The Frustration Factor

Writing is easy. The challenge is figuring out what to write about. Actually, that is not quite true. For example, I know I’m not going to write about ancient history or current fashions. I know I am going to write about people, what they do, how they do it, why they do it or something else related to the social or people aspects of my reality. That’s what interests me, so it wouldn’t make much sense to write about anything else.

Within the boundaries of my interests, settling on one focus for writing can be tough. To help with that, I discovered an app for my iPhone. It’s called Prompts. Apparently, it is like a pump primer for writers. The idea is that the app will give me a writing prompt. Since I installed the app only a few minutes ago, how well it does at starting the writing juices flowing remains to be seen. For ninety-nine cents, I figure it’s worth a try.

The first thing I notice about the Prompts app is that it’s pretty simple. Click around for a couple of minutes and quickly conclude that it’s main thing really is its main thing. It gives me a short prompt to start the first sentence followed by an otherwise empty note area. The app can keep some statistics and provide reminders to write but the only thing to do is to pick up on the prompt and write something. I suspect I can get a new prompt every time I come back to the app but beyond that, there is nothing else to do or to get frustrated with. Now just how cool is that? …

Although I have never taken a creative writing class, I think Prompts is a lot like a creative writing class would be. I can imagine sitting down on the first day of the course and the professor walking up to the chalk board and writing “banana” in foot high letters. She then turns to the class and says, “You have the topic. I’ll expect a thousand words, typed and double spaced, on the topic for our next class.” She then walks out of the classroom, leaving us just sitting there, wondering what just happened.

I don’t know if my mythical professor is responsible for the Prompts app but am sure it is a definite possibility. The first prompt I got from the app was not “banana”, but the open-ended aspect of the prompt will be familiar to you if you were there the day the professor wrote on the chalk board and walked out.

“In my dreams I ….” No, that’s not quite right. The first prompt says, “In my dreams I,” followed by a blank note. The goal is to complete the note. Are you game? If so, finish the note. There is not a professor to require a thousand words by the next class, but at least finishing the sentence seems like a minimum expectation. Fair is fair. Since you are accepting the challenge, I will play too.

In my dreams I am typically an observer, not an actor. It is as if I am watching the movie. When I am a participant, I usually have a manager or coordinator role. It’s as if I am staging the scene for the other actors in the dream.

Most often, my dreams are quite innocuous and frankly boring. They are neither memorable nor especially interesting. If I recall them – and I seldom do – five minutes later, they are gone. Right now, I don’t remember any dream I have ever had. I have awareness of having dreamed but nothing specific comes to mind. I remember that I have had dreams that were very upsetting and likely qualified as nightmares but don’t remember them either. If you mention a dream prompt, I might recall dreaming about that once, but it’s unlikely that I could conjure up the memory without the prompt.

As you see, what I have to say about dreaming is as boring as the dreams I have. It would be more fun to just make something up, and I’m sure it would be more entertaining. I’m thinking that It would be much more interesting to write about day dreaming. I could write from actual memory. Even better, I could day dream as I write.

In what I think was probably the most recent episode of Benjamen Walker's Theory of Everything podcast, Mr. Walker featured an artificial intelligence (AI) expert from Google. The Google guy was discussing what sounds like an AI game for geeks. In this scenario, the geeks are themselves artificial intelligence entities. Think of them as computer one and computer two.

Computer one’s gig is to create realistic scenes indistinguishable from reality. Think of them as mind pictures. Also keep in mind that these scenes are completely computer generated. They are fully a product of artificial intelligence, ones and zeros supported by algorithms. Once the button is pushed, there is no additional human intervention.

For computer two, the gig is reality detection. Along with IA scenes from computer one, computer two is shown scenes captured from actual reality. The challenge for computer two is to tell which scenes are artificial and which are actual, which are fake and which are real. Think of computer two as a lie detector of sorts. …

It does not seem like much of a stretch to believe the Google guy when he suggests that computer one (the AI box) has progressed further than computer two (the lie detector). Computer one can produce artificial reality virtually indistinguishable from the real world. Not only can computer one fool computer two, it does a fair job of deceiving computer two’s keepers as well.

It is pretty clear that it is no longer true that a picture is worth a thousand words, if it ever was true. At least it is not as true as it used to be.

This would be little more than an interesting story from Google land if that were where the story ends but it isn’t. The AI box is far from finished just because its fake picture can trick computer two into believing that the picture is real. It has deceptions to come that are even more incredible.

Instead of simple still pictures, the AI box has evolved past static images to document production. Think of a newspaper with text and pictures. Think of a magazine with familiar characters and believable story lines. Think of artificially generated video experiences that are as realistic as two peas in a pod. It is possible to produce any reality you choose at the push of a button.

Like many discoveries and creations emerging from the fertile minds and black boxes of the geniuses we know nothing about, all is well so long as their revelations remain in their laboratories and secret refuges. Unfortunately, the AI magic is not so neatly contained. The AI newspaper with text and pictures, the AI magazine with familiar characters and believable story lines, and the artificially generated video experiences that are as realistic as two peas in a pod may be out there for us on our two hundred and ninety million cell phones, on our one hundred and eighteen million televisions, and spuming forth from our thirty thousand broadcast stations just in the United States.

I think we all understand the idea of news. It’s new information about specific and timely events. It’s the who, what, where and when of our world. To be news, what is reported needs to be true and factual. We also know that the why is more often than not a matter of opinion and perspective. Why usually does not qualify as news. Nonetheless, being truthful and factual are essential.

We have also come to understand that along with real news, there is fake news. It’s fake news when the who, what, where, or when are not truthful, not factual or when the why is intentionally incorrect or misleading. Fake news is not simply mistaken; it is intentionally false. When recognized, fake news sets off the alarm in our internal lie detector. The good news is that there is an increasing array of high quality lie detectors out there to help us tell truth from lie. The bad news is that some of those presumed lie dete...

Whenever we are in a new situation or starting a new relationship, it's usually time for a little ice breaker. This is never quite so true as at work with a new co-worker. This episode of Audio Tidbits Podcast shares the ice breaker Ava used with her new colleague. You may find it may work for you.

Part III Relationship Building

Chapter 10 Relationships that Fail

To this point, we have focused on the crisis intervention process and have developed an understanding of crisis communication. Relationship building moves our knowledge and skills in working with people one step farther. As we have seen, crises always involve conflict in the interaction between individuals and their total situations. In the majority of crisis situations with which you are likely to deal, the conflict will be between the individual and one or more people. That is to say, the crisis will involve conflict within one or more relationships. Typical conflict situations reflect marital difficulties, problems in parent-child relationships, employer-employee difficulties, trouble between friends, and so on. More often than not, serious interpersonal difficulty will be a central part of the crisis, and a serious upset or disturbance within an important relationship will be seen as the precipitating event. It will, then, be helpful to look at interpersonal relationships, how they deteriorate or “blow up,” and how people can go about building relationships with less conflict that do not end up in crisis. …

A PROBLEM FOR EVERYONE

“Messed up” or severely conflicted relationships are among the most common difficulties confronting everyone in his day-to-day life. Teenagers may find it difficult or impossible to get along with their parents. Husbands and wives may find that they are always fighting, or even worse they may find that they have nothing to say to each other. Parents may gradually discover or be bowled over by the realization that they can no longer communicate with their children. Friends may drift apart and lose that special feeling for each other, although they may still continue to see each other almost every day. Neighbors may fight, co-workers may not speak to one another, and everyone is uptight. Interpersonal conflict and tension are problems for all of us in varying degrees—maybe only a little bit once in a while or maybe a lot all of the time, perhaps with only one or two people or perhaps with most people. However often and with however many people, our relationships get messed up. Yours do. Mine do. It is a problem for everyone.

Eileen, age eight, talks about her seven-year-old brother. You ask, “How do you feel about your brother?” “Ecch! I can’t stand him. We always fight. He’s always into my stuff and won’t stay out of my stuff. Things are fine when he’s not there. He comes around and everything gets awful. When he comes in, I just get up and leave. I don’t want him to touch me or get close to me or be around at all. [You ask: is it always that way? Aren’t there some times when the two of you play and have a good time? Eileen starts to cry.] He’s always fighting with me. I wish they’d take him away. I don’t want to have a brother. [You say to Eileen’s mother: it sounds like Eileen is pretty upset about things with her brother. Do you agree that it’s always bad?] Yes, I think she really hates him. [You ask: How does he feel about her?] There’s no love lost. It seems like he can’t stand her either. [You ask Eileen: How do you think your brother feels about you?] I don’t care. I hate him. He hates me too. I wish they would take him away.”

Jane, age fourteen, is talking about her relationships at school. You ask, “How do you get along with the other kids at school?” “I don’t know. I don’t think they like me. [You ask: What kinds of things make you feel that way?] I don’t know. They can be laughing and joking around, and when I walk up, everybody stops talking. Sometimes when I’m walking down the hall, other kids will be talking by their lockers or something and look over at me and start laughing. [You ask: Is it that way with all of the kids?] It seems that way.

Whether your goal is to give a stirring speech, stand up and preach, passionately beseech, or quietly teach, you need an exit strategy.

Whether your goal is to lavish with praise, turn a clever phrase, ask your boss for a raise, or merely sit and gaze, you need an exit strategy.

Whether your goal is to ride a bike, take a hike, build a dike, or play a game you like, you need an exit strategy.

Whether your goal is to walk in the rain, fly a plain, travel by train, or simply refrain, you need an exit strategy.

Sure, I could continue without angst or rancor whether your goal is to captain a tanker or to do lunch with a banker, sell ice cream in Alaska or grow palm trees in Nebraska. You still need an exit strategy. …

The need for an exit strategy is never quite as important as when talking or writing. Okay, it’s pretty important to have an exit strategy if you plan on jumping in the lake or grabbing a snake, slipping out for a break or just staying awake. Even so, if your plan is to give a speech or write an article, make a presentation or publish your novel, having an exit strategy is essential.

What is the big deal about this exit strategy thing?

At a broad level, most things are easier to get into than out of, easier to start than finish, quicker promised than delivered, and most importantly, much easier done than undone. The range of messes we can and sometimes do get ourselves into is sometimes astounding. Fortunately, most of us usually manage to avoid these pitfalls of life and living. We are normally thoughtful enough and cautious enough to keep ourselves between the lines.

When talking and writing though, far too many of us venture forth without so much as a rudimentary exit strategy. The talk we give or point we make just hangs out there with no landing point or conclusion. We know that our exit strategy was inadequate or missing when we stop talking and those around us immediately resume talking about something else as if we hadn’t said anything at all. From their perspective, that’s what happened. We said nothing worth further consideration.

The same level of non-response can also be experienced when writing without an exit strategy. Whether your words are only for sport or the text of a report, as rough as a wart or ready for court, you are hoping for a response. It’s not precisely material what you hope the response will be but a response is nonetheless anticipated. When you have personally observed a more detectable response from people scanning the menu at McDonalds, you know that you have written without an exit strategy. You would have faired better ordering a Big Mac.

Here is a pro tip for assuring that you always have an exit strategy when speaking or writing. It matters not whether your audience is standing room only or but two or three, whether you write for the ages or are just texting me, know how you will finish before you start, know where you are headed before you depart.

Whether my goal is to give a stirring speech, stand up and preach, passionately beseech, or quietly teach, I take care to have an exit strategy. I now pass the tip along to you. Please make it your first step to assure that you always get the last word.

Do you find yourself caught up in the vicious circle? That's when circumstances are causing you to falter and your faltering is causing circumstances that make you falter. As you see, it's a vicious circle. If you find yourself in the vicious circle, this pro tip for managing the vicious circle may be just the tip you need.

Do you sometimes have an important point you want to make with a co-worker, a friend, a teenager, someone you have never talked with before? We all have a point to make from time to time. For those moments, here is a pro tip for making your point.

When asking a question or making a point, do you ever start by saying, "This may be stupid but…?" I sure hope you don't but either way, I'm sure you've heard this disclaimer from others. This episode of the Audio Tidbits Podcast does not start with a disclaimer but does wonder about every starting with, "This may be stupid but…." Press play and see what you think about starting what you have to say with a disclaimer, particularly one that suggests that you and what you have to say may be stupid.

Chapter 9 – Crisis Feeling

As we thought about crisis color, we were focusing on the mood, tone, or affect of the individual in crisis. The color, then, is his overall or predominant emotional tone or state. As we talk about communication feeling, it will be important to keep this understanding of crisis color in mind.

MESSAGES WITH FEELING

Crisis color tells us something about the individual as a whole person in the present situation. Communication feeling has to do with the specific messages conveyed back and forth between you and the individual in crisis. As we looked at the content within the communication loop, we saw that each message has a factual or objective meaning. Each message also comes with its own specific feeling. For example, an individual may be very angry—his crisis may be red. However, this does not necessarily mean that he is angry about everything and everyone. In fact, there may be some people, events, or situations involved in his crisis that make him feel good, smile, or feel pleased. A small child who is very upset or angry with one parent may have good and loving feelings toward the other. A teenager who is very upset and apprehensive as a result of her boyfriend’s going out with another girl may be furious with the girl but still have loving, caring feelings toward the boyfriend. Even though the individual’s mood may be predominantly anxious, afraid, angry, or depressed, it is not necessarily or usually true that he is upset about everything and everyone. Similarly, some things may be making him feel fearful while others make him feel guilty; some things may make him feel angry while others make him feel apprehensive.

Jerry, age seventeen, is in a red crisis. He has a very defiant look and sits rigidly in the chair beside your desk. You ask, “How are you today, Jerry?” “Fine. I didn’t want to come here. My father said he would take me to juvenile court if I didn’t come. I’m here because it’s better than going to court. [You ask: Did you get into some kind of trouble?] Yeah, I just got suspended from school. One of the big-shot teachers reported us. This is my first offense. The other two, it’s their second time. He found out we were passing a joint. [You ask: Passing a joint gets you suspended from school?] Yeah. I’ve been smoking for four years and had to get caught. [You ask: How did getting suspended go over at home?] Well, my dad—I was surprised—he just laughed, nodded his head, and said ‘That’s my kid.’ [You ask: How did your mom take it?] She had a fit. She may still be yelling for all I know. My uncle —he was really upset. Now, he’s real neat. I can tell him anything. I don’t really need you people. Any talking I do, I do with him. [You say: It’s nice you can talk with him. We know how your mom and dad and uncle feel about it. How do you feel about getting suspended?] Well, it’s nice in a way. I don’t have to sit in all those stupid classes, but it just gets me further behind. I want to graduate so I can go to college, but those classes are such a bore. [From Jerry’s red crisis and from his somewhat hostile attitude, you might have assumed that he would be quite negative toward school and education. He does not like school, but he is not particularly happy about being suspended. You say: Classes can be a bore sometimes.] They—those teachers—get me mad. I start cursing in class. This one overheard me and made me stay after class. He asked me if I like him, and I told him, ‘Hell, no!’ and ran out of the room. He hasn’t liked me much since then. [You are developing a suspicion that Jerry’s temper may be a problem to him, and you ask: Do you get angry often?] Yeah, I start cursing a blue streak, and when I do, it feels so good that —oh, I haven’t been doing nearly as much….My mom had to go to California for a while, and my dad and I had a really good time. We laughed and joked.

Success requires Focus, Focus, Focus. Your full undivided attention is on your success agenda. You do not permit distraction or competing priorities. You continuously say Yes to your success.

Success requires Timing, Timing, Timing. You are where you need to be, when you need to be there, doing what you need to do. You are always prepared, always good to go.

Success requires Attitude, Attitude, Attitude. It is not a whatever you happen to feel about it today attitude. It is the success attitude. You believe in your success, your capacity to succeed. What's more, you have no doubt about what you do to succeed. You do whatever it takes. …

Success requires Persistence, Persistence, Persistence. You are committed to sticking to it. How long do you hang in? You hang in as long as it takes to succeed. You persist.

Success requires Practice, Practice, Practice. This is the key element separating you from the less successful. However talented, skilled, capable, clever, ingenious you are today, you can improve, can get better, can do better.

It's simple. If you can do better, you do better, a day at a time, a month at a time, a year at a time. With your success, good enough is never good enough, since you know you can do even better.

Success requires Responsibility, Responsibility, Responsibility. The responsibility element is similarly uncomplicated. You do the right things right, the first time, on time, every time.

Success requires Imagination, Imagination, Imagination. The imagination element is where you may nod in agreement but miss the point.

It is pleasant to imagine yourself wildly successful and enjoying the perks of success. However, this type of imagining is potentially counterproductive. It distracts from your success agenda, from today, from the here-and-now.

Imagine yourself as more talented, more skilled, more capable, more clever, more ingenious. How much more? More than today. Concurrently, imagine strategies and approaches to get to more. Yes indeed. Concentrate on your success agenda, stick to your agenda, imagine ticking off the boxes on your path to success.

Success requires Determination, Determination, Determination. Another simple success element. You made up your mind to succeed and nothing less is acceptable. Your success is not a matter of If. The only variable is How soon.

Success requires Effort, Effort, Effort. This is where the game is lost for most. They weigh their current level of effort against the perceived likelihood of success and conclude they are falling short. They refuse to sustain their current effort and do not seriously contemplate an increase. Since your success is a foregone conclusion, your effort decision reduces to whatever it takes. You just do it.

Now you know so there you go on your way to success.