As fathers, we often think our job is just to protect them from the storm. But a Sentinel knows that the greatest protection you can give a child isn't a wall on the outside—it’s a compass on the inside.
If a child knows who they are and why they are here, they don't need to fear the world. They can walk into the wind with courage because their identity is an anchor, not a sail. Courage isn't the absence of fear; it’s the presence of a purpose that is bigger than the fear, and much bigger than them. In this episode we’re going to explore how dads apply this for their kids.
I'm joined by David Ask, the creator of Guardians of Grit. David didn't just write a book; he started a movement to help fathers become the intentional architects of their children’s character. He’s here to share his own story of discovery and to show us how we can help our kids build a 'Grit' that is rooted in a deep sense of identity and mission.
To learn more about David's work including his book visit: https://theaskexperience.com/
To be a guest on The Fatherhood Challenge visit: https://podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/thefatherhoodchallenge
Create your podcast today! #madeonzencastr
https://zencastr.com/?via=thefatherhoodchallenge
00:07.19
Jonathan Guerrero
The world our kids are walking into is louder and more confusing than ever. Everywhere they turn, someone is trying to sell them a different identity, a different truth, and a different purpose. For many children, the result is a paralyzing anxiety because they don't have a solid ground to stand on. They are like ships without a rudder, tossing around by every cultural wave.
00:30.39
Jonathan Guerrero
As fathers, we often think it's our job to protect them from this storm. But a sentinel knows that the greatest protection you can give your child isn't a wall on the outside. It's a compass on the inside.
00:43.74
Jonathan Guerrero
If a child knows who they are and why they are here, They don't need to fear the world. They can walk into the wind with courage because their identity is an anchor, not a sail.
00:56.34
Jonathan Guerrero
Courage isn't the absence of fear. It's the presence of a purpose that is bigger than the fear and much bigger than them. In just a moment, we're going to explore how dads can apply this for their kids. So don't go anywhere.
01:55.03
Jonathan Guerrero
Greetings, everyone.
01:55.29
David Ask
Please.
01:55.75
Jonathan Guerrero
Thank you so much for joining me in this episode called Guardians of Grit. Today, we are joined by David Ask, the creator of Guardians of Grit. David didn't just write a book.
02:06.13
Jonathan Guerrero
He started a movement to help fathers become the intentional architects of their children's character. He's here to share his own story of discovery and to show us how we can help our kids build a grit that is rooted in deep in a deep sense of identity and mission.
02:22.16
Jonathan Guerrero
David, welcome to the Fatherhood Challenge.
02:24.90
David Ask
Hey, I'm absolutely thrilled to be here with you today. Thanks for having me.
02:28.95
Jonathan Guerrero
So here's my favorite question of all. What is your favorite dad joke?
02:34.74
David Ask
Oh my gosh. Now you put put me on the spot. It was funny. My my wife, it's funny. She's the one who actually loves the dad jokes. And I'm the one who remembers all the tacky ones. I shouldn't tell.
02:48.25
Jonathan Guerrero
okay
02:48.28
David Ask
But you the other day she said, what did the zero say to the eight? nice belt.
02:55.64
Jonathan Guerrero
i
02:57.30
David Ask
And of course she laughs with a really big smile and I'm like, no, sweetheart, come on. So that's the first thing that I thought of anyway.
03:05.62
Jonathan Guerrero
I love that one.
03:08.76
Jonathan Guerrero
you have any other favorites?
03:12.25
David Ask
You know, I'll be honest. I feel like my life where, you know, like life is, is better than, you know, fiction. It's, we, we, we, we are a family that is just,
03:22.81
David Ask
so you know full of nonsense and horsing around. I feel like you know our whole family super jokey and you know teasing and laughing and and goofing around. So I yeah i can't think of ah a good dad joke offhand, but man, we have a lot of fun.
03:38.06
Jonathan Guerrero
That's awesome. All right. Well, David, your work is titled Guardians of Grit. Why did you choose the word guardian? What exactly are we guarding in our children and how does that differ from being a protector?
03:52.20
David Ask
Oh, man. ah Great question. And I, you know, it's interesting on face value. I was describing this, uh, this book and this mission probably two years ago to a business partner of mine.
04:03.93
David Ask
And he's actually the one who came up with the the title of the book and, you know, kind of just threw it out there and it, you know, hit me like a ton of bricks. And i so i I'll, I'll,
04:15.37
David Ask
I'll say it this way. my My dear friend, Dr. Andy Garrett, who I work with quite a bit, he said, i asked him one day when I was writing the book early on, I said, well, what do you think the number one job of a father is? And he said, without hesitation, it's to remove as much uncertainty as possible.
04:31.19
David Ask
And I thought, what in the world? And the more I thought about that, though, is what does that look like in our, you know, the hearts of our kids, right? It's does my dad, you know, first and foremost, does he protect me?
04:44.09
David Ask
Right. Am I safe with my father? Does my father, you know, love me? You know, does he delight in me? Does he know me? Does he does he, you know, see the the the the wonderful uniqueness that God made in me? And does he, you know, does he love that? and Does he call it out?
05:01.75
David Ask
And I feel like this idea of guardian. you're, you know, na safety is kind of front and center there. But I think that the the the most
05:08.81
Jonathan Guerrero
Thank you.
05:11.26
David Ask
the what's the what's the way to make someone the most, I'll say it this way, impotent in life? What's the way to take somebody out the quickest? It's to deny or how about this, to allow the attack of those things that are most true about us.
05:34.58
David Ask
And I'm talking that beautiful thing uniqueness that God wove into you know us, those things that light us up, the desired impact that we want to have on others, our our strengths and how we want to apply those things.
05:47.48
David Ask
And if the ifs the the world, if the enemy, if my own brokenness or or even the pain from someone else can tell me that the most beautiful, powerful, and precious things about me are stupid, are invalid, are not needed, guess what?
06:04.28
David Ask
you know were taken out really early in life. And I think a guardian is so much more than just a kind of a physical protector. A guardian is one who is wise and who sees those things in others that not only need to be named but but to be cultivated.
06:21.66
David Ask
And if they're ah if they're under attack or assault, he takes action.
06:28.02
Jonathan Guerrero
Okay, well, that makes a lot of sense to me. And as you were explaining that to me, my mind was also going to, well, I didn't expect to go there, but baptism. And baptism, I know that sounds weird.
06:38.78
David Ask
You said is it baptism? Oh. Yeah.
06:44.15
Jonathan Guerrero
um The reason why is because
06:45.04
David Ask
Keep going.
06:48.66
Jonathan Guerrero
Many people associate, many Christians associate baptism with, oh, it's it's cleansing us and washing us washing is completely clean, as if the main purpose of baptism is to deal with sin.
07:02.97
Jonathan Guerrero
And that's not it at all. I'm thoroughly convinced of that, because if that's the case, then Jesus didn't need to be baptized. Why was he baptized then? Makes absolutely no sense at all.
07:12.14
David Ask
Hmm.
07:13.37
Jonathan Guerrero
So that goes out the window. Baptism has nothing to do with sin. It has everything thing to do with identity. Baptism is all about, it would be in human terms, the closest thing we can associate to baptism would be like a a Marine Corps recruit on his graduation day when his new identity is now Marine.
07:40.66
Jonathan Guerrero
And you've seen those pictures, I'm sure those videos of grown men hardened men on their graduation day a mess, crying as their drill instructor is calling a Marine and they're getting pinned and they're getting acknowledged.
07:57.98
Jonathan Guerrero
That's about as close as that gets to baptism. Baptism is everything to do with identity. More proof. What does the Father say to Jesus after he comes out of the water?
08:11.86
Jonathan Guerrero
There's your identity, my beloved son, and whom I'm pleased.
08:14.57
David Ask
And whom I'm well pleased. Yeah.
08:17.27
Jonathan Guerrero
And then what happens after that? The Holy Spirit sends him to go to war. He goes straight to war because he was baptized in the middle of a war.
08:31.99
Jonathan Guerrero
And he's ready to fight because everything, the existence of humanity, depends on him winning that battle first.
08:42.94
Jonathan Guerrero
And that first battle had everything to do with identity. So when he went to war, he went to war very clear in his identity.
08:56.35
David Ask
And I'll be honest, i beautifully well said. I've not really thought of it like that. I think it's fascinating on a very practical level, right? When someone, you know, I guess, you know, is what goes up front, right? and And whether it's the lake or whatever else, they're identifying publicly, you know, item I am taking on the promise of God, you know, to to to save me. And so I think there's a, and of course we could ride the sunbeam to the sun there,
09:25.25
David Ask
in multiple ways, but I think it's a beautiful, beautiful beautiful the way that you put that there. i'm I'm not sure quite how to say that.
09:36.89
David Ask
It's great.
09:37.24
Jonathan Guerrero
yeah The other thing that's really interesting about that is when you think about it before baptism, There's this, you know the Holy Spirit is around you. So it's not like the Holy Spirit isn't there. And then all of a sudden you're baptized and the Holy Spirit is there. And that's not true at all. The Holy Spirit's always around you, but that's just it. He's around you.
09:57.24
Jonathan Guerrero
But what's different about baptism is when you come out of the water, the Holy Spirit is literally, physically, physiologically dwelling inside of you.
10:08.98
Jonathan Guerrero
And there's a reason and purpose for that because you are going to war. You just enlisted. You just signed on the dotted line. You declared an allegiance. And don't think that the other side doesn't know it because if you were attacked before that, now you're really going to get attacked.
10:25.34
Jonathan Guerrero
The other side has been put on high notice that you are publicly opposed to them. And that you've decided you are also joining the masses, declaring war on them. So don't think you're going to, I mean, you're going get attacked worse.
10:40.98
Jonathan Guerrero
And you're going to want the Holy Spirit dwelling in you. when that attack begins and that's the difference you need the holy spirit in you you don't want the holy spirit just being around you you want him dwelling in you you want him influence your thoughts influencing your thoughts you want the mind of jesus you want all of that because you're gonna need it just like jesus needed it so that's what i find really interesting about that and on this program i've talked about it more in the context of fathers needing all of this
11:12.98
Jonathan Guerrero
But you're the first that I've known that talks about this in the context of kids, of children. Why children need need this identity and purpose.
11:25.46
David Ask
Yeah, yeah. And it's, you know, it's what's interesting is, is I think that we often look at, you know, as kids, depending on, you know, age, age appropriate, you know, type paradigms and conversations, I think we'd be surprised at how young, you know, children start really, truly understanding, you know, the difference between identity and authenticity and, you know, their role and all that kind of stuff. I think it it happens way earlier.
11:53.14
David Ask
you know, they start taking on you know, of course, all kinds of things from their parents rather quickly, whether they can, you know, put a vocabulary on it or not. But then, you know, they also start thinking, you know, those maybe nine or 10 years old even, you know, about where do I start and stop and where does the person next to me start and stop and why are we different and why is this person nice and this person is mean and you know, why does this person like basketball when this person only likes sports?
12:21.85
David Ask
you know, golfer, you know, it's like they they start to identify all these different characteristics in themselves and other people and and how we're, you know very authentically wired differently. So, yeah, I think that raising, you know, children, as it were, you know, we talk, we use that phrase all the time, but what does that mean?
12:40.22
David Ask
you know, it means causing them to rise. And by the way, I love, you know, your, your intro is rather, rather inspiring. I was taking notes as you were you know talking there with regards to if you know, a rudder and a compass and an anchor and purpose and so on. And I think it's it's really fascinating that, you know, when we get, how about this? When we when we get clear on you know, the things that define art define us, meaning, you know, how about this? We define our identity, right? We start to identify, like literally write these things down, all of the things that, you know, we find valuable
13:21.18
David Ask
in this life. I mean, from spiritual you know paradigms to you know um just kind of hierarchy of core values and convictions and you know how the strength that God gave us and how we want to apply those things and you know what gives us goosebumps and what lights us up and what drains our energy and what breaks our heart and all those. you know It's a wide variety of things that you know kind of describe the human soul and mind and so on, let alone our physical characteristics.
13:46.52
David Ask
And Here's the interesting thing, though. When we get really, really clear on that stuff and then we help our children, again, age appropriate, do the same thing, you know, it really is more more akin to GPS coordinates, you know, really specifics as opposed to a compass.
14:05.27
David Ask
You know, I get what you're saying there, too, and I like that that language, but the more specific that we get, you know, the more confidence we have, you know, on saying yes and no to things and Clarity is just just very just just vital. It's very empowering.
14:24.18
Jonathan Guerrero
Absolutely. Now, before we go too much further, there has to be a why why. Why are you doing all this? Why did you start Guardians of Grit? Why did you start writing it? So that there has to be the story behind it.
14:39.26
Jonathan Guerrero
What is your story?
14:41.53
David Ask
Yeah, so, you know, it's funny. I remember, you know, back when ah about seven years ago when I met Dr. Andy, he was asking me about, you know, why, you know, your why, like start with why, like sim Simon Sinek wrote the book, Start With Why, and it's a great book, a lot of good stuff in there.
14:55.99
David Ask
And, but here's the interesting thing. if If we start to, you know, spell out our why, like why am I doing this before we have identified the who, you know, sometimes that why looks a little bit squirrely.
15:10.81
David Ask
and so one thing that really helps me was i just started you know getting a lot more clear on i'll say it this way on whose i am right we're made in the image of god the one who made you know hurricanes and lightning and tornadoes and koala bears and everything else we're made in his image and and everyone and every all these species and everything is so different and unique and there's of course patterns and things like that but I got to get, I started to get really clear, you know, on what made me unique and what lit me up. And therefore my why started, you know, to take on a much more deeper meaning to me personally. And so with that said, i grew up in a family where, you know, I mean, Minnesota, upper Midwest, mom and dad were, you know, just wonderful people working hard, you know, standing on the shoulders of their parents, just figuring it out. And, you know, they loved us well. they've been married, think, 60 years now. and
16:07.77
David Ask
And at the same time, of course, you know, they they had to learn stuff just like I'm learning stuff and raising, you know, my kids. And it's fascinating, you know, the that the seeds that was that were planted in me growing up was I i went home to a family who, know, said, I love you.
16:25.88
David Ask
And we prayed together. And I mean, like every day, i don't remember a day that, you know, my dad or mom didn't wrap their arms around me or grab my face even till I was 18 years old.
16:36.98
David Ask
and look me in the eyes and say, I love you, David, and and kiss me on my cheek. And, you know, like we were, there was no um question that we knew we were seen and and valued.
16:51.03
David Ask
And at the same time, of course, I experienced a lot of other friends who didn't get that. And even if they're, you know, I'll just say for dads, even if their dad was present, either he, you know, was not really there, kind of checked out, or angry or abusive even.
17:07.03
David Ask
And I witnessed all of that. And so as I you know started navigating life, you know I'm 52 now, but I mean, even in my 20s and so on, I knew full well that so many people struggled you know with the with problems because they just, they didn't have a, they didn't know their worth.
17:28.46
David Ask
They didn't know who they were. They didn't have a support system of any kind. And I'm realizing that, you know, I'll get really precise here. I believe that every single thing in this world that's going wrong can be laid at the feet of men.
17:44.57
David Ask
When men lead and love with nobility and clarity and conviction and kindness, everybody wins. When men become takers, when they are insecure, you know, when they're violent, when they don't lead with love and clarity and kindness and conviction, everybody loses.
18:03.54
David Ask
And I think everything rises and falls on male leadership. And I'm on a mission to introduce men to the larger story in whose image they are made in so that they understand Dave, my buddy, David Ash says they're made of awesome.
18:20.57
David Ask
And that they begin to, you know, identify all of the things that make them, you know, noble and good and kind and unique. And when they start operating in that capacity,
18:32.12
David Ask
guess what? They're going to start feeling you know resilient and gritty and authentic. and And they're going to you know have a deeper sense of fulfillment in this life. So I think that um you know in all reality, it sounds kind of like Braveheart as I say that, but my heart is way more, i think, Narnia and C.S. Lewis and Knights in Shining Armors and you know kings and kingdoms and princesses. And I think those paradigms are the most true thing about the masculine soul than anything else. And I think if we can grab a hold of that kind of metaphor and picture, everything starts to make sense.
19:14.36
Jonathan Guerrero
Interesting because we associate those paradigms that you just mentioned as fiction when in fact we are actually living them. they They are real.
19:24.81
David Ask
Yeah.
19:26.30
Jonathan Guerrero
That is our reality that we are living in today. And so I want to back up a little further. You talked about how most of the problems in the world originate with men.
19:38.07
Jonathan Guerrero
So let's take that a step further and let's go a little deeper.
19:38.10
David Ask
Yeah. Yeah. Sure.
19:41.82
Jonathan Guerrero
I want to one-up that a little bit and and say that they originate with fathers because fathers ultimately are tasked with reflecting the image of God and modeling all of this. So somewhere there has to be a breakdown and a failure that's going on.
20:00.28
Jonathan Guerrero
And I want to go even deeper than that. and try to explore what exactly was the original intention? What is the plan? What's going on here behind the scenes?
20:14.14
Jonathan Guerrero
And i know before we started talking, in fact, before we did this episode, you and I just talked briefly off the air about that explored a little bit, where there's actually two places in scripture that uncover that for us.
20:28.73
Jonathan Guerrero
Would you mind going there a little bit?
20:28.77
David Ask
Yep.
20:31.40
David Ask
Sure. No, I mean, yeah, I love that you had mentioned the, you know, like the the Jeremiah verse where it's talking about the, you know, before I formed you, you know, and in the womb, I knew you. And what I think is just fascinating, of course, that that almost hurts the human brain to think about, right?
20:48.79
Jonathan Guerrero
For sure.
20:49.05
David Ask
But at the same time, who is saying this through the prophet Jeremiah? It's God. and And of course he can do that, right? Of course he can do that.
20:59.96
David Ask
And I love that, you know, he says that you're, you know, we're set apart. And I and just feel like the most people, you know, i would say get up in the morning and they have such a, not only a low view of themselves, right?
21:13.98
David Ask
Well, you know, that narrative that's going on inside of all of us, right? we're Let alone literally people that have been told that they're worthless or abused or something like that, right? And therefore, we then we start looking at other people like they're useless and worthless. And, you know, we start marginalizing even large people groups when when when God, you know, when he says, hold on a minute.
21:35.22
David Ask
I knew you before you were in your mother's womb and I named you. I, you know, like he knows us. And, you know, even in think it was Psalm 13. you know, 130 something where, you know, wass talking about being, you know, created it in the inmost being. And, you know, we were knit together in our mother's womb. I think that 139.
21:55.99
Jonathan Guerrero
I think it's on 139 16 and 17.
21:56.09
David Ask
Okay. Yeah. And then it goes on to say like, you're fearfully and wonderfully made. Like, mean, for heaven's sakes, can you imagine if we believed that not only for ourselves, but for those around us, you know, like Jonathan,
22:11.29
David Ask
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. What does that mean? And I, it's like, well, on face value, it is something magnificent. You know, it's, it's, so I think that that for the the creator to tell the created, whether that's, you know, of course creation and everything else, you know, that, that you're, you're wonderful. Like you're, you know, this is a good thing, right? He created all things and called them good.
22:36.70
David Ask
But what does he say about us? He says, not only did I know you in your mother's womb and I created you, guess what? I'm going to write myself into the story, come and take a seat on the floor so that you would have a seat at the table, even more so that I would become sin so that you would become righteousness.
22:55.06
David Ask
And how about this? That you would be my inheritance and that I would be yours. There is something happening here between humanity, between us humans, you know, and and God.
23:09.37
David Ask
that he has preordained, that he has said thus saith the Lord, this is the way it is. And we can't change it. our Our job is to recognize it and to start operating in alignment you know with what he said what he has said. And I tell you what, again, back to the chaos piece, right?
23:30.49
David Ask
When people think that they're worthless, when when they look at their neighbor like they're worthless, well, I mean, you know, it's like literally it's like trash. We start treating ourselves and others like trash.
23:42.55
David Ask
And when just the opposite is true, when we see magnificence in our children, when we see magnificence in the mirror, right? Love your neighbor as you love yourself. When I'm like, holy cow, you know, I'm i' am fearfully and wonderfully made.
23:56.50
David Ask
You know, we start taking upon that identity, right? We identify with that. about that? You know, the the great author who made our authenticity, who now gives us the authority to live life and to have dominion over the earth and subdue it.
24:12.41
David Ask
And I'm speaking to the men here. Like you you have been made provisioned with all of the, you know, the ability to do it and commanded to lead and to love well.
24:24.74
David Ask
Subdue the earth, right? Treat creation and the created in a dignified and beautiful way. But when we don't know that that's even a thing and we, or we have forgotten,
24:36.28
David Ask
We treat ourselves and everybody else like trash.
24:41.62
Jonathan Guerrero
i really appreciate what you're saying there yeah because if dads can't figure out their identity And they can't figure out that piece. How are they supposed to model something that they aren't experiencing and understanding?
24:55.45
David Ask
Yeah.
24:55.51
Jonathan Guerrero
And just for context, when we go back to those scripture verses, the one you mentioned in Jeremiah and also the Psalm 139, 16 and 17, both of those were written well well after the fall of man
25:09.42
David Ask
Yeah.
25:10.42
Jonathan Guerrero
This was not written when the world was perfect, when everything was perfect and before man sinned and before man fell. This was written well after.
25:21.34
Jonathan Guerrero
These are the thoughts of God towards a fallen man. towards men that are broken, men that are steeped in shame, steeped in confusion, steeped in an identity crisis.
25:34.07
David Ask
yeah
25:36.89
Jonathan Guerrero
This is what the God Almighty of the universe thinks about you and has to say about you.
25:45.86
David Ask
Yeah.
25:45.91
Jonathan Guerrero
So again, what are you afraid of? What are we confused about again?
25:50.68
David Ask
Yeah, it's a, and i think I think part of it, right, is is we're almost afraid to believe that.
25:58.86
Jonathan Guerrero
Yeah.
25:58.90
David Ask
You know, it's it's like, what if it's not true?
25:58.96
Jonathan Guerrero
Yep.
26:01.91
Jonathan Guerrero
yep
26:01.98
David Ask
You know, so it takes faith. It takes faith. But here's the weird thing. There's a clue here. the deepest, I love how Tim Keller says, the deepest longing of the human soul is to be fully known and fully loved.
26:17.08
David Ask
And the deepest fear of the human soul soul is to be fully known and rejected. So, so part of, you know, us identifying with, you know, a God who is magnificent, you know, and, and made us in his image. i mean, it's by the way, i don't know about you, but i I didn't ask this, but you know, i don't know what your, if you have children and how many, I'm assuming you're a dad, right?
26:42.02
David Ask
You're doing this podcast, but I,
26:42.47
Jonathan Guerrero
Yeah. yeah
26:44.26
David Ask
I've got a daughter. i mean, my son Parker is 20 years old. He's um he's a mini-me, and you know i see i see such royal beauty in that guy. And my daughter, though, right? i see I see Narnia in her. like i see I mean, she's not only a violinist.
27:01.87
David Ask
She's beautiful. She has character. i mean, she's kind. I'm just You know, she just melts my heart. So it's so easy for me to see, of course, God made you.
27:14.65
David Ask
Of course, the one who made Neptune and and lightning and, you know, seahorses. mean, like, of course, he made you. And yet it's hard to believe that about myself some days or most days.
27:30.17
Jonathan Guerrero
How do we help our children discover their unique purpose without putting pressure on them to have their whole life figured out by the age of 12, for example?
27:39.86
David Ask
yeah Yeah, that's a great question. And, you know, I think that obviously the call to, you know, to us is to be not to be famous, but to be faithful. You know, it's it's to it's to not be, you know, let the American dream, as it were, which I'm grateful for in a lot of ways, you know, become, you know, something that it shouldn't be, right? It's just a context.
28:01.21
David Ask
You know, this life is kind of a context to experience God and and relationships in. So I think that for you know age appropriate, it's amazing you know when you just start asking your children you know questions as they grow, they start to begin to identify those things in them that you know cause their energy to rise and they get excited about, there's clues here.
28:21.62
David Ask
you know And what problem do you wanna solve if you could stamp something out? and you know And again, they might be thinking second grade or 10th grade for that matter, but you know as they get into their late teens and early 20s and so on,
28:34.49
David Ask
you know, some of those things start to get way more clear way, you know, way quicker.
28:41.30
Jonathan Guerrero
Most dads say good job. What are the identity first phrases that a father should be using to reinforce who a child is rather than just what they did?
28:52.54
David Ask
Yeah, I think that like stuff, like if you if you validate someone's character over, you know, just a compliment, like for instance, if you just said, hey, you know, my son's Parker, like,
29:03.74
David Ask
Hey, Parker, I noticed how you showed up yesterday you know with your friend. i love that you – and be really specific. I love that you saw that he was kind of hurting and you know you entered into those waters with him.
29:16.44
David Ask
want you to know that's a good thing. like So to see something and say something where you know they are exercising a deeper part of their heart.
29:26.24
Jonathan Guerrero
How does a dad, how does guardian of grit coach a child through a major failure so that it builds their identity instead of shattering it?
29:35.80
David Ask
I would say that the the the first first and foremost is is that it's presupposing that our children have a safe place to launch from and swing for the fence.
29:47.99
David Ask
and and And it's understood that the outcomes do not belong to us. Meaning you can try out for the basketball team and you can do all these things and there there might be a ah whole host of reasons why you didn't make it on the team or you didn't get that job or, you know, whatever that might be. And that paradigm, as we know, does not change even throughout adulthood. There's so many things that I've strived for that i didn't get.
30:14.14
David Ask
and but guess what? the the The fact of the matter is, is that, um oh how about this? This is a very practical, but poignant paradigm during COVID. Look at all the people that just launched a business or a restaurant or,
30:28.79
David Ask
you know they They applied for whatever college it was and you know i mean were supposed to play D1 basketball or whatever it might have been, and now college was canceled. And their whole life took a different know trajectory. Well, there's not much difference between those types of events that we cannot control and the fact that there's so much more going behind on behind the scenes.
30:51.03
David Ask
you know, with getting on a team or whatever it might be. It might not be that you're, you know, that you're not good enough. It might be that, hey, these other players already had, you know, were given a yes. So there could be some kind of shenanigans behind why something didn't work out.
31:04.89
David Ask
And I think the larger paradigm there is that, you know, we trust, again, I love love Tim Keller. If we knew what God knew, we would want what he wants.
31:15.96
David Ask
So we we we coach our children and our own hearts for that matter, and the fact that we believe God is sovereign, he's providential, and he is really good. All
31:28.51
Jonathan Guerrero
All right, so this is the frustrating part.
31:29.05
David Ask
right.
31:30.75
Jonathan Guerrero
We're always against the clock, so there's no way we were going to be able to scratch the surface. So we try to just get some of the bits and pieces of Guardians of the Grit that can that you can just hit the ground with and and start.
31:44.50
Jonathan Guerrero
seeing some results from that now, but there's no way it's going to be enough. You're, you're going to have to get guardians of grit to be able to get everything. And I can promise you, you are are not going to be disappointed. So speaking of which, how can dads find your book and learn more about what you're doing?
32:01.53
David Ask
Yeah, well, thank you. And by the way, the book is not quite launched yet. I would encourage them to go to theaskexperience.com. So my last name is Ask, A-S-K, I'm having a little fun with my last name.
32:17.11
David Ask
And we're we're launching the Ask Experience podcast and so on. And if you go to theaskexperience.com, you'll find more information there. And I And by the way, the reason that we're we're calling it the ask experience and not the ask experience is because what are we doing? We're asking the right questions in order to remove question marks.
32:38.23
David Ask
Because if you walk into a room and you've got a bunch of question marks inside of you, you feel it and so does everybody around you. And it's not a recipe for a beautiful life.
32:48.95
Jonathan Guerrero
Just to make things easier, if you go to thefatherhoodchallenge.com, that's thefatherhoodchallenge.com.
32:53.51
David Ask
Yeah.
32:55.57
Jonathan Guerrero
And if you go to this episode and you're looking for the episode called Guardians of Grit, Guardians of Grit, go to that episode, look right below the episode description, and I will have the links that David just mentioned posted right there for your convenience.
33:11.64
Jonathan Guerrero
David, as we close, what is your challenge to dads listening now?
33:16.66
David Ask
You know, I would say have the courage to see the the deeper places in your children. Ask them a lot of great questions and and just to let them know, hey, I see you and I love what I see.
33:31.35
David Ask
do not hold back on bushshy gushy, gushy, know, lavish, meaningful love for your children that that looks like something that's very touchable.
33:47.94
Jonathan Guerrero
We've spent this hour with David Aske and the takeaway is clear. You are the mirror in which your children see their potential. If you want your kids to be courageous, you have to give them a reason to be.
33:59.80
Jonathan Guerrero
You have to help them build an identity that is more stable than the culture and a purpose that is bigger than their fear. Being a durable dad means being a guardian of grit, someone who stands watch over the heart of the child so they can eventually stand on their own.
34:16.64
Jonathan Guerrero
Tonight, don't just ask your child how their day was. Ask them who they want to be in the face of a challenge. Help them find their why and the how it will take care of itself.
34:30.10
Jonathan Guerrero
A huge thank you to David Aske for his vision and his work with Guardians of Grit. You can find his book and the resources to help the kids live courageously at davidoske.com or at the link that's mentioned at the bottom of the episode description. Until next time, stay durable, stay intentional, and remember that the greatest gift that you can give your child is the knowledge of who they truly are.
34:54.99
Jonathan Guerrero
We'll see you in the next episode.
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