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Are you living in a sexless marriage?

Sexual rejection is one of the most painful experiences a spouse can face. It destroys self-esteem, creates a "lonely" atmosphere in the home, and often leads to a cycle of pressure and withdrawal. But most of the advice out there—like "just communicate better" or "make a list"—doesn't actually work. Why? Because sexual frustration is rarely just about the sex itself.

In this deep dive, Dr. Joe Beam unpacks what actually drives desire and what erodes it. Whether you are the spouse feeling rejected or the one feeling pressured to perform, this conversation provides a roadmap to understanding the "why" behind the disconnect.

In this video, Dr. Joe discusses:

The 4 Root Causes: Is the issue Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, or Spiritual?

The "Universal vs. Specific" Test: How to determine if the problem is biological or rooted in the relationship.

The Arousal Myth: Why many women (and some men) don't feel "desire" until after the process starts.

Pornography & Affairs: A candid look at how sexual unfulfillment contributes to—but does not justify—betrayal.

The "Outside/Inside" Rule: How your daily interactions are sabotaging your intimacy.

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If your marriage has gone from "good" to "bad" and you’re terrified that you’ll be divorced in the next six months, you are not alone. Most people think it takes two to save a marriage—but at Marriage Helper, we’ve spent 30 years proving that one spouse can change the entire dynamic of a relationship.

In this video, Kimberly Beam Holmes breaks down the fundamental process that has helped thousands of couples—even those in "hopeless" situations—turn things around and build a dream life together.

In this video, you will learn:
The "Frantic" Trap: Why begging, pleading, and "acting crazy" (even if it’s out of love) actually pushes your spouse further away.

Symptoms vs. Root Causes: Why "quick fix" text messages don't work and why you need to "strengthen your core" instead of just treating the pain.

Pushes vs. Pulls: How to stop the behaviors that drive your spouse out the door and start the "dance" that pulls them back in.

The 7-Step Framework: A roadmap from total chaos to passionate intimacy.

The 7 Steps to Saving Your Marriage:
1. Calm Down: Moving from a frantic state to a place of peace.

2. Get Clarity: Identifying the real issues that have been simmering for years.

3. Stop Pushes & Start Pulls: Changing your "dance steps" to shift the dynamic.

4. Forgive & Reconcile: The internal work and the 5-step reconciliation process.

5. Build Back Trust: Restoring the foundation.

6. Reignite Passionate Intimacy: Moving past the "roommate" phase.

7. Create Your Dream Life Together: Designing a future you both love.

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Click here to listen to Kimberly's Show: https://apple.co/4kKQuPl

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In today's Marriage Helper LIVE, Dr. Joe and Dr. Kimberly explain why focusing on the affair partner doesn't actually matter, and take live questions from callers. This show also features segments from Micheal Felker and Nathan Grounds.

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Why Confronting Your Spouse's Limerence Always Backfires (And What to Do Instead)
If you’ve discovered your spouse is in an affair, your first instinct is likely to confront them, expose the truth, and demand they "wake up." But as many heartbroken spouses discover, this almost always pushes them further away. Why?

In today’s video, Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes and Dr. Joe Beam explain the psychological "brain takeover" known as Limerence. When a spouse is in this state, they aren't just making a bad choice—they are experiencing a chemical addiction similar to OCD.

Learn why your efforts to "fix" them are failing and how to shift your strategy to actually save your marriage.

🔍 In this video, we cover:
The Limerence Trap: Why your spouse seems like a completely different person.

The Confrontation Backfire: Why attacking the "Affair Partner" makes your spouse defend them even more.

The Science of Limerence: How dopamine and "Affair Fog" create a fantasy world that logic cannot break.

The 3 Things You Must Stop Doing: If you want any hope of reconciliation, you must stop these three specific behaviors immediately.

The Path to Reconciliation: How to focus on what YOU can control to become the person your spouse eventually wants to come back to.

What is Limerence?
Limerence is a state of mind which results from romantic feelings for another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one's feelings reciprocated. In a marriage, this often looks like "Affair Fog," where the spouse becomes erratic, re-writes marital history, and seeks a "dopamine high" from a new partner.

🆘 Need Help Saving Your Marriage?
If you are in the middle of a marriage crisis, you don't have to do this alone.

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Does it feel like you are living with a ghost? Your spouse comes home, eats dinner, and sleeps in the same bed, but they aren't really there. If you are dealing with a spouse who is indifferent, numb, or emotionally walled off, you are likely asking yourself: "Can a marriage like this be saved when I'm the only one trying?"

In this video, Coach Nathan from Marriage Helper explains exactly why your spouse has checked out and how to get them to check back in—without forcing them.

👇 FREE RESOURCE: 10 TEXTS TO RECONNECT WITHOUT PRESSURE 👇 https://bit.ly/4b1Yfh6

IN THIS VIDEO: You will learn the difference between "Push Behaviors" (which drive your spouse further away) and "Pull Behaviors" (which invite them back in). We break down the psychology of the "emotional callus"—how your spouse became numb over time—and introduce you to the S.M.A.R.T. Contact method to begin dismantling their walls.

KEY CONCEPTS EXPLAINED:

Why has my spouse checked out? Rarely does a spouse check out overnight. Just like playing a guitar builds calluses on fingertips to resist pain, your spouse has built emotional calluses to shield themselves from negative emotions, feeling unheard, or shame. To save the marriage, you must stop pressing on the "bruise" and start changing the environment.

What is SMART Contact? If you want to save your marriage, you need to stop "Push Behaviors" (begging, pleading, forcing relationship talks) and start using SMART Contact.

• S - Stop Push Behaviors: Stop doing things that elicit negative emotions in your spouse (crying, begging, arguing about the relationship).
• M - Manage Business Items: Only discuss necessary logistics (kids, finances, schedule) without letting emotion bleed into the conversation.
• A - Allow for Conversation: Don't go "No Contact" (that is manipulation). Be open to talking if they initiate, but let them lead.
• R - Respond Strongly, Calmly, & Gently: Watch your tone and body language. Be a safe place for them.
• T - Take it One Day at a Time: Consistency and patience are key. You cannot fix years of damage in a few days.

Click here to listen to Kimberly's Show: https://apple.co/4kKQuPl

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If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free

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If you are watching this, it’s likely your wife wants a divorce, and you want to save the marriage. If you are willing to take responsibility and step up as a leader, not a dictator, but a true husband and father, this video is for you.

In this video, Dr. Joe Beam breaks down the psychology behind why women leave and introduces the concept of the "Push" and the "Pull." It isn't about magic bullets; it's about understanding the deep-seated "whys" behind her decision and taking specific actions to turn it around.

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If you are asking, "Why does my wife want a divorce?", it almost always comes down to three specific dynamics.

1. The Push (Driving Her Away) This occurs when your behavior evokes negative emotions in your wife. Even if you didn't mean to, things like angry outbursts, ignoring her, controlling behavior, or making her feel disrespected push her out the door.

The Fix: Identify what behaviors are causing her pain and STOP them immediately.

2. The Lack of Pull (No Emotional Connection) You might not be pushing her away, but you aren't drawing her in. A lack of pull means you aren't evoking positive emotions. She needs to feel heard, understood, accepted, and safe.

The Fix: Learn to listen to understand (not to fix) and create a safe emotional space.

3. The Outside Pull (A Better Option) This isn't always another man. An outside pull can be a dream, a career, a new self-image, or a lifestyle she desires more than her current life with you.

The Warning: Do not try to attack the outside pull (or the other guy). It will only make her defend it. Focus on fixing your own pushes and pulls.

ABOUT THE VIDEO
If your wife has said "I love you but I'm not in love with you," or if she is already filing for divorce, panic is your enemy. Many men react by begging, pleading, or getting angry—all of which act as "pushes."

Dr. Joe explains that saving a marriage requires:

Owning your part: Admitting that you may have contributed to the breakdown.

Willingness to learn: Moving past "I know everything" and seeking expert help.

Urgency: Understanding that waiting for her to "come to her senses" usually leads to divorce.

Recommended Resource: We have worked with over 25,000 couples with a high success rate, even when one spouse wanted out. If you are willing to make the investment of time and effort, check out our 3-Day Intensive Workshop

Click here to listen to Kimberly's Show: https://apple.co/4kKQuPl

Click here to subscribe to Kimberly's YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes

If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free

📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://bit.ly/4fhb9Yz

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Does moving out save your marriage or is it the first step toward divorce? If you are desperate for peace and thinking about packing your bags, you need to watch this video first.

👉 Get the FREE "10 Text Messages to Reconnect" Guide here: https://bit.ly/4b1Yfh6

Does separation save a marriage? According to research, 80% of couples who separate ultimately end up divorcing. While moving out provides temporary relief and peace, it often creates a "false positive" environment where living apart feels better than the hard work of fixing the relationship. Unless there is a safety issue, separation usually accelerates the end of a marriage rather than saving it.

In this video, Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes shares both the research and her personal experience regarding marital separation. You’ll learn why the human brain craves separation to "avoid pain and seek gain," but why acting on that impulse usually backfires.

We cover:

The Statistic: Why 8 out of 10 separations fail to reconcile.

The Psychology of Peace: Why your brain resists going back to the marriage once you've had a taste of living alone.

Dr. Kimberly’s Story: How moving out twice early in her marriage didn't fix the problems, it only paused them.

Communication vs. Punishment: Are you moving out to "teach them a lesson"? We discuss why using your presence as a reward or punishment destroys trust.

⚠️ IMPORTANT SAFETY NOTE: If you are in a physically abusive situation or an emotionally unsafe environment where your physical health is at risk, your priority is safety. Please seek help immediately. Separation is necessary for safety, even if the goal isn't marriage restoration yet. You can call 800-799-7233 or text 'BEGIN' to 88788

📖 Download the FREE Guide: "10 Text Messages to Reconnect With Your Spouse." Stop the fighting and start communicating differently today. 👉 https://bit.ly/4b1Yfh6 

Click here to listen to Kimberly's Show: https://apple.co/4kKQuPl

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If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free

📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://bit.ly/4fhb9Yz

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Is there a timeline for saving a marriage?

If you are asking "How long will it take to save my marriage?" the honest answer is that there is no magic formula or set number of days. It relies entirely on consistency over time. In this video, Dr. Joe Beam explains that saving a relationship is not an immediate event. It is a process of changing the negative narrative your spouse has about you by consistently doing the right things, even when it feels like it is not working.

In this episode:

Dr. Joe Beam breaks down the typical pattern of marriage dissolution and shares the hard truth about separation. Did you know that once a physical separation occurs, the likelihood of divorce rises to between 75% and 80%?

Dr. Beam explains why this happens using a concept called Negative Affect. This is when your spouse interprets everything you do through a negative filter. Even when you try to change or work on your PIES (Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Spiritual attraction), your spouse might attack you or criticize you.

Why do they do this? Because your positive changes are messing up the negative narrative they have created to justify leaving.

You will learn:

• The typical "devolving" pattern of a marriage heading toward divorce.
• Why you should avoid or delay separation if at all possible.
• Negative Affect: Why your spouse sees you as the "bad guy" regardless of what you do.
• Why your spouse might get angry when you start working on yourself.
• The vital importance of consistency over time to change their mind.

It is unfair that you have to do the heavy lifting right now. However, if you are the one standing for the marriage, you are the one who has to change the dynamic. It is not easy, but we have witnessed "hopeless" couples turn it around even after years of struggle.

Click here to listen to Kimberly's Show: https://apple.co/4kKQuPl

Click here to subscribe to Kimberly's YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes

If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free

📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://bit.ly/4fhb9Yz

🔗 Website: https://marriagehelper.com
📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriagehelper
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Follow our other channels!
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