Oh boy. This one’s something. Possibly the most insulting of the bunch this year, this is a Christian Christmas movie that aired on Lifetime and hates women. Have fun!

Fasten your seatbelts: it’s going to be a…oh nevermind. Hillary Duff’s sister plays Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors and there’s no All About Eve reference in the least. Patrick Muldoon does show up to be creepy. So, you know. That.

Here it is. The possible winner of the year, Hallmark’s gooey trope killing fiesta. Much to say. Magic to be found. Enjoy.

Figure skating meets the Cozy Cardigan Christmas world and Emily is happier than Johnny Weir at a sequin factory. This one comes courtesy of the Up! Network. And Canada, of course.

We’re going OLD SKOOL with this one: 2008’s The Christmas Claus, starring Lea Thompson in the reverse part of Daphne Zuniga in A Family Thanksgiving. You can figure out the rest for yourself.

Lighten up folks: it’s Christmas. On this very holiday themed full-length non-Hallmark episode, Christine (remember her?!) hops in Emily’s sleigh as the ladies discuss Disney’s The Search for Santa Paws, a talking dog MUSICAL with more plot than Inception, and The Asylum’s Santa Claws, a, um, kitten and uptight mother film with…stuff that happens in it. Share your own thoughts on these films and many more at our Facebook group or on Twitter via @femininepodcast. We wish you a very happy holiday season filled with maximum dogs in elf shoes.

…and this one, if you can believe it, is about an uptight TV host who finds love, saves a small town, and learns the true meaning of Christmas. What makes this one special is that I’m almost certain Hallmark filmed the entire thing in one day. Listen to learn more.

So, like, Lacey Chabert is a baker and her boyfriend is a CEO and like, guys, they’re totally not right for each other but only Santa Claus himself can see that. So, like, Santa Claus stops everything to make sure the CEO rekindles his love with a high school sweetheart played by Buffy’s Amy the Witch (in human, not rat form) while Florence Henderson, Lin Shaye, and John Ratzenburger do everything in their sage old person power to ensure Lacey and the CEO’s best friend realize they were meant to be together. Also, do you really believe Lacey Chabert has ever even looked at a cookie? Emily explores.

Pour a LOT of wine for this one. Daphne Zuniga is a SUPER ambitious lawyer who despises all things not super ambitious and lawyer-y, like soccer moms and the suburbs. YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SHE MEETS MAGICAL FAYE DUNAWAY. Well, unless you’ve watched a bunch of movies where a character gets a life swap and sees what happens if she made a different decision and has a family. SPOILER ALERT: she decides it’s better. Emily has a lot to say.

Hop on the Hallmark train yet again to the quaint town of Cookie Jar (seriously), where Emily makes a pit stop to talk about 2016’s wild new ride, Christmas Cookies. It’s about a town that makes cookies. And an ambitious corporate something woman who might DESTROY it. Unless a hot guy keeps hitting on her until she is worn down and finds a way to save the factory, save the cookies, and save Christmas. It ends in a bloodbath. Just kidding. OR AM I? (I am).