The time has finally come! This week we are trying to outrun spaceships in Antarctica while we discuss The X-Files: Fight the Future movie! We’re talking cavemen with blistering sexual tension, our special little guy the fire chief and his Texan men, count up fan service (and disservice) points, cheer on Scully yelling at people, boo at Z-list Backroom Boys, and get really angry at a cockblocking bee. That damn bee is the big bad of the whole show! We demand to see Scully’s biceps, get excited because Mulder and his belief in aliens is SO back, wave goodbye to the Well-Manicured Man’s arm gone flying off-screen, do not appreciate jelly flesh, and get sad that Mulder’s goo love has betrayed him. We also dispense some very practical advice: Whatever you do, do not get stuck in an X-Files hole. Just don’t.

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