“The only man I envy is the man who has not yet been to Africa – for he has so much to look forward to.”

I have enough money saved up to last me for the rest of my life!

all I have to do now is die before thursday.

The human soul weighs 1.2lbs...
One knows by weighing oneself before and after work.

Walmart has announced it will now require shoppers to wear masks in its stores.

However, pants will still be optional.

You shall not murder.
You shall not commit adultery.
You shall not steal.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
You shall not covet.

What's an astronaut's favourite chocolate? A Mars bar.

"I'm a prodigal son. The black sheep of a white flock."

Students were asked to write an essay about elephants:

Jack writes about the horrors of the ivory trade.
Jodie writes about the plight of the Indian elephant.
Homer writes about the mating ritual of the elephant.
Moshe writes about the elephant and the Jewish problem.