The Fallout Lounge

"You won't get ten laughs out of this so called 'comedy program' of yours," the big-time agent scoffed, slamming the door in our faces. "We'll show him!" we said, full of more bravado than experience. Midway through Season Three, we had a total of four confirmed laughs--one of them clocked at 7.8 on the Garretty Guffaw Scale. We decided to alter our focus in Season Four, claiming in a Scientific American interview that the most advanced comedy produced chin-stroking contemplation, not laughs. Spoke too soon, because that's the moment we got six more laughs, putting us at the magic number. Triumphantly returning to the big-time agent, we got the door slammed in our faces once again. But this time we did the slamming, which is really hard to choreograph, if you've ever tried it.

Space: dark, cold, not worth exploring. Yet here we are, trying to locate a fixer-upper galaxy with potential. Will science find a place for rich assholes to escape before Earth goes belly up? Given that we haven't yet figured out how to get from Silver Lake to Santa Monica in less than an hour, probably not. Still, we boldly go where no man has gone before--unmanned. Explore this compilation, and remember the peculiarities of the comedy space-time continuum; this was funny when it was uploaded 22 light-years ago.

Much like our national pastime of shooting each other, this week marks the traditional halfway mark of the baseball season. Also, we're 50% of the way to humanity's demise! And what better way to honor the stretch run of our extinction than this compilation, which mocks not only sacred cows, but also sacred Popes, sacred Hollywood stars, and sacred podcast norms. Listen, you can bellyache about mankind's impending doom, or you can spend mankind's impending doom laughing 'til your belly aches. The choice is yours, soon-to-be-obliterated comedy fan!

It was the worst of times, it was the shittiest of times. Gripped by fear that the Soviets were undermining democracy through comedy, brave white Senators held serious hearings about the country's need for seriousness. Joy buzzers and seltzer bottles were banned, and dropping one's pants in public to reveal boxer shorts with little hearts on them became a felony. The grim era ended when Senator Frederick Payne of Maine (our least-funny state) tried to blame a chambers-rattling fart on a whoopie cushion. We dedicate this compilation to the comedians whose careers were ruined during the "Scourge of Scowls." The good ones, not Milton Berle, who eluded scrutiny by never being funny.

When The Fallout Lounge premiered, the comedy cognoscenti didn't give us a chance. "More like Fallout Lounge DEAD!" sniffed SNL's Lorne Michaels. But defying the odds, we were renewed for a second season, which we cheekily dubbed "Season 2." Listenership grew, and we dropped some of our funniest sketches yet. Mr. Michaels remained unconvinced, locking himself in his office for a day and emerging with, "More like 'The Fallout Scrounge'--for jokes!" Clearly, our little sketch comedy program had struck a nerve. "Who cares? We still have Pete Davidson and Kate McKinnon," the legendary producer sulked, "They'll never leave."

Our third compilation landed us in hot water with politicians, the tech industry, and Hitler enthusiasts (turns out there's some overlap). Yet despite this "canceling" from "elites," "dicks," and "Third Reich aficionados" (again, some Venn diagram overlap), we trudged forward. Our listenership grew. And now, as the most popular podcast of a tiny, as yet unrecognized generation, we humbly ask you, dear listener: shouldn't we be able to laugh at ourselves? And laugh even harder at jerkoff spigots?

Here's our very first compilation, from way back in 2019. If you're a new listener, we're guessing you haven't heard it yet (we like to make uninformed assumptions like that). Do the sketches hold up, three years later? Given that several of them deal with a dystopian society careening toward disaster, boy howdy, do they! P.S. Don't worry, it's hilarious disaster.