The Difficulty: Creativity, Meaning & the Hard Work of a Life

Each Enneagram personality type have their own superpowers--their ways and means of functioning in the world--that gets them through life, helps them to survive. But these very unconscious characteristics can also create their own versions of stress. They are patterns that we usually don't even fully understand. We also don't know how to break free of them and to make them more conscious, observable, and understandable.

Today, we dive deep into what Eights, Nines, and Ones (the body types) do to survive and manage their way through life. We also look at the ways these patterns not only handle stress but also create their own stress.

For each type, we also give you coaching tips and tools on how to specifically address these issues in your efforts to create a more sustainable relationship with stress, and with all of your relationships (including your relationship with yourself).

Time Stamps:

2:45--Why we're doing this series, and starting with the body types, and "why" the Enneagram

15:30--Beginning with Eights: Too Much and Not Enough

26:50--Common stressors for Eights

34:50--Nines: Waking Up to What You Want

46:52--Common stressors for Nines

51:35--Ones: Good Enough Perfection

53:00--When stress comes for Ones

Check out our holiday offer: 20% off our Typing Package. Find out more at bigselfschool.com/enneagram-typing-package or schedule a call to discuss more.

Click here to pre-order a discounted ebook copy of Shock Point: The Enneagram in Burnout and Stress.

Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here.

Subscribe on Spotify

For many of us, the inner voice is generally loving and encouraging, maybe not enthusiastic, but in your corner, calmly evaluating. In fact, a good internal dialog should function more like a reasonable judge. Or like Lester Bangs tells his young protege William Miller in Almost Famous: “I know you think those guys are your friends. You wanna be a true friend to them? Be honest, and unmerciful.”

In other words, sometimes you need a good truth-telling even if it’s not what you want to hear.

With that said, there is a reason we universally struggle with self-talk. Struggle implies conflict. And conflict with the self is what we call inner conflict. But the problem is twofold. Not only is it hard to do something about the way our inner critic talks to us, but a great deal of the time we’re not even aware we’re doing it.

Why? 

Because it’s our default state. We’re used to the way we talk to ourselves. We’d almost never talk to our friends or family the way we sometimes may talk to ourselves. So why do we do it?

Because our Inner Critic is fueled by the simultaneous belief that we are better than others and that we are less than others; both feelings are energized by harshness and contempt. Feeling that we’re not enough–especially at work—is painful.

the consequences of not being aware of or tuning into what our Inner Critic is telling us can hurt us and hold us back in many of the most important areas of our lives.

Time Stamps:

4:39--The inflating and deflating of the Inner Critic

7:15--The story of the two wolves inside us all

11:11--Anne Lamott quote of being militantly on your own side

14:42--Walking through a little thought exercise

18:52--Shelley names her Inner Critic and gives it a persona

25:38--There is a balancing we have to do, not just expect to completely get rid of the Inner Critic

32:22--Take on the persona of the Inner Teacher

34:27--The simple ABCDE framework

Show Notes and Links:

Brendon Burchard says that successful people use positive self-talk frequently.

Pete Walker suggests memorizing your list of positive attributes and repeating them to yourself whenever you have an Inner Critic attack. Positive self-talk is part of the emotional healing process.

Studies show that people who practice “self-compassion” are happier, more optimistic and less anxious and depressed.

Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here.

Subscribe on Spotify

Everybody procrastinates, but not everyone is a procrastinator. And contrary to popular belief, procrastinating has little to do with laziness. It’s far more complicated than simply being a matter of time management. Chronic procrastination doesn’t discriminate based on gender, race or age; we’re all susceptible.

So, to provide a brief definition. Procrastination is the voluntary, unnecessary delay of an important task, despite knowing you’ll be worse off for doing so.

And then here’s why it can actually be a pretty serious issue for a lot of people. Procrastination slows your goals and dreams way down. It can create stress and feelings of frustration. It can make time management useless. This often appears at work with day-to-day projects and tasks. 

Fortunately, it’s possible to learn how to overcome procrastination once we know why people procrastinate.

Research has done a lot to help us understand procrastination psychology and why we continuously engage in this annoying behavior. We are going to take a look at the top reasons here, but first, let’s talk a little about our emotions and active vs. passive procrastination.

Which type of procrastinator are you?

Time Stamps:

4:20--The positive procrastinator

5:20--The other two types are passive procrastinators

12:43--Getting to the four big reasons we all procrastinate

20:00--Being "good enough"

30:47--SAW FIRE is the name of our framework for overcoming procrastinating

Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here.

Subscribe on Spotify

The futurist Alvin Toffler famously said, “The illiterate of the future are not those who can’t read or write but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.” 

In their book Language and the Pursuit of Leadership Excellence, Chalmers Brothers and Vinay Kumar describe sixteen “enemies of learning.” They adopted them as first described by Julio Olalla, the noted coach, writer and teacher, and founder of The Newfield Network.

These enemies include attitudes, assessments, and mindsets that, when firmly rooted, make learning or growth difficult.

The traditional message that virtually everyone has been bombarded with since we were conscious enough to watch TV, listen to the radio or read advertisements, regardless of the field is that you the consumer are reinforced with the idea that if you have, you will do, and then be. HAVING leads to DOING leads to BEING.

LEARNING = DOING (the thing even while you’re not good at it)

LEARNING = Time + Practice (we get better by doing it again and again, cause and effect)

You can also ratchet up the intensity and systematize it to the next level and add to your practice a rigor. 

All of which is to say learning about something is not the same as learning to DO

One of the more interesting things about the current difficult economic environment has been watching how different business leaders have reacted to it. Those who have done the best to secure their companies’ interests, protect their market positions, and retain their best people, have in my experience been those who immediately went into learning mode. 

Whether they look at the changes as an opportunity to learn new strategies for success, or simply to learn how to survive in the new environment, they have opened themselves and their organizations to learning. In doing so, they have discovered new possibilities for themselves and their companies. 

Time Stamps:

2:16--The illiterate of the future are not those who can't read or write. But those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.

4:22--Advertising is based on one thing

11:31--Principle number one

12:37--Deliberate practice

15:59--Where are you being led in your life to be experiencing learning outside your comfort zone?

16:46--Number one, our inability to admit that we don't know.

20:09--The antidote

21:54--Number two, confusing information with real knowing.

23:31--The antidote

24:13--A lack of priority for learning (never have time)

25:50--The antidote

26:22--Lack of trust

30:00--The antidote

32:07--Ignoring the emotional dimension of learning

35:00--Ignoring the body as a dimension of learning

39:00--The final enemy of learning on today's list, constantly having big opinions and assessments

Show Notes and Links:

Language and the Pursuit of Leadership Excellence by Chalmers Brothers and Vinay Kumar

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

Follow up with us and check out our

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chadprevost.substack.com

The idea of this episode came out of a recent media sensation from a study done in Florida, and it showed some gentle shifts in the personalities of the 7,000 people it studied. 

The headlines are all over the place. (Links provided in our show notes and links.)

On today’s episode we break down the latest findings, if they even matter for our understanding of personality, and why we want you to get a little clearer on what all this chatter is about when it comes to our personalities.

First of all, let's define our terms: What do we mean by personality? What does the media mean? And also, besides the media attention and the fact that we do work on understanding our personalities, how is this a relevant topic for the Big Self Podcast? 

Time Stamps:

2:41--Why is this topic relevant?

5:52--The importance of social skills as researched for the past 100 years

10:10--We need help in understanding ourselves

14:45--The idea of falling asleep to ourselves

21:15--Why researchers narrow it down to five criteria only

21:50--The Five mainstays of personality research

27:07--At higher levels of awareness people start to look alike?

Show notes and links:

https://www.cnn.com/2022/09/28/health/personality-change-covid-wellness/index.html

https://www.themarginalian.org/2012/03/02/character-personality/?fbclid=IwAR32i3sOmxn5Nylttzrs0qAfxjyRzBJpxYYQILGkCs1NID7-4o3wvQl455Y

https://www.livescience.com/personality-age-change.html

https://psychcentral.com/health/personality-development#personality-disorders

https://www.apa.org/pubs/highlights/podcasts/episode-30

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/people-unexplained/202202/will-your-personality-change-in-the-next-6-years

The Benefits of Not Being a Jerk to Yourself (Dan Harris Ted Talk)

Subscribe on Spotify

Subscribe on Apple iTunes

Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here.

We have put “play” as one of our Big Self pillars from the very beginning, but I don’t think we’ve done a single episode on it.

We do talk about creativity and gratitude. But that’s not quite the same thing.

For one thing, it’s hard to really define what we even mean by play.

In fact it’s so elusive to really define for adults, even after I had decided we definitely need to do an episode on play, I started wondering if this is really something our audience needs or wants. We’re talking about serious stuff on this podcast, stuff that is going to help people in their pain, in their crisis’. And then we realized, that experience is the very process we undergo for YEARS as we transition into adulthood.

Important for us or not, play can feel silly, certainly unproductive, and time consuming. 

And that’s precisely the point. On today’s episode we are going to do the impossible: we are going to seriously persuade you to PLAY.

This better be fun.

Time Stamps:

3:04--Let me ask you a question about play

6:28--Great questions, but how are defining play?

10:59--There's a lot of variability in the definition of play

13:12--There are "four different styles of play"

21:30--In which Shelley geeks out on the parasympathetic nervous system

29:24--Quote by Jean Piaget

33:32--3 suggestions for play

Show Notes and Links:

American Journal of Play

Play by Stuart Brown, MD

Well Played: The Ultimate Guide to Awakening Your Family’s Playful Spirit by Meredith Sinclair

National Institute for Play

A list of research on play

Stuart Brown’s TED talk on play

Scott Eberle’s blog “Play in Mind”

Play definition

Study: “A new structural model for the study of adult playfulness: Assessment and exploration of an understudied individual differences variable”

Study: The Playful Advantage: How Playfulness Enhances Coping with Stress

Study: The well-being of playful adults: Adult playfulness, subjective well-being, physical well-being, and the pursuit of enjoyable activities

Subscribe on Apple iTunes

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chadprevost.substack.com

"I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor."  –Thoreau

Some of us are dabblers, some of us are obsessives, and some of us are hackers.

Which one are you?

They’re basically just different approaches many people take to learning. The dabbler loves when things are new. Just loves the shiny new object and everything about starting something. The obsessive is focused on getting results as fast as possible. The hacker gets good enough at something and is fine where she or he is.

Don’t really like any of the options? Is there a better way?

We probably all can recognize ourselves in a combination of these learning styles. And yes there is a problem with them all: we never get on the road to mastery with them. They aren’t the stuff of lifelong learning. 

Let's get on the path of a master. 

Certainly when we are patient and stick with our learning day in and day out, we are definitely more on the path. But with all of that said, many of us begin to experience change and then we hit the plateau. That long period of time where we’re sticking with it, pushing hard, staying strong…and nothing happens.

Or we begin to experience change and then we run into resistance.

AND we might begin to think this shiny new object or all this efforting isn’t worth it and we criticize ourselves for even trying. We even begin to use language which reveals our negative thinking and the stories we tell ourselves, and we think we’re “just being real” and give up.

How part of what’s going on when we regress or retract is about the body's response to stress. Change? Homeostasis is first to be understood. Then, you can be prepared to meet it and learn the long path toward deep mastery.

Time Stamps:

3:18--Changing anything can be difficult

5:14--The link between change and stress is novelty

9:13--Homeostasis defined

15:38--Top five ideas for how you can achieve sustainable change

16:43--Number one may be the most important, understanding how it works

19:39--As you adapt the resistance gets easier to deal with

26:05--When you're negotiating with your resistance

27:55--You can do it alone, but a support system is recommended

30:22--Follow a regular practice

32:52--Dedicate yourself to lifelong learning

34:49--Shelley's "Why"

Show Notes:

Steven Pressfield on anything having to do with Resistance

Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment by George Leonard

Homo Ludens: A Study of the Play Element in Culture  by Johan Huizinga

After the Ecstasy, the Laundry by Jack Kornfield

Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chadprevost.substack.com

To say our culture prizes the “outer” (whether it’s outer work or the apparent “outer reality”) is an understatement.

And by contrast, you hear a lot of leaders and coaches and people who have learned through trial and tribulation that you have to do the “inner work” first. 

But what is inner work, and how is it different from what we do at work every day?

Many people already have commendable achievements in the ‘outer work’ aspect of their life. By this, I mean growing in their careers, managing a business, or having meaningful relationships. But ‘outer work’ is a small part of who we are as people. 

As a society, we’re fixated on outer work. We count the number of followers we have on social media or use the money in our life or the degrees that we have ALL as representative of who we are. 

These elements have little to do with our inner worlds. In fact, we may not even know what our inner world looks like at all. Maybe it’s barren and empty. Maybe it’s cluttered and full of infinite distractions. 

So, for all the power and depth and breadth of the inner work, why do we tend to avoid it? Why does it not seem to have a seat at the table in many corporations and organizations?

We share our definitions of what "inner work" means, and discuss the dimensions it entails for our cognition, the language that we use, our emotions, and our bodies.

Time Stamps:

1:46--What we're discussing today

3:32--We tend to overemphasize the results (the outer)

6:55--Messy to try and come up with how you measure inner work, but one way is to measure it by the way it leads to outer results

11:20--Three inner work definitions. Which one is the best? You decide.

12:38--Chad's personal experience and definition with what he calls spiritual

13:44--Shelley's similar experiences

18:18--The incredible insights that listening to your language brings

22:50--What's that about? a good operating question

26:10--Emotional and mental work are similar

30:55--The body center

33:46--The body is the portal

Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here.

Subscribe on Spotify

When I first started thinking about how powerful sadness is an entry point–as a huge territory–for growth, I immediately was like, “this would never make a podcast.”

I can see it now: People clicking on the headline wanting to learn more about how they too can be sad. Doesn’t have quite the marketing hook of “how to be happier by thinking positively.”

But in a way, that’s just the point. Sadness is the very inversion of happiness. We’ve been inundated by “happiness” and the power of positive thinking for at least 70 years, and I feel like last decade in the 2010s we saw a real resurgence of it (whatever that was about, it seems like it was related to the explosion of neuroscience research). 

And for some happiness researchers, like Jennifer Moss, who we had on the podcast last season, she began to turn her attention to asking questions about “what is keeping us from this elusive happiness” and she began looking into the burnout culture and the toxicity in the workplace. 

Plenty of stress happens there!

And really all kinds of emotions, right? 

But the point I’m trying to make here is that as I began to explore this space, I began to see a HUGE territory for us to explore with sadness. 

The kind of sadness we’re talking about today is not about grief or depression. Those are different territories. No matter what, of course, you don’t want to get stuck anywhere. We are not talking about “staying” in sadness. We ARE talking about letting it in.

That’s right. We are talking about the places in your life, whatever your personality structure may be, where sadness is knocking.

Time Stamps:

2:30--Sadness isn't something that we need to manufacture

4:21--What is your relationship to sadness? Shelley asks Chad

10:55--What other happiness studies showed (and how it's not so simple)

13:07--The Wheel of Emotions

18:55--Do you think of sadness as a negative emotion? Chad asks Shelley

24:16--Sadness is an important emotion that helps everyone in numerous ways

27:14--Sadness plus shame equals depression

31:03--Shame has this tendency to keep us stuck

38:20--Sadness connects to awareness in general

42:00--Typically emotions last for 15 to 30 seconds (unless you feed it a story)

44:30--We would love to hear how this lands this episode lands for people

Show Notes and Links:

Greater Good on Four Ways Sadness May be Good for You

Psychology Today on Why Its Good to Feel Sad

Harper Bazaar on Why Its Good for You to Be Sad

Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here.

Subscribe on Spotify

Habits will make or break us. Habits will deliver results one way or the other. Our focus doesn’t just come from getting out our calendars and setting proper weekly and daily goals. It doesn’t emerge from understanding the 80/20 rule.

It comes from the application of principles that elude us because they come from within. What comes from within is less measurable, and often less clear at first. For that matter, it’s scary going within. There are reasons we’ve pushed things into our unconscious.

The key here is the application.

Because our habits are the actions we repeat again and again and again, they reveal our character. You find it in all the ancient greats. Ask Seneca. Consult Marcus Aurelius. Reason through, in this case, Aristotle’s ethics. You could say you can know who you are through your habits because habits also reveal another aspect of ourselves, they reveal our values.

On this week's episode, Chad connects the inner to the outer when it comes to living out your values.

What is the Habit Paradox? How do you turn your thoughts and values into sustained action?

Time Stamps:

0:31--The idea of applying practical wisdom, to form enduring change

3:22--Contrary to popular belief, willpower is in the body AND mind, but requires energy and isn't enough alone to form a habit

6:30--Our habits and what they reveal

10:31--The way the habit paradox develops

16:28--Why do you know what to do but don't do it?

21:13--Why Aristotle would have called you practically wise if you are able to live out what you value

23:11--Unpacking Aristotle's statement about how the person who has mastered their emotions will ever go back or slip into Akrashia

27:09--Naming the "When"

29:43--Finally answering the "Why"

Show Notes and Links:

Aristotle's Ethics

The Science of Willpower

Follow up with us and check out our Burnout Coaching Package here.

Subscribe on Spotify