In this episode, Black Women call in and give me their perspective on the palpable whiteness of the BDSM community. Using my story of the white rope artist who tokenized a woman of color in a photoshoot, we discuss the many nuances of being one of the few black women in a BDSM space. From race play fetishism to the obvious preference of many dominants, we discuss how the whiteness of these spaces can be painfully alienating to black women attempting to participate in BDSM.

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A few weeks ago, a popular rope artist who predominately does rope on white women, posted a picture of a WOC who bottomed for them and in the process tokenized them in a way that made them feel uncomfortable. They didn't consent to being the token in their feed and in the process of trying to show off for doing rope (finally) on a WOC, they managed to get their race wrong. This lead to a huge debate on their page and a larger conversation about POC in BDSM media. What I didn't know at the time was that some WOC pay rope artists to do the rope they do on white women for free. There's a lot of conversations to be had about accessibility, race and kink, but I also think it's worth considering if you're creating BSDM media as representation or if you're simply showing off your art. Being a black bottom can be...interesting. 

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As discussed last week, being tokenized sucks pretty hard, but it's something a lot of us have done and had done to us many times throughout life. In this episode, we have a gay man call in about being the gay bestie to a woman dating a homophobe, a lesbian who was tokenized by her not quite out ex gf, a black woman who let white cosmetologists do her hair (and by do, I mean ruin) for clout and a Mexican Christian whose Church has some very questionable principles when it comes to standing with immigrants. 

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I used to tell people that if they're curious about an experience outside of their own, they should befriend people of said experience. I regret that advice as I start to reintegrate into society, I'm having experiences with being tokenized. One stood out to me as quite painful as their desire for social media performance was starkly contradicted by their avoidance of me in meat space. 

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"Unicorn Hunting" is a term reserved for predatory couples who seek out, often, but not always, bisexual women who are interested in participating in a threesome with a man and a woman in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with wanting a threesome, but more often than not, unicorn hunters manipulate women into sexual situations they wouldn't consent to if they understood what was going on. In this call in show, we hear from several people, mostly cis women, about their heartbreaking experiences with these couples. From a woman who was groomed in her local dancing community, to a man who didn't know his date had a wife, and a friend and another friend until the moment he arrived at the party, this episode showcases an array of experiences. Required listening for the Unicorn Hunting couple who might not know their impact on their unicorns. 

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A "unicorn" is (generally) a bisexual woman, open to having a sexual relationship with, (generally) a heterosexual couple with a bisexual or bi curious woman. A woman who will magically be attracted to both parties and is open to exploring sexually with both. This is an incredibly popular fantasy, but, as you can imagine, often doesn't reflect reality. As we've established several times on this show, I am very much not bisexual, but that hasn't stopped unicorn hunters from pursuing me. 

In this episode, I discuss my experiences with unicorn hunters and my general issue with couples who look for this sort of dynamic. Spoiler: it has nothing to do with what they're doing, but how they do it. 

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If you enjoy the podcast, help support it by joining my Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/katblaque

Some folks are polyamorous, some folks are monogamous and some people are somewhere on the spectrum. As a polyamorous person, I identify myself as polyamorous because of my aversion to monogamy, but everyone has their own perspective and that's what this discussion is about. From a gay pup player discussing his own self discovery of polyamory to a woman in the middle of a lesbian throuple, who identifies as monogamous, we discuss various shades of non monogamy and the various ways folks feel about polyamory and non monogamy. 

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Years ago, I ended a monogamous relationship with a person I loved more than anything so that I could live more happily and honestly. Because of that, I have a hard time understanding people who claim to be "ambiamorous" or "polyflexible". People use these terms to express that they are open to monogamy AND polyamory, but for me it's very hard for me to not see that as an attitude that is inherently toxic to my own as I can't help but notice that monogamy seems to be what they give to the people they value the most and as a black trans woman, that isn't often me. 

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The "kink at pride" discourse happens every single year often between people who don't actively go to Gay Pride.  So I thought I'd open up to lines to actual Pride Attendees to discuss their feelings. We speak to sex workers, asexual folks, trans men and gay men who've been goin to pride for decades. We speak to people who agree and disagree and the conversation is quite fruitful. 

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THIS BREW IS GOOD. A super diverse array of perspectives on this topic. We hear from a trans woman currently stuck in a relationship with a DL man, we hear from a non binary person who once struggled to date trans women because of their own internalized transphobia, we hear from a woman who recently discovered her partner is trans attracted and on the DL and we hear from several men currently on the DL, one from a conservative Muslim background (voice changed for his own safety).

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If you enjoy the podcast, help support it by joining my Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/katblaque