Jonathan Harnisch's struggles with his mental health conditions are interlinked with the incomprehension of non-sufferers, which provokes him to explain his reality. He has explored a range of media, including film, music, and now the written word, to help the general public understand exactly what it feels like to suffer from schizophrenia. By fictionalizing the day-to-day meetings of multiple personalities, he is illuminating a corner of psychiatry that few understand. As an author with schizophrenia, Jonathan Harnisch is ideally placed to share the unusual perception commonly defined as 'mental illness'. Harnisch is not dealing with an altered reality, but a double reality. His main characters, Ben Schreiber and Georgie Gust, perfectly illustrate how two lives can share the same body.

Jonathan Harnisch's struggles with his mental health conditions are interlinked with the incomprehension of non-sufferers, which provokes him to explain his reality. He has explored a range of media, including film, music, and now the written word, to help the general public understand exactly what it feels like to suffer from schizophrenia. By fictionalizing the day-to-day meetings of multiple personalities, he is illuminating a corner of psychiatry that few understand. As an author with schizophrenia, Jonathan Harnisch is ideally placed to share the unusual perception commonly defined as 'mental illness'. Harnisch is not dealing with an altered reality, but a double reality. His main characters, Ben Schreiber and Georgie Gust, perfectly illustrate how two lives can share the same body.

Life Sucks I'm Just Trying To Live It (2015) Trailer

This little hidden gem of a video just might change your life as it did for me documenting three days in the intensive care unit at the UNM Sandoval Regional Medical Center in northern Rio Rancho, New Mexico. Sometimes leaving is harder than staying. "I use my experiences, good and bad to inspire and I will not stop... This is one sentence in this life story I'm writing and I'm not the editor and there are typos..." — Jonathan Harnisch, 'Life Sucks I'm Just Trying To Live It' (2015).

INTRODUCING LIVING COLORFUL BEAUTY BY JONATHAN HARNISCH (AUTHOR) PAPERBACK – OCTOBER 19, 2015 | EDITORIAL BOOK REVIEWS | RATING: 5 STARS - BOOK REVIEW BY ANNA CALL https://www.forewordreviews.com/rev…/living-colorful-beauty/Genre: Literary › Mental Health › SchizophreniaLiving Colorful Beauty is a twisted, intensely character-driven ride.In Living Colorful Beauty, author Jonathan Harnisch tells the story of Ben, a man diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome, schizoaffective disorder, and several other issues. Ever since his youth, Ben has been both plagued by mental illness and obsessed with venality. As he navigates through an unstable, directionless life and leaves a string of shattered romances in his wake, he generates a fictional character, Georgie Gust, to deal with his many paraphilias and neuroses. But with the introduction of a new psychotherapist, Ben may have a chance to let go of his doppelgänger as well as his overwhelming insecurity.Though the book is saturated with Ben's sexuality, its prevailing theme is actually his struggle to come to terms with his mental health. The entire book reads like a Freudian therapy session, so the ultimate resolution of Ben's problems is appropriate. Ben's internal creative process is integral to the book's effectiveness, since much of the psychoanalysis Ben receives seems to come from himself through the lens of his fictional creation, Georgie. The book features an almost claustrophobic amount of of navel-gazing, which may be intentional. At times, the reading experience leaves no doubt as to how the book's main character could drive himself crazy with his recursive, obsessive self-examination.Ben and Georgie have an interesting and nuanced relationship. At times Ben seems completely unable to control his double while simultaneously being one with him. He often reassures himself that his creation is the inferior man, citing Georgie's pumpkin-like body as the reason that nobody will ever want him. On the other hand, of the two of them, Georgie seems to have the more active love life. Ben reaches for emotional intimacy through relationship after relationship, but his illness, issues with women, and physical demands--the Georgie in him--constantly hamper his progress.As the narrator, Ben's point of view colors all of the other characters. Several of these, in addition to Georgie, are or may be fictional, mere expressions of Ben's illness. This is especially true of the women in Ben's life. There are comparatively very few men in this story, but the women are usually of a seductive and even predatory type. Ben aggressively sizes up the ladies he knows, from his girlfriends to his therapist, in terms of their attractiveness, perhaps in an attempt to balance the scales, since in his own perception, women are domineering copies of his own terrifying mother. Part of Ben's evolution is to move toward a valuing of women beyond his mother issues, a satisfying direction for this character to travel.Living Colorful Beauty is a twisted, intensely character-driven ride that ends on a hopeful note. It may interest fans of Charles Bukowski and Tom Robbins.ANNA CALL (November 19, 2015)-- Foreword Clarion ReviewsThis short novel by New Mexico writer Jonathan Harnisch features the same urgent anguish—and the same disturbing characters—as the author’s 803-page, semi-autobiographical rampage through sexual obsession, schizophrenia and healing, Jonathan Harnisch: An Alibiography. Good news: Living Colorful Beauty stands on its own, serving as a vivid introduction to this gifted, if flawed, writer’s teeming mind.In 30-year-old Benjamin J. Schreiber, who suffers (like Harnisch) from schizoaffective disorder and Tourette’s Syndrome, the author has created a brilliant and memorable psychotic. In reckless Georgie Gust, he delivers a convincing alter-ego to whom Ben can transfer “my confessionary details, my sins, my fetishes.” As in Alibiography, their destructive common fantasy is the cruel, manipulative siren Claudia Nesbitt. Their possible salvation? An insightful shrink called Dr. C.Once again, Harnisch’s prose is simultaneously original and confusing: ”the words in my head have turned to salad,” Ben tells us, but “my imagination’s on fire.” Careening between New York and Southern California, and even more wildly between the searing traumas of Ben’s childhood and the perilous uncertainties of his present, the narrative reveals a tormented soul who is “merely a spy, an observer, into the world of my hallucinations” but who can sometimes make peace with his demons. “Let me lose my mind,” Ben muses. “Fuck it. I’m going out for a walk on the beach. The beach is a block away. The voices in my head are raging. They’re calling me a winner.”For Harnisch, who playfully calls himself “the king of mental illness,” writing fiction is clearly therapeutic. An editor character tells Ben: “The problem though is that your reader cannot possibly follow your train of thought,” and that’s often our problem, too. But the authenticity of Harnisch’s voice bursts through the tangles and repetitions of his language. He’s the real thing.-- BlueInk ReviewList Price: $8.99** Individual store prices may vary.

SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE NEEDS TO HEAR THAT THEY MATTER. They are loved. They have a future. You can tell them. This could be you. This could be me, somebody struggling with a mental health condition or not. Please reach out today, no matter the outcome. Just send a text, give them a call, and write him or her a note by email. You get what I'm saying, right? Just for today, if you would, I invite you just to say hello, ask about them. Have a conversation if you can. No expectations, just the tiniest random act of kindness. It will make a difference. You may not be able to fix them. Just give it a shot if you would. It would mean a lot to me, personally, if you did. I'm home now from the hospital, and I must say it's quite a readjustment, even after just three days away in the intensive care unit. Thank you for all your supportive comments. This page is meant for some, not all. The door is always open to come or go. I just do what I do, of course, sometimes knowing.  I do not necessarily practice what I preach. Just the whole thing about what many of you call being honest, and therefore inspiring. I do not agree. I am not honest. Nor, inspiring. All of my work, and I mean, all, is for me. This stuff helps me. Of course, I am glad it helps you sometimes. I just need to do all of this, whether it's writing a post like Dear life, you suck," or "today is a good day to have a great day." I don't know what I am doing. I don't think anyone does. OK, here's what I am saying just as it come into my head, that it's like a road trip. You plan it out and use a map and stay on course. You have fun. Students, a detour comes. You get off track and lose your sense of direction. You with me, it might not be coming out the right way, but I think you follow me, I don't know, and no matter. So, on this hypothetical road trip, you get lost, essentially, and the trip turns into a whole new unplanned experience, in a while new way. It ends. You're back home. And it's over. Al that's left are the memories. I could go on and on. Just stay strong guys, and all that. We are ALL fighting some battle... Again, I could go on and on, really but I won't, I just won't Not right now at least. Maybe in 10 minutes. I just don't know. That might be the whole message in this little mini early morning writing session. WE don't know. Etc., etc., take it or leave it. By the way, the 4th day without a cigarette, just a set of electronic cigarettes. Extremely limited liquid intake, caffeine, etc., time to chill out a bit, if I can. Of course, no need to apologize, but forgive my typos and other unedited writing pet peeves I have. Life’s tough. It’s OK. Thanks. —J.

This little hidden gem of a video just might change your life as it did for me documenting three days in the intensive care unit at the UNM Sandoval Regional Medical Center in northern Rio Rancho, New Mexico. Sometimes leaving is harder than staying. "I use my experiences, good and bad to inspire and I will not stop... This is one sentence in this life story I'm writing and I'm not the editor and there are typos..." — Jonathan Harnisch, 'Life Sucks I'm Just Trying To Live It' (2015).

Here's the gist of what my cognitive behavioral therapy psychologist and I discussed during today’s appointment. –Jonathan Harnisch

Notes from my doctor:

I noticed how much more at ease you appeared after things seemed copacetic with everyone.  You stated, "Well, things are not ok, but my attitude is ok."   That really got me thinking about the power of our perceptions- and the impact that they can have.   I then thought we should discuss the pros and cons of chaos vs. calm.   I understand you have some strong feelings about chaos and calm- and I thought a practical analysis of this would be beneficial.  

This all then led me to think, "Jonathan has a pretty nice set-up.  If we could figure out a way for him to sit back and accept more things- maybe he'd be happier and more at peace overall!"  Again, I bring all this up b/c you end up suffering more than anyone when things get overwhelming. 

I brought up that the "forest"- the big picture- is one in which your father set up a trust.   As far as I understand it- the trust is intended to support you with a very decent lifestyle for as long as you live.   That includes the property, all the necessities, and all of the money you get biweekly and for the holidays.  

I think you have ended up hyper-vigilant about the "trees"- the details- because you believe you should be getting more than what's being provided to you.   From what you've described, this goes back to not getting the financial recognition for your ideas, not being provided nearly as much money as you believe you are worth, and not having as much freedom to do what you want with your money as you'd like.  I also believe your traumatic experiences have a lot to do with this, and the fact that people have taken advantage of you in the past.

In addition, I think there are real things that occur daily that may be frustrating.   So- when you identify a "tree" that bothers you- I think there's often some truth to it!   I do not think many of these things are delusional!   But rather the type of cognitive distortions that all human beings deal with.

So- what does this all mean?   Well, I guess it all comes down to strategy.   It reminded me of that gamble in which you can take a high-risk  (e.g. 1/100) chance to get 1 billion dollars or nothing, OR no risk and a guarantee to receive 10 million.    I feel like all the frustration and anger you feel, and the resultant behaviors, have essentially led you in the direction of taking the high-risk chance- instead of just accepting the 10 million.   

I understand this may not seem fair, and I am certainly not one to suggest someone just settle for less.  But, I feel like the focus on the trees ends up upsetting you over and over again- and then everyone else around you.   And the ultimate consequences of only focusing on the trees could be a lot worse than the guaranteed- no risk- "compromise."   The fact is- we are all really trying to set things up so you can indefinitely live on the compound and enjoy life as much as possible.   But- there could be a point in which we can't sustain what you may need.   When you focus on the trees, it exacerbates this.  I've discussed my limitations, regarding being a sole practitioner with a full practice.   And your wife is tasked with managing quite a bit. We want to help- but cannot provide an infinite source of support.

I likened the whole thing to accepting you'll never be allowed to purchase a Ferrari- but have to "settle" for a top-of-the-line BMW.  (And you pointed out: at least it wasn't a Honda Civic.)  It's not ideal- but swinging for the fences may just not be practical all the time.

I really believe we would all rather have you feel healthy, and be thinking clearly, and handling your own resources.   But, because of the circumstances, we are tasked with bein

Voice recording on  Wednesday, December 16, 2015, 4:46 AM

Sometimes I can't believe how much I have accomplished in my life more or just getting by every day given my severe health limitations. I'm beginning to see the light, ceasing to care anymore whom I please or what anybody has to say about me. Therefore, I am beginning to be able to produce the best work I am capable of living with terminal illness. My specialty care doctor said something to the effect of, "Jonathan, it is a wonder how you had even done a thing much less get up and be alive, literally, for the past 20 years or so, when all of this started." I provided her the medical records I dug up, proving I had the rare terminal illness that I do since I was born. To be more precise, I was even born with it. I was a stillborn, for three days with no natural breath, and no natural heartbeat, just a life support system, maintaining any possible life inside me, and 40 years later, I hope (I turn 40 in less than a month) I happened to survive.  

 — Jonathan Harnisch

Wednesday, December 16, 2015, Update: 6:26 AM I just received some additional news regarding my health. Indeed, it's been confirmed I do have diabetes insipidus. Outward Bound! Text from my wife: "Honey, I'm sorry you worried so much. What I wanted to tell you is that the pharmacy called, [the doctor] ordered desmopressin, the medication for diabetes insipidus (DI), which indicates that you have that. However, the pharmacy is out of desmopressin. (DI) is not a common disorder) and it won't be in until Monday. I will call [the doctor] later today and see where we go from here."