The Frustration Factor

I’m still finding the Prompts app on my iPhone pretty interesting. Whether I decide to play every time or not, it does get me thinking about things I would otherwise not consider.

The idea is that the app provides a phraise to serve as a thought starter. The point is to finish the sentence that starts with the prompt phraise. I suspect that the authors hope that we will write more than a sentence, but you get the idea.

I talked about one of the recent prompts on PPOV.net yesterday where I share my Personal Point Of View. I found the prompt interesting enough to explore it further here on the Audio Tidbits Podcast. I invite you to join me on the mental journey. …

The prompt is, “In 500 years ….” Yesterday, I floundered some with the prompt and found myself commenting on exciting things like: 500 years on Earth is about the same as 2,075 Mercury years and 41 Jupiter years. I discovered today that that same 500 earth years add up to a mere 3 Neptune years.

By themselves, those likely facts are little more than curiosities for me. I’m glad I know but would have been fine not knowing. Even so, The floundering did prompt a little mind wondering.

I find myself wondering about time and what it does or does not matter in the scheme of things. I wasn’t 500 years ago and won’t be in 500 years. Even 100 years ago, I wasn’t, and am pretty sure that in 100 years I again won’t be. I don’t know how many years of being there is for me as does no one else. What I’m wondering is how much that matters in the scheme of things.

I studied philosophy as an undergraduate so well know that it would be easy to drift into ivery tower mode and start down rabbit holes that have no bottom. They all eventually find us speculating about the nature of the universe. Sure, they variously focus on this or that aspect of the universe but end up focusing on it they do. I enjoy that sort of speculation but am a bit more grounded today. I am just wondering about how much being here matters in the scheme of things for us in general and for me in particular.

I don’t think I’m merely experiencing some type of existential anxiety or uncertainty. The question I’m pondering is much less profound. What actually matters in the scheme of things; what does and does not make any difference? I’m sure that there are things on a big scale that matter, things that have the potential to shift the trajectory of humankind. Those are way outside my wheelhouse. I’ll leave them for now to the very few who have some say at that level. For now, I’m only attending to what does matter, what should make a difference to me and perhaps for you.

Let me see if I can get unstuck from that time thing. Looking ahead, 500 years is definitely way more than I can personalize, too far away for me to think my being today will have any effect one way or another. If I matter at all in the 500 year window, I sure hope the difference is more positive than negative. I would hate to think that I’m screwing something or someone up 500 years from now. I am good with committing to trying my best not to do that. Are you with me on that one?

I’m also good with taking a shorter look ahead. I definitely hope I’m not screwing something or someone up next year, or next week, or even later today. I’m good with trying not to do that. Are you with me on that?

Looking back does not work much better. If I am candid about it, I have probably already screwed up a few things; and as sad as it is, the same likely holds for my effect on a few people. I feel badly about that and would that it were otherwise. Are you with me on that one too?

Time has definitely compacted. Nonetheless, it is here for me right now. It has brought with it all the power and potential of the universe to this moment just for me. I am tempted to take my moment to luxuriate in knowing how s...

In this episode of Personal Point Of View (PPOV), I tackle one of the great prompts of all time. In 500 years…. There you go. How do you finish the sentence?

 

As it turned out, the prompt took me to places that surprised me. What at first seemed like way too much of a climb was actually an opportunity to think about what I think truly matters, really makes a difference. I hope you enjoy thinking about 500 years from now with me.

A1 Greetings Earth humans. I have opened our broadcast channel to comply with the new sunshine rules promulgated by the Central Council. It is no longer permissible for us to meet in secret or for us to develop plans and strategies without complete transparency. You are thus invited to listen in on our discussion preliminary to transmitting our status report back to the home planet.

 

A2 This feels a little awkward. Talking among ourselves is always comfortable but knowing that anyone can listen in is not so easy. I like to tell myself that I’m not going to say anything that can’t go public, but I’m not sure that’s totally true. Having everyone know what I’m really thinking is sure not the same as just talking among ourselves.

 

A3 What I don’t grock is why they did it. Why did the Central Council change the rules? What’s the deal with them thinking that everyone should know what we are thinking before we make our final decisions? It was working just fine for us to finalize our plans and then let them know what we decided.…

A1 It has been brewing for a while I think. They are alarmed by what they call hidden pockets of power. They were aware of the issue on the home planet and knew it has been operating on the Earth planet for many sun cycles and perhaps from the beginning. My sense is that the change in policy became more urgent recently. Specifically, trends in the America pod seem to be what brought it to a head.

 

A4 From what I have picked up on the chatter channels, you are very much on target. In sun cycles past, there were factions holding opposing views on most issues. This caused a lot of conflict and controversy; but it was still possible to work through differences in ways that allowed resolution and progress on most all issues. Society in general and government in particular continued to function calmly and relatively smoothly. There were occasional eruptions related to issues like discrimination, excessive police actions, civil rights abuses, and so on; but it was still possible for those in positions of power and authority to come together to work on constructive change and mutually accepted solutions. The pockets of power were there but mostly ready to support the common good.

 

A2 I heard a talk by one of the gurus back home who tried to explain what the Central Council finds so alarming. She reviewed in more detail the kinds of things you mentioned. I thought her conclusion got to the essence of it. She concluded that the critical change has been an increasing unwillingness to even discuss compromise or ways to find the middle ground. She believes that the art of politics has rather suddenly disappeared. Instead of coming together, the politicians and others in power are digging in, refusing to budge on their positions.

 

A5 I’m not sure I grock how alarm about pockets of power and what is probably the death of politics as we know it has to do with the new sunshine rules. What does any of that have to do with requiring that we open all of our discussions up to anyone who happens to want to listen in?

 

A1 Let me at least take a pass at responding to your question. In other Earth pods but in the America pod specifically, there is a long-standing belief that there is a political action process that is available to every America human. If he or she wants the government to do or not do something, it is only necessary to convince a substantial group of America humans to support the idea. They then become an advocacy group, committed to the idea. The group can then lobby politicians and try to work up wider support for their idea. They likely will not get exactly what they want but will move the outcome closer to their view. The political shift gets us back to the power pockets.

Adhering to the guiding principles is essential for achieving agency excellence. The Management Team is responsible for agency Management, i.e., for assuring the successful functioning of the internal eco system. Members of the Team implement the policies, rules, and guidelines promulgated by Authorizers and Implementers as well as manage the day-to-day functioning of the agency. Their Management activities reflect a thorough understanding of and acceptance of each of the guiding principles. Team members also understand and accept the priorities discussed below in order to better assure the successful functioning of the internal eco system. Hannagan 1995 page 37-69 in his discussion of leadership styles, organizational culture, and associated patterns of accomplishing necessary work asserts, "In order for any group to operate effectively, both tasks and problem solving functions have to be performed, and at the same time, group maintenance for social functions. It can be argued that any group of people need to have leadership in both functions so that on the one hand, decisions are made and on the other hand, the ideas and feelings of the whole group are considered." page 48 Keep this dual focus in mind when considering these priorities. …

Management Team members emphasize cooperation and a helpful, supportive approach to relationships and activities. As they interact with and support the work of others within the agency, their focus is on how they can help others succeed.

As Management Team members focus on helping others succeed, loyalty is an important aspect of their relationships with others. Team members emphasize working with others by accommodating to their special needs and interests and by facilitating positive resolutions of problems or issues. The first approach with people is always to understand why problems come up and attempt to work things out and never to simply use authority to force people to change their behavior.

For Team members, caring matters. They emphasize concern for and interest in the activities, successes, and problems of all staff members. To be a successful Management Team member, how others feel, what they think, and what is important to them professionally and personally matter. This not only includes how things affect agency operations, but also includes how they are affecting or might affect agency staff members and other people they personally care about.

Sharing is also a priority for Team members. They emphasize talking with staff members, reciprocal assistance, and mutual problem solving. Within the internal eco system, interdependence and mutual interest are recognized and valued by Team members. Sharing is not simply a nice thing to do, it is essential for agency success.

For Team members, respect is more than a simple priority. It is fundamental to the functioning of the eco system and to agency success. Without it, the system quickly reduces to chaos. Team members insist staff members always relate and interact respectfully. They model this expectation by emphasizing acceptance of others' beliefs and values, receptivity to everyone's thoughts and ideas, and sensitivity to others' feelings and interests.

Team members give other staff members the benefit of the doubt without blaming, accusing, or threatening. This level of trust is at the essence of how Team members perceive and relate to other people. They assume the other person did not knowingly or intentionally do anything wrong and do everything they do honestly and to the best of their ability. If there is an apparent problem or issue, Team members work with the other person to understand what happened, why it happened from the other person's perspective, and how they can work together to resolve the issue and reduce the likelihood of recurrence.

Professional and personal integrity are hallmarks of successful Management T...

In this episode of PPOV, I am picking up on my quest to get over my little case of stage fright. I use two prompts from my iPhone app and spend a while exploring how they play out for me. When I'm older… prompts me to consider how real getting older actually is. The same pondering is prompted by, "If I were taller…." Perhaps you will want to listen to see if you agree with my perspective or have an alternative perspective of your own.

I’m glad you stopped by. If this is your first visit, I have some interesting mental gymnastics for you today. If you like that sort of thing, I think you will enjoy your visit.

If you are an Audio Tidbits Podcast regular, I am still pursuing interesting ways to respond to the prompts from the Prompts app on my iPhone. I think you will agree that today’s prompt is particularly puzzling. It’s another one of those notions that either has a dozen good responses or none. I’m having trouble deciding.

Try this. Everything I know, I learned from…. How will you finish the sentence? …

I’m probably making it way too difficult. It’s likely one of those pronouncements that neither invites nor deserves a response. I can complete the sentence with whatever pops into my head, and no one cares. Everything I know, I learned from my dog. Everything I know, I learned from my wise grandfather. Perhaps, “Everything I know, I learned in Kindergarten.”

As you see, most anything I say to complete the sentence can stand on its own. Everything I know, I learned from riding my pony in the woods. The idea is that all it takes is appending a potential source of knowledge, no matter how improbable. But where did I really learn everything I know?

The first step toward finding the answer for me is to simplify. There are the things I know, the things I only think I know, the things I think I don’t know, and the things about which I don’t have a clew. What do you think? Does that pretty well cover the possibilities?

Today’s prompt is limiting me to the things I know. What I only think I know and all the rest are out of bounds; so, let me see if I can figure out how I came to know the things I know. What is the source of that knowledge? Perhaps more to the point, what makes me so sure about the validity of what I put into the “I know” box? Along with knowing where the knowledge came from, I also need to know why I am so sure it is right.

The source of what I know matters. It’s the “Everything I know, I learned from” idea. Philosophers have argued about this issue for eons or at least for a very long time. The central question is whether there is intrinsic knowledge along with experiential knowledge or just what we come to know from experience. Are there things we are born knowing, things that are just there for us as a benefit of being human or have we learned everything we know along the way?

I’ll leave that one to you and the philosophers and opt for “Everything I know, I learned from experience.” That takes in many types of experience; but nonetheless, experience is the only path to knowledge.

Now that I have settled on that, I can more easily complete the sentence. Everything I know, I learned from many and varied experiences. I learned from parents and other teachers, from libraries and lectures, from books and Google, from friends and from just hanging around, from touching the hot stove and myriad positive and not so positive experiences. Life and living have taught me a lot. Although I have mostly forgotten the specifics, I generally know where all of that knowing came from. Some of it came through serious effort on my part and much of it came unbidden; but most of it simply accumulated unnoticed.

That leaves the million-dollar question. Do I really know what I know or do I just think I know? I know it hurt the last time I touched the hot stove and also know it will hurt if I touch it again. I would call that direct knowledge. I know a lot of if A then B kinds of things. Some are simple like touching the hot stove and others are very complex like not keeping track of and responsibly managing current expenses in relation to existing assets and future revenues is a sure way to end up between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Direct knowledge is a very good thing and only comes through experience.

Do you have stage fright? To my surprise, I have concluded that I am having a little case of what I can only call stage fright. It's not a fear of speaking to a large group or anything like that for me. My stage fright is new and only kicks in when I sit down to make a PPOV podcast.

It's not talking to you that sets off my anxiety. Rather, it is merely talking into the open microphone. Since I really want to talk to you, I need a plan for Getting Over Stage Fright. Although I have been putting it off, I have concluded that the only cure is to podcast.

This episode and likely the next few will be for me. I am going to push through it. My stage fright is preventing me from podcasting. That is simply not acceptable. I need to just get over it.

 

Perhaps you will choose to join me during the cure. If not, I will understand. Please check back in a few weeks. By then, I should be cured. If you choose to join me for the journey, stay tuned. The trip should be interesting, at least interesting to those of us whexperience a little stage fright now and then.

Here I am back with the latest prompt from the Prompts app on my iPhone. I’m getting a late start since the college football game had a lightening delay of over an hour. Since the Buckeyes won 77 to 31, who cares about a little delay? Not me.

Today’s prompt is, “I am my own….” That certainly opens us up to a world of possibilities.

There I go again, speaking for us instead of just speaking for me. As they say, “Old habits are hard to break.” Let me take another pass at that. That opens it up to a world of possibilities for me. How about for you?

Will you take a crack at today’s prompt? “I am my own….” How do you finish the sentence? …

I think I’m probably putting off getting down to the business of responding to today’s prompt myself. That may well be another one of those old habits that are hard to break. I seem to have a lot of them.

I am my own toughest critic. I appreciate my successes and acknowledge my controbutions when things work out as I hoped they would. Even so, I tend to pick at things whether they turn out well or not so well. The main variable tends to only be how harshly I pick. I figure that picking at the pieces that are not quite up to my expectation helps improve the odds of not screwing something up in the future. I think of this as continuous improvement.

That all sounds good but it does have its down side. It means that I miss out on some of the pleasure of succeeding, the sense of satisfaction that comes from doing something well. It also makes me a little obsessive and driven. That’s not such a big deal when it’s limited to just me. I can handle it or at least have gotten used to it.

It does become a problem when I am responsible for the work and outcomes of others. I tend to apply the same level of pickiness to them and their work. Even when they do a good job and get quite acceptable outcomes, there I am picking at the little lapses, the details that could have been handled better.

I can easily rationalize this behavior by arguing that it only helps them get better at whatever the task happens to be. It’s true enough; it does help them get better – usually.

The problem with being my own toughest critic is that I tend to fall into that role with others. I easily become their toughest critic. It should come as no surprise that, although they mostly appreciate it, they also can come to resent it and thus to resent me.

The underlying issue is this. Children, co-workers, and those for whose work I am responsible understandably take the criticism personally. When I think I’m only saying that their work could have been done better, that they could have gotten even better outcomes, part of them only hears me saying that they are not good at what they do, that they are sub-standard, that they are not up to par as people. They take the criticism personally.

I should know that. I do know that. I was raised on the notion that however well I did, I could have done better, I should have done better. The outcome was predictable. I won’t trouble you with examples from my childhood but be assured that I have an impressive collection.

My father had what may be the perfect compromise. Again, I have a hefty collection of examples but one will suffice here.

I was a normally volatile sixteen-year-old and was angry about something my mom said or did – I don’t actually recall what percipitated my little tantrum. I rushed out the back door and agressively slammed it behind me. The large window in the door shattered as I rushed away.

I came home an hour or so later only to find the window in the door repared and the glass swept up.

I went into where my dad was watching TV, not knowing what to expect but fairly sure I wasn’t going to like it. He said, “I’m glad you made it back. “

Thanks for joining me on this writing journey. The Prompts app for my iPhone has generated yet another engaging prompt. When I’m alone, I feel…. I hope you choose to play along. How will you finish the sentence?

My immediate response is, “When I’m alone, I feel peaceful. The movie in my mind finds me late at night when the phone doesn’t ring, when the house is quiet and there is time to read or perhaps time to write. There are no demands, no expectations. It is indeed a peaceful scene.

I then let the image expand and quickly understand that I am not actually alone. My wife had headed to bed earlier as is her habit and both dogs have called it a day. The collie has climbed up into the red chair and the lab is stretched out on the couch. Bird is still in her cage and seems to know that it is quiet time. Alone? No, I’m not actually alone. …

As I ponder the prompt, I realize that not only am I not alone, I don’t recall ever being truly alone. When I was at OU, I had a single room, but even then, all I needed to do if I felt lonely was to walk down the hall where I was sure to encounter one of the other four hundred or so undergraduates in the dorm. Sleeping was not a high priority back then.

I have certainly been in other situations where I was more or less by myself; but even then, to say that I was alone is a bit of a stretch. At best, the lonely part of being alone was no more than temporary. I had been with people earlier and would again be with others soon. The alone time was little more than a transition, a shift in scenes.

Disconnected comes to mind as I wonder what it would be like to be truly lonely. Sometimes I feel more connected and sometimes less, but I don’t recall ever feeling completely disconnected. Even when I was feeling less connected, I had no sense that there was any permanence to the condition. I knew that I didn’t like the feeling but knew that I would be more connected eventually.

I worked in mental health centers for thirty years or so and spent a lot of time with people who felt disconnected, who were very disconnected from friends, family and from anyone else who cared about them and what the outcome of their lives would be. For them, loneliness had been replaced with hopelessness. They were alone and felt like there were no prospects for anything better. I only mention that to make the point that I understand what real loneliness is and am very grateful that I have never personally experienced it.

Writing is a curious pursuit. I seem to have started in a peaceful place reading a good book, being amused by the dogs on the furniture and happy being alone without really being alone. A few hundred words later, I have taken us into a dark place where sad people are feeling disconnected and hopeless. Hoping that I always remember their pain, never forget their hopelessness, I also want to remember that they most all got past the depression, most all were able to renew old connections, were able to reconnect. Being lonely is usually but a temporary detour.

Let me see if I can bring us back to a brighter place. I’ll try the prompt again. When I’m alone, I feel something other than lonely. As for exactly what that feeling is, – Yes, I’m really going to say it. – it depends.

If it’s late at night and all is well with my world, I feel peaceful. If I am waiting for something I really don’t want to do like get my tooth filled, I feel a little annoyed and perhaps slightly anxious. If I just finished a successful project, I feel happy. If something has happened that causes me to be upset or sad …, -- Let’s not go there. As I said, it depends.

I’m thinking that I don’t have much more to say about it. I am pretty much of an introvert so being alone is normally a good place for me. I know people who quickly get restless when they are by themselves and don’t have somethi...

As is true for many if not most bloggers and podcasters, I give a lot of thought and energy to coming up with new and hopefully interesting content. I keep hearing that content is king, and perhaps it is. My problem is that I struggle with coming up with viable candidates to wear the crown.

I discovered today that my problem may be its own solution. Yesterday I told you about the Prompts app that I found for my iPhone. It provides a few words to start the writing juices flowing. The prompt is followed by an empty note, inviting me to extend the thought.

It seems to be saying, “Here’s a great candidate to assume the throne. You have been introduced to the next king so give him the attention such royalty deserves.” Setting the sexist aspect of this aside for now, let’s meet the king for today. …

Today’s prompt is, “I spend a lot of time thinking about ….”

Are you playing along? All you need to do is finish the sentence or perhaps the paragraph. Once done, you are on your way to being a writer.

Sure, I’m giving it a try too. I spend a lot of time thinking about what will make good content for my blog or podcast. I know, I already told you that. Just saying it again does little to help with the transition from thinking to doing. I could easily spend a day or a week thinking about what to write and still come up short. At some point, only thinking about doing something turns into a colossally empty place where there is nothing but thought without substance, intention without product.

I wonder how much of our time and energy we invest in just thinking about what we want to do, what we should have done, or what we will do later today or get around to tomorrow or perhaps next week. Okay, I admit to that little avoidance tactic. I’m trying to pull you into my issue, talking as if you and everyone else shares my problem. That is a little mental trick I try sometimes to convince myself that my issue is just human nature, has nothing to do specifically with me.

Let me rerun that, seeing if I can avoid my little mental deception. I wonder how much of my time and energy I invest in just thinking about what I want to do, what I should have done, or what I will do later today or get around to tomorrow or perhaps next week. When I put it that way, the answer is pretty easy. – Way too much.

When I make it personal, when I make the shift from our issue to my issue, I can hear the little voice talking to me. It’s saying, “Get a grip my friend. You may think you are putting one over on everyone else but you’re definitely not putting one over on me. Others may buy into your nonsense, but it doesn’t work with me. You know what the real issue is. You’re afraid to commit. You read about bloggers with thousands of readers, podcasters with thousands of listeners and fear that you will come up short. Get over it. You are already coming up short and spending most of your time thinking about it is assuredly not the way to catch up.”

Wow, my little voice does have a way of cutting to the chase. As usual, he is right on point. The only way to be a writer is to write, the only way to be a podcaster is to podcast, the only way to do anything is to do it. Just thinking about it won’t cut it.

There is another element that I am having difficulty sharing with you. It’s awkward and embarrassing. It’s true that I have been thinking about the thousands of readers I don’t have, the thousands of listeners I don’t have. What I have not been thinking nearly enough about is you. You are reading these words, you are listening to James read these words to you. I’m glad you are here and hope what I have had to say has been worth your time and attention. I must remember that I am doing this for you. The thousands who might read, who might listen are still out there somewhere; but you are here today. Thank you.