The Great Man Within

#52: Whether you know it or not, you were raised to live in a "Man Box."

"The Man Box" is a term developed in the 1980's by a group of men called the Oakland Men's Project in order to define the series of qualities men are instructed to embody in order to "be a man":

• Do not cry or openly express emotions
• Do not express weakness or fear
• Demonstrate power and control
• Do not be like a woman
• Do not be like a gay man (be heterosexual)
• Make decisions on your own (do not ask for help)
• Be a protector
• Be aggressive and dominant
• View women as property/objects

The contents of the Man Box can be broken down into 5 categories:

1. Success: You must win, beat others, be right, don't ask for help.
2. Emotions: Emotions are a liability. Belonging: Unless you are extraordinary, you must "fit in" to be accepted.
3. Sexuality: You must be heterosexual, sexually accomplished, and never experience performance issues.
4. Women: You must protect, be in control of and dominant over women.

So long as you follow these rules, you will experience a sense of belonging and be looked to as "a man."

These archaic rules are not only toxic to society, they've trapped you into a way of living that isn't your own…

…instead, you've drifted into this cage unwittingly.

You need to break these 5 rules of "Man Box Masculinity" and re-define your own rules.

Here are a few ways of knowing you've been socialized into The Man Box:

• You're feeling uninspired by the life you've created
• You regularly find yourself emotionally exhausted having to act/behave a certain way
• You feel restless and trapped by your life
• You find yourself unable to confide fully in others
• You have secretive parts of your life that you'd be afraid for other to know or see
• You are unable to communicate 100% of your desires to your romantic partner, friends or business colleagues

• Defining "The Man Box" and its "rules of masculinity"
• Exposing where you've defaulted into The Man Box How to break the 5 rules of Man Box masculinity
• 3 questions to ask yourself about each of these 5 rules
• A free PDF download to help you re-define your own rules: https://www.doinnerwork.com/5practices

#51: This is the second installment of the two part series on Modern Manhood – filmed live at our Discerning Dick: Sexual Wisdom for the Modern Man event here in NYC.

Now if you're one of those weirdos who's listening to Part Two without having listened to Part One, Modern Manhood is the name of the book written by Cleo Stiller, an Emmy and Peabody nominated reporter.

Modern Manhood tackles conversations about the complicated world of being a good man today.

This episode was filmed in front of a live audience of about 70 men and women. This was our 11th such event and I've gotta say it ranks right up there for both me and Bryan as an all-time favorite because the audience was just lit up to discuss and debate these issues.

So in this episode, we extra deep into the following arenas:

1. Why locker room talk, the lowest common denominator of male bonding, serves as a gender divisive and unfortunately effective method of connection between men (and how we change that)
2. Why our masculinity is constantly being tested… including a recent example of when one-testicle Bryan was told to "grow a pair" for not having a beer
3. Why men's worst behaviors are "tragic expressions of unmet needs," as one of our guests, Shai, said.
4. And an emotional moment for me, and many women in the room, where I read a Step 9 letter...which is an apology letter I wrote during my time in Sex Addicts Anonymous to a woman who I'd sexually objectified over a 10 year period of my life.

#50: "If you feel like you're one of the "good guys," you might be feeling frustrated, exasperated and perhaps even skeptical about the current national conversation surrounding #MeToo.

You've likely found yourself in countless experiences or conversations lately where the situation feels gray, at best.

You have a lot to say, but you're afraid to say it and worried that one wrong move will land you in the hot seat."

This is a passage taken directly from the back cover of the brand new – and important book -entitled Modern Manhood: Conversations About the Complicated World of Being a Good Man Today.

Modern Manhood was written by Emmy and Peabody Nominated reporter, Cleo Stiller.

Yes, Cleo is a woman writing a book for men, and you'll hear why during our interview.

Bryan and I had the honor of being interviewed by Cleo in her research for this book… …and I've gotta tell you guys, you need to pick up a copy of this book.

She hits all the categories where the rules now seem to be blurry: dating, money, gender behavior protocols in the workplace, parenting and the topic of our conversation today: A fearless exploration of sexual gray areas.

We tackle a few of the toughest questions of our time, like:

• How do I participate in the current narrative without being called out for saying the wrong thing or exposed for something I did years ago?
• Is everything I was taught about courtship and sexual pursuit now considered creepy?
• How come women are telling me contradictory things about what they expect when it comes to chivalry and sexual consent?

This is a special podcast because it was filmed in front of a live audience of about 70 people at our event called The Discerning Dick: Sexual Wisdom for the Modern Man…a live event series we host in NYC for men to explore the forces that shape their sexuality.

This was our 11th such event and I've gotta say it ranks right up there for both me and Bryan as an all-time favorite because the audience was just lit up to discuss and debate these issues.

This is the first episode of a two part series – the second will be released this Thursday – enjoy!

#49: Robert Kandell is the author of unHidden – A Book for Men and Those Confused by them.

He is a teacher, writer, coach and lecturer committed to helping men find their best lives in love and on purpose.

Since 2002, Robert has been on the cutting edge of inner work, leading over 10,000 people on their journeys of personal development. A big chunk of those people he helped through the business he co-founded – OneTaste – which turned into a fast-growing 8-figure international business most famous for it's practice of Orgasmic Meditation – or OMing.

In this episode, we dive into:

Why men keep some of the deepest parts of themselves hidden, which leads to a lackluster intimate life and settling for a life that doesn't inspire you.

Robert's client – a high-end NYC escort – who charges men $1,000 an hour to perform to experiences desires they are too afraid to ask for with their partner

How you can ask for the things you want without guilt or shame.

The excuses men make that cause you to settle for a life of mediocrity.

This episode is yet another step on your journey, to discover and live the great man within you.

Resources

Book: unHidden: A Book for Men and Those Confused by Them

Robert's Website: RobertKandell.com

Robert's Podcast: Tuff Love on Apple Podcasts

#48: Madelyn Moon is a coach to women who are in a constant state of "doing" and want to reconnect with their feminine essence.

She runs the popular Mind Body Musings podcast which is Top-50 of ALL TIME in the U.S. and Great Britain in Self Improvement.

She joins us today to educate us fellas on the ways in which we lose credibility with women, based on what she's synthesized from hundreds of female clients she's worked with over the years.

The 5 Ways Men Lose Credibility With Women

#1. Hesitation

#2. Lack of Integrity In Communicating What You Can and Cannot Handle

#3. Lack of Follow Through on Your Word

#4. Going Unconscious During Transitions

#5. Defending Yourself vs. Listening to Her For a deeper dive into each of these, download and listen to the show.

#47: Lisa Ann is one of the top-10 most downloaded porn stars in the world.

Earlier in the week, we released Part 1 of this two-part interview series with Lisa Ann, who's become a friend and a teacher to The Great Man Within community.

This week, the big topics:

The Business of Porn: The sneaky way the porn industry makes money in an era when no one pays for porn.

Lisa Ann Crushes Dr. Ruth in a Debate: Lisa Ann flies to London to debate the legendary Dr. Ruth in a debate about porn…and beats the Dr. in a landslide vote.

Reasons Not to Compare Your Dick: Lisa reads off a list of camera techniques, pills and injections that performers use to make their dicks look bigger than they are on screen.

Lisa Ann is one of the world's 10 most downloaded porn stars.

At 47 years of age, she's been in the industry for nearly 3 decades, and is perhaps the #1 most influential political activist representing talent.

Her fame multiplied in 2008 during the U.S. Presidential election when she played "Sarah Paylin," in the adult film: Who's Nailin' Paylin?

She's a force to be reckoned with in the Fantasy Football arena, earning her a sports reporting show on Sirius/XM radio.

• The Business of Porn: How the industry makes money when no one pays for porn
• How "the business is scamming customers more than I've ever seen."
• Why Lisa Ann got back into the business 3 years ago after retiring
• How "fluid" and "transgender" porn is the "next big thing"
• Body Image: Why Lisa gets body shamed after losing 50 pounds from her previous performing weight
• Lisa Ann examines and opines my "conservative" sexual tendencies
• Retirement? Lisa Ann ponders having shot her potential final pornographic film
• Lisa Ann debates Dr. Ruth in London at Oxford…and wins by a landslide
• Lisa Ann reads off a list of "dick tricks" the industry uses to make performer's dicks looks bigger than they are (ie reasons for you to be happier about your own dick)

#46: Lisa Ann is one of the top-10 most downloaded porn stars in the world.

Over the last 3 years, she's become a friend and a teacher.

(I know you're asking "what kind of teacher, Dom?")

This kind of teacher:

You're Being Manipulated. The industry is subtly leading you down a winding path to consume more and more extreme porn without your knowing it.

A Monopoly Controls the Industry. ONE company – Mindgeek – is becoming the porn monopoly and increasingly controlling your experience consuming porn.

This first of two interviews is a sobering look behind the scenes of the hidden world that produces the powerful pornographic content we so regularly consume…

…and that so subtly influences much of our desires, feelings and ability to connect with our partners.

If you're hoping for a Howard Stern-esque interview, you'll be disappointed.

Lisa Ann is one of the world's 10 most downloaded porn stars.

At 47 years of age, she's been in the industry for nearly 3 decades, and is perhaps the #1 most influential political activist representing talent.

Her fame multiplied in 2008 during the U.S. Presidential election when she played "Sarah Paylin," in the adult film: Who's Nailin' Paylin?

She's a force to be reckoned with in the Fantasy Football arena, earning her a sports reporting show on Sirius/XM radio.

• You're being nudged to watch more and more extreme porn
• Lisa believes the industry will be bust in the next few years
• Why Lisa is appalled with the new generation of porn "stars"
• The troubling trend of "incest porn" continues to grow
• How porn stars are scamming their fans with "sleep with a "pornstar" contests
• Why Lisa is one of the very few porn-stars who don't escort
• How the industry tried to pass regulation that would allow HIV positive talent to perform without letting their other performers know

#45:

Ultralearning is the title of the Wall Street Journal Best Selling Book written by Scott Young, today's guest on the show.

Ultralearning is a term that Scott coined, which he defines as the intense and self-directed strategy to acquire skills of your desire.

Ultralearning can be used to acquire skills in many different arenas – like learning to speak Mandarin, mastering the bass guitar, or in Scott's case, self-studying MIT's 4-year computer science program – yes, all 33 courses on his own – in a mere 12 months (a feat which catapulted Scott to the forefront of the "modernization of how we learn movement.")

• 3 ways in which we suck at learning
• Why our learning efforts rarely lead to change or retention of information
• A dive into the 9 principles of Ultralearning
• How you can use Ultralearning to find and live your purpose
• How you can use Ultralearning to master lifestyle design
• How one man with no public speaking experience applied these principles to end up at the Toastmasters World
• Championships in 7 months

James Clear, author of Atomic Habits – the #1 NY Times Bestseller – says in the forward of Scott's book:

"Passive learning creates knowledge…Active practice creates skill."

One of our favorite quotes from the interview is when Scott says:

"You don't really know what your purpose is going to be until you pursue something seriously."

Over these next 50 minutes or so, we hope you'll find some inspiration to take on an Ultralearning project, pursue it seriously, and level up your life.

Buy Ultralearning on Amazon: Click Here Scott's blog: Click Here Scott Young's Tedx Talk: One Simple Method to Learn any Language

#44: We're dropping a little extra bonus episode this week for two reasons:

#1. Discover the Great Man Within You

The Definition of Hell:

On your last day on earth, the man you became, meets the man you could have become.

Now if that doesn't send a chill down your spine, you might be dead inside.

The idea of taking your last breath, confronted with the reality that you didn't realize your fullest potential, and instead chose a path of safety, comfort, conservatism...

…is in fact the definition of hell.

Every man has two men inside of him.

The Good Enough Man……and The Great Man.

In the Definition of Hell…

The Good Enough Man…is the man you became.The Great Man within you…is the man you could have become.

Most men will never summon the courage to leave behind the comforts of Good Enough.

For those of you who wish to live your fullest potential, this episode will give you a gateway to start to discover – and live – the Great Man within you.

#2. The Man Amongst Men podcast will be changing it's name on November 11th.

Heads up! The Man Amongst Men podcast will be undergoing a name change on November 11th to The Great Man podcast.

This episode reveals why we've chosen to undergo the name change.

If you're already subscribed, you don't need to do anything…just look for the new show title on November 11th.

If you haven't yet subscribed…do it now so you'll know how to find us come November 11th.

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#43: This is an episode that you fellas have been asking Bryan and I to record for quite some time now.

As guys, we've all been in the situation where we've gotten too excited, popped off too early much to the dismay of ourselves and our partners.

And if you've never experienced popping off too early, I think I speak on behalf of all men when I say:

We hate you.

For the rest of us…

This conversation is about bringing you 5 practical practices that can help you command and consciously direct your sexual energy…

…so you and your partner can play as long (or as short) as you'd like.

• NOT about how to become a better ego-driven sexual "performer"
• NOT about giving you some sort of power to hold above your partner's head
• NOT about leveraging hacks/techniques that disconnect you from your partner (ie. Not "going out with a loaded gun," dulling your senses with booze, distracting yourself with thoughts of baseball or Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day during sex, etc…)

These three reasons are in ascending order of importance:

Reason # 1: Building Confidence (about you)

• Get out of your head and into your body
• Establish command of and direct your sexual energy
• Evoke your choice for when (and if ) you want to release

Reason #2: Forging Connection (about us)

• Break your predictable patterns of sex and explore new terrain together
• Deeply attune to her arousal triggers and help her uncover new areas of pleasure she can't access herself
• Become a more trustworthy lover that she feels safe to experiment with and open up to

Reason #3: Accessing Flow (about next-level experience)

• Transcend superficial sex and experience heightened sensation and deep intimacy
• Expand your zones of pleasure (beyond your crotch)
• Lose track of time and self

You can download the 5 Practices Cheat Sheet at www.DoInnerWork.com/5practices