From giant velvet ‘n feather fashion statements to Christine’s press patch tucked in tightly, we’ve got an episode BRIMMING (get it?) with fantastic headgear. First, our own Scoop McMakepeace gives us a full report on Austin’s South by Southwest (SXSW) Festival, including coverage on 20 new films AND Matthew McConaughey’s mom. Emily, on the other hand, just has a lot to say about Beastmaster and tiramisu. Following that comes a slightly spoilery discussion of 1997’s The Wings of the Dove, starring a before-she-was-Tim-Burton’d Helena Bonham Carter in a WHOLE LOT OF FABULOUS HATS. Up next is 2007’s Fassbenderlicious Angel, an extremely unique little film that warrants LOTS of talking. It also has great hats.

Turn down the lights and settle in for a spooooooooooky edition of The Feminine Critique, one complete with cat jump scares, vengeful swimming pools, and finger-eating windows. This week, Christine and Emily dare each other to spend two hours in a haunted house movie each has never seen. Up first is the sickeningly well-cast Burnt Offerings, filled with Oliver Reed’s sweat, Burgess Meredith’s voice, Karen Black’s wonky eyes, and Bette Davis’ Bette Davis eyes. The ladies follow it up with an even sweatier Christian Bale—er, James Brolin, a more pigtailed Margot Kidder, and a whole lot of Long Island with the original Amityville Horror. One of the ladies might be tipsy. The other might be vegetarian. All is still being investigated, just like the mystery of just what happened in that lovely low-priced New York home.

Hello young lovers, wherever you are. We’ve got some tart little heart candies coming your way in audio form. First up, Christine and Emily reveal some of their favorite film romances, be they blooming brothers or silent robots. Next comes their very (or not) French accented discussion of 2004’s A Very Long Engagement, followed by the totally cheerful and upbeat feel-good love story that is 2010’s Blue Valentine. Oh wait, maybe they watched the wrong movie. To join in the conversation and to hear our secret reveals for our next episode (once the ladies figure out their extremely complicated Oscar bet plan) come hang out at our

Gather ‘round, all ye super mother bugs. On this episode, Christine and Emily examine two very different (OR ARE THEY?; no, actually they totally are) films from the catalog of one William Friedken. Up first is the hilariously period pieced road movie from 1994‘s Rebel Highway series on Showtime called Jailbreakers, starring a very young Adrien Brody, a very Junior Antonio Sabato, and a very terrible Brenda Walsh. Up next is 2006’s Bug, which the ladies go full force on in spoiling for all its infested glory. Between it all are ratings of every Masters of Horror Season 1 episode, gushings on Sarah Polley, superhero chit chat, a very long discussion on Christopher Nolan’s treatment of cinematic women, and static.

Finally, the episode you’ve all been waiting for: the one where Christine and Emily gush over Meg Ryan’s button cuteness and bond over just how RELATABLE Katherine Heigl is when playing a working woman who just can’t get it together. I mean, that’s SO how it is, right? Or not, as what the ladies ACTUALLY discuss is why ‘chick flick’ is both a dirty and offensive term, but yet why girly porn is an offensive and dirty genre. Trust us, it makes sense after an hour or so. Also on board is a conversation about 1987’s Outrageous Fortune, starring a non-singing Bette Midler and non-Cheers Shelley Long, and 2012’s This Means War, starring Reese Chinerspoon, Chris Pine, and a wasted Tom Hardy. And Til Schweiger. Maybe. He might have just been passing by the set that day, it’s unclear.

Classy meets sharky this week as Christine and Emily go swimming with the British carnivores and clumsy Thomas Jane in love triangles with a fallen Norse god that cure Alzheimer’s. Is that right? Maybe not, but that’s what you get when you pair 2011’s Rachel Weisz-ful The Deep Blue Sea with Renny Harlin’s 1999 mainstream creature feature turned cult hit, Deep Blue Sea. Also in the mix are the ladies’ recent watches, plus some pre-nomination Oscar talk, followed by Christine SHOCKING pick for the next show.

Break out the lip gloss and hoop earrings for the latest edition of The Feminine Critique, where Christine and Emily tackle two very different (or ARE THEY?) films about the trials and tribulations of teen girl life. First up is 1999’s black comedy Jawbreaker, a divisive little satire that offers up plenty of fashion ideas for today’s youth. We follow it up with 2010’s more serious (and Christine would say ‘sexier’) Fish Tank, wherein we eventually dive into spoiler territory but provide plenty of warning before. Also on the docket is talk about Buffy, Django, Muppet legal issues, and the forgotten fat camp classic Heavyweights. Typical teatime chatter

After a few weeks of doomed children and destroyed romance, Christine and Emily lighten things up with a pair of mysterious comedies or comedic mysteries or just Mel Brooks’ High Anxiety and Jonathan Lynn’s Clue.

Is there an estrogen shortage in the Internets or are there just gentlemen in the studio? On this very special episode of The Feminine Critique, Christine and Emily are joined by the titans of testosterone, Large William and Sam U. Rai of the one and only Gentlemen’s Guide to Midnite Cinema. You might have heard of them, especially if you spend a lot of time in the mesh tank top department of your local mall. The foursome roll up some super sweaty sleeves to discuss Jack Cardiff’s Dark of the Sun, an adventurous train ride into Africa starring a very hairy Rod Taylor and very tall Jim Brown. Don’t forget to tune into the first half of this crossover extravaganza by heading on over to ggtmc.com where the gang squirrels and heel toes through Sydney Pollack’s They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? It’s fun for the whole family, particularly if your family is cool with equine eroticism.

Too skinny? Too British? Too brunette? This week on The Feminine Critique, Christine and Emily take on the plight of one of modern cinema’s most undeservedly unliked actresses, Keira Knightley. First, the ladies tackle 2007’s Oscar nominated Atonement, directed by Joe Wright. This is a VERY spoiler heavy discussion that runs about 35 minutes from the time Emily announces “we’re going to spoil this movie and tell you how long to skip through in the show notes.” So you’ve been warned. And Christine cried. Next up (remember: at least 35 minutes after the announcement) is 2010’s Never Let Me Go, which features a few less spoilers and tears. Pff. Broads.