This week on The Houli’s Hooley, it’s just Paddy and Bill with Clay being missed dearly. The boys head to their alma mater Mount Carmel High School for a nationally televised football game and discover that the old neighborhood stadium has become the Super Bowl. Jumbotrons, ESPN cameras, merch tents, tailgating campers, sponsorship activations and enough college recruits on the field to make you wonder if somebody accidentally scheduled the NFL Draft. Paddy starts talking to the production guys and suddenly finds himself standing in the middle of the High School NIL Industrial Complex. Sixteen-year-olds have agents. Kids are making serious endorsement money. Highlight-reel companies are turning linebackers into media properties. CAA is involved. Brands are involved. Everybody is involved. The only people who may not know what’s happening are the parents and the kids actually signing the contracts. So naturally, Paddy and Bill decide they should start a national Athlete Protection Association. Forget the NCAA. Forget the lawyers. The Houli bros. are coming. Contract reviews! Agent background checks! An athlete-safe business certification! A hotline for confused parents! Maybe a laminated wallet card! Before long, they’re basically running the AARP for teenage football players, except instead of Medicare it’s protecting your kid from signing a 47-page deal with Whammy Burger. From there, things get completely stupid. They get into Sox promotional disasters, high school football movies, Wrigleyville T-shirt hustlers, K-pop merchandise, Little League kids with their own camera crews, the Pet Shop Boys and why every new business venture apparently needs a theme song. Plus, a proper Labor Day salute to the unions while Paddy and Bill attempt to unionize children who still have homework. It’s high school football, NIL money, corporate America, teenage millionaires and two Houlihans trying to save the youth of America from bad contracts. What could possibly go wrong?

Sponsored By: Fox’s Pizza (Mokena and Orland Park), Flood Bros., Madden Funds and Local 150 Engineers

This Week on The Houli’s Hooley: Paddy, Bill, and Clay are back from the so called Irish Riviera, Long Beach / New Buffalo, where the Houlihans enjoyed the annual family beach getaway, while poor Charlotte spent much of it battling a summer cold. From there, the lads wander into a wild discussion about nicknames, small talk, old school Chicago etiquette, and the increasingly dangerous world of saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. Back in the real world, school is in session and the sixth graders at Paddy’s son’s school are already embroiled in a bullying text thread, which naturally inspires the birth of “Grade School Weekly,” an underground, Onion style gossip rag for grammar schools. Then it’s time for Illinois high school football. The guys break down Mount Carmel’s loss to East St. Louis, Nazareth getting knocked off by IC and the return of college football. Naturally, that leads to the inevitable discussion of gambling on high school sports. Chicago baseball gets its turn, with the White Sox somehow entering the conversation as a potential division contender, Cubs Diamondbacks sign stealing allegations, and the dream or nightmare of a Sox Cubs World Series. They also kick around the latest Bears stadium possibilities and wonder whether Hawthorne Race Course could become the next Arlington Heights. Throw in Tupac, grammar school bullying, tattoos on professional athletes, and a brief detour into whether grown men should take up gymnastics after 40, and you’ve got another gloriously unhinged hour of The Houli’s Hooley.

The gang is on vacation this week. So we went into the archives to present a throw back to one of our favorite episodes from the past year.  This is the Rocket Shank episode that aired on May 30th. This week on The Houli’s Hooley, Paddy, Bill, and Clay dive into the most dramatic Memorial Day weekend since war was invented – starring Bill’s face and a rogue Pinnacle “junk ball.” From a peaceful Little League dad morning to a full-on Lee Harvey Golf Ball situation, Bill walks us through the moment a rocket shank turned his orbital bone into modern art, the ER adventure, and how five facial fractures have him rethinking cigarettes, gratitude, and life itself. Clay unveils his new “Celtic Club” garage boxing gym – a full-on Irish Rocky IV setup with bags, weights, a rowing machine, and enough testosterone to power a small village. Paddy, meanwhile, is twisting knobs and dipping straws as he preps for Lottie and The Drama’s big neighborhood debut and NYU fundraiser at Roberts Westside, hustling the Zeffy link and accidentally becoming his daughter’s de facto manager (while still advising her to become an electrician). Along the way, the lads spin off into golf PSAs, talking sports balls, Coffee Boy: The Musical, war-smoking etiquette, and the eternal comfort of lighting a smoke after you’ve just cheated death – even if it’s the wake-up call that finally gets you to quit.

Sponsored By: Fox’s Pizza of Mokena and Orland Park, Flood Bros. Disposal, Madden Funds and Local 150 Engineers

Paddy, Billy, and Clay are back with another episode of completely reasonable business planning. A $1.04 billion Powerball winner in Quincy gets the lads wondering what you actually do with $260 million in cash. Naturally, they ask ChatGPT to calculate how much 100-dollar bills weigh and promptly invent SpaceWise, the world’s first semi-truck-based lottery-winnings transportation company. Nothing could possibly go wrong. From there, the boys discover the next great American food empire: egg roll food trucks, preferably co-branded with Coca-Cola. Clay pitches a flea-market travel show, Bill gets into custom White Sox hats, and Paddy investigates Meta smart glasses, which may be the future of wearable technology or simply a spectacular new way to get arrested. Then things get truly stupid with Prickly, the revolutionary concept of permanently implanting sterling-silver beard hairs into your face. Because apparently regular beards weren’t shiny enough. The conversation eventually turns serious, sort of, with the River Forest Little League eligibility controversy, the increasingly bizarre world of youth travel sports, NIL money, and Clay’s boys getting ready for another football season. It’s money, sports, technology, questionable entrepreneurship, and facial metallurgy, all crammed into one glorious Hooley.

Sponsored By: Fox’s Pizza (Mokena and Orland Park), Flood Bros., Madden Funds and Local 150 Engineers

This week on the Houli’s Hooley, Paddy survives the Lollapalooza pickup nightmare, the lads talk White Sox baseball, and dream about what it would take to bring baseball to Ireland. Ryan Flynn of Baseball Ireland enters the picture, along with ideas for youth baseball, Team Ireland, the World Baseball Classic, and enough Irish team names to fill a whole league. But the real star of this episode is Wave Man Caveman, the prehistoric sports lunatic who doesn’t taunt the losing team, he simply waves goodbye because apparently that’s how cavemen handled sportsmanship. The lads debate whether he should be a hated menace or a lovable chaos creature, then immediately start talking costumes, merchandise, social media, licensing, and possibly an A24 movie. Because naturally, Wave Man Caveman must have a cinematic universe.

Sponsored By: Fox’s Pizza (Mokena and Orland Park), Flood Bros., Madden Funds and Local 150 Engineers

This week, Paddy, Bill, and Clay take listeners on a journey that only the Hooley could produce. It starts with dreams of winning the $800 million Mega Millions jackpot before Paddy heads to the South Loop with his dad to meet Irish American filmmaker Colin Flynn, completely forgetting that Lollapalooza has swallowed Grant Park whole. Between the crowds, the fashion, and the organized chaos, Paddy realizes he’s officially become “the old guy” marveling at a generation he barely understands. What follows is a comedy of errors featuring confused Uber drivers, gridlocked streets, Big Ten Media Day, bathroom survival tactics at the Hilton, and Paddy’s dad providing colorful commentary to just about everyone they encounter. Back in the suburbs, the mood shifts from chaos to pure joy as Paddy’s son Mike’s River Forest 11U teammates capture the Illinois State Championship, extending an incredible 19 game winning streak. Even though Mike couldn’t play because of his broken thumb, he was right in the middle of the celebration, and Paddy’s wildly over the top reaction to the final strikeout is immediately immortalized on every parent’s phone. Of course, no Hooley episode would be complete without inventing something nobody asked for. This week it’s the Koala Chair, the ultimate elevated seat for sports parents and festival goers alike. Just wait until you see the prototype. Throw in Smashing Pumpkins nostalgia, random celebrity encounters, stories of legendary River Forest pool parties, and the usual Chicago Irish nonsense, and you’ve got another gloriously unhinged hour with the lads.

Sponsored By: Fox’s Pizza (Mokena and Orland Park), Flood Bros., Madden Funds and Local 150 Engineers

This week, Paddy, Bill, and Clay prove once again that absolutely no topic is safe. It all starts with dreams of hitting the $700 million lottery, which quickly turns into shopping sprees for luxury watches, ridiculous shoes, and the kind of impulse purchases only a billionaire with zero supervision could justify. Then comes the future. According to the lads, we’re only a few years away from wealthy neighborhoods filling up with cyborg butlers, cyborg nurses, cyborg baseball coaches, and eventually cyborgs so common nobody even notices them anymore. Naturally, they begin planning how to cash in before the robot takeover. Things really go off the rails when ChatGPT helps brainstorm a restaurant concept that somehow evolves into Boners—a completely wholesome (they insist) chicken restaurant named after Mike “Boner” Stabone from Growing Pains. Before long they’re debating velvet booths, a massive oil portrait of Boner on the wall, signature menu items, and whether Enigma’s Return to Innocence should be the only song played in the restaurant from opening until closing. Throw in retirement home adventures, Rockford road trips, AI business ideas, and the usual stream of Chicago Irish nonsense, and you’ve got another hour where the biggest problem facing mankind is whether Boners should have table service or counter ordering.

Sponsored By: Fox’s Pizza (Mokena and Orland Park), Flood Bros., Madden Funds and Local 150 Engineers

This week on The Houli’s Hooley, Paddy, Bill, and Clay somehow turn one innocent golf shirt into a full-scale public relations crisis. Paddy proudly wears his favorite pineapple polo, only to learn that certain pineapples—especially upside-down ones—may be sending invitations he never intended. The lads immediately appoint themselves the FBI’s Fruit Division, debating swinger etiquette, golf course dress codes, and whether Burlington Coat Factory knows something the rest of us don’t. Clay reports back from Dyersville, Iowa, where his son’s baseball team played at the legendary Field of Dreams movie site. Between the cornfields and Kevin Costner nostalgia, the conversation drifts into those wonderfully random moments when sports stars appear out of nowhere. Bill runs into White Sox rookie Braden Montgomery at Navy Pier, Clay remembers bumping into NBA legend (and full-time cult hero) Brian Scalabrine, and after Kyle Schwarber’s appearance in the Home Run Derby, the boys spend an alarming amount of time trying to imagine what Kyle Schwarber’s dad looks like—and whether his first name is legally required to be “Big.” The nonsense keeps rolling as Canadian wildfire smoke makes Chicago look like a scene from Blade Runner, beach parking reaches the GDP of a small nation, and the boys officially declare YouTube the undisputed heavyweight champion of television. It’s another classic hour of Chicago Irish nonsense, sports, pop culture, half-baked theories, and the kind of conversations that somehow begin with a golf shirt and end with Kyle Schwarber’s imaginary family tree.

Sponsored By: Fox’s Pizza (Mokena and Orland Park), Flood Bros., Madden Funds and Local 150 Engineers

Summer has officially melted everyone’s brains. This week, Paddy, Bill, and Clay relive a Fourth of July backyard reunion with old grammar school buddies that quickly turns into a nostalgia fest about leaf fires, Zippo lighters, secondhand smoke, and all the things that somehow didn’t kill kids growing up in the ’80s. Paddy gives an update on his son Mike’s broken thumb, which has temporarily ended baseball but launched an impressive career in left-handed basketball and marathon NBA 2K sessions. Meanwhile, Clay gears up for a Field of Dreams tournament, prompting the boys to reminisce about youth sports, road trips, and the beautiful insanity of travel baseball. Then the conversation takes its usual hard left. The lads investigate Lorenzo Lamas’ astonishing six marriages, speculate about Heather Locklear, invent questionable biker gangs, debate whether Mick Jagger is actually immortal, and wonder if Paddy should cash in his vintage Grateful Dead T-shirts before they’re worth more than his retirement account. Throw in White Sox frustrations, World Cup chatter, and enough random pop culture detours to require a GPS, and you’ve got another hour of glorious Hooley nonsense.

Sponsored By: Fox’s Pizza (Mokena and Orland Park), Flood Bros., Madden Funds and Local 150 Engineers

This week on the Houl’s Hooley summer is in full swing, and so is the madness. Paddy shares the emotional whiplash of watching his son Mike crush his first over-the-fence home run of the season before ending the tournament with a broken thumb. His daughter Charlotte has returned from her NYU songwriting program with fresh songs, new inspiration, and plenty of New York stories, while the lads somehow convince themselves they belong on the guest list for Taylor Swift’s rumored wedding. From there, it’s classic Hooley chaos. Fourth of July fireworks spark a debate over whether today’s kids could handle the M-80 era, beloved callback Trough restaurant returns with even more questionable menu ideas, Buns restaurant somehow expands its business model, and the boys pitch the unforgettable “Ice Cream Steak” to upscale restaurants everywhere. It’s another gloriously goofy hour of family stories, summer nostalgia, ridiculous inventions, and three Chicago Irish eejits making each other laugh.

Sponsored By: Fox’s Pizza (Mokena and Orland Park), Flood Bros., Madden Funds and Local 150 Engineers