The Grounded Union Podcast

By Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen

Welcome to the Grounded Union Podcast, hosted by Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen.

In 2019, our marriage hit rock bottom—so close to divorce that we thought there was no way back. But through deep healin... more

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The podcast currently has 44 episodes available.

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Number 1: Did I Marry the Wrong Person?
In this episode of the Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into one of the most common (and rarely talked about) mental escapes after marriage gets hard: “Did I marry the wrong person?” Brandon gets honest about how often he used that thought as a mental escape when things got hard, and Caitlyn shares how common (and damaging) this pattern is. They reframe the issue entirely — the problem is rarely the person you married. It’s usually the mess, the addiction, the dishonesty, and the lack of ownership. When you stop escaping and start healing, you often get a completely different version of your spouse. If you’ve ever wondered if life would be better with someone else, this episode will challenge and free you. Looking for immediate support in your marriage? The Marriage Crisis Roadmap: Download the free guide here Grounded Union Couples App: Apply for a spot 7 Steps to Save Your Marriage: Pre-order a copy of my book here! Save Your Marriage Webinar: Get lifetime access If this episode resonated with you, we'd love to hear from you! Leave a written review, take a screenshot, and email it to [email protected] — and we'll send you an exclusive unreleased episode on Intimacy After Betrayal. Follow us on social: @brandontalksmarriage, @caitlyn_doerksen & @groundedunion YouTube Show available here What we discussed:00:00 – Intro: The mental escape of questioning whether you married the right person, plus pre-order details for 7 Steps to Save Your Marriage.01:36 – Early Motivations for Marriage: How wanting sex, relief, and approval shaped the decision to marry young.03:53 – When Marriage Exposes the Mess: Why conflict, insecurity, dishonesty, and unmet expectations can make someone blame their spouse for pain they have not learned to face.07:28 – Superficial Accountability: Why confessing thoughts to a men’s group fails when the truth never reaches your spouse.10:11 – Mental Escape and Addiction: How imagining sex or marriage with someone else can serve the same avoidant function as porn or an affair.12:08 – It's Not the Wife You Don't Like: How disliking your job, your hobbies, and yourself gets projected onto your spouse.13:53 – Radical Honesty About Escape Thoughts: Why these thoughts need to be brought into the light and run through the Four R’s.15:40 – What Would That Actually Solve?: Naming the fantasy as a pressure-release strategy and the high cost of writing your spouse out of the picture.18:45 – The Impact of Betrayal: Why she never had "wrong person" thoughts before 2019 — and how that changed the moment the full weight of the betrayal landed.22:55 – There Is No Right Person: Why the deep healing work follows you into every relationship you choose.25:54 – Getting a “New” Wife Without Leaving: How stepping into presence, strength, and honesty transforms your relationship dynamic.29:30 – The Direct Result of Broken Trust: Why hiding, lying, and numbing out creates distance, coldness, and lack of affection.31:22 – Changing Your Perspective: How cleaning up your own mess reframes everything you thought was wrong with her.33:30 – Her Traits Are Gifts: Speaking her mind, her strength, and her intuition reframed from annoyances into superpowers.38:10 – The Real Question to Ask: Shifting from "Did I marry the wrong person?" to "Are we both committed to lifelong healing and growth?”
September 04, 202642min
Number 2: Processing Grief After Betrayal
In today’s episode of the Grounded Union Podcast, Brandon and Caitlyn open Season 5 with the raw reality of grief after betrayal. They break down the three major sources of pain for the betrayed spouse—the numbness of the partner who caused it, the ongoing waves of hidden lies, and the complete collapse of the life you thought you were living. They challenge the cultural pressure to “just get over it” and instead invite you to heal through the pain, release it in healthy ways, and create something new. You’ll walk away with simple, powerful practices and a reframing that turns grief into the very thing that can rebuild your marriage. Our 2026 Grounded Union 2-Day Workshop: 📍San Diego, CA — In-person & virtual 📅 August 14th & 15th, 2026 Workshop for Couples: Tap here to grab your ticket Looking for immediate support in your marriage? The Marriage Crisis Roadmap: Download the free guide here! Grounded Union Couples App: Tap here to apply Save Your Marriage Webinar: Tap here to get lifetime access Join the waitlist for the launch of my first book here. If this episode resonated with you, we'd love to hear from you! Leave a written review, take a screenshot, and email it to [email protected] — and we'll send you an exclusive unreleased episode on Intimacy After Betrayal. Follow us on social: @brandontalksmarriage, @caitlyn_doerksen & @groundedunion YouTube Show available here What we discussed:00:00 – Season 5 Kickoff: Brandon introduces the episode on processing grief after betrayal and mentions the upcoming San Diego workshop (happening in two weeks!).02:03 – The First Area of Pain: The unique cruelty of being in the worst pain of your life while the person who caused it is completely emotionally numb and unreachable.03:50 – Shattered Realities: When the person you want to hold you is the one who broke your entire world.06:30 – The Second Area of Pain: Waves of new revelations, trickled truth, and the panic of never knowing if you've finally heard everything.11:22 – The Suffocating In-Between: Staying with a spouse who's half-in on healing, and the fear of being judged for leaving or staying.14:59 – The Third Area of Pain: The burst reality — the car videos, the broken covenant, and the moment Caitlyn knew there was more.18:29 – "When Will I Get Over This?": The difference between dismissing your story and healing through it.20:55 – The Betrayer's Grief Journey: Why the one who caused pain must grieve their own actions first before they can ever genuinely show up for their wife's pain.24:49 – The Two Paths of Pain: Choosing between the perpetual pain of secrecy or the momentary, productive pain of radical honesty that leads to connection.31:43 – What If Your Spouse Won't Heal?: Why the two paths analogy only works when both are committed, and the importance of drawing a line instead of remaining in endless pain.32:26 – The Pain-Free Birth Analogy: Allowing sensations to move through without adding a trauma story.35:55 – Practical Ways to Move Through Grief: What Caitlyn actually did — getting outside, journaling, walking, running, and zero screens — releasing pain through movement instead of suppressing it.40:03 – "Am I Causing Pain by Being Honest?": Why full honesty accelerates healing and how hiding secrets only protects the old self.43:09 – Secrets Never Protect Anyone: The freedom that only comes when everything is brought into the light.
July 31, 202650min
Number 3: The Hidden Motivators Behind Addiction and Affairs
In this episode of the Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into the hidden motivators behind addiction and affairs. Brandon and Caitlyn explain why these patterns are never random — they almost always begin in childhood, stemming from loneliness, desensitization, lack of emotional regulation, and disconnection. They unpack approval-seeking behavior, the shame loop that keeps people stuck, and the powerful difference between a dissociative childhood and one filled with emotional presence and awareness. You’ll learn why collecting the “puzzle pieces” of your story is essential, how curiosity replaces shame, and why creating a life you actually love is the real antidote to addiction. If you’ve ever wondered how you got here, this episode will help you see it clearly and choose a new path. Our 2026 Grounded Union 2-Day Workshop: 📍San Diego, CA — In-person & virtual 📅 August 14th & 15th, 2026 Workshop for Couples: Tap here to grab your ticket Looking for immediate support in your marriage? The Marriage Crisis Roadmap: Download the free guide here! Grounded Union Couples App: Tap here to apply Save Your Marriage Webinar: Tap here to get lifetime access Join the waitlist for the launch of my first book here. If this episode resonated with you, we'd love to hear from you! Leave a written review, take a screenshot, and email it to [email protected] — and we'll send you an exclusive unreleased episode on Intimacy After Betrayal. Follow us on social: @brandontalksmarriage, @caitlyn_doerksen & @groundedunion YouTube Show available here What we discussed:00:00 – Final Notice for San Diego: Brandon opens the episode with a last call for the August 14th & 15th San Diego workshop and introduces the episode's topic.03:30 – Addiction Is Never Random: Why it always has a root, a story, and a link — and why it almost always starts in childhood.07:26 – Childhood Desensitization: How stolen innocence in childhood makes the safety of marriage feel foreign and why we sabotage back to what's familiar.10:35 – Two Pictures of Childhood: The subtle chaos of screens, stashes, and absent-but-present parents versus a home of connection, nature, and being seen.17:03 – Approval-Seeking & Emotional Regulation: How the desperate need for external validation and the inability to feel feelings fuel the cycle.21:00 – Life Fulfillment as the Missing Piece: Why cultivating a life of purpose and creativity removes the need for counterfeit dopamine hits like pornography.25:26 – The Shame Loop: How shame — not the addiction itself — is often the primary motivator keeping people trapped in the same cycle of hiding, acting out, and repeating.28:10 – Collecting the Puzzle Pieces: Caitlyn introduces the puzzle piece framework — why collecting every element of your story is what allows you to see it all clearly and heal it.32:23 – Radical Responsibility: Acknowledging addiction as a chosen response (rather than something that “happened” to you) is the key to freedom.34:58 – Terrified to Remember: Why people dismiss looking back at their story — not because it's unimportant, but because they're scared to see it clearly, and why remembering is 100% necessary to healing.38:15 – What Do You Actually Want? Why the addiction was never the good life, and defining the life you actually want so the counterfeit loses its pull.
August 07, 202643min
Number 4: Our Marriage Breakdown
In this episode of Grounded Union Podcast, hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen pull back the curtain on the painful and transformative journey of their marriage. From youthful naivety to a devastating breakdown in 2019, they reveal how hidden struggles, denial structures, and deep-seated beliefs about love and sexuality nearly tore them apart. Brandon's years of deception—justified by religious paradigms—led to a cycle of betrayal and broken trust, while Caitlyn stood firm in her standards for intimacy and transparency. Together, they share how they dismantled toxic cycles, faced their deepest wounds, and rebuilt a marriage based on radical honesty and genuine connection. If you've ever wondered if true healing is possible after betrayal, this episode is your proof that it is. 💛 Our 2026 Grounded Union 2-Day Workshop: 📍San Diego, CA — In-person & virtual 📅 August 14th & 15th, 2026 Workshop for Couples: Tap here to grab your ticket Looking for immediate support in your marriage? The Marriage Crisis Roadmap: Download the free guide here! Grounded Union Couples App: Tap here to apply Save Your Marriage Webinar: Tap here to get lifetime access Follow us on social: @brandontalksmarriage, @caitlyn_doerksen & @groundedunion YouTube Show available here Timestamps & Key Moments00:00:28 – Welcome to the Grounded Union Podcast! Brandon and Caitlyn introduce their story and the importance of honoring your own marriage journey.00:01:30 – The early years: Getting married young, checking all the “right” boxes, and still feeling unprepared.00:02:39 – The first betrayal: Caitlyn discovers Brandon looking at inappropriate content—not porn, but still a breach of trust.00:04:09 – Lies, emotional shutdown, and living a double life while in ministry.00:07:04 – The toxic five-year cycle: Lies, promises, and repeated betrayal.00:10:56 – "It’s all the same at the root": Why all forms of betrayal, big or small, stem from unhealed traumas and cultural mindsets.00:16:36 – 2019: The breaking point. Caitlyn draws a line—no more lies, no more empty promises.00:21:02 – Denial structures: How men justify their behavior and why breaking through requires total honesty.00:25:07 – The painful truth: If you don’t face reality, the cycle will continue.00:32:51 – Holding the standard: Why Caitlyn refused to lower her expectations, and how that saved their marriage.00:40:14 – A pivotal moment: A Christian counselor exposes his own biases, leading Brandon to choose his marriage over broken male paradigms.00:45:44 – The decision: Brandon finally commits to total transparency and healing.
February 20, 202548min
Number 5: Navigating Sexual Brokenness in Your Relationship (Part One)
In this episode of the Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into navigating sexual brokenness in your relationship. Hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen openly discuss their personal journey from sexual brokenness and hidden struggles to complete freedom and intimacy. They challenge common narratives about sexuality—particularly the idea that attraction outside marriage is inevitable—and share how rewiring the brain through honest communication and intentional practices can lead to profound healing. Brandon reveals the surprising clarity he's found after overcoming his compulsions, while Caitlyn provides powerful encouragement and practical advice for navigating pain and finding deeper connection. Listen in for a candid conversation that encourages growth, trust, and understanding in your relationship! Our 2026 Grounded Union 2-Day Workshop: 📍San Diego, CA — In-person & virtual 📅 August 14th & 15th, 2026 Workshop for Couples: Tap here to grab your ticket Looking for immediate support in your marriage? The Marriage Crisis Roadmap: Download the free guide here! Grounded Union Couples App: Tap here to apply Save Your Marriage Webinar: Tap here to get lifetime access Follow us on social: @brandontalksmarriage, @caitlyn_doerksen & @groundedunion YouTube Show available here Timestamps & Key Moments:00:00:27 – Welcome & Event Announcements – In-person workshops are happening this year!00:03:00 – Understanding sexual brokenness: Brandon and Caitlyn define what sexual brokenness means and why it’s crucial for couples.00:10:10 – Overcoming shame: The hosts discuss the barriers of shame in relationships and how to address them.00:18:45 – Communication tips: Actionable advice on how to communicate about intimacy with your spouse.00:22:15 – Going Deeper into Brokenness: Caitlyn highlights the need to explore hidden layers beyond obvious behaviors like pornography or affairs.00:33:40 – Brandon’s Breakthrough: Brandon details his struggle and revelation that freedom was possible after deeply exploring his sexual history.00:42:30 – Exploring emotional intimacy: Why emotional connection is just as important as physical connection in building sexual wholeness.00:44:15 – Practical Healing Steps: Brandon and Caitlyn share the four-step method (Recognize, Receive, Release, Replace) that led to Brandon's lasting freedom.00:55:00 – Actionable advice for couples: Practical steps to take toward sexual wholeness.00:57:19 – Final Thoughts & Takeaways – Caitlyn advises wives on how to support their husbands through painful revelations and emphasizes self-care during the process.
April 04, 20251h 2min