Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Seeds....

‘Doctor, there’s a patient on line one that says he’s invisible.’
‘Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.’

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it’s still on the list.

Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’

A told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.