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By Dr. Joe Beam & Kimberly Beam Holmes: Experts in Fixing Marriages & Saving Relationships
4.7
486486 ratings
The podcast currently has 689 episodes available.
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Enjoy the episode? Send us a text! Most marriage advice is recycled fluff. This is not. I sat down with Dr. John Gottman, the man who has spent 40+ years studying what actually makes marriages work and what destroys them. Not opinions. Not theories. Exposed-to-thousands-of-couples-in-a-research-lab findings. And what he told me? Some of it will surprise you. The couples who last, the "masters," aren't the ones who avoid conflict. They're the ones who lean into it without getting defensive. They stay curious instead of critical. They treat their spouse's complaints like information, not attacks. We also got into the stuff nobody talks about openly. Why most couples are embarrassed to discuss sex. Why compatibility is actually a myth. What commitment really looks like on a Tuesday morning when you're frustrated. And how the way you respond to "no" in the bedroom determines everything. Dr. Gottman told me that after 35 years of marriage, he still looks forward to talking to his wife at breakfast every single morning. If your marriage feels disconnected, boring, or like you're roommates, this conversation will show you why. And more importantly, what the research says you can do about it. This is one of my favorite interviews I've ever done. If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free 📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://bit.ly/4fhb9Yz 🔗 Website: https://marriagehelper.com 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriagehelper 👀 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagehelper Follow our other channels! 📺 https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📺 https://youtube.com/@drjoebeam

Enjoy the episode? Send us a text! Doing nothing feels safe. It isn't. When your marriage starts falling apart, most people freeze. You don't want to make it worse. You don't want the conflict. You don't know what to say. So you wait and hope it settles on its own. It almost never does. You really only have three options when trouble shows up. Do nothing. Get the wrong help. Get the right help. In this video, Dr. Joe Beam walks through all three, and why the second one does more damage than most people realize. The wrong help is rarely obvious. It's the friend who's still angry about her own divorce. It's family who love you too much to be objective. It's a counselor carrying bitterness she's never dealt with. It's a good-hearted couple online who saved their own marriage and now assume yours looks like theirs. None of those people are villains. They just aren't equipped to help you. A testimony is not a method. Caring is not a plan. He also covers what to actually look for. The right education. Values that match yours, or at least get respected. Someone who treats the marriage as the client instead of picking a side. And the questions to ask before you book a single session, including how they calculate the success rate they advertise. One warning worth repeating. If someone diagnoses your spouse without ever meeting your spouse, walk away. Most people don't wait because they stopped caring. They wait because they're hoping it resolves itself. Get help early. Even if your spouse isn't there yet. If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free 📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://bit.ly/4fhb9Yz 🔗 Website: https://marriagehelper.com 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriagehelper 👀 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagehelper Follow our other channels! 📺 https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📺 https://youtube.com/@drjoebeam

Enjoy the episode? Send us a text! They didn't make a mistake. A mistake is grabbing the wrong bag at baggage claim. A mistake is an accident you didn't choose. What happened to you was a choice. They knew. And calling it a mistake is just a softer word for something that isn't soft at all. So the anger makes sense. The urge to make them feel a fraction of what you're feeling makes sense. Which brings us to the actual question. How do you punish a spouse who cheated? There are four doors. Body, mind, heart, and soul. Physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual. And three that people walk through most often: their money, their reputation, and their kids. Here's the part that gets left out. They all work. You really can make their life miserable. You can keep them guilty for thirty years. You can call the boss. You can tell the church. You can make the children choose. The problem isn't that punishment fails. The problem is what it costs the person doing it. Destroy them financially and you may be destroying money you need. Destroy their reputation and you hand your own name to the same gossip. Keep them anxious and guilty and you have to stay in that room with them to do it. And parental alienation isn't protection for your kids. It's your pain, routed through them. You have every right to punish them. The question is what it turns you into, and whether that's the person you want to be five years from now. If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free 📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://bit.ly/4fhb9Yz 🔗 Website: https://marriagehelper.com 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriagehelper 👀 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagehelper Follow our other channels! 📺 https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📺 https://youtube.com/@drjoebeam

Enjoy the episode? Send us a text! Everyone around you is starting to ask the same question. Why are you still trying? Your spouse is checked out. Maybe they've stopped sleeping in the same bed. Maybe they've moved out completely. Maybe there's someone else. And nothing you've tried has moved the needle even an inch. So the people who love you start looking at you sideways. They think you're standing in a graveyard. Here's what they're missing. Standing for your marriage doesn't require certainty. It requires confidence. You can't be certain what your spouse will do. They're a grown adult making their own choices, and nobody can honestly promise you a specific ending. But you can be confident that change is possible, because we've watched thousands of couples walk out of situations that looked exactly like yours. And here's the part almost nobody tells you. Standing changes you long before it changes anything else. In this video, one of our coaches shares what three years of standing actually looked like. His wife stayed in the affair the whole time. The marriage ended in divorce. And he still says he'd do it all over again. Not because standing saved the marriage. Because standing made him someone worth being. If your confidence has been living inside your spouse's approval, this one is going to sting a little. In the best way. Because it's never wrong to do the right thing. If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free 📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://bit.ly/4fhb9Yz 🔗 Website: https://marriagehelper.com 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriagehelper 👀 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagehelper Follow our other channels! 📺 https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📺 https://youtube.com/@drjoebeam

Enjoy the episode? Send us a text! He talks to everyone at the party. Then you get in the car and he goes silent. You ask a question. Nothing. You tell him about your day. Nothing. And you start to wonder if every other woman in that room was prettier, or funnier, or more interesting than you. Here's what I've learned after years of this work. Most men don't go quiet because they stopped caring. They go quiet because somewhere along the way, talking stopped feeling safe. In this video, I break down the three things that get a man to open up again. Stop the attack. Change the environment. Go first. The first one is the hardest, because most women don't know they're doing it. There is a difference between a complaint and a criticism. A complaint is about behavior. A criticism is about character. One sounds like "I wish you'd talk to me the way you talk to them." The other sounds like "what is wrong with you." He hears the second one even when you meant the first. Then he defends himself. Then you feel contempt. Then he stonewalls and stares at the floor and it's like you aren't even in the room. John Gottman called those the four horsemen, and they predict divorce with frightening accuracy. The second thing is environment. Not the dinner table. Not the bedroom. Not the living room with the game on. Outside if you can manage it, because nature settles people down. Timing and place matter more than the words you pick. The third thing is the one nobody wants to hear. Transparency breeds transparency. You go first. You tell the story about you. You stay open before he is, and then you wait, and you don't push. And whatever you do, don't say "we need to talk." That shuts a man down before you've said anything at all. I walk through all three, including what to do if you've already tried being open and he gave you nothing back. He can talk to you. He just has to feel safe enough to do it. If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free 📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://bit.ly/4fhb9Yz 🔗 Website: https://marriagehelper.com 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marriagehelper 👀 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@marriagehelper Follow our other channels! 📺 https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes 📺 https://youtube.com/@drjoebeam
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