The Dad I Want To Be with Mike Forrester

Facing your mortality can light a fire under a man that nothing else will. My guest Andrew Petty grew up as the golden child, excelling in school, sports, and church. Inside, he was quietly hurting, and nobody saw it. A few years after college, he started having vague physical symptoms that doctors couldn't explain. His grandfather had died of a heart attack, and his mom said the symptoms sounded cardiac. That one comment set off years of paralyzing fear of a health crisis and of dying. He worked stockroom jobs and barely held it together. Early on, the pain grew so heavy that he recognized a suicidal thought and knew this was serious. A pastor began listening to him in his living room, night after night. Andrew found his footing, married, and became a dad to two boys. Years later, his brother in law was diagnosed with serious cancer. Andrew looked down at his gut, 50 to 60 pounds over his fighting weight. He had been drinking too much, smoking, and skipping exercise. Within nine months, he was back to his fighting weight.

Andrew refuses to tell his story as a victim. When we reach adulthood, he says, our parents graduate and we take over parenting ourselves to maturity. He walks Mike Forrester through the drama triangle from psychology, with its three roles of victim, persecutor, and rescuer. Seeing himself in the victim role pushed him to take full responsibility for his life. He shares his big six for a life you'll be proud of when you die. They are courage, humility, truth telling, self permission, self responsibility, and self knowledge. He believes comfort kills, because real contentment comes from adventure, risk, and pushing into the unknown. His mortality mindset starts each day with one question. If today ended well, what would that look like? Maybe it means calling your sister or finally having a hard conversation with a friend. Andrew also leans on the Hero's Journey, the ancient story pattern Joseph Campbell described.

The biggest shift came about four years ago, when Andrew stopped fighting his anxiety. Out of pure exasperation, he turned toward it and asked what it was there for. Slowly, the thing he'd called weak and shameful became a source of creativity. His podcast and his Graveyard Group mastermind grew out of that change. Mike shares how he finally accepted responsibility and forgave his parents, knowing they did the best they could. Mike teaches that what you carry into adulthood isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility, and Andrew lives that out. Andrew also has a word for parents. The son who looks like he has it all together may be the one hurting most. If you're a father watching your kids grow up fast, ask your son how he's really doing. Then ask yourself the same question.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

• Recognize how years of hidden stress can build into anxiety, even in a man who looks like he has it all together.
• Understand why your kids can look fine on the outside while struggling inside, and how to keep honest conversations open with them.
• Use the drama triangle to spot when you're playing victim, persecutor, or rescuer in your marriage and friendships.
• Walk through Andrew's big six ingredients for a life you'll be proud of, starting with courage and humility.
• See why staying comfortable keeps you stuck at work and at home, and how a mortality mindset pushes you to get healthy and stop putting off what matters.
• Learn to ask your anxiety what it's there for instead of only trying to make it go away.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:04:00 - why moving somewhere new won't fix what's wrong inside

00:07:00 - how years of hidden stress can turn into anxiety

00:09:00 - what happens when the thing you built your identity on is gone

00:10:00 - how health anxiety and fear of death took over his life

00:14:00 - why the kid who seems fine may be struggling inside

00:17:00 - why having someone listen helps you heal

00:24:00 - taking responsibility for your life even when it isn't your fault

00:28:00 - six ingredients for a life you'll be proud of when you die

00:30:00 - how a family member's cancer diagnosis pushed him to get healthy

00:36:00 - how stepping out of your comfort zone reduces regret

00:41:00 - how the drama triangle keeps you stuck as a victim

00:48:00 - how to change your relationship with anxiety by asking what it's there for

Connect with Andrew Petty

Website

https://andrewpettycoach.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrewpettycoach/

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/andrew_petty_coach/

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/AndrewPettyCoach/

Connect with Mike Forrester

Podcast Website

https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com

Coaching Website

https://www.hicoachmike.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/

Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike

Many men who swore they'd never be like their father end up drinking and yelling the same way he did. My guest Sean Robinson grew up with a mechanic dad who drank, yelled, and kept the house on edge. Sean and his two younger brothers learned to read which version of their dad was walking through the door. By eight or nine, Sean knew how to mix his dad's drinks. Two decades of drinking later, he weighed 320 pounds and was losing his temper with his own kids. He was also saying ugly things about himself. At the end of 2020, at 36, he decided he couldn't keep going. In this conversation with Mike Forrester, Sean shares how a single dry January turned into almost three years without a drink. He also lost over 100 pounds and wrote a book called Going Dry.

Sean never set out to quit forever. He started with one month, then added February, then set a goal of 100 days. That stretched into the whole of 2021. A plain notebook became his outlet, a private place to write the things he couldn't say in a construction lunch trailer. Over time he used it to coach himself through parties, pushback, and bad days. He tested small habits the same way, like brushing his teeth twice a day and marking every check on a calendar. One sit-up a night grew into 50. His long commute to work became time for podcasts and books like Atomic Habits and Mindset. He moved his phone across the room and started reading before bed. Friends and family didn't make it easy, and Sean talks about how he held his ground anyway.

The proof shows up in a moment that happened the same night he recorded. His eight-year-old left the bathroom sink running, and water poured through the floor into the basement. The old Sean would have slammed doors and yelled until his son hid. This time he stayed calm, cleaned up next to his son, and talked through what happened. His son looked at him like he didn't recognize his own dad. Mike Forrester knows that turn from his own life. He swore he'd never become his father, then caught himself treating his kids the way he hated being treated. Mike teaches that the patterns a man inherited aren't his fault, but changing them is his responsibility. If you hear your father's voice coming out of your mouth at your kids, this conversation is for you. It's for the dad with young kids at home who reaches for a drink to get through the night. He wants his kids to grow up without the eggshells.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

• Recognize how a drinking habit can grow slowly out of social events, work culture, and the house you grew up in.
• Learn how to quit drinking one month at a time, starting with a single dry January.
• Use a private notebook to get harsh thoughts out of your head and coach yourself through hard moments.
• Build habits that last by starting small, like one sit-up a night, and tracking every day.
• See how staying calm after your kid's mistake shows them a different way to handle a mess.
• Spot the "this is just who I am" excuse and how it keeps you stuck as a husband and dad.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:02:00 - why "this is just who I am" keeps men from changing

00:06:00 - how men become the dad they swore they'd never be

00:07:00 - growing up walking on eggshells around a drinking dad

00:09:00 - realizing you've become the impatient, yelling dad

00:12:00 - how a calm dad handles a kid's mistake without yelling

00:18:00 - how social drinking slowly turns into a habit

00:23:00 - drinking culture in construction and the trades

00:25:00 - quitting drinking and losing over 100 pounds

00:27:00 - handling pushback from friends and family when you quit drinking

00:33:00 - how journaling helps men who don't talk about their feelings

00:42:00 - how to build small habits that actually stick

00:45:00 - books that helped one dad change his habits and mindset

Connect with Sean Robinson

Website

https://seanrobinson.ca/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/sean-robinson-161723a9/

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/going.dry/

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100086376760527

Connect with Mike Forrester

Podcast Website

https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com

Coaching Website

https://www.hicoachmike.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/

Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike

Anxiety in men often hides behind a smile, a big career, and the belief that nobody else feels this way. My guest Erik DaRosa lived with anxiety and OCD from the age of seven. He was the first in his family to go to college. He went on to spend 18 years in New York as a derivatives trader. Some days he left the trading desk and cried in a bathroom stall. He told no one, not even his wife, Amy. At 33, he couldn't hold it together anymore. In 2004 he had the first of two dissociative episodes, and he finally told Amy everything. She stayed right beside him. Even in therapy, he kept his guard up. His psychiatrist once asked why he smiled all the time while describing his struggles. Erik came to see that smile as the mask he'd worn his whole life. He has been married to Amy for 26 years and now lives in the Colorado Rockies. He speaks openly about men's mental health so other men know they aren't alone.

Erik's way forward rests on what he calls his Equilateral Triangle of Healing. One corner is Western care, with talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and medication. Another corner is Eastern practice, with meditation, mindfulness, and Reiki. The third corner is nature, which for Erik means skiing and mountain biking. He uses all three together, because pulling one side away makes the triangle collapse. He learned that after he felt cured, stopped treatment, and later had a second episode. He calls mental health an endurance event. He tells men to try everything, including a second or third therapist when the first one doesn't fit. With Mike Forrester, he talks about how fight or flight runs a man's brain at work. He describes moving the CEO of his brain from the amygdala to the prefrontal cortex. Both men talk about the late night calls that nobody remembers when layoffs come. Mike shares how years of four hour nights left him with tremors in his left hand.

The turning point in Erik's story is telling someone. Mike admits he once believed hiding his struggles protected his wife. She had already seen them all along. Erik's message to men is direct. The people who care about you most will stand by you when you open up. He no longer gives a quick "fine" when someone asks how he's doing. He has learned that men often crave someone who will truly listen. Erik also refuses to let his job title answer who he is. That fits what Mike teaches, that who you are is separate from the roles you fill. Mike names what's at stake for his own children and grandchildren. When a man does this work, they inherit something different. If you're a husband and dad still smiling through the day and hiding what's inside, start with one honest conversation at home. Your kids will inherit what you choose to face.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

• Recognize the signs of hidden anxiety, like smiling through it, sleepless nights, and checking rituals that promise a sense of control.
• Understand why your wife and the people who love you are more likely to stand by you than leave when you tell them you're struggling.
• Use the Equilateral Triangle of Healing to combine therapy, mindfulness practices, and time outdoors.
• See why Erik calls mental health an endurance event, and what happened when he stopped treatment after feeling cured.
• Spot when a high-pressure job keeps you stuck in fight or flight, and why the 3 AM calls never earn the security you're chasing.
• Learn how answering "how are you doing" honestly, and listening in return, builds real connection with other men and at home.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:04:00 - why men with anxiety believe they're the only ones struggling

00:14:00 - how chasing a career others expected can bury what you love

00:18:00 - how journaling helped him open up in therapy

00:23:00 - what happens when you finally tell your wife you're struggling

00:26:00 - how men hide anxiety at work behind a successful career

00:29:00 - why stopping therapy too soon can set you back

00:32:00 - what anxiety, OCD, and PTSD feel like from the inside

00:37:00 - fear of losing your job if anyone at work finds out you're struggling

00:39:00 - why working around the clock never earns you a badge of honor

00:44:00 - how to get out of fight or flight mode at work

00:47:00 - why men need someone to really listen

00:53:00 - how to combine therapy, mindfulness, and nature to manage anxiety

Connect with Erik DaRosa

Website

https://fromsurvivortothriver.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/erikdarosa/

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/skisherpa/

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/erik.darosa.7/

Connect with Mike Forrester

Podcast Website

https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com

Coaching Website

https://www.hicoachmike.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/

Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike

If you're feeling frustrated and stuck in a cycle, join me as I talk with Victor Manzo Jr. about Breaking Free from Limiting Beliefs! We all have subconscious programming that influences our decisions and behaviors, making it challenging to break free from negative patterns. But what if I told you there's a way to increase self-awareness and improve decision-making skills by understanding and reprogramming this subconscious matrix?

Victor's personal experiences with financial fears and subconscious beliefs offer valuable insights into the impact of mindset on professional and personal success. He highlights the transformative power of self-awareness and the necessity of ridding ourselves of limiting beliefs to achieve true fulfillment. However, it's not just a one-time fix; rather, it's a journey of self-reflection and persistence. It's a muscle we should consistently work out to strengthen and heighten its sensitivity.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Unlock new possibilities with Dr. Vic Monzo Jr.'s Quantum Leap Coaching journey.
• Explore the power of self-reflection and intuition in making successful transitions.
• Learn about the impact of subconscious beliefs on personal finances and wealth.
• Unlock the secrets to shifting your mindset towards financial abundance.
• Gain insights into the importance of mindset shifts for achieving financial success.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:03:10 - The Power of Awareness

00:15:51 - The Impact of Childhood Programming

00:19:40 - Understanding Subconscious Beliefs

00:22:19 - Creating Awareness and Shifting Focus

00:27:19 - Shifting Focus to Growth and Prosperity

00:30:57 - Overcoming Negative Beliefs and Reprogramming the Mind

00:38:00 - Triggers for Limiting Beliefs

00:39:24 - Overcoming Negative Thoughts

Connect with Victor Manzo Jr.

Website

http://www.empoweryourreality.com/

LinkedIn

http://www.linkedin.com/in/drmanzo

Instagram

http://www.instagram.com/drvicmanzo

Facebook

http://www.facebook.com/drvicmanzo

Connect with Mike Forrester

Podcast Website

https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com

Coaching Website

https://www.hicoachmike.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/

Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike

Have you ever struggled with feeling like you're falling short in being a man, so you then dream of rebuilding your identity? You've been told to always have it together and never show vulnerability, but that only makes you feel empty and disconnected. With guest Michael Jaquith, we’ll chat about moving beyond performance and validation, the pain of unattainable expectations and navigating emotional resilience with authenticity.

Through his own experiences of healing and growth from a traumatic childhood, Michael speaks to the transformative power of connecting with others on a deep level, the significance of self-forgiveness, and the impact of personal growth on family relationships. He worked through the emotional turmoil of his past, freeing himself of his deep-seated anger and shame; he found freedom not only for himself but also for his family. Michael's journey is a powerful reminder of the strength that we can tap into by confronting and overcoming our past painful experiences.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Strengthen your emotional resilience and conquer fears.
• Embrace the power of grace and forgiveness in your life.
• Discover healing and growth through vulnerability and openness.
• Explore the impact of absent validation and approval on your journey.
• Embrace opportunities for growth and learning through mistakes.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:10:06 - Healing and Forgiveness

00:16:52 - Misconceptions About Forgiveness

00:19:33 - The Need to Forgive Oneself

00:25:23 - Confronting Identity and Surrender

00:28:09 - Relearning Masculinity

00:39:44 - Building emotional resilience

00:41:56 - The power of validation

Connect with Michael Jaquith

Website

https://catholiclifecoachformen.com/

Connect with Mike Forrester

Podcast Website

https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com

Coaching Website

https://www.hicoachmike.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/

Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike

Burnout often starts with a man who never learned to say no because he's desperate to prove he belongs. My guest Eric Nehrlich finally landed a job at Google, one of the companies he'd dreamed about for years. He wanted to prove he deserved to be there, so he said yes to everything and tried to over deliver. Good work only brought more work. When he went up for promotion, his days ran from 8 AM to midnight. He hadn't seen anyone outside of work for most of a year. He told himself he just had to make it to Christmas. When Christmas came, his body shut down with a 103 degree fever and a week in bed. As he lay there, a new question showed up for the first time. Why is this promotion worth so much? In January he told his manager he was done working that way. He lost half his team, his performance rating, and the promotion. He expected to feel like a failure. Instead he felt free.

The breakthrough came from rewriting one rule in his head. Eric had lived by the rule that he must do everything his manager asked, and then some. He added a clause he'd been missing: unless I accept the consequences. That turned a must into a choice. Once he knew he could survive the fallout, he started trying things he'd avoided for fear of failing. He learned to snowboard, biked down the California coast for six days, and spent three weeks in India alone. With Mike Forrester, he breaks that down into steps any man can take. Try one small thing that feels a little uncomfortable, like speaking up in a meeting. Ask someone who does what you want to do for 20 minutes of their time. Eric calls it having one conversation. Mike shares his own years of four hour nights, driven by the same hunger for validation. Years later, a new baby, solo work, and COVID left Eric lonely.

The deepest moment came in Eric's first therapy session. He talked about his mom, and his therapist asked about his dad. Eric described a father who went to work, came home, and barely engaged. He was there, but he wasn't there. Then she asked what Eric did in his relationships. He saw it right away. He had learned to withdraw and go quiet rather than face hard conversations. He was also masking, becoming whoever he thought a woman wanted, until the mask slipped a few months in. Showing up as himself is what led him to his wife. On paper they have almost nothing in common. What they share is a commitment to talking things through. Mike teaches men to quit trying to fix themselves by themselves. Eric's turn came through a therapist and honest conversations. If you're a dad who says yes at work and goes quiet at home, Eric's story shows another way. Your kids get a father who's actually present.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

• Recognize the need to prove yourself that keeps you saying yes at work until your body forces a stop.
• Use the "unless I accept the consequences" clause to turn a rule you've lived by into a choice.
• Walk through small, slightly uncomfortable experiments that rebuild confidence after burnout.
• Spot how a father who was there but not there can teach you to withdraw from hard conversations with your wife.
• See how masking who you are early in a relationship sets it up to fall apart.
• Learn practical ways a busy dad can carve out time for friendships and push back on loneliness.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:06:00 - what burnout does to your body when you ignore the warning signs

00:07:00 - why you can't say no at work when you're trying to prove you belong

00:09:00 - what happened when he told his boss he was done working 100 hour weeks

00:11:00 - how needing validation from others drives overwork

00:15:00 - how to rebuild confidence after burnout by trying new things

00:17:00 - small first steps to build courage when you feel stuck

00:19:00 - how one conversation with someone ahead of you opens a path forward

00:22:00 - how masking who you are sabotages dating and relationships

00:26:00 - how an emotionally absent father shapes the way you handle hard conversations

00:28:00 - how to choose a partner based on what you need instead of a checklist

00:32:00 - why men get lonely after working from home and starting a family

00:35:00 - how to rebuild friendships when work and kids take all your time

Connect with Eric Nehrlich

Website

https://www.toomanytrees.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/nehrlich

Instagram

https://instagram.com/ericnehrlich

YouTube

https://youtube.com/@ericnehrlich5567

Connect with Mike Forrester

Podcast Website

https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com

Coaching Website

https://www.hicoachmike.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/

Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike

Daily meditation gives a stressed man a calm third option between blowing up and shutting down when work or home gets hard. My guest Tom Cronin worked as a broker in Australia's finance markets from 1987 to 2012. He started at 19, on a trading floor he compares to The Wolf of Wall Street. The early years ran on fast money, heavy drinking, drugs, and constant stress. About ten years in, his body pushed back with anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and insomnia. Some days he could barely get out of the house to go to work. It all ended in a full nervous breakdown and time away on mental health leave. Home alone in 1996, he caught a few minutes of a documentary about a developer who credited Transcendental Meditation for his success. Tom looked it up in the Yellow Pages and learned it. The anxiety and the need to drink eased quickly. He returned to the same job for 16 more years. He performed at the top of his game without the drinking or the drugs.

Tom lays out what meditation does inside the body. Stress keeps a man in fight or flight, running on cortisol and adrenaline. Meditation moves him into the parasympathetic state, which Tom calls the peace response. A quieter mind makes clearer decisions and solves problems faster. He describes a part of us that stays steady, like the sky behind passing clouds. With Mike Forrester, he walks through his PVS to FES model. It moves a man from the Previous Version of Yourself toward the Future Version of Yourself. Tom says that future picture has to include every area of life. He means your health, your work, your friendships, and the husband and father you want to be. He talks honestly about leaving a salary close to seven figures. A friend warned him he was trading a nine to five for a five to nine, and he was right. Tom also leads a short guided breath meditation anyone can do in a chair at home.

The heart of the conversation is the code Tom says every man inherits. He traces his own through generations of fathers in an Irish Catholic family line. That code shapes how we react long before we make any real choice. When a wife asks why the bin didn't go out, many men either attack or retreat to the shed. Meditation gives a man the pause to find a better answer than those two. Tom sees a relationship as a container that holds whatever each person brings into it. A calmer man brings more love into his marriage and into his home. Mike teaches that what you inherited isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility, and Tom's story shows that turn in action. This one is for the man, and especially the dad with kids still at home, who swings between losing it and going quiet. He wants his kids to grow up with a calmer father.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

• Recognize the two default reactions, attack or retreat, that show up in arguments with your wife and in meetings at work.
• Understand how chronic stress, drinking, and the fight or flight response feed each other, and how daily meditation breaks that loop.
• Use a simple breath meditation, focused on the cool air at the rim of your nostrils, for five to ten minutes a day.
• Walk through the PVS to FES model so your past stops deciding who you become.
• See why leaving a high-paying career took more resilience than Tom expected, and what kept his identity steady through it.
• Learn why the calm you bring home shapes the relationship you share with your wife and kids.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:03:00 - how meditation helps you stay calm when life gets hard

00:05:00 - what to do when your mind wanders during meditation

00:12:00 - how to break the generational patterns you inherited from your father

00:14:00 - how stress, drinking, and anxiety led to a breakdown in a finance career

00:17:00 - how learning meditation helped him recover and go back to work

00:21:00 - what it takes to leave a high-paying corporate career

00:24:00 - how to stop your past from defining who you become

00:31:00 - why men attack or shut down in arguments with their wife

00:35:00 - a short guided breath meditation to calm a scattered mind

00:40:00 - how staying calm changes your marriage and your relationship with your kids

00:44:00 - why some men get addicted to stress and anger

00:46:00 - how to start meditating as a beginner

Connect with Tom Cronin

Website

http://www.tomcronin.com/

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/tomcronincoach

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/tomcronin/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/tomcronin1/

Connect with Mike Forrester

Podcast Website

https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com

Coaching Website

https://www.hicoachmike.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/

Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike

By his mid-twenties, James W. Smith looked unstoppable. He was the first and only Black attorney in his North Carolina hometown, the youngest Black lawyer practicing in the state, and he'd even run for district court judge. He'll be the first to admit he was also cocky, certain he'd made it and that nobody could tell him a thing. Then poker games with a few other lawyers turned into something he couldn't stop. The gambling kept its hooks in him until he'd lost his properties, his first marriage, and most of what he'd built, and he sank into a depression he couldn't see a way out of. One morning it got dark enough that he nearly ended his life, and it was the thought of his mother that stopped him. Not long after, in a desperate and completely out-of-character moment, he robbed a bank - an action that in a single afternoon cost him the life he'd worked so hard to build.

Prison is where James finally got still enough to ask how he'd gotten there. With nothing to do but reflect, he stopped blaming the gambling and saw the thing underneath it. He was afraid to fail, and his pride wouldn't let him ask for help. He'd had people he could have leaned on, family with land and means, but going to them felt impossible when he was supposed to be the one others came to. Somewhere in that reflection, the faith his mother raised him in kicked back in, and he let go of both the gambling and the drinking. He shares the line from his mom that he carried out of there: you can lie in a ditch and let people kick more dirt on you, or you can get up, and some of those same people will reach out a hand.

James made the decision to get back up. He went back to school, remarried (they just celebrated thirty-three years), earned his divinity degrees, and, in the kind of turn nobody saw coming, was called to pastor a traditional Baptist church where he stayed for more than thirty-two years. The man who robbed a bank was eventually approved by the state bar to teach other attorneys, and today, "retired," although he's now busier than ever with a podcast, workshops, and an interim pulpit. His story isn't a fairytale, and he doesn't pretend the fall didn't happen or that it didn't hurt. If you've ever made a mistake big enough to think you're finished, James is living proof that where you've been doesn't get the final say on where you're going, and that purpose can be waiting on the far side of the worst thing you've ever done.

Chasing external validation, like money or a perfect body, can't fix what a man feels about himself inside. My guest Kevin Palmieri learned that the hard way. At 25 he was earning $60 to $120 an hour, had just won a bodybuilding show, and drove a sports car. Inside, he was insecure and afraid of his own shadow. When his girlfriend wanted to move to California to chase her dreams, fear of being left behind took over. He gave her every reason not to go, and she left him. So he decided money would fix it. He spent 10 months living out of a suitcase on the road and made $100,000 at 26 with no college degree. Nothing inside changed. One morning in a New Jersey hotel room, lacing his work boots, his head filled with voices telling him he was stuck forever. He thought about ending his life. Instead, he texted his friend Alan.

Alan told him his awareness had changed, but his environment hadn't. A few months later, Kevin left the job to go all in on his podcast. It got harder before it got better. He ran up about $35,000 in credit card debt and had panic attacks with no health insurance. He couldn't afford Christmas presents for the woman who's now his wife. Still, standing broke in his kitchen one day, he felt proud of himself for the first time. After one humbling night, he told Alan he didn't feel smart enough. Alan asked what if he just wasn't smart enough yet, so Kevin started studying. He says the area where you have the fewest results is usually the one you've studied least. He also keeps video journals so he can look back on hard days and see how far he's come.

Kevin and Alan grew up together, and neither had a dad around. Alan wanted Kevin to succeed with or without him, and Kevin calls that rare. Kevin also started hugging his friends and telling them he loves them, even when some laughed. Today he's married, runs a podcast and coaching business with a full team, and says he's the happiest he's ever been. He tells men to listen for one phrase in their own heads, "I'll feel better when," because it means they're looking outside themselves. Mike Forrester teaches that a man's identity stays separate from the roles and results he chases. Kevin's story shows what happens when a man finally believes it. If you're a dad still telling yourself you'll feel better once the next number hits, this one is for you.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

• Catch yourself saying "I'll feel better when" and recognize that no paycheck, body, or partner will fix what's inside.
• Change your environment, not just your awareness, when you've outgrown where you are.
• Study the area of life where you have the fewest results, whether it's money, marriage, or business.
• Keep a video or written journal so you can see how far you've come on hard days.
• Tell the men in your life that you love them and let them help you.
• Find someone safe to talk to when stress turns into panic or dark thoughts.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:04:00 - when life looks perfect outside but you're insecure inside

00:05:00 - how scarcity and fear can cost you a relationship

00:06:00 - chasing money to fix what you feel inside

00:08:00 - the morning in a hotel room that changed everything

00:11:00 - warning signs you're looking outside yourself for worth

00:14:00 - what a true friend gives you when you're at your lowest

00:19:00 - why men should tell their friends they love them

00:22:00 - feeling proud of yourself with nothing to show for it yet

00:27:00 - why it often gets harder before it gets better

00:32:00 - what to do when you don't feel smart enough yet

00:33:00 - how to figure out what you need to learn next

00:37:00 - how a video journal helps you see your progress

Connect with Kevin Palmieri

Website

https://www.nextleveluniverse.com

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri

Connect with Mike Forrester

Podcast Website

https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com

Coaching Website

https://www.hicoachmike.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/

Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike

A man can stay sober for eight years and still relapse when the fear underneath was never healed. My guest Tarek Chaudhary was 11 when he watched a man attack his father with a knife just five feet away. He froze, and he spent years believing that freeze proved he was weak. His father called him a good for nothing bum who would amount to nothing. So Tarek built a version of himself that people would be afraid of. Alcohol and drugs made the scared little boy disappear. At 29, he woke up handcuffed to a hospital bed, six months after his father died in his arms. He got sober and stayed sober for 3,010 days. He became an executive at a Fortune 100 company. On the outside he was a rock, and on the inside he was dying. After his marriage ended, he picked up a drink on a guys’ trip to Oktoberfest. Within two months, he was arrested for the first time. Two more relapses followed, and he lost his time with his two young sons.

Tarek finally gave himself a full year to do nothing but heal. He worked a 12-step program, went to therapy, and leaned on other men. For Tarek, faith became the center of that year. He spent nine months in a cabin in the Connecticut woods. There he learned the difference between isolation and solitude. Isolation tells a man something is wrong with him and nobody can know. Solitude is time alone that teaches him to love himself. He also named the parts of himself he had buried, the scared little boy and the angry 16-year-old. In this conversation with Mike Forrester, he explains how his emotional relapse started four years before he ever picked up a drink. He shares how he swung from his father’s harshness to being too easygoing with his own boys. Now he looks for the middle ground. He says what the people you’ve hurt think of you can’t be the reason you change. All you control is what you do, what you say, and what you think.

The turn came when Tarek admitted he needed help and said he’d do whatever wiser people told him. Mike Forrester often tells men to quit trying to fix themselves by themselves. Tarek’s years of going it alone show why. For the first time, he showed himself kindness in place of rage and shame. Then he kept showing up for his boys without making speeches. When his ex-wife called because their son was headed to the hospital, he left a tattoo chair and drove seven hours. One year to the day after he lost time with his sons, she gave them back. He never asked. This one is for the dad with kids still at home who looks strong to everyone and is quietly falling apart. He wants to be the father he never had, and he’s ready to get help to become him.

What You’ll Learn In This Episode:

• Recognize the difference between isolation and solitude, and which one you’re living in right now.
• Spot an emotional relapse long before a physical one, when stress and old pain start cracking through.
• See why a career built on fear and proving your father wrong can still leave you empty inside.
• Understand why rebuilding trust with your kids means showing up without waiting for anyone’s approval.
• Learn how to find a middle ground as a dad between repeating your father and overcorrecting.
• Name the scared little boy and the angry teenager inside you so they stop running your reactions.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:06:00 - The difference between isolation and solitude

00:10:00 - How a violent moment at 11 planted fear in a young boy

00:14:00 - How fear drove him to build a tough guy persona

00:20:00 - Getting sober at 29 and burying the pain with work

00:23:00 - What an emotional relapse is and how it starts

00:27:00 - Relapsing after more than eight years sober

00:30:00 - Why believing men don’t need help kept him relapsing

00:36:00 - Hitting surrender and finally asking for help

00:43:00 - How learning you don’t have to earn love changed him as a dad

00:50:00 - Why dads swing between repeating their father and overcorrecting

00:53:00 - How to rebuild trust after you’ve hurt your family

00:57:00 - Showing up for your kids without asking for anything back