The Frustration Factor

“If a man is not rising upwards to be an angel, depend upon it, he is sinking downwards to be a devil.” What do you think about this pronouncement from Samuel Taylor Coleridge?

If you are skeptical about this angel thing, consider what George Elliot said, “The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.”

OK, you may still see nothing but sand and are too busy to rise upwards to be an angel. Besides, you’ve never seen an angel and doubt if anyone else has either. Well, it’s just like James Russell Lowell said, “All God's angels come to us disguised.”

Voltaire added, “It is not known precisely where angels dwell - whether in the air, the void, or the planets. It has not been God's pleasure that we should be informed of their abode.”

Nonetheless, “Angels descending, bring from above, echoes of mercy, whispers of love.” (Fanny J. Crosby)

It’s like Jean Paul Richter told us, “The guardian angels of life fly so high as to be beyond our sight, but they are always looking down upon us.”

“O welcome, pure-eyed Faith, white-handed Hope, Thou hovering angel, girt with golden wings!” (John Milton, Comus) …

. . . . .

“The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind.” H.L. Mencken certainly laid it out that drink is a good news – bad news opportunity. Sure, it depends; but there definitely are pros and cons.

The famous Anon. said, “The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity;” but Robert Louis Stevenson said, “Wine is bottled poetry.” Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller said, “When the wine goes in, strange things come out;” but Frank Sinatra said, “I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.” Even Shakespeare weighed in on the thumbs down side, “O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains! that we should, with joy, pleasance, revel, and applause, transform ourselves into beasts;” but no less an authority than Dave Barry put in his two cents worth on the other side of the debate, “Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” – Let’s give Homer Simpson today’s last word on the topic, “Beer is the cause and solution to all of life's problems. – Cheers!

. . . . .

There is a French Proverb that says, “Anger is a bad counselor.” Although anger compels you to action, it’s like Benjamin Franklin warned, “Anger and folly walk cheek by jowl.” Will Rogers put it this way, “People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing;” and Robert G. Ingersoll like this, “Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.”

Should a Korean Proverb be more your style, try this one, “If you kick a stone in anger, you'll hurt your own foot.” Wherever in the world you seek your wisdom, indulging in anger is a major no-no. Even Horace gave it a thumbs-down, “Anger is short-lived madness.” Ambrose Bierce said, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”

OK, go ahead and lose your temper if you must; but at least take a quick count to 10 as you “consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.” (Marcus Antonius)

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. Vince Lombardi

This isn't always true but is true enough often enough. It may not be true if you are the boss' kid, the only one who knows how to drive the truck, or if it's your ball and you will take it and go home if they don't let you pitch. Other than that, think of it as Lombardi's immutable law of continuing employment. Oliver Wendell Holmes even knew the source of the fire, Through our great good fortune, in our youth our hearts were touched with fire. It was given to us to learn at the outset that life is a profound and passionate thing.

You probably won't want to take the getting fired up thing as far as John Wesley did. He is the one who said, I set myself on fire and people come to watch me burn. Even so, John Foster's point is definitely worth keeping in mind, One of the strongest characteristics of genius is the power of lighting its own fire. Turning into a torch like Wesley is going a tad too far. but keeping a match handy to light your own fire might be pretty cool, so to speak. Being a genius certainly can't hurt your chances of avoiding the employment ax, if it falls. …

If you don't happen to have a promising future as a genius, Napoleon Hill offers some useful advice, The starting point of all achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desires bring weak results, just as a small amount of fire makes a small amount of heat. You need to have a strong desire to succeed, a lot of Lombardi's enthusiasm. As Publius Terentius Afer pointed out, There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it reluctantly.

Winston Churchill hit the same nail on the head, Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. And Robert Schuller drove it home when he said, Do what you can, where you are, with what you have. Schuller could have easily added, And do it enthusiastically. Should you be thinking that the fire you need exceeds your capacity, the popular Anon. has a parting thought just for you, If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. if you don't, you'll find an excuse.

Real memory problems are uncommon. But forgetting or not remembering to remember is very common. If it only happens once in a while and seldom involves important things, it is no big deal. It is a problem if forgetting is a regular reason for not doing things. It does get to a point when "I forgot," is not just one of those things.

It is tempting to accuse your child of lying or not paying attention. Either may be true. If so, they are themselves problems needing your attention. More likely are several other explanations.

First, your child did not see the assignment or expectation as important enough to remember. He thought it did not matter that much. Dealing with this is not complicated. It also is a good place to start when you first notice the sign. Talk with your child about how important you think the assignment or expectation is. Stress with him how important you think it is for him to treat it as important. This often helps a lot all by itself. …

Also be sure you are not using "I forgot," with him or others in the family over things they thought you were going to do. Remembering is a part of caring, respecting each other, and living in a family.

The next step is to be sure your child understands what you expect. When you ask her to do something, have her repeat your request and briefly tell you how she will go about doing whatever it was. Take five minutes for her to explain her homework assignments and describe how she will do them. She might tell you, "I will start on page 144 and read to the end of page 147. Also I will work the nine problems on page 201." Be sure she knows what to do before you expect her to remember to do it.

The next step if the first ones do not work is to set some clear consequences for not remembering. You might say, "You forget to do your home work a lot. I also know you often forget to clean your room. You say they are important but you do not act like they are. I want to make them a little more important. Here is how I am going to do it. You will work on organizing and scheduling things. You and I are then going to figure out what will happen each time you forget to do your homework or clean your room. There need to be consequences. What should they be? If you cannot decide together, I will decide for you. What do you think?"

Positive consequences for remembering are a good idea if you can come up with them. If you use a negative consequence, be careful. It needs to be mild. Help your child remember and not to punish her for forgetting. It also needs to be something you can do daily if necessary and something you will remember. Your forgetting would itself be a problem.

Real memory problems are uncommon. But forgetting or not remembering to remember is very common. If it only happens once in a while and seldom involves important things, it is no big deal. It is a problem if forgetting is a regular reason for not doing things. It does get to a point when "I forgot," is not just one of those things.

It is tempting to accuse your child of lying or not paying attention. Either may be true. If so, they are themselves problems needing your attention. More likely are several other explanations.

First, your child did not see the assignment or expectation as important enough to remember. He thought it did not matter that much. Dealing with this is not complicated. It also is a good place to start when you first notice the sign. Talk with your child about how important you think the assignment or expectation is. Stress with him how important you think it is for him to treat it as important. This often helps a lot all by itself. …

Also be sure you are not using "I forgot," with him or others in the family over things they thought you were going to do. Remembering is a part of caring, respecting each other, and living in a family.

The next step is to be sure your child understands what you expect. When you ask her to do something, have her repeat your request and briefly tell you how she will go about doing whatever it was. Take five minutes for her to explain her homework assignments and describe how she will do them. She might tell you, "I will start on page 144 and read to the end of page 147. Also I will work the nine problems on page 201." Be sure she knows what to do before you expect her to remember to do it.

The next step if the first ones do not work is to set some clear consequences for not remembering. You might say, "You forget to do your home work a lot. I also know you often forget to clean your room. You say they are important but you do not act like they are. I want to make them a little more important. Here is how I am going to do it. You will work on organizing and scheduling things. You and I are then going to figure out what will happen each time you forget to do your homework or clean your room. There need to be consequences. What should they be? If you cannot decide together, I will decide for you. What do you think?"

Positive consequences for remembering are a good idea if you can come up with them. If you use a negative consequence, be careful. It needs to be mild. Help your child remember and not to punish her for forgetting. It also needs to be something you can do daily if necessary and something you will remember. Your forgetting would itself be a problem.

Our intrepid hunters have pursued the Great Mouse to the depths of New York’s subway system. The Great Mouse continues to confound them and the members of New York’s elite terrorist team even with the addition of their amazing laser fire power.

The Great Mouse can shift and suddenly appear and disappear as the hunters pursue their quarry through the network, on and off trains, in and out of tunnels. The pursuit is awesome to observe. Please join me as I anxiously await the outcome of this chapter in the ongoing quest for the Great mouse.

It does not matter who thinks you should not be the batter, are not the right person for the job, are not qualified, are not worthy. Your success is on the line; and it is time for you to add another line to your success mantra:

• Focus, Focus, Focus!

Do not let fear of failure, opinions of others, unsolicited criticism, or childish ridicule get in the way of your success. You are at the plate; your success is riding on this swing of the bat. This is your current best chance to get it right and you may not get another chance. Even if you do, this is the only opportunity you will have to get it right, the first time, on time.

It does not make any difference whether anyone else understands this is the most important thing you have ever done or if they can see why you think it is such a big deal. They do not get it. This is your success work and demands your personal best. You cannot afford to fail with what you are doing right now. Maybe you are talking with one person or a thousand, doing something you have done a hundred times before or something you are doing for the very first time, something requiring all of your knowledge and skills or something simple and uncomplicated. Whatever your immediate challenge, it is time for you to do it, and do it you do, no exceptions, no excuses. What's more, you do not expect people to wait around until you get it right, until you succeed. You expect to get it right the first time, on time, and simply assume others expect you to get it right too. …

Simon has some advice for you though, as you consider your swing. This comes straight from your personal success coach and you will do well to listen and learn. To be forewarned is to be prepared.

• Have a healthy skepticism for what can go wrong.

You plan to succeed. You always believe you are going to get a hit; but in the best of times, you cannot connect 100% of the time. There are just too many variables for you to completely control or always predict exactly how they are all going to play out; and since you cannot,

• Know in advance what you will do if it does not work out.

Just as you swing, knowing what can happen and feeling prepared, you cross the invisible line preventing most people from reaching their goals, from stepping up to the plate and taking their swing at success. You know exactly what they know; but in situations where you confidently swing for the center field fence, they sit down and watch someone else succeed.

What is the source of their misgiving? What keeps them from crossing the invisible success line?

• They do not want to proceed until circumstances are more ideal.

• They wait until conditions are more favorable.

• They sit this one out and hope for better weather next time.

Good for them, if that is their orientation to their success. For you though, succeeding means accepting some risk. You are certainly not going to step up to the plate in a hurricane or hang in there with a hundred miles per hour fast ball with your eyes closed; but you are not going to wait for a sunny day in July either. What you know others may not is,

• You never experience the exact conditions you think you need to succeed.

Although conditions are never ideal, you have done your success groundwork and are prepared to bat. You trust your intuition and believe you are able to handle most anything. You are as ready as you will ever be. The moment is at hand and you most assuredly swing the bat, take your turn at success.

Successfully establishing and maintaining the leadership connections identified in Chapter Two require answering several questions.

Who connects with whom?

What is the content of the connection?

Where does the connection occur?

When do the people connect?

Why do they invest the time and energy required to connect?

How is the connection initiated and sustained?

Consider these questions with the goal of enabling members of the Leadership Team to establish and maintain the array of connections needed to assure the agency's leadership perspective is in place and clearly focused.

When considering the questions, it helps to keep in mind these points made by Neukrug 2008 when discussing community change, "A number of strategies for changing the community have been suggested over the years. However, today it is clear that whatever intervention one makes, it should be taken with an attitude of respect and collaboration with community members." page 176-177

Neukrug goes on to suggest six steps for implementing community change: accurately define your problem, collaborate with community members, respect community members, collaboratively develop strategies for change, implement change strategies, and assess effectiveness.

Neukrug's six-step strategy definitely applies to successful leadership connections as much as to community change in general. As the questions translate into action, the wisdom of Gunderson 1997 also deserves inclusion in the journey. "Only a fool would say, 'Follow me, I have the answer,' or perhaps only a fool would follow." (page 55) Rather, we move toward one another in humility, challenged by the opportunity for making progress and needing each other in order to see progress achieved.

You cannot respect something you do not understand.

You cannot understand someone to whom you have not listened.

You cannot listen to someone with whom you have not spent time.

"I think you are fine just the way you are, trust you with that which is mine, and believe that you give everything you do your best effort." There you go, "faith" in a nutshell. Are you honestly able to say that to your significant other? If so, you have faith. If not, there may be a problem.

"You are fine just the way you are." If you can say this, you have put the first building block of faith into place. Each of you undoubtedly sees areas where you could personally improve, things you could do better. You certainly believe in continuous improvement. The key is that you each apply it to yourself but not to each other. Your relationship is not about judging or criticizing. It is about respect, trust, and mutual acceptance. You are not into changing each other, although each can expect the other's support if the individual chooses to change.

"I trust you with that which is mine." You have put the second building block into place. It includes material things but also holds things that are more personal. You have much of real value on this block. It holds your feelings, a piece of who you are and who you want to be, a part of your life that you cannot recover if it is lost. You have entrusted these intangibles freely and without reservation. You have committed an act of faith and expect nothing in return beyond having your faith reciprocated.

"You give everything you do your best effort." The third building block of faith may be the most important, since the first two depend on it. Would you say, "You are fine just the way you are," and "I trust you with that which is mine," if you knew that you were not going to get "best effort?" Not on your life, especially since your life is partially what is at risk.

Simon's point is simple. Faith is built from acceptance and trust but rests on believing that each of you is getting the best the other has to offer, every day, in every way. Sensitive Simon will not sing his theme song for you here; but please feel free to hum a verse or two should you have the urge.

Our intrepid hunters have tracked the Great Mouse to this peaceful setting where they find the Great Mouse and its companion having a well-deserved rest. The hunters are surprised but can certainly relate to the need for rest. The presence of the companion should have been expected but nonetheless catches the hunters a little off guard. What to do?

After a quick consultation, they choose to silently slip away. The hunt for the Great Mouse will continue, but not today.

Make up your mind to win and nothing else. Norman Vincent Peale

Peale believes that all the resources you need to succeed are in your mind. If you expect to succeed, you likely will. If you think you will fail, you probably are right. Peale counsels you to expect success. Pealeisms have a powerfully positive ring. Always play with abandon. It is always too soon to quit. Conditions will shift in your favor. Faith cures fear. Are you climbing aboard Peale's winners' express? Do you believe you can succeed? Dr. Peale knows you can succeed. You can if you think you can. Stinking thinking leads to hardening of the attitudes. Zig Ziglar is at least as colorful as this Ziglarism. In How to Get What You Want, Ziglar quickly cuts to the chase. If you don't think you deserve success, you will do things to keep you from getting it.

How do winners who know they deserve success get their get up and go up and going? Ziglar contends they start from where they are with what they've got. They do not wait for something to change or for things to get better before deciding to succeed. They just get on with it. They go as far as they can see, knowing that once they get there they will always be able to see further. Ziglar combines his self-motivation philosophy with personal goals and a zest for people helping people. On personal goals, Ziglar zeros in with a total lack of subtlety. You cannot reach goals you do not have. You cannot reach someone else's goal. you can only reach your own. Thinking you are too busy is stinking thinking. It is not the lack of time that is the problem, it is the lack of direction. Either you think you deserve success and go for it or you will get cooked in the squat which is even worse than it sounds. You will get everything in life you want if you just help enough other people get what they want. For Ziglar, this is the nub of personal goal setting. It is both the value and the direction. More eloquently, Ziglar says, You don't climb the high mountain by yourself. it is in conjunction with others that you really accomplish the major things in life. If you look, think and behave like everyone else, you will look, think and behave like everyone else.

Michael LeBoeuf calls his success philosophy Imagineering. Your uniqueness is your ticket into the winner's circle, according to LeBoeuf. Getting to the circle to be admitted is your personal creative challenge, the problem before you. But waiting on an inspiration is useless. Start on the problem and then the ideas will come. Inspiration, LeBoeuf advises, usually comes to those who have done the groundwork.

In Blow Your Own Horn, Jeffrey Davidson shows he knows about the ways of winners. You are your own marketing department, according to Davidson. In one sentence, what is it that you are marketing. what is it that you have to offer the world? If you do not know, no one else is likely to care.

Peter Drucker makes a similar point when, in The Frontiers of Management, he says, It is your vision or its absence that shapes your future. Drucker sees success itself as the ultimate test of success. and your personal vision is the key to your status as a winner or loser.

In Developing Winner's Habits, Denis Waitley adds meat to the wishbone of goals and personal vision. Waitley insists that winners never let anyone know they are scared or unprepared. Winners act like winners. they project confidence. Waitley's strategy is to find one good idea to pull your trigger on, remembering that there is still plenty of time to win but never enough time to lose. Attack the problem and never the people.

Roger Fisher and William Ury in Getting to Yes join the unanimous chorus of success experts in emphasizing the importance of people skills. Fisher and Ury give their attention to negotiating. but their main points could equally apply to almost any success opportunity.