In this episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen dive deep into why pausing everything else might be the most important decision you ever make for your marriage. They get raw about the hidden costs of busyness, distractions, and avoidance, sharing personal stories from their own journey, including Brandon stepping down from ministry and Caitlyn reclaiming hours in her day, to illustrate how chronic exhaustion and misaligned priorities quietly erode intimacy. This podcast explains why facing pain head-on, regulating your nervous system, and creating space for transformative conversations are essential for rebuilding trust and connection. Packed with practical strategies, from reclaiming time and energy to cutting distractions, this episode is both an urgent wake-up call and a hopeful guide for couples ready to show up fully, prioritize their relationship, and restore lasting intimacy.

Our 2025 Grounded Union workshop & intensive:
🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive, with lodging and meals included! (October 10th-13th)
Maui Intensive: Tap here to apply

Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trial

Workshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notified
Grounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples program

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcast
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:28 – Why Stop Everything to Save Your Marriage: Brandon opens the conversation, explaining what’s at stake if a marriage is neglected and why giving it full attention is worth every ounce of effort.
• 00:02:36 – Making Healing the #1 Priority: The couple shares how clearing their schedules and mental space to focus solely on repairing their marriage became the turning point in their relationship.
• 00:04:49 – Why Your Kids and Friends Matter: They discuss how the health of a marriage directly influences children, friendships, and social circles, highlighting the broader impact of prioritizing your union.
• 00:07:47 – The Roommate Marriage Problem: Brandon and Caitlyn explore how settling into disconnection and living like roommates can quietly erode intimacy, sometimes worse than divorce.
• 00:09:34 – Three Essentials Every Couple Needs to Heal: Caitlyn outlines the foundational elements of time, energy, and shared effort that every couple must commit to in order to restore their relationship.
• 00:15:02 – Removing Distractions to Reconnect: They provide practical advice on turning off phones, TV, and other distractions to create space for meaningful connection.
• 00:21:32 – Focus Matters: Brandon explains why saying no to volunteering, side projects, and other commitments is essential to saving your marriage.
• 00:27:24 – Leaving Ministry to Save Marriage: Brandon recounts stepping away from ministry and public accolades to focus fully on his marriage, illustrating the cost of true prioritization.
• 00:29:35 – Identity Recreation: Caitlyn discusses how letting go of titles, roles, and societal expectations allowed both partners to reconnect authentically.
• 00:34:02 – Priorities That Never Crumble: They explain the principle of protecting marriage and family above all else as a way to sustain long-term influence and personal fulfillment.
• 00:37:00 – Letting It All Crumble: Brandon shares how allowing work, projects, and public perception to fall apart in 2020 became a necessary step for rebuilding their life together.
• 00:39:07 – Life on the Other Side: They describe the renewed joy, connection, and purpose that emerged after making the hard choices to prioritize marriage above everything else.

In this episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, we touched on the fundamental misunderstanding most couples have about conflict - it's not about communication styles, it's about unhealed pain. Brandon and Caitlyn dismantle the myth that arguing stems from everyday disagreements like where to go to dinner, revealing instead how betrayal trauma, broken trust, and prolonged disconnection create explosive emotional reactions. They share their personal transformation from a cycle where Brandon's porn addiction triggered defensive responses and Caitlyn's pain was met with minimization. The breakthrough came when Brandon learned to lean into her pain rather than run from it, using specific body language techniques and their "Comfort Flow" method that prioritizes emotional validation over fact-correction, ultimately transforming adversaries into teammates. This episode is full of hard-won wisdom, emotional insight, and actionable tools for any couple ready to stop avoiding conflict and start using it as a gateway to deeper intimacy.

Our 2025 Grounded Union workshop & intensive:
🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive, with lodging and meals included! (October 10th-13th)
Maui Intensive: Tap here to apply

Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trial

Workshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notified
Grounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples program

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcast
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:28 – Two Types of Conflict: The conversation opens with the distinction between everyday disagreements and conflict rooted in deeper wounds like betrayal or broken trust.
• 00:04:57 – Playing the Victim Card: How viewing yourself as society's casualty rather than your spouse's betrayer keeps you trapped in defensive cycles that destroy intimacy.
• 00:07:13 – The Gift of an Angry Wife: A new perspective emerges—an angry or frustrated wife is still engaged and willing to fight for the relationship, which can be seen as a gift of insight into her heart.
• 00:12:38 – A Counselor’s Pivotal Question: A powerful moment hits home when a counselor bluntly asks if Brandon’s actions made him an “asshole,” prompting honest self-reflection.
• 00:16:50 – Fight or Flight State: Caitlyn explains how betrayal discovery triggers panic and trauma, comparing it to being physically attacked.
• 00:20:54 – The Childish Argument Metaphor: Brandon uses the example of children fighting to illustrate that conflict can be a momentary outburst that, when handled constructively, can lead to a quick resolution.
• 00:22:41 – Grounded vs. Ungrounded Responses: Two core responses to a partner's pain are introduced: a grounded, powerful approach and an ungrounded, passive one.
• 00:26:59 – The “Mr. Pain” Bodyguard: Brandon introduces a mental picture to help men handle a partner's intense emotions by visualizing a "bodyguard" that helps them see the emotion as their partner's pain, not a personal threat.
• 00:28:31 – The Comfort Flow Tool: Introduction to their structured conversation template for processing pain and moving toward repair.
• 00:31:02 – The Problem with Robotic Apologies: Empty “I’m sorrys” are traced back to childhood conditioning—why they fail and what’s needed instead to repair real pain.
• 00:36:36 – Setting Up the Comfort Flow Example: They roleplay how to walk through the Comfort Flow when a spouse is newly devastated by a betrayal—showing what to say and what to avoid.
• 00:42:02 – The Source of Relationship Conflict: Brandon summarizes that relationship conflicts stem from underlying pain and separation, not surface issues like dinner choices, emphasizing the need to address root causes.

In today’s episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, discover how anxiety can silently sabotage your marriage and the small daily habits that can set you free. Brandon opens up about his years of crippling anxiety and the coping mechanisms that masked the problem: endless scrolling, gaming, and withdrawing from family life. A breaking point came with a 40-day fast and a panic attack that forced him to face the truth. Caitlyn brings a powerful perspective on why so many couples lack the emotional vocabulary to navigate these struggles, and how that gap fuels disconnection. Together, they share practical strategies, from naming emotions to practicing embodied exercises like breathwork and cold showers, that create space for real intimacy. If stress and avoidance are stealing joy from your marriage, this conversation offers both validation and a roadmap toward lasting peace.

Our 2025 Grounded Union workshop & intensive:
🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)
Maui Intensive: Tap here to apply

Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trial

Workshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notified
Grounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples program

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcast
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:29 – Introduction: Brandon and Caitlyn frame anxiety as a hidden barrier to emotional safety in marriage.
• 00:01:54 – The Gut–Emotion Connection: Brandon explains how unresolved emotions often show up as digestive issues and physical stress.
• 00:02:34 – Video Games as Escape: He admits that gaming and scrolling became his way to numb out and regulate emotions.
• 00:03:51 – The Waterfall Analogy: Brandon shares a mentor’s picture of how entertainment only pauses anxiety but never resolves it.
• 00:04:47 – Rest vs. Entertainment: Caitlyn challenges the idea that zoning out with screens equals rest, calling it avoidance.
• 00:07:01 – Running from Emotions: She explains how people chase addictions to avoid the emotions they don’t want to face.
• 00:09:21 – The Real Struggle in Marriage: Brandon reflects on how marriage and kids amplified his anxiety by removing alone time.
• 00:13:00 – Panic at the Airport: He recounts collapsing in Portland Airport under stress, marking a breaking point.
• 00:14:07 – Emotional Illiteracy in Childhood: Caitlyn highlights how many weren’t taught to name or process emotions growing up.
• 00:19:02 – A Turning Point: Brandon introduces “deliberate practice in a controlled environment” as a key to healing.
• 00:20:00 – Emotional Response Training: He describes his daily practices—cold showers, breathwork, and miming—that reshaped responses.
• 00:23:00 – From Anxiety to Rest: Through embodiment routines, Brandon learned to find calm and see Caitlyn’s strength as support.
• 00:28:03 – Simplicity of Healing: They close by showing how simple practices and rewired beliefs unlock peace and freedom.

This week on The Grounded Union Podcast, hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen expose the myth that dates are the key to a healthy marriage. Through their own story, they reveal that while they went on many dates during the most tumultuous years of their marriage, their deepest connection was forged in the last five years, a period with very few dates. The episode offers a new perspective on what it means to be truly connected, emphasizing that intentionality in everyday moments is far more powerful than a weekly dinner out. Brandon and Caitlyn provide actionable advice, such as confronting hidden secrets and eliminating distractions like screens, to rebuild a relationship from the ground up. They also highlight the power of nature and physical touch to restore peace and intimacy. Tune in to learn how to create a marriage where every day is enjoyable and peace is the norm.

Our 2025 Grounded Union workshop & intensive:
🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)
Maui Intensive: Tap here to apply

Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trial

Workshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notified
Grounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples program

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcast
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:28 – Introduction: Brandon opens with a vision for what most couples long for—true peace and connection—and sets the stage for why that often feels out of reach.
• 00:02:32 – The Date Night Myth: The hosts challenge the belief that prioritizing frequent date nights is the key to a strong marriage, sharing how their most tumultuous years were filled with them.
• 00:05:07 – Date Night ≠ Connection: A comparison emerges between date nights and “punching your church card”—they're not inherently bad, but they don't guarantee real relational growth or peace on their own.
• 00:08:34 – Dates as a Cherry on Top: Caitlyn reframes their perspective, explaining how they experience daily "dates" through intentional everyday moments rather than scheduled romantic outings, with the date being the cherry on top of an existing connection.
• 00:12:09 – The Magnet Analogy: The powerful analogy of magnets explaining how hidden secrets and unresolved issues act as a repellent force, preventing genuine intimacy and connection.
• 00:17:26 – The Power of Nature for Connection: Discussion turns to how outdoor time naturally regulates emotions and fosters connection, contrasting sharply with life in "insulated boxes.”
• 00:18:09 – Screen Detox: The transformative impact of removing screens from daily life gets revealed, offering listeners a powerful strategy for bridging relationship gaps.
• 00:22:31 – What to Talk About: Brandon and Caitlyn offer practical advice on how to fill your screen-free time, suggesting conversations about your day, parenting, and addressing past sexual brokenness.
• 00:23:59 – Their Nightly Connection Ritual: A glimpse into their evening routine featuring candlelit couch time in a screen-free environment designed to nurture both physical and emotional intimacy.
• 00:30:30 - Shared Intentions and Future Plans: The conversation concludes with insights on discussing shared goals, beliefs, and future aspirations as foundation stones for stronger partnership bonds.

In this episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into why addiction relapse is so devastatingly common and how couples can break free from this destructive cycle forever. Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen share their raw journey through five years of repeated relapse before discovering the root-level healing that changed everything. They reveal why surface-level solutions fail and introduce their "roots and rewiring" approach - examining childhood trauma, spiritual beliefs, and life paradigms that keep people trapped. The hosts emphasize getting to the core wounds rather than just managing symptoms, challenging listeners to treat addiction recovery not as minor adjustments but as a complete life transformation. Most provocatively, they advocate for total transparency between spouses - sharing every secret, memory, and struggle without exception. Their message: true freedom isn't about willpower or accountability groups, but about digging deep into your story, rewiring your thoughts, and creating the life you actually want to live rather than one you need to escape from.

Our 2025 Grounded Union workshop & intensive:
🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)
Maui Intensive: Tap here to apply

Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trial

Workshops for Couples: Join the waitlist to get notified
Grounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples program

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcast
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:28 – Why We’re Talking About Relapse: Brandon introduces the episode’s focus on why relapse to addiction is so common, sharing their personal five-year journey through relapse and the importance of healing at the root level.
• 00:01:50 – Relapse Cycle and Surface-Level Healing: The historical pattern of getting caught, crying, apologizing, seeking help, and repeated relapse over months to years
• 00:04:13 – The Need for Root System Work: Caitlyn discusses their realization that staying on the surface level with addiction was not working and that they needed to "dig way deeper" to get to the root of the issue.
• 00:07:15 – First Root Category - Childhood Exploration: Why deep, sustainable change comes from exploring past wounds and patterns with curiosity instead of shame.
• 00:14:55 – Tracing Addiction Back to Childhood Origins: The importance of identifying when and how addictive behaviors first appeared in childhood, and many addictions—whether porn, alcohol, food, or work—are intertwined and rooted in early experiences.
• 00:17:06 – Second Root Category - Spirituality: How spiritual beliefs—especially from Christian upbringings—can create paradigms that normalize or even excuse relapse.
• 00:19:32 – Third Root Category - Personal Paradigms: Assessing your beliefs about yourself, your marriage, and your ability to achieve freedom from addiction.
• 00:22:58 – Living Free from Relapse: What it looks like to live a life free from relapse, based on their own last five years of sobriety.
• 00:26:34 – The 30-Day Rewiring Process: Brandon details the exact steps he took over 30 days that rewired his brain and eliminated his compulsions.
• 00:32:49 – The 4R's Technique: Brandon introduces their practical rewiring tool - Recognize the thought, Receive peace in your body, Release the old pattern, Replace with new behavior.
• 00:34:53 – The One Thing Nobody Told Us: Sharing absolutely everything - every memory, thought, current struggle, and past experience without exception.

In today’s episode of Grounded Union Podcast, discover how to distinguish between surface-level apologies and genuine transformation. Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen tackle one of the hardest questions couples face: “Does my spouse truly want to change?” Through raw personal stories of repeated betrayals, false starts, and painful honesty, they highlight the subtle yet powerful signs of authentic change. From nervous system regulation to the hard work of transparency, this episode sheds light on both red flags and green lights for anyone navigating broken trust.

Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:
🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)
Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshops

Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trial

Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshops
Grounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples program

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcast
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:28 – Season 2, Episode 4: Caitlyn explains that when partners ask if change is possible, it’s usually about deeper wounds, not just curiosity.
• 00:01:37 – Brandon quotes, “When the pain of staying is greater than the fear of leaving, that’s when people choose change.”
• 00:02:43 – What Real Change Requires: They emphasize that transformation is measured by consistent investment, not by promises or workshops attended.
• 00:03:39 – Two Destructive Responses: How passivity and defensiveness sabotage connection and keep couples stuck.
• 00:05:30 – Stuck in the Same Cycle: They reflect on years of repeating the same wounds despite therapy, church, and community.
• 00:07:05 – Caitlyn’s Breaking Point: Another betrayal in 2019 forces Caitlyn to question if their marriage could truly survive.
• 00:08:43 – Radical Intimacy Defined: Caitlyn sets a new standard for union: no hiddenness, no secrets, no separation.
• 00:10:30 – Brandon Commits to Change: He agrees to strip away distractions and fully reorient his life toward healing.
• 00:11:41 – The Six-Month Window: Real transformation requires months of consistent effort, not instant results.
  00:16:01 – Daily Work Over Quick Fixes: Healing came through daily accountability and practice rather than weekend intensives.
• 00:20:00 – Radical Transparency Builds Safety: True intimacy deepened only when Brandon confessed even the “small” lapses consistently.
• 00:26:02 – Defining a Shared Vision of Union:  Both commit to exclusivity, honesty, and a clear standard for their future together.
• 00:35:00 – Choosing Who You Want to Become: Focus less on “how” to change and more on “who” they want to become.

This week on The Grounded Union Podcast, discover how Christian disciplines like prayer, fasting, and Bible reading—despite being foundational practices—sometimes fall short in saving marriages. Hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen bravely share their journey from passionate missionaries with an impeccable "spiritual resume" to facing severe marital struggles, exposing the dangerous gap between spiritual disciplines and emotional maturity. Despite daily Bible reading, prayer, fasting, multiple church services, and even Brandon's 40-day fast, their marriage was crumbling with addiction, betrayal, and disconnection. They reveal how Western Christianity's segmented approach creates fragmented lives where spiritual practices become escape mechanisms rather than tools for authentic intimacy. This episode challenges listeners to stop hiding behind religious performance and start doing the real work of integrating shadow parts of themselves. A paradigm-shifting conversation that offers hope to couples who've tried everything "spiritual" but still feel emotionally distant from their spouse.

Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:
📍San Diego, CA – In-Person & Virtual (SOLD OUT)
🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)
Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshops

Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trial

Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshops
Grounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples program

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcast
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:28 – Introduction and Resources: The hosts introduce the episode's central question and their intention to share their own story of struggling despite practicing Christian disciplines. They invite listeners regardless of their faith background, and highlight available resources like the Grounded Nation men's community app and the Maui 3-day Marriage Intensive.
• 00:01:57 – How We Met and Early Marriage: Caitlyn begins sharing how she and Brandon met as missionaries in Ecuador, bonded over their shared vision for ministry, and eventually got married.
• 00:03:16 – The Vision for Ministry and Marriage: Brandon elaborates on their early vision to be lifelong missionaries, rescue women from sex trafficking, and start orphanages.
• 00:07:24 – The Spiritual Resume: They emphasize their "spiritual resume" of church, prayer, fasting, and discipline, and how it ultimately didn’t prevent their disconnect.
• 00:10:14 – The Segmented Christian Life: Many Western Christians live "segmented" lives, separating their spiritual self from their practical and relational selves.
• 00:18:20 – The Gospel's Invitation to Face Pain: The gospel isn't an excuse to ignore pain but an invitation to face it, heal, and integrate every part of oneself.
• 00:23:09 – Freedom from Cuffs: True freedom is possible if one uncuffs themselves from limiting belief systems and steps into the hope and love of Christ.
• 00:24:47 – What Must I Do?: The common question about earning freedom challenges the idea that spirituality is about achieving or attaining.
• 00:29:44 – The Shadow Parts of You: What is often labeled as "temptation" or "sin nature" is the unintegrated "shadow parts" of oneself that need to be welcomed and healed.
• 00:33:54 – God is in Every Moment: Dismantling the idea of separation from God; God is present in every moment of life.

In this episode of Grounded Union Podcast, Caitlyn and Brandon Doerksen honestly navigate the difficult experience of betrayal and the long journey toward restoring safety and trust in their marriage. Season 2 opens with the couple addressing their most requested topic: how to heal when trust is shattered. Caitlyn shares her vulnerable story as the betrayed spouse, including years of repeated deception and the critical moment she established firm boundaries. Brandon explores the difference between passive and active betrayal and emphasizes that good intentions are not enough without true inner transformation. Together, they explain why wounded partners shouldn’t be expected to maintain composure, how denial covers up deeper wounds, and why many couples get caught in destructive cycles. Filled with raw storytelling and practical advice, this episode is a must-listen for those seeking hope after betrayal.

Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:
📍San Diego, CA – In-Person & Virtual (August 22nd & 23rd)
🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)
Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshops

Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trial

Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshops
Grounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples program

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcast
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:29 - Season 2, Episode 2: Brandon and Caitlyn open up about healing betrayal, rebuilding trust, and their journey to healing together.
• 00:01:51 - Active and passive betrayal: Brandon explains the difference between overt actions like cheating and more subtle forms like emotional withdrawal.
• 00:06:00 - Repeating deception cycles: Caitlyn shares the exhausting pattern of betrayal and false recovery that led to long-term trauma.
• 00:09:00 - False promises and deeper harm: Brandon reflects on how surface-level commitments and dismissing Caitlyn’s intuition created further disconnection.
• 00:20:06 - Movement as healing: Caitlyn explains how walking, swimming, and nature helped her process pain and regulate her nervous system.
• 00:25:00 - Redefining real union: Caitlyn challenges performative marriages and emphasizes that true partnership requires mutual truth and commitment.
• 00:31:31 - Reconnecting through embodiment: Brandon shares practical tools—cold showers, breathwork, and movement—that helped him feel again.
• 00:34:16 - Emotional awakening as a couple: Caitlyn highlights the importance of both partners choosing to prioritize healing and emotional presence.
• 00:40:10 - Trust takes time to rebuild: Brandon explains how rebuilding trust is an ongoing process that depends on consistency, honesty, and emotional availability.
• 00:43:00 - Radical responsibility in healing: Brandon and Caitlyn explore how owning your part fully is key to rebuilding intimacy and lasting trust.

In this episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen dive deep into a widely debated and often shame-filled topic: being attracted to people other than your spouse. The conversation is sparked by a viral social media post that drew thousands of comments and opposing viewpoints, which the hosts read and respond to throughout the episode. They challenge the common narrative that men are "biologically wired" to be attracted to other people, arguing instead that this is a learned belief system. The discussion gets to the core of why this is such a painful topic for many couples, revealing it often stems from a lack of mutual commitment and a shared vision for the marriage. The hosts offer a surprising revelation: it is possible to create a relationship where you are only attracted to your spouse. This episode provides actionable advice on how to build a stronger, more committed union by shedding old beliefs and intentionally creating the marriage you desire. (Watch the Instagram reel that sparked this episode.)
 
Dates and locations for our 2025 Grounded Union workshops & intensives:
📍San Diego, CA – In-Person & Virtual (August 22nd & 23rd)
🏝️Maui, Hawaii – 3-Day Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included! (October 10th-13th)
Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshops

Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trial

Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshops
Grounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples program

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcast
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:28 –  Welcome to Season 2! The hosts start the season with an overview of today’s topic: attraction outside of marriage—and why it's such a hot-button issue. 
• 00:01:40 – Is It Normal to Be Attracted to Others?: Caitlyn reflects on how taboo this conversation is, especially in Christian spaces, and shares her initial thoughts about normalizing attraction.
• 00:06:14 –  The Viral Post Reactions: They read through viral Instagram comments: some encouraging, some skeptical, and others just plain spicy—highlighting diverse audience reactions. 
• 00:06:56 – Recognizing vs. Being Attracted: The difference between recognizing someone is attractive and being attracted to them.
• 00:10:07 – Why Isn’t This Message Taught?: The hosts reflect on the church's silence around emotional integrity in attraction and why this conversation threatens the status quo. 
•  00:25:13 –  The Pinball Machine of Attraction: Every decision begins with contemplation, and even a "harmless" attraction can lead to a deeper desire for connection that ultimately causes a separation in a relationship. 
•  00:28:12 – The Three Roots of Attraction: The core areas that contribute to attraction: past experiences, consumption, and limiting beliefs. 
• 00:35:25 – Unpacking the "Biologically Wired" Argument: Brandon and Caitlyn dismantle the argument that humans are "biologically wired" to be attracted to others by explaining that what we're exposed to and what we consume shapes our beliefs.
•  00:47:43 – Desire, Disconnection & Avoidance: Brandon reflects on how Caitlyn’s full-hearted devotion exposed his own avoidant behavior and emotional disconnection, and why that pattern was painful to confront.
• 00:56:23 –  This Wasn’t Easy—But It Was Worth It: This level of transformation was born from deep pain and discomfort, especially in the wake of betrayal.

In this episode of Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into the real story behind how lasting change happens in marriage—and why you can’t force your husband to change. Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen share raw, vulnerable insights from the darkest seasons of their relationship, when betrayal, denial, and disconnection ruled their home. Caitlyn unpacks the painful truth that no ultimatum or strategy could transform Brandon—he had to choose healing for himself. Together, they explore how patterns of shame, hidden behaviors, and avoidance sabotage intimacy and what it really takes for a man to reclaim emotional presence, empathy, and integrity. You’ll learn why confronting uncomfortable realities, setting immovable standards, and choosing embodiment over numbness is key to rebuilding trust and true connection. This episode isn’t just about saving a marriage—it’s about becoming fully alive in it.

Our 2025 Grounded Union 2-Day Workshops:
📍 Mesa, Arizona – April 12th & 13th (Registration Closed)
📍 Portland, Oregon – June 7th & 8th
📍 San Diego, California – August 22nd & 23rd (In-Person & Virtual)
📍 Maui, Hawaii – October 10th-13th (3-Day Marriage Intensive—limited to 20 couples, lodging included!)
Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshops

Looking for immediate support in your marriage?
Community for Men: Tap here to start your 14-day FREE trial

Workshops for Couples: Tap here to attend one of our 2025 in-person workshops
Grounded Intimacy Program: Tap here for more info on our online couples program

Follow us on social at @brandontalksmarriage & @caitlyn_doerksen
Check out our IG account to stay updated @groundedunionpodcast
YouTube Show available here

Timestamps & Key Moments:

• 00:00:28 – Intro and Season One Recap: Brandon introduces the end of season one, highlighting key themes and insights shared throughout.
• 00:01:02 – Upcoming Couples Workshops: Information about their in-person workshops in Portland, San Diego, and an intensive retreat in Maui.
• 00:02:09 – Who’s Responsible for Change in a Marriage?: Brandon and Caitlyn introduce the central question of the episode—who is responsible for change in a marriage, and what does it look like to go from feeling powerless to creating lasting transformation?
• 00:06:41 – From Denial to Acceptance: Moving from denial to a victim mentality and finally taking responsibility for his role in the marriage breakdown.
• 00:09:15 – Taking Responsibility for Pain and Change: How both partners must take responsibility for their actions, behaviors, and pain, even if the other partner has caused hurt.
• 00:20:21 – Holding a Clear Vision for Your Marriage: The importance of maintaining a strong vision for the marriage and clearly inviting your spouse to rise into it.
• 00:23:13 – Choosing Your Marriage from Power, Not Fear: The importance of staying together because of a shared vision rather than fear of being alone or financial dependence.
• 00:25:21 – Avoiding the Toxic Middle Ground: How couples often settle for a disconnected marriage to avoid the stigma of divorce, highlighting the importance of true intimacy.
• 00:29:07 – Now is the Best Time to Heal: There is no perfect time to start healing your marriage, and begin immediately by removing distractions and focusing inward.
• 00:36:39 – Healing the Childhood Fear of Responsibility: How childhood punishments influence our adult fears around accepting responsibility, and how stepping into ownership fosters intimacy and connection in marriage.