We often talk about healing as though it is simply about becoming a happier, healthier or more confident version of ourselves.
But what happens when healing means letting go of who you used to be?
Sometimes the parts of ourselves we are trying to change were once the very things that helped us cope, survive or feel safe. The people-pleasing. The need to be strong. The constant achieving. The overgiving. The ways we learned to protect ourselves when we didn't have the tools or awareness we have today.
So when those parts of us begin to change, there can be grief.
In this episode, Jacky explores the often overlooked grief that can come with healing and outgrowing previous versions of ourselves.
She talks about learning to look back at who we were with compassion rather than judgment, recognising that we were doing the best we could with the knowledge, capacity and resources we had at the time.
Healing isn't always one huge breakthrough. Sometimes it's a series of tiny shifts that slowly change the way you see yourself, your relationships and your life.
And somewhere in that process, you can find yourself in the uncomfortable space between who you were and who you're becoming.
Jacky explores why we don't always need to rush out of that "in-between" space and immediately work out who we're supposed to become next.
She also talks about the grief that can come with outgrowing relationships, dreams, identities and expectations for the life we thought we were going to have.
Because two things can be true at the same time.
You can be deeply grateful for where you are now and still mourn what you've lost.
You can know that something was right to leave behind and still miss it.
You can be excited about who you're becoming and still feel sadness for the person you used to be.
And perhaps healing isn't about hating who you were.
Perhaps it's about being able to look back and say:
Thank you for getting me here. But I don't need to be you anymore.
In this episode, Jacky explores:
- Why healing can come with grief
- The survival strategies and behaviours we can outgrow
- Why we shouldn't judge the versions of ourselves that helped us survive
- How healing often happens through small shifts rather than one big breakthrough
- What it feels like to be in the "in-between" space of becoming
- Grieving relationships, dreams and versions of ourselves we've outgrown
- Why gratitude and grief can exist at the same time
- Learning to look at your past self with compassion
- Why you don't have to know exactly who you're becoming yet
- How to thank an old version of yourself without continuing to live as her
A question to sit with
What version of yourself are you still holding onto, even though you've already outgrown her?
And perhaps even more importantly:
Can you thank her for getting you here without needing to take her with you into everything that comes next?
Thank you for listening to the Podcast!
We would love to hear your thoughts on this episode.
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And if you want help on your own healing journey, then check out this Space to Grow 1:1 program - https://jackyclarke.co.uk/space-to-grow-11-package/
Until next week, happy healing.