crucifixion, which is a wonderful work. And I will be tenor soloing with different choirs, but, of course, I haven't got that voice anymore. But I've just found another one, which I didn't know I had. And people love it. I can't imagine why. Sometimes when I'm on this TV program, they play something that I did just recently say. And I think to myself, that's awful, but big fast.

Edwin Rayner [00:14:48]: Anyway, there you go. That's the situation.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:50]: I can only guess that over the years with your family that music must have played a role in your family life. How did you incorporate music into your relationship with your children and especially your daughters as they were growing up?

Edwin Rayner [00:15:05]: I don't really know. It just became so natural. Whatever I was doing, I would be singing like I'm putting up the Christmas decorations. I'd be singing. We all sang. We would be singing something, and we'd all sing it. It was just what we did. It wasn't something special.

Edwin Rayner [00:15:20]: Andy Williams is a big favorite of us all, a big favorite. We had lots of Andy Williams stuff, and we used to sing these Andy Williams songs. And so it's was was part of our life. We sung rather than talked, I suppose. I don't know. But, yeah, that was it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:36]: Now I know that you you've mentioned your granddaughters and that they are acting as your, your, your managers per se, and helping you to pick music and things like that. And with this pivotal role that they played in bringing you onto these different social media platforms, how has this relationship expanded? How has this experience strengthened your bond with them?

Edwin Rayner [00:16:04]: Yeah. We we we it has strengthened the bond because we're all the three of us, when we're doing when we're sorting out songs and singing songs and putting on them on Spotify, I've got quite a few on Spotify now. We sit together and we where where we didn't before, and we're we'll say, well, what what do you think we should do? And we talk these things over. And so not only are they my granddaughters, they're my partners. Do you know what I mean? They're all part of the show, and without them, the show wouldn't go on with you know? So it's I suppose that's all I can say about that, but we do it has made us closer. They will come up to me and say, granddad, what do you think of this song? And I'll look at it, and I'll play it, and I'll think, I don't like it. I can't do it because anyway, they proved it right, but I still like the old songs. I still sing the old songs.

Edwin Rayner [00:16:55]: They're my favorites, to be honest with you. But you see, you put an old song on, put my way on TikTok. I did it. I put my way on. I think it'll about 5,000 likes. Well, big difference between millions and few thousand on there. But the kids today, I suppose, I'd mind you, I get a lot of older people now on this or I think on Instagram, quite a lot of the older citizens, but I think on the, TikTok are the youngsters really. But I think people are getting into it now because I made quite a few CDs, and I used to give them away.

Edwin Rayner [00:17:25]: I couldn't sell them because of copyright. And I gave them away, but nobody's got any CD players anymore because it's all this bloody Spotify thing in there. And people have gotta download it. Mind you, you get paid for it. Not a lot, but I've got, you know, a dozen songs on Spotify. I'm gonna put this one that's just gone potty and the pink pony club. I haven't even recorded three quarters of it. Put it on TikTok, but now I'm unless I'm going to the studio this week, and I'm gonna complete the song, and then we will put it on Spotify.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:53]: You mentioned that you have your old standards that you love to sing or that you love to sing in the past and things that you grew up with. You have this new music that your grandchildren and children are introducing to you and encouraging you to try. I guess as you look at the things that you are singing now, do you have some favorite artists that you have sang that you would love to sing more of or things where you say, nope. Not gonna go there. Not gonna go down that pathway.

Edwin Rayner [00:18:21]: Well, I do say that quite a lot. But some of the songs I like Luis Capaldi, frankly, I think some of the songs he sings, he's a very genuine guy. I I like Luis Capaldi. And Christina Perri, another lovely singer, lovely girl. And both of those wrote very nice comments about my singing, singing their songs, and that was and the other grandi who was really, really big, she commented on the song. I was singing one of her songs, and she commented which was, you don't get much bigger stars than than her these days, do you? And she commented. But lots of the stars have commented when I've sung their songs. I begin to like these songs that I didn't like.

Edwin Rayner [00:18:59]: I begin to, oh, that's got a nice bit. It's got a nice melody. And and you begin to like singing them, which you didn't when you started. And so they're growing on me. And these artists who I'd never heard of before, they're growing on me. And when I hear their singing and their songs, I think, yeah, you are talented. And in the past, I was a bloody rao, you know, right? So it goes on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:22]: So what values or life lessons have you aimed to impart to your daughters and granddaughters through your love of music?

Edwin Rayner [00:19:30]: I wish they were singers. I've tried to impart a bit of that idea into their heads, but neither you don't sing Diane, do you?

Diane [00:19:39]: I I do in Bath.

Edwin Rayner [00:19:40]: Oh, she sings in the Bath, but they don't sing. They don't follow me in my singing career, either of them. But that's fine. That's not disappointing. I get all the support in the world from her. So I don't know how to answer that one. I don't think it's upset me. I just think that we're a family, and we do the things that we wanna do, and we support each other.

Edwin Rayner [00:20:02]: And so there you go. What they wanna do, they do. The fact they don't wanna sing the songs I mind you, they prefer the songs I'm singing today, I think, to the ones I've sung in the past. I'm not sure about that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:13]: You've mentioned a couple of memories and things that you've shared with your family in the past. Can you recount a cherished memory where music really brought your family closer together?

Diane [00:20:24]: The only thing that springs fun, and you've touched on it before, was that Andy Williams, Christmas to our family, or to me, you, Susan, and and mum was, in my mind, was was Andy Williams. You've got an album on it, Andy Williams, and I still do it today. It's it's Christmas time. I'll play Andy Williams' Christmas album because to me, that is Christmas, and that invokes all the memories of my childhood and how lovely Christmas was. But, yeah, the music thing for me is Christmas, and it's and it's a time now that we have because of the music you're doing now. It's a time I come to the studio with you every week. It's the studio time is something between you and me, and I laugh. We have a good time.

Diane [00:21:08]: And, obviously, music has brought you and living abroad together. Yeah. And as a whole, the whole family, because the whole family follows you on TikTok, Instagram, whatever. And even people that Steph said, someone shared, one of her friends in America, shared something to her, you know, and it was your Tik Tok, and she said, oh, that's my granddad. And the bloke said, absolutely not. I don't believe in you. That's my granddad. So she had to send a picture of her with huge proving that that is my granddad.

Edwin Rayner [00:21:38]: Andy Williams. Yeah. It it was one great favorite. And I used to sing quite a lot of Andy Williams songs, and I think there's quite a few on TikTok or whatever of Andy Williams. Andy Williams was Christmas, wasn't it, really? Yeah. It was we all had all these Christmas albums, and we'd play these. So, yeah, music has brought us together, and it's difficult to think of specific times, but certainly at Christmas time. And now at the studio, Diane comes with me every week to the studio.

Edwin Rayner [00:22:08]: We record the songs, and we have a good laugh. And Diane would tell me I was flat there and no this was not right. And we and, and we we put it right again, and we have a great laugh with Arthur at the studio. Sizzle Studios in Bournemouth, Fantastic musician. You give him a plug. He really, really is the talented musician. He really is. Because on Spotify, you can't use the backing track that the artists used.

Edwin Rayner [00:22:35]: You have to make your own backing track. And Arthur is brilliant at making the backing tracks, so it's unbelievable the the support he we get from him and the way his his ability.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:46]: How do you hope your musical journey will inspire others into the future?

Edwin Rayner [00:22:52]: I hope it does. I mean, I get lots of comments from youngsters and people and from older people too saying they wish they could sing, they wish they could do what I'm doing. And I always go back to them with encouragement and say, well, you can do. If I can do it, you can do it. You haven't got to be a brilliant singer. You haven't got to be something special, but you will be something special. I tell them to some people, if you start if you wanna do it, do it. It doesn't matter how old you are.

Edwin Rayner [00:23:21]: Age doesn't come into it. And if you're young and you want to sing, well sing. If you don't start, you won't get there. And that's the advice I give. Start singing. If you want to be on TikTok, you want to be on the stage, start singing, and if you can afford it, get some singing lessons too because you'd be surprised what voice you've got you didn't know you had, and the senior teacher will find it for you, and you will be able to sing. I went for years to miss Violet Russell, who was l a r m, big board outside the house. And for for several years, I went to miss Violet Russell to learn how to sing, and we would sing the scales, and she was lovely.

Edwin Rayner [00:24:03]: It was was Violet, miss Violet Russell, my singing teacher. I should never forget her. She told me I could sing, but I didn't believe her anyway. Well, I'm trying to prove it. Well, I think I'm a bit late left left a bit late in life, am I?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:19]: I was just gonna say, you're proving her right that that you do have that voice.

Edwin Rayner [00:24:23]: Well, the voice she taught me was the one to sing the crucifixion and Messiah and and those songs, how to use your breath and how not to that's the sort of thing she she taught. Well, professional teacher, and she knew what she was doing.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:36]: What advice would you give to fathers and grandfathers who wish to share musical experiences with their kids and grandkids?

Edwin Rayner [00:24:43]: My advice would be, do it. Share it. Let them know that you support them. Let them know that you're with them. Give them something to sing if you like, but they're part of the team that you've you've you've gotta even if you can possibly be, be a team. Be together. Work out what you're gonna do, what you're gonna sing. Give advice.

Edwin Rayner [00:25:01]: No. That's not the song for you. Yes. That is a song for you. You know? Be frank and tell them and, work together. I think it's very important that everything you do, you do for each other. And, yeah, give them advice. Stir them on because that does help so much when people say, that was lovely.

Edwin Rayner [00:25:20]: That's nice. It gives you encouragement. And to to kiddies to today and even to older people, if you tell them they're doing well, encouragement, that's so important, encouragement. And it makes a big difference. It really does. It makes me think I'd never wanna back up singing because I'm getting so much encouragement. I should be I'm 92. I won't tell you when I'll be 93, but it's someday this month.

Edwin Rayner [00:25:43]: And encourage. Be with them. Support. Tell them they're good because they are good.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:47]: I always finish our interviews with what I like to call our Dad Connection six. It's six more questions about you as a dad. Are you ready? Yeah. What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

Edwin Rayner [00:26:01]: Wonderful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:01]: What's one activity that you and your daughters love doing together now or even in the past?

Edwin Rayner [00:26:10]: Well, in the past, we had a caravan, and we used to go to a takeout caravan, tow the caravan to different caravan sites. And what we did, we we we it was so lovely there with the two girls. Not that we ever used them, but we bought some do you remember? Oh, no. No. We bought little knives, and we put little belts around the waist. And I had a little knife, and we used to go walking over the fields together, just the three of us. It brings back so many happy memories. We go into a field where there are cows, and we would all be a little bit wondering if everything was right.

Edwin Rayner [00:26:43]: But we walk together, and then we we come back. We we were team, weren't we? We were we were going out with our knives. And I think you said, why we had knives, I don't know. Only because I had this this knife. Never used a knife in my life. And they wanted one, so we bought two little ones, and they had them on their belts. And that brings back so many happy memories, things thing we did together. I think the first thing like that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:07]: If you could give, let's say, your granddaughters one life lesson, what would it be?

Edwin Rayner [00:27:12]: It's important to help each other, to love each other, and to support each other in everything you do. So support is wonderful thing. Just be supportive of each other.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:25]: As you think back to your fatherhood and being a father yourself, what's one thing that you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Edwin Rayner [00:27:32]: I think it's to learn to be patient, to be understanding, to accept that your opinion is not always the right opinion. So that's it. Be there. Be supportive.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:45]: And you've given a lot of piece of advice today, and you've shared some of your own experiences. But what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Edwin Rayner [00:27:57]: Be there when you're needed. Be there and understand that they need help. They need guiding. So just be there. Be there by their side all the time. Never let them go.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:10]: Edwin, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your journey today. If people wanna find out more about you and what you're doing, watching your videos or TikTok, where's the best place for them to go?

Edwin Rayner [00:28:22]: I suppose TikTok and Instagram, and then I'm Spotify. I'm putting now going putting lots of songs. Well, began to put songs on Spotify. Spotify, frankly, is taking the place of the CDs, like I said, whereas our new CDs, but now it's Spotify. People can can log in to Spotify, and they can hear download the songs that they wanna hear. So that's about it. TikTok, Instagram, Spotify. Oh, yeah.

Edwin Rayner [00:28:49]: YouTube. Quite a few forty, fifty. No. 80 songs, I think, on YouTube, so go to YouTube as well. But Spotify is getting the ones the the popular ones of today. But I'm gonna put a few not so popular ones on, and I'm gonna just say, no. I'm gonna put this one on and that one on. Some of the songs that I used to love to sing and still do, and some of the songs that are so important to me were so important to Margaret as well.

Edwin Rayner [00:29:15]: I miss her terribly. Without her, we wouldn't have been a family like we are because of the wonderful, wonderful support that she gave us all. She was there all the time. So it's was wonderful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:27]: Well, Edwin, I again, thank you so much for your time today. Thank you for all that you're doing to put your music back into the world, but also showing the importance of sharing your gifts and encouraging others to do the same because it's so important for all of us to know and to internalize for ourselves. And I love what you're doing, and I wish you the best as you continue this musical journey.

Edwin Rayner [00:29:54]: Thank you very much. God bless.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:56]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget,

Edwin Rayner [00:30:16]: you can find all

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:17]: our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:30:26]: We're all in the same boat, and it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and musclemen, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.