How do we love ourselves as we are? How we feel about ourselves as gay men, our self-worth and sexuality. How do we deal with shame and celebrate ourselves? How can we explore kink and BDSM in a healthy and self-empowering way? How to be a mess in progress and stop chasing perfectionism.

Sex and spirituality - can they meet?

In this conversation meditation teacher Nick Kientsch and life coach and author of 'The Perfect Gay' Phil Poole discuss how we can find a more joyful way to be authentic and fully expressed. We explore kink, fetish, spirituality and Buddhism in this wide ranging conversation.

For Nick events see: https://bookwhen.com/evolvingminds

Phil's Kink website is: Website on 24/7 slavery and power exchange (https://masterslavelifestyle.com/)

Phil's Queer coaching is: https://courageto.be/

Phil's book: The Perfect Gay: The Perfect Gay Book | Approval free, Pride Filled (https://courageto.be/book)

Phil's instagram: Phil - Coach (@confidenceandkink) • Instagram photos and videos (https://www.instagram.com/confidenceandkink/)

United Kingdom GLASTONBURY Sunday 15th- Tuesday 17th September 2024

I'm often asked how to stop thoughts as we meditate. Here I reflect on ways we can cut through thoughts by using simple methods, such as saying "thinking" as we notice a thought in meditation, or "thoughts are not facts" as we notice the mind weaving together a worry or anxiety.

There is also the more esoteric approach of recognising that we need to 'wake up' to the emptiness of all thoughts. We can remember that the true nature of our mind is Buddha Nature, so rather than trying to get to a place where we are calm and clear, we relax into the state of ease that has never left us.

This is a non-duality approach to meditation and mindfulness were you are invited to find the middle way between rejecting and grasping at thoughts, ideas and identities.

I have talked in the past about how if I were to speak to my friends in the way I speak to myself.....I soon would have no friends, and I think we all know this tendency to be more harsh with ourselves than we would be with others. This week we will be looking at some self care tools and ways to bring a kinder attitude to ourselves, cultivating a gentle tone to our inner voice and being patient with where we struggle instead of being critical. 

I describe this inner narrative as 'radio me', this voice in our head that is constantly commenting, criticising and giving opinions. What if instead of believing this voice I see it as a commentary on the present moment......attempting to solidify a sense of self around an experince that in itself is transient, changing and ephemeral. If I shift from believing that there is this solid 'me' that is a problem to be fixed and instead see a flow and process that can be witnessed, held and loved then it is easier to be with these ever changing vicissitudes of life. 
One simple way to challenge this 'radio me' is to recognise the repeating stories it tells. We can then name the stories, or say to ourselves "it's just a story". Notice how often a repeating theme plays out. Notice this tendency to solidify around this familiar narrative. Another way is to give a name to the inner voice and then jockingly talk to it as it comes in with its criticism. One friend called his inner critic Nanette and used to say "not now Nanette" as this voice started its critical monologue. 

Instead of 'taking birth' as this identity, I can cultivate an attitude of welcoming allowing and being curious about the felt sense in my body connected to this constantly changing experince as it arises in the present moment space of awareness. As there is a shift into this position of "being the knowing" there can be a softening, relaxing and freeing from the narrowness of the narrative.  We are no longer a fixed entity that is either getting it right or wrong, and instead are in a state of flow. We become the curious participant observer rather than the critical onlooker. 

Why do we practice meditation and the spiritual path? For me it is to be happy. So this raises the question, what truly makes us happy.

Here I reflect on the Buddha's example of kindness and its importance as the first of the 5 Perfections or pāramitās, which are the foundation of Mahyana Buddhist training. The five are:

Recent research has shown that what the Buddha recommended 2,500 years ago does have a beneficial impact on our body and mind....being an antidote to depression, reduces chronic pain, lowers inflammation, reduces the risk of cancer and is an aid to living a longer and healthier life. As one of the scientists says: "if you want to live longer, be kind".

In this conversation Vajra and Nick discuss Buddhist Tibetan Tantra and how through practising with the breath and internal energy work we can explore the Bliss that is innate within our system and that connects us to our Buddha Nature.

0:00 introduction and discussion of Vajra’s introduction to kundalini and tumo.

6:45 Vajryana Tantra traches that the bliss of Enlightenment is found in our present experience and does not have to be searched for outside.

9:14 Resistance to bliss in meditation and how to find unshakable bliss. The practice is not about achieving a certain state in meditation as this can be lost. We can use meditation to make out mind one pointed so that we can then discover a bliss that is in us all the time rather than created. This is the bliss of being alive, something we are born with and take with us as we leave this life.

13:50 Sickness and connecting with this bliss to aid healing

15:07 Meditating from being present in our body rather than trying to escape it1

8:15 The four joys - progressive levels of absorption into bliss.

23:40 Tantra is a method for integrating and liberating any experience of our life that does not harm ourselves or others – love, desire, anger.

28:50 Anger and desire is energy. Tantra is about feeling the essence in the energy of any emotion, which is always blissful. This blissful energy is Metta and compassion. When anger is purified it becomes clarity. We train in Enlightened perception rather than trying to get to Enlightenment. How would a Buddha see anger….desire….seeing that any disturbing emotion is always a message for love and wisdom. To do this we have to pass through the body to feed the fire of wisdom felt as a fire in the belly. Intuition arises and we know the right action to take.

34:08 The breath itself is pleasure. Advice on how to work with difficult emotions by allow the energy to flow in your body by connecting with your breathing. Start by noting a pleasurable experience and really connecting with your breath.

40:31 Enlightenment alone is Bliss – the Buddha.

44:00 The need to find compassion and bodhichita in our body

47:25 Becoming accustomed to the natural bliss in our body through the preparatory exercises we have it all the time

54:23 Buddha nature - the body is the door way to Eternity

58:33 When the breath becomes blissful and orgasmic it is a powerful tool to focus the mind

61:04 Conclusion and how to contact Vajra for 121 coaching

61:11 10th February 2024 London workshop

To contact Vajra goto: www.bodymandala.org

To book onto the London workshop on 10th February 2024 goto: www.bookwhen.com/evolvingminds#focus=ev-s65l-20240210150000

Spirituality, shame and sacred sexuality: "Waking up is the only game in town: surrender and trust in the process."

Nick Kientsch and Grant Shepherd in conversation about Tantra and Queer sexualty.

The convesrstaion glides between: two spirit heritage, whole body orgasm, transmuting sexual energy and finding ecstasy, the creative power of kundalini energy to bring you to Enlightenment.

Freeing yourself from old dysfunctional patterns by bringing up what is not known into conscious awareness.

The importance of meditation in Tantra to bring you into the moment, so that you can touch bliss through your senses: slowly breathing in the smell of a rose or freshly mown grass and enjoying the ecstasy of this present moment.

The joy of dance and finding ecstasy through Five Rhythms.

Chem sex and the fear of intimacy and connection and how in contrast Tantra teaches you to connect deeply into your centre and connect with your partner from this centre.

Inner homophobia and celibacy. Learning to celebrate sexual energy. Minority stress.