In this tearjerker, the 800 pound gorilla in the room really is an 800 pound gorilla. However, this is the one time that having an 800 pound gorilla in the room is an asset. See, it just so happens that at that very moment, this house was randomly "home invaded". The carnage was quick and complete. At least Jeff had wood floors and good insurance. But no one can explain how the gorilla got there in the first place. Could it have been teleported? Al is assigned to the HMS Cornhole. Reggie acquires a couple of nice additions for his polyp collection. He then exposes the polyps to a small amount of radiation for several hours. Now the polyps have acquired a taste for human flesh and fava beans. email: [email protected] web: www.michaeloster.com

It's when times are at their darkest that people turn to faith and hope. But then the containment field fails. Within minutes, all measurements go off the scale. Evacuations are ordered, but is it too late? Andrea gets a bonus and puts some money down on a new Prius. A wormhole is discovered just south of 8th Street. Before it can be filled, thousands of worm people come crawling out. Turns out that when startled, worm people secrete a gel like substance that makes a landfill smell like sweet roses. Chaos immediately follows. Eric bakes sugar cookies and the dog pees in the living room. Tom's parakeet learns to say the word 'bitch'. email: [email protected] web: www.michaeloster.com

Mark was a typical thirty-something, basement dwelling trainwreck. At his best, he is mis-matched socks, bad breath and a 2 day stubble beard. At his worst, which was really more like his everyday average, he is a wall of putrid body odor on a stagnate Summer afternoon. Leslie is the trailer park's finest. Birthing hips, three missing teeth, huge bleached hair, and a whole lot of attitude. They were meant to be. But the baby looked more like Pedro the lawn guy than Mark. By their 4th child, even Mark began to get a little suspicious. email: [email protected] web: www.michaeloster.com

This town can't catch a break! Last week it was the 'great dioxin spill'. This time, the mayhem starts innocently enough while little Joey is digging for artifacts in a vacant lot. He unexpectedly releases Dr. Von Zurnbler's latest creation, a hybrid vampire - insect zombie - wolf-breed colony! Matters are further complicated when Sheena, the town slut is, bitten. Randy farts in yoga class. Stan takes a detour on the way to the mall. Nurse Riley gets busted for possession - demonic possession. Amber confronts Gary and a mysterious package show up unexpectedly. email: [email protected] web: www.michaeloster.com

Unknown to just about everyone, Steve is in it for the chicks. This will probably be a huge letdown to all his adoring fans. But for now, he's riding high. Ticket sales are strong along with hot merchandise demand. But then his computer gets hacked. Jessie meets a long lost relative who is looking for money. Robert escapes the clutches of his nanny. Artie gets a promotion. An earthquake is felt in nearby Rosemont. email: [email protected] web: www.michaeloster.com

What started off as a perfect day abruptly heads south as Jack runs out of toilet paper. He reaches in his pocket for the only piece of paper he can find - yesterday's lottery ticket. Later, he realizes that this wipe cost him over $130 million. Undaunted, he hits the drive-thru followed by the nudie bar - so it's not a total loss. Beth comes across a spider in her house. This is an unusually large spider, about the size of a small dog - her small dog which she hasn't seen all day. Turns out the spider ate her dog. Three days later, the spider shits out a dog collar and half of a leash. email: [email protected] web: www.michaeloster.com

Janice comes across something she can't explain which sends her into a rabid panic. She goes on a shopping spree buying everything in her path. She finally reaches her credit limit while carrying a basket full of adult toys. Alice gets a puppy for her boyfriend Jake. Annie finds out that the internet is for things other than porn. Alex digs up an unexploded WWII bomb in his backyard. Upon closer inspection it turns out not to be a bomb at all. It's a space station. And the billions of inhabitants, though extremely tiny are still alive.... and now awakened. Battle stations!!!! email: [email protected] web: www.michaeloster.com

Stu goes completely off the reservation after a day of huffing gasoline. Unfortunately, he loses a testicle while attempting to shave his balls with a rusty straight razor. However, in a brief moment of genius, he stuffs one of his wife's emergency super-absorbent tampons into the sack void. It saves his life. Bob gets "served" by 4 urban fellows, one of which is carrying a pie. Blueberry pie. Dan's fortune cookie gives him much needed inspiration and he decides to become a ninja. Lilly breaks her nose ice fishing. Lester farts in yoga class. Al hooks up in the frozen food isle. email: [email protected] web: www.michaeloster.com

While dumpster diving, Nathan finds an envelope labeled "TOP SECRET". Inside are the schematics to a Russian doomsday device. He proceeds to build said device using found parts and used duct tape. Dissatisfied with the outcome, he gives the device to 'some homeless guy'. Gregory gets a pony. Jill writes "The Essential Guide to Perfect Manscaping" under the pen name 'Pablo Jones'. It becomes a New York Times best-seller. Walter has a recurring pain in his neck. After weeks of increasing discomfort he breaks down and visits a doctor. Turns out a large tick has burrowed itself under his skin and grown to the size of a mouse while simultaneously tapping into his brain stem. It cannot safely be removed. In less than two weeks Walter will be under the complete control of the tick. email: [email protected] web: www.michaeloster.com

Blanche, an 84 year old resident of a local retirement home gets appointed chairperson of the facility's entertainment committee. Her first act is to institute 'porn night' every Thursday. The first week's theme 'Best Beaver of the Nixon 70's' is a smash hit and senior morale reaches an all-time high. Nearby St. Mary's Hospital sees an unusual rise in the number of hip fracture patients. Meanwhile, south of the Ozarks, little Sammy falls from a tree hitting his head. He wakes up believing that he is Winston Churchill and then organizes a complex multi-front invasion of the neighboring trailer park. Beverly bakes cookies while Brad feeds the dogs. Mr. Pinkers coughs up a hairball the size of a grapefruit. email: [email protected] web: www.michaeloster.com