In this mini episode, Katie defends Taylor Swift after the unwarranted backlash from the public release of her texts with Blake Lively. She sites Katt Williams as an example of how fans should stand by their idols, and reminds Americans not to sh*t on good things that are given to them.

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My first boyfriend died in an avalanche—and somehow became a father afterward.

This week, I tell the unbelievable story of Ian: my seventh-grade boyfriend, longtime friend, and experienced backcountry skier who was killed in an avalanche. After his death, his fiancée had his sperm retrieved, used it to become pregnant, and gave birth to his son. It is heartbreaking, beautiful, ethically complicated, and possibly the wildest story I have ever told.

Then things get significantly less dignified.

I revisit the moment Ian lovingly told me I would always be the first girl he loved—and then revealed that his most enduring memory of me was that I thought I was better than everyone else.

I also take on the psychopaths lurking in Facebook comment sections, Marv from Home Alone getting arrested, a psychic who correctly predicted an all-female party, Hazel briefly channeling David Bowie, and Lennox’s disastrous history with school-bus drivers—including arson threats, medication recommendations, and the time Taylor Swift indirectly sent him to the police station.

Death. Sperm extraction. Avalanches. Autism parenting. Bon Iver. Police involvement. David Bowie. The silver tuna.

Ladies and gentlemen, this one has everything.

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In a new segment called Parental Advisory, Katie advises against being a parent.

Next, she walks through a history of poor gift choices, after an epiphany reveals she has bad taste. Plus, an unfortunate mental breakdown while setting up an Xbox.

This episode also covers:

• Ted’s “Pint Glass Theory”
• Her favorite slave joke from a middle school field trip
• Being humiliated by a sadistic Special Ed teacher
• Waking up relatives at 3am to ask for more pie

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Katie thanks her niece, Rita, for helping with the podcast and explores the tragic life of Saint Rita, who was slut-shamed while trying to enter the convent. She also tackles the hellscape of Christmas cards and present-wrapping, plus the dangers of watching comedy specials while too high. Plus, a disturbing sexual harassment tale from a Dunkin Donuts run.

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Katie discusses the unluckiest family on earth—her own. She reprimands the autism community for bad branding and praises her autistic children’s budding comedy voices. Then it’s back to Old News, where she defends Brett Favre, mourns the cultural erasure of Eddie Murphy as a stand-up comic, and unmasks Master Splinter as a deadbeat dad.

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In this pilot audio episode, Katie reminisces about Auntie Margaret—aka “Big Red,” a chain-smoking Thanksgiving legend who accidentally set her own house on fire. She talks about being excluded from family vacations and the realities of visiting Ireland. The episode closes with some old news, where Katie discusses kidnappings and white-collar crimes on tropical vacations.

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