Death is the great equalizer that none of us will escape. After a long hiatus, The Fear Addict Podcast is back with a special episode in honor of Mark G, who passed away on August 7, 2023 at 1:07pm after a fierce battle with lung cancer. He was surrounded by a lot of love as we all touched him and he left this earthly realm.

Death was something that was terrifying to Mark, but in the end, while he wasn't ready to go, he was at peace with it all.

Here we are, one year later, on the anniversary of his death. As we thought of ways to honor his memory, we thought it was best to bring in two of his closest friends, Carla and Geno to share memories of Mark on his journey towards facing his fears and ultimately turning that into healing and happiness.

Sit back and listen to learn more about Mark's spiritual journey, to understand what it's like to grieve for someone you love and what it's like to confront the things that scares you most.

And a special "Thanks," to all of the people who have listened, supported and shared The Fear Addict Podcast. This was Mark's life mission. We are working on a new season and will be back with regular episodes soon.

With Love,

Josh and Anise

Mark Burton Goff

4/9/65-8/7/23

Rest In Peace, Gentle Warrior

In this episode, Betty, who grew up in a household affected by generations of alcohol, substance abuse, gang activity and general dysfunction, coped with it by becoming a "scholastic perfectionist." To survive as a child and young adult in this emotionally chaotic household, she learned to have "zero needs." Betty talks bravely and candidly with Josh and Mark about how that belief system morphed into her making relationships, especially romantic ones her "drug of choice." Those relationship choices however were rooted in the distorted perception that love also had to be abusive to somehow be real. We go deep into this topic because the guys have both learned that equating love with pain makes it very difficult to learn self-love, because after all, how do you achieve unconditonal love of self by still attaching to pain? Betty talks about how a relationship like this, centered around a group of friends who committed a deep betrayal against her, led her into recovery in 12 Step rooms, particularly Alanon. She candidly expresses how she thought the program would help save a deeply dysfunctional relationship with a newly sober alcoholic, but she soon realized she was actually working a program to save her own life and for the first time, gain a true sense of self.

When a super-genius from the recovery world stops by Josh's place for a genius session behind the pink microphone, some amazing things happen -- Bryson shares his unique perspective as a Son of the South who grew up in the family disease and developed some hyper-controlling behaviors and an addiction to anxiety to deal with the overwhelming feelings of unloveability. He shares his journey with the guys from being a grown-ass man suffering from abject daily fear, to discovering and practicing his version of long-standing hope and faith. Bryson takes us on a deep exploration into his wild, funny and amazingly pragmatic perceptions about what drives the addictive mind and how he became loving and honest with himself which ultimately lead to his own personal version of serenity.

Eddie comes to the table to talk about his experience growing up with what he believed was an "idyllic" childhood in his Italian/Irish family. What came to the fore in the conversation with Josh and Mark is his realization that while his father did the best he could with what he had, there was a generational response to alcoholism in his past, that created a legacy of unconscious co-dependency. While his middle-class family presented well to the outside world, there was unexpressed fear in the household of "losing it all" financially, which Eddie internalized and created coping skills around, that lasted well into adulthood. This broke open a bigger conservation for the guys about relationships with their fathers and how that gets interpreted into roles we play as men in relationships, jobs, perfectionism, distorted beliefs, etc. But Eddie's recovery journey helped him develop a powerful relationship with a power greater than himself (spoiler alert- his H.P. has an affinity for fighting the good fight on a galactic scale) that evolves to this day and became a source of confidence and self-esteem that he felt was lacking for so long. The guys share their journeys of seeking a way out of the loop of making dysfunctional people, or relationships their higher power and the freedom and self-love that new perspective offers.

Super special guest, Fielding Edlow, a smart, hilarious writer, actor, comedian and mom, takes us on a journey from her East Coast origins, coming of age in NYC, while dealing with body image, sugar-addiction and relationship obsession. When she discovered she had a problem with drinking, it was later revealed to her in Alanon that she suffered from that old familiar fear of being unloved and abandoned, but also having a deep-seated fear of actually being seen (we know, it's frikkin' complicated being us). Josh and Mark get down to their own problems with "self" and distorted perceptions, but find hope and strength by sharing how they implement new, learned methods of finding joy, satisfaction, creativity and recovery from obsessive thinking and anxiety. Fielding also shares the tools she's learned to authentically not care-take OTHER people's fears or problems and let go of the exhausting dance we all do of trying to get love and emotional support from basically human versions of fireplugs!

May is Mental Health Awareness month and the Fear Addict has got you covered. In this deep dive of an episode, Josh and Mark talk to Steve Serpas, who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18. Steve shares his earliest memories of growing up in Louisiana with the illness, including weight gain and full-blown mania as well as growing up around alcoholsim and untreated alanon behavior. He found safety and self-expression in his early creative work and writing, ultimately finding 12 step rooms at age 27, which saved his life. From there, his path to healing involved a multi-city journey that included nine psychiatrists, a few therapists, regular exercise, healthy eating and meditation. Even though we talk about the "fear" of dealing with one's mental health in his story, we laugh in all the right places as the guys share their perspective on mental health and emotional recovery through Steve's experience that we all somehow seem to share. He's so smart, he name-dropped a few resources that we've listed below for more information on the talk. Remember, consult your own health professional about what's righ for you.

Resources:

I Don't Want to Talk About it: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression. Best-selling book by Terrence Real, family therapist and founder of the Relational Empowerment Institute.

Bring Change to Mind: bringchange2mind.org

Depression Bipolar Support Alliance: dbsalliance.org

Johnny Webster talks with Mark and Josh about his journey with emotional sobriety and the 12 steps, starting with growing up in Memphis as a young Black, gay man in a family affected by trauma and how he tried to cope with it after moving to Los Angeles... Unfortunately for us, that part of the podcast wasn't recorded due to a technical error! So, in an effort to not succumb to "perfectionism," we invited Johnny back to listen to the part of the episode that wasn't affected, and then looking back on what he heard some months later, catching us up on his life today. Johnny talks about how drinking helped him not feel so self-conscious, then when he got sober in A.A. and began getting emotinally sober in Alanon, he still had an unconscious compulsion to rescue and save his loved one until he really learned to practice self-love, and let go completely of what didn't work for him any more. Johnny shares an open-hearted, brave vulnerable and hilarious episode with the guys, bringing a story of hope, redemption and life adventure in self-identified authenticity.

Jessica Graham is a trauma resolution guide, specializing in complex-developmental trauma and post-traumatic growth. Jessica is also a meditation teacher, sex, relationship and guide for couples and individuals, international speaker. In this episode, Mark and Josh talk with Jess about her journey through growing up in a tough environment with a father who had addiction issues and a mother who was emotionally complicated. To survive the outer chaos in her life and the inner chaos of her body, she began smoking at 12 and escalated from there until finding Alanon and then A.A. During this time she explored the source of her trauma response, chronic pain, relationship and sexual dynamics that utilized to survive and how she worked through that to lead a thriving life while being of service to others. Josh and Mark go into their journey through relationship issues, self-soothing behaviors, co-dependent relationship awareness and reflect back to each other, with Jess, how we are all recovering from being in fear and anxiety before and during the recovery process. Jessica is also the highly regarded author of Good Sex: Getting Off Without Checking Out

Josh and Mark go in-depth with Keith, a great friend of Josh's, who found recovery when his relationship with his boyfriend ended during the pandemic. His attachment to his partner and desire to control uncontrollable outcomes broke him and pushed him to surrender. Keith shares openly about his past patterns of seeking self-worth externally and what is is like to begin to develop an inwardly derived self-esteem for the first time in his life.

Mentioned:

Alanon

A.A.

Cancer

Relationships

Break-ups

Higher Power

Recovery

Fear

Anxiety

Cross-addicted

Anise Goff (Mark's wife) talks with he and Josh (Mark was super anxious having her on, p.s) about being a Black woman growing up with a mother who had serious mental health challenges and how that impacted her family while she and her sister were taken care of by a "village of women" who came to their aid. Anise shares how she dealt with feeling overwhelmed and guilty about not "being enough," and how a history of tragedy in her parent's background shaped her emotional learning curve. The episode goes deep into her spiritual practice, therapy, overcoming low self-worth and thriving in NYC by surrounding herself with great friends, before moving to L.A. where her life and spiritual practice really took off.

Mentioned:

Debtors Anonymous

Alanon

A.A.

Sprituality

Therapy