The Kind of Love

In this episode, Aaron talks with photographer and love coach Joe "Photo" Paulicivic about seeing through a different lens for the homeless and the release of his new photo book The Dirty Kids.

If you want great music for your podcast and social content, you can get 10% OFF unlimited licensable music at Soundstripe Music. go to thekindoflove.com/promo

joephoto.com

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Show Notes

:23 min

Aaron Talks:

Consider the good in humanity. Thats what this episode is all about.

I ask you what does love look like to you? What does love look like when you approach someone else's situation and what it would be like to be in their shoes?

What would love look like if you were living on the street?

My Guest today Joe Paulicivic a photographer and love coach, has recently released a book of photographs to show us through his lens another look at homelessness. It's a group, a community of homeless who call themselves the Dirty Kids.

Joe spent several years making friends and collecting photos to share with you a different perspective.

We are conditioned in our culture to assume a lot about our homeless.

Maybe we cast judgments about their lifestyle.

Maybe we think they are lazy.

Maybe we see them as victims of society.

But is that absolutely true?

The Dirty Kids actually choose and accept being on the street as a lifestyle. They have formed a community mindset around sharing and being accepting of that fact that what ever they need will come to them, instead of living in fear of security.

The rawness and realness of our conversation may even be shocking, but I would encourage you to consider this word on the street from Joe from a different lens, a compassionate one…

Here's a short excerpt from the forward by Father Richard Roar and what he had to say about Joe's book of photographs.

"It shows that clothing and table placement...

2:20 min

Joe first met the dirty kids in New Orleans 2010 and one of them wanted him to take a shocking photo.

4:30 min

March of 2014 Joe was wearing a Free Hug t-shirt and gave out free hugs to dirty kids

The dirty kids pride themselves on how dirty they can be, hopping trains

6:40 min

A strong connection happened at Mardi Gras when Joe started hugging the Dirty Kids.

Joe's daughter was also on the brink of being on the street. She is what the Dirty kids would called a home bomb.

Dirty kids travel really light.

9 min

Every where he goes Joe hugs people, the dirty kids were no different to him.

Reggie one of the DK was one of the first kid Joe felt an open door to spend more time and connect.

They developed more relationships by Joe photographing over 100 photographs of the Dirty Kids.

12:10 min

Not many kids don't make it to their 40s. Its a conscious choice for them to be on the streets. Many are orphans and they don't want to be told what to do, so they made their own culture.

Many of them are strong adventurous personalities on the street. They are artists and or free spirits.

They share everything with each other. They believe whatever they need will come to them.

15:20

Many of are not as engaged with our community. So they've learned to share more.

The general public often sees homelessness as a problem, but Joe sees them as not a problem.

They are perceived as dangerous.

18 min

Joe's been a friend to them. He's not trying to convert them into anything different, but an opportunity to exercise compassion.

Joe would love the book to bring awareness and compassion for the homeless.

It's a deep paradigm to consider people that are different than us as not a problem. People tend to move in circles that are similar.

21 min

Joe is hopeful that this will be an opportunity for more discovery of our common humanity.

Joe is in a different place than 8 years ago when this started. He sees these kids who are typically scapegoats as opportunity to look at his own struggles and forgiveness.

These kids as a metaphor of living in the shadows, helps us recognize the shadows we live in.

The security we look to can easily get shut down by things like COVID. Most of us are terrified about being on the streets.

24:50 min

Joe compares the homeless to the leopards of Jesus's day. Many of them have experienced loss and suffering.

Through Joe's lens, like his daughter, he sees so much shame that the Dirty Kids live in. But says they are not looking for pity, but human connection.

27 min

Joe talks about eye contact being a great way to approach the homeless.

In our society we're not taught to make much eye contact or hug each other for prolong periods of time, which can see them just like everyone else.

It can help those feeling like victims, have more hope when you make eye contact and be more present with them. And then it can open real conversations.

30 min

Relationships begin with acknowledgment and then curiosity.

The Dirty Kids will surprise you with their grace and perspective.

31:45 min

The book came out Dec 2021 and you get get a copy at joephoto.com

Joe's hope is that the book would open eyes and hearts to consider a different experience with the homeless.

Not everyone is called to the level of trust and courage to approach the homeless. They can be unpredictable.

Joe hopes that others will see the common humanity between the homeless.

As Joe began to tear up, he talks about the book ultimately being a healing experience for himself and his judgments.

The Dirty kids has helped him go into his shadows and seeing himself as equal.

The book has been liberating for Joe, and a way to be a friend to the Dirty Kids.

35:30 min

Thanks so much for listening.

Joephoto.com

If you're looking to empower yourself out of harmful relationship patterns and claim your self-worth you can connect with Aaron here…

Instagram.com/aarontosti

Thekindoflove.com

You've been listening to TKOL Podcast

I'm Aaron

Best of Love to You

In this episode, Aaron talks with his longtime friend Steve Wilmot about marriage, sarcasm, music, comedy, Steve's cool wife, listening to your partner, and how not taking yourself too seriously will glue your marriage.

instagram.com/jacaranda_real

instagram.com/aarontosti

thekindoflove.com

In this episode, Aaron talks with Emily Freeman about supporting and empowering men to go from confused to confident in their dating life.

instagram.com/emilyfreemancoaching

TikTok: @emilyfreemancoaching

Emilyfreemancoaching.com

Instagram.com/aarontosti

thekindoflove.com

SHOW NOTES

:23 Aaron Talks

Dating can be challenging right? There's so many nuances that you can get caught up in that keep you stuck from just pursuing someone, having fun and enjoying the journey.

For men it can be really challenging on dating apps, first dates, and simply knowing how to attract the kind of women you desire.

So I invited my next guest Emily Freeman, who empowers and inspires driven men to go from confused to confident and find the women of their dreams.

Emily does such a great job of bringing awareness to what are often common dating frustrations for men.

We talk about green flags to look for in a high quality women, what women are are looking for in dating profiles, pursuing vs chasing, the stories we make up in our head about the person we're dating, and some of the underlying issues that keep men from leaning into the relationship they desire..

It's packed full of good stuff

2:00 min

• Excited to have you,
• Aaron has become a fan of Emily

2:40 min

• Why Emily started coaching men
• Dating is deeply personal, Emily wanted to create a safe space for men
• Dating is a complete mirror
• Release shame

5:20 min

• Women are looking for leadership
• It's extremely attractive for a man to make decisions
• reducing the polarity of Feminine and masculine energy can reduce attraction

6:55 min

• The way to be attractive is to know what you want
• Establish self-love to know how to receive a woman's love
• You have to feel it yourself first, what am I rejecting when it comes to receiving love and affection?
• When something doesn't feel familiar we are often not attracted, thats why so many men chase "unavailable"

9:40 min

• Lets talk about the green flag
• What are the green flags in a high quality babe ?
• She knows how to meet her own needs and effectively communicate what she needs and wants
• Boundaries allow a women to be wholly herself while stepping into a partnership
• Laughing is a green flag
• A women who is present at willing to take things slow
• Intensity vs intimacy
• You can't just ask all the right questions
• Enthusiastically responding to your requests

12:40

• Some men feel like it falls on their shoulders
• Alleviate the pressure by contacting and
• Another green flag is noticing how she treats other people, how does she handle conflict?

14:24 min

• The mirror for all of those green flags to be reflected back for women
• The anxious attachment can get lost looking for a sign and not being in the actual relationship

15:45 min

• Aaron Genuinely misses the art of dating romance
• Crawling into love intimacy that happens in
• Patience is really important

16:20 min

• Confusion around leaning into something vs rushing in to a relationship
• Being cautiously optimistic, with the expectation that you are still getting to know each other

17 min

• People jump too quickly into assuming whether someone is right or wrong for them
• Collecting "datapoint" just taking notice of what's your

18:40 min

• Marriage isn't an expectation anymore it's a choice
• The head & heart conversation, you can know all of the things but at the end of the day can you just sit down and have a conversation

21:30 min

• Just let what is be
• There's a lot of fear in dating and thats why they call it "falling into love.."
• The body doesn't know the difference between anxiety and excitement.. the brain interprets it
• Anxious-excited trap at the end of the day it's fear

23:30 min

• If you're not clear on your why then you won't stay motivated
• Pursue rather than chase

24:35 min

• Indirectly Inviting a women into your world through your dating profile
• Be intentional about who you want to date

25:30 min

• Women want to know what their lives are going to be like when they see your profile
• Women are sensitive to reading men's energy

27:30 min

• Men don't really fill out their profile, it shows your level of investment
• I want to be attracted to all women and the fear of rejection go hand in hand
• Don't need to be overly serious, be intentional without taking yourself too seriously

29 min

• What makes a girl head over heals for a dude?
• Be unapologetically who you are
• Be in the energy of "I love who I am. I love my life, and the women who comes into my life is going to love it too. If it's not you that's ok. If it is you, how exciting!"
• Women are attracted to men that have a lot of options in life and that his life is full waking up knowing what his mission is.
• Chemistry can't be calculated
• It's hard to build chemistry with someone who is stuck in their head

32:30 min

• What makes a man magnetic who is dude who can get out of his head and being grounded in his body
• Jumping from thought to thought doesn't make a women feel safe
• Men being present is the most masculine things you can be

34 min

• Emily teaches being mind, body, and soul expertise to get present
• Cognitive bias will make what you think is true, true
• If you have a believe that you can't find a women, it will confirm that you're right

36:35 min

• Put yourself out there. It's not rejection it's selection, the more you can face it the less it effects you
• Dating should be fun !
• Creating compassion and fun will help everyone else be open
• Don't worry about showing her a good time, have a good time for you

Thanks for listening to TKOL Podcast.

Emily inspires driven men to go from confused to confident in their dating lives so they can find the women of their dreams.

If you want to connect with Emily, here's where you can find her.

Instagram:

@emilyfreemancoaching

TikTok:

@emilyfreemancoaching

Website:

Emilyfreemancoaching.com

If you feel trapped in harmful relationship patterns and want to feel free and confident by stepping into your self worth.

You can connect with me here..

Instagram.com/aarontosti

thekindoflove.com

Thanks for listing to TKOL Podcast

I'm Aaron.

Best of Love to you.

In this episode, Aaron talks with Tamar Gail, a Tantric Life Coach, about how to connect with your sensuality and have a better conscious sex life.

instagram.com/tamargail

The Holy Erotic Podcast

instagram.com/the_holy_erotic

instagram.com/Aarontosti

thekindoflove.com

If you want great music for your podcast and social content, you can get 10% OFF unlimited licensable music at Soundstripe Music. go to thekindoflove.com/promo

Show Notes

00:24 min Aaron Talks

What could you know that would help your relationship's intimacy and deepen your sex life?

What does conscious sex even look like?

These questions drove me to want to have a conversation with my new friend and sex healer/coach Tamar Gail..

Often when the issues around sex occur or stops all together.. thats a pretty good sign the relationship is moving away from being connected..

Wherever your at.. theres a-lot of things we tell ourselves around sex..

Maybe you've had a bad experience around sex and so you wrote it off.

Maybe you're putting up with unwanted terrible sex in your relationship and you want to go deeper.

Maybe you've come to believe that sex is bad or a taboo topic.

Or some other limiting belief around it.

Maybe after a bad experience sex and you're trying to tap back into your sexuality.

Maybe you've been scarred from a relationship around sex and trusting someone

Maybe you are a woman and you haven't really had the chance to experience deep connected sex and intimacy.

I really wanted to reframe this idea that sex is scary for some, self medicating for others, or that it's taboo to explore your own sexuality.

Tamar has had a lot of experience working with women about what women really need from a conscious sex life.

She helps women tap into their sensual nature, heal from sexual trauma, and bridge the spiritual and the sexual.

So anyway.. i thought i'd ask her

If you feel like anything I've said is for you, well then this conversation is for you..

Conversation:

2:50 min

• What do women really need from men in the bedroom?

• Women miss sensuality and have a deeper connection

• Ask men to do something different can challenging to the mens ego

5:30 min

• Navigating conversations around sex

• A lot of men are in there heads instead of their body

• Learning and be willing to practice sex to get back in their bodies

8:18 min

• Focusing on your breathe can get you more in your heart

• Women connect in their heart and in their breasts first

• Its a conscious practice being aware of every aspect of it

10:20 min

• Important to be aware of the women, in order for her to open up she has to feel safe

• Men can connect better with women is with there presence

12:20 min

• Is Aaron asking digging to deep?

• Aaron explains connecting his mindfulness

14:00 min

• What's really going on when we're having sex

• How do we get men out of there head fantasies

• Younger years men want to get it out

• Healthy/Conscious sex

• Everything is fair as along as they are agreed upon

16:15 min

• Connected sex vs connect sex

• Chemicals bonding us in sex

• Unlearning unhealthy bonds

• Either your a psychopath or Buddha

18 min

• Tamar speaks on women bonding in sex

• Swamping DNA and energy during sex

• It can be damaging to have multiple partners

• Women have the ability to hold energy for up to 7 years

19:30 min

• Womb work

• Staying independent with your energy

• Meditations to have healing sex and create alchemy

• Clearing sex trauma and becoming more of yourself

21:15 min

• Making sense of the functional and the spiritual

• Being the observer of your energy

• The energy arc between women's nipples

23:30 min

• Clouded judgment around relationships

• Clearing everything from the past and getting in touch with your intuition

• The more we are in touch with our intuition the better we are in life with people, relationships and sex

24:45 min

• People can get lost and not choose from an honest place

• You're not going to be able to experience pleasure if you're in your head

• Simple movements can be orgasmic

27:20 min

• Sex is spiritual

• It takes presence to have a better sex life

• Sensuality is connecting your senses

29 min

• Getting more spicy with practices

• Kissing is very sensual and doesn't get enough credit

• Actually use your senses

• Blindfolding and heightening other senses

30:50 min

• the feather works to bring out more senses

• Yab Yum position, breathing can bring you closer together

• Your body knows and you can trust

32:15

• Sexy food for thought

• Feeling like you want more out of your sex life

• Embodiment practices

• Teaching ways to connect and go deeper, conscious sexuality, and

• You can connect with Tamar @holy_erotic on IG

34:30 min

• Real orgasm vs an energetic orgasm

• You can release traumas in the body

• You might cry, laugh or have an orgasm

35:40 min

• Opening up other aspects of life with your sensuality

• Your radiance can attract the good in bad, and the practices help strengthening your boundaries

• Work can take off

• Dropping back into the energy

• Tamar is starting her own podcast of erotic poetry called "The Holy Erotic"

38:50 min

Thanks for listening to TKOL Podcast.

Please leave a review if you had any "Ah-ha" moments or rethought something around sex.

If you'd like to connect with Tamar you can do so instagram.com/theholyerotic and check out her podcast The Holy Erotic.

You can connect with me thekindoflove.com or instagram.com/aarontosti

You've been listening to TKOL Podcast.

I'm Aaron

Best of Love to You.

In this episode, Aaron talks with Intuitive Advisor & Astrologer Ana Morales about her method to attract your life partner.

instagram.com/justanamorales

instagram.com/Aarontosti

thekindoflove.com

Show Notes

:23 min Aaron Talks

After you've worked on having a better relationship with yourself and your ready to find a life partner… now what?

When I set out to be a coach originally I didn't know exactly what path it was going to take me on.

As time went on my passion has really become to help people free themselves from what holds them back from love, by have a better relationships with themselves, and find meaningful love.

It's a funny thing. When that happened I started making new friends that shared similar passions like my guest this episode Ana Morales.

I met Ana through her husband and we had a ton in common. She helps people heal different aspects of their life through intuitive readings and astrology. Something I've been a little skeptical of in the past.. But when we became friends and had an intuitive session together, I really appreciated her line of work and her wisdom

Ana not only helps people heal their lives but also is a matchmaker.

She has a fascinating way of attracting your dream partner by a unique method she likes to call The Easy Wave. Where you write down a list of things you want in your future partner and she helps you with the rest..

If you're ready to find that special someone… you'll want to hear what she has to say…

2:20 min Conversation starts

• Ana does astrology, but her passion is to help people on their path
• You have to believe in you and your own dream
• Ana loves the feeling of melancholy because its so close to romance

6 min

• the longing for a partner
• Ana hit Aaron with so much truth
• Ana uses astrology as a tool
• understanding the 12 houses in astrology

8:30 min

• astrology is like looking at a weather app
• A tool to connect with your inner intuition
• Matching through astrology

12:15 min

• astrology like the enneagram
• Putting too much weight on matching with the right sign
• most people only know their sun sign

14:30 min

• respecting people's soul journey
• Don't tress pass others boundaries
• Ana respects the places she goes

17:20 min

• Getting someone's permission to give you a message
• If no one asks you for help, don't give them advice
• Ana is really just here to help people discover their passion

21 min

• Kanye West dream to bring people in one song
• how can people "unite in song" with a partner
• Ana's formula of "the 25 things list" about your future partner
• Ana was ready for marriage and wanted a latin man at first

25:30 min

• what you want and your partner has to be specific
• Latino background thinks at age 33 "your not going to find someone single without kids"
• after you make your list you have to ask yourself am I this person?
• If you're not that person than you need to work on that part
• Ana was looking for a savior do you help her with her bills

28 min

• Ask yourself how are you feel if you find this person you're looking for
• Keep feeling that feeling

31 min

• Ana worked with Aaron on knowing the emotions he's going to feel
• Keep doing affirmations
• Your insecurities will try to tell you you need to look at the list every day but you don't have to
• if you're unsure, you'll have people that look like the list, but look like past relationships

35 min

• whenever you have intercourse with someone you bring the energy with you
• The things on your list will come about in many different people but you're ultimately going to have to choose
• when you get invited to places say yes because you never know

37:30 min

• The baby shower story
• Her friend didn't want to go to the party
• Your circle of friends see you as a single person, and can limit you there
• her friend's environment was reinforcing her identity of being single
• Anna's intuition told her who her new friends I've been to be was

42:40 min

• Ana was the third wheel
• They got engaged !
• Had her friend not stepped out if her comfort zone she would not have met her husband

44:45 min

• there were things that were even better than she imagined
• Just make the list and believe it
• If you only have 24 out of the 25 things let the one thing go

46:45 min

• sacrifice vs compromise
• be specific about your list and ask for help

49:00 min

• finding a good group of friends that you trust
• You're suppose to have different experiences
• Get your parents involved, at the end of the day they want you to be happy
• The funeral story and the lady with 8 kids
• Everything the mom prayed for the kids future came true

54:10 min

• whatever you set your list up for, thats what you're going to get
• Dating in the US is confusing
• Kent, Ana's husband professed his love and Ana was direct
• Kent got the shoes that Ana hates.. but she never saw them

61:00 min

• there's a bunch of information at our fingertips but don't let it sidetrack you from your purpose

61:30 Aaron Closes

Thanks for listening. Hopefully you were inspired to get clear about your life partner after this episode.

Please let us know if you had any inspirational thoughts from this episode by leaving us a review and feel free to share this episode with a friend.

If you would like to connect with Ana about finding your life partner or you would like an intuitive session with her.. you can find her on Instagram instagram.com/justanamorales

You've Been listening to TKOL Podcast

I'm Aaron.

Best of Love to You.

In this episode, Aaron discusses with friend and fellow Life Coach Samantha Frances about at first not liking it, but then finding interest with the Enneagram.

thekindoflove.com

instagram.com/aarontosti

instagram/samanthafrances

00:24 min Aaron Talks

And now the episode you've all been waiting for…or maybe not and thats ok too.

Not everyone likes personality assessments and typologies like the Enneagram.

I found the Enneagram a tool that I use in helping connect partners, relationships, and people have a better understanding of themselves.

So whatever you think about the enneagram, whether you love it or hate it, this episode could be a proper introduction for you.

I find the enneagram on my road to recovery and now use it as a tool to help people be more empathetic and understand of their partners. To come from a place of love rather than fear.

I invited my friend, fellow coach & musician, Samantha Frances who also happens to be the same Enneagram number as myself. The number 6.

We've had many laughs about resisting or hating it at first but now see it as a useful self-growth tool.

Love it or hate it… here's why the enneagram might be helpful for you…

1:50 min

• Of all of the other numbers 6's are the hardest to pic out
• Sam didn't like the enneagram at first
• Sam thought it was BS at first
• Aaron thought it described his personality a little too well

5:20 min

• Sam finally warmed up to the enneagram
• Once she got emotional about it she recognized it as a tool
• Aaron find it a great tool for relationships

7:40 min

• We're not actually our fixation, it's a coping mechanism
• Its about not taking your number personally
• Not beating yourself or using your EN number as an excuse
• Sam's subtype is a sexual enneagram 6
• Its the motivation that defines your number

11:40 min

• Clarifying the subtypes social, sexual and self-preservation
• Sexual subtypes are a lot more intense
• Social person is more concerned with everybody
• Counter phobic six are thrill junkies
• Sam rather be the leader of the team

14:40 min

• Social subtype finds value in being apart of the group
• Goin through each number and what their fear and what they look like
• Going backwards the 1 has a fear of "doing it wrong"
• 1, 9, and 8 are in the anger triad
• 9 lets things go and then explodes in anger

17:40 min

• The 8 is the challenger
• They are afraid of being manipulated
• 7 is the enthusiast
• Starting a lot of projects but never finishing
• Biggest fear is pain itself

21:20

• 6 is the loyalist and are driven toward chasing a false sense of safety
• 6's are great at troubleshooting
• 7, 6 and 5 are the thinking triad and not connected to emotions
• 5 is the investigator

24:40 min

• Aaron gets a long with enneagram 5 because of the details
• Sam doesn't like research and would rather outsource it to a EN5
• 5's biggest fear is incompetence

27:30 min

• EN 4 is the individualist
• They see the beauty in thing, but with out looking at their own significance
• They have to create something to move through their emotions

30:20 min

• Sam wanted to be a 4 at first
• The 4 starts the emotional triad
• The 3 has a fear of not being valued or having success
• The 2 is he helper like a host or classic mom

33:10 min

• There often in a profession where they are taking care of people
• Helping is a strategy to GET love
• Most therapists are enneagram 6, AND comedians !
• Sam didn't like the enneagram cause she couldn't figure it out

36 min

• The enneagram will show you what you don't like
• A self preservation EN6 is like a jewish mother
• Enneagram love hat is like getting through the first few episodes of a new Netflix serious

38:10 min

• Not everyone wants to do self-work and thats ok
• Sam likes when you know the motivation behind the number
• Aaron memorizes everyone's number
• People think they know their number but they don't

41:50 min

• At the end of the day enneagram is just a tool
• Has enneagram helped other relationships like family and partnerships?

44 min

Thanks for listening.

You can connect with Sam here instagram.com/samanthafrances

You can connect with me here thekindoflove.com

Instagram.com/aarontosti

You've been listening to TKOL Podcast

I'm Aaron

Best of Love to You

In this episode, Aaron talks with spiritual coach Denise Darlene-Paulicivic about an entirely different way to resolving your anxiety.

thekindoflove.com

newparadigmoflove.com

instagram.com/aarontosti

SHOW NOTES

00:23 min Aaron Talks

I'm always asking deeper questions.. Like, what are the tools that we can use to better yourself in relationships and in every day life?

Many people are bound up by anxious ideas like… what's gonna happen next? Where is the money I need going to come from? Where's my relationship headed? Who am I going to end up with? Where's my career headed?

And then get stuck in an anxiety loop around uncertainty.

One thing I've learned and also coach is practicing presents.

When you're present you take your mind off of the past, off of the future, and deal with what's happening in that moment.

Many times that helps, BUT how do you deal with heavy amounts of anxiety that continues to come up?

Anxiety comes up and it triggers the brain to create a problem that isn't there many times. It puts you a state of fear about the future.

So I invited my relationship and spiritual coach back because I'm very interested in these kind of "loving yourself" hacks if you will…

Many times in relationships especially it comes down to our perception and learning how to embrace our emotions in the present moment while not creating any harm for a future.

So how can you in a holistic way shift from anxiety to which by the way is a massive health issue in our culture, to calmness, peace, homeostasis..

If we can learn to calm the sympathetic nervous system and calm the mind that can bring us back to a more centered or grounded place.

Denise had an interesting story to tell about how she used a simple yet powerful tool that can shift everything in moments of anxiety into something else…

3:45 min

• Talked a lot about attaching things to our identity, which

• Triggered when fear shows up

• Fears around money and the thought of lack

• implementing curiosity when your brain is tryin to solve a problem

• every time there's a problem, theres going to be a negative emotion along with

6 min

• Curiosity is like waiting for a Christmas present

• " I can't wait to find out"

• Shuts the brain off, calms the sympathetic nervous system, and you can't wait to tell the story

• Grounding place comes with the supporting story

9:20 min

• Suspending the belief that there is a problem

• Connecting with God/Spirit

• " I remember when it worked out for me"

10:30 min

• Denises story around a medical bill

• She spent 7 days in the hospital, and she didn't have medical insurance

• Bird interruption

12:30 min

• Denise went from "where's this money going to come from to "I am so curious how this bill is going to get paid" with a strong intention

• Like a great mystery, " I know it's coming"

• Denise didn't qualify for the first program, she stayed curious

• The hospital has sponsors for people who can't pay the medical bill

15:20 min

• 85% of her bill was covered

• She eliminated so much personal suffering by staying curious

• Like "what am I getting for Christmas?"

18 min

• More like a mystery than detective work

• Once you have curiosity.. stick with it like "I wonder what else?"

• Also a component of trust, "something is coming!"

• Benevolent creative energy

• Denise has a great tool box for her happiness

• Whats happens when the voice of anxiety continues

22:10

• Oh fear's here, time to get curious

• Denise is on the play ground with God

• Denise challenges Aaron on needing 2 grand to show up, and reframed it to "I would Like 2 grand to show up"

• Do you know what you're going to use the money for

• Once we start surrendering, you have full permission to say "I don't know"

24:45 min

• Releasing attachment to the outcome and the path is in your

• On a brain level it releases the self-doubt

• It takes your attention off of the need to suffer in anxiety

• "I don't have to figure it out" is Denise's relationship with Spirit / God

• Choices that brings challenges, aren't wrong.. sometimes you need the challenge and the test

27:30 min

• It takes courage to learn from life challenges

• The ego is all about trying to figure things out

• "Do I want to continue to suffer?" My way out is to do the complete

• Control is brought to you by fear

29:40 Aaron Closes

Thanks of listening to TKOL Podcast.

If you'd like to Connect with Denise you can find her at NewParadigmofLove.com

If you are looking to move past your heartache and gain more self-worth.

I'd love to connect with you. You can find me here thekindoflove.com

Or follow me on instagram.com/aarontosti

Yo've been listening to TKOL Podcast.

I'm Aaron.

Best of Love to you

In this episode, Aaron talks with David Tosti and Ryah Arthur about how a brotherhood group can be so vital to a mans life.

thekindoflove.com/promo

thekindoflove.com

instagram.com/aarontosti

GUEST INFO

www.TMPL.one

Ryah Arthur

https://www.instagram.com/samuryah

David Tosti

https://www.instagram.com/davidtosti

Show Notes

:23 min Aaron Talks

Here we are another episode of TKOL podcast. This episode is a little different. I've been on this kick lately around masculinity and what it looks like to be a man in our modern culture.

Centuries ago we were swinging axes and protecting each other on a battlefield somewhere.

Even in our last hundred years we've either picked up a trade that our fathers shared with us. But in these modern times we put all those trades down to maybe become entrepreneurs of sorts.

For men it seems like in modern times we either join a community, build our own community, or find ourselves in the in between.

As men in our modern culture…

It's not uncommon to feel isolated, alone, and caged from your inner passions.

You need to be seen for who you are, acknowledged for where you're at, and held to the vision of your future.

Without each other, in brotherhood, without some form of community of men, we become dormant from transforming into the men we want to be, forgetting to take the steps necessary to accomplish our significant missions to make this world better.

And it just so happens that my brother David Tosti and his longtime friend Ryah Arthur, both coaches, have create a group they called TMPL Brotherhood were men can share their stories together, unleash their creativity, be active, and support one another in and outside of daily life.

This idea of men bonding and connecting on a deeper level was so interesting and needed I thought I would let Ryah and David tell you what they're up to…

2:30 min

• early beginnings of temple brotherhood

• Dave wanted to bring more men community together

• Ryah was all in

5 min

• Ryah tribal games

• The name TMPL is from the center of community

• It's not just a workout group

7:30 min

• distinguishing what brotherhood is from TMPL

• Not a-lot of other things that bring men together besides sports

• Not getting what you need from your friends

9:30 min

• integrate mental, physical, spiritual

• ice bath, workouts and more

• Each guy is heard with a talking stick

• Art and expression

12:30 min

• nurturing your creativity

• Mens avoidance to nurture

• Intentional connection with one or two guys can open up for breakthrough

15:20 min

• most men are in their heads

• Like dead poet society

• Drop judgements, perfection, and have more empathy

• More expressive self

17:15 min

• TMPL move. Get In the body

• Monthly themes

• Deep dive breath-work

19:30

• the book the War of Art

• In war shield was actually for the person next them in war

• Ryah and David are bring the concept of the shield to the modern man

22:20 min

• it's way easier to give than to receive

• Its really powerful medicine to be there when another man is going through a heavy time

• Men knowing its ok to feel what their feeling

25 min

• interesting stories from TMPL

• Men have put themselves out of their comfort zone

• the thing you most fear is usually the navigational tool to point you in the right direction

28:20 min

• quote from Joseph Cambell

• Often people are like the walking dead

• Men having support whatever vocation they want to pursue

• Hold you to your pations

30:15 min

• when you're living in your true purpose you're going to make the world better

• What TMPL looks like for 2021-22

Thanks for listening!

If anything from this episode has resonated or connected with you in some way, I'd love it if you'd share your thoughts by giving TKOL podcast a review or sharing this episode with a friend.

If you'd like to connect with the temple brotherhood you can reach out to them on Instagram @TMPL_one

I've left additional links in the show notes.

You've been listening to the kind of podcast.

I'm Aaron.

Best of Love to You

In this episode, Aaron talks about the possibility of staying together when you're on the verge of divorce.

instagram.com/aarontosti

thekindoflove.com

Show Notes

If there's one thing that breaks my heart is seeing people get divorced, especially when I can see that it's recoverable.

Here are the top reasons get divorced

Money

Lack of intimacy

Infidelity

Abuse

Lack of compatibility

Physical appearance

Addictions

Getting married at an early age

Getting married for the wrong reasons

Lack of communication

Lack of equality and loss of identity

None of these said psychopath or sociopath. Just to speak a caveat.. I'm not saying divorces are all bad, or that in some instances they can actually be liberating and send someone on a healing journey..

What I'm intending for this episode, is that.. wherever you go there you will be. But if you can heal and shift your perspective and grow into a better more present version of yourself while remaining married.. it's possible.

I've sat down many times with someone who is at the tipping point of their relationship. That moment where harmful patterns have been overlooked and not addressed. Things are really starting to fall apart. Someones at the edge of a nervous break down, or someone did the unthinkable.

Every relationship is a dance. It takes two to create harmful patterns.

Being from a divorced family myself, seeing several divorces go down, and having several heartbreak relationships in my life..

What I've noticed is that we fall in love one loving behavior at a time, and we also fall out of love one unloving behavior at a time.

Just like gaining or loosing weight, you gain one unhealthy bite at a time, but you can also loose weight one thoughtful meal and exercise at a time.

In divorce, you have this seemingly overnight experience that the relationship came apart and "it's over". But what you really have is these unloving behaviors staked on top of each other.

Trust is built over time, and can be restored overtime.

Unloving behaviors come from a place of fear to where we forget that we fell in love with our partner at some point.

One thing you can do is write a list of what had you fall in love with that person in the first place.

Ask yourself, "what did I get out of falling in love with this person?"

What did they give you?

And whatever it is that you got out of being with that person whether it's affection, confidence, a sense of security, romance, intimacy… can you give that to yourself ?

We are always on a path of discovering more and more about ourselves on a daily basis.

You're either moving towards being a healthy person, or you are moving away from that into being an unhealthy person.

And it takes ONE PERSON, just one person in the relationship to put their foot down and become a healthy version of themselves.

A more honest, healthy, truer version of themselves.

And THAT is what becomes attractive.

Not only are you making healthy relationship choices and breaking away from co-dependency, but the healthy parts of you become attractive to the healthy parts of your partner.

Not only do you begin to trust yourself again, but you also give your partner the freedom that they need to have to be themselves.

When you are ok with being yourself, you don't need that person to be a certain way for you.

The biggest problem in relationships is that we think the other person is our problem and that drives us insane.

"If they we're they way they are, then I would have to respond, act, and be this way"

But when we look at ourselves and notice how we're contributing to the relationship..

What you're doing

Why you're doing it

And understanding what that is about for us, and what the story is that we're telling ourselves around the relationship

And then TURN AROUND those behaviors, habits, thought patterns.

Slowing down enough to understand what those thoughts and feelings are telling you.

And then ask yourself, "Is this belief I keep holding about this relationship even True?"

We all operate from a place of either LOVE or FEAR.

A place of GIVING or a place of trying to GET our needs met.

A pace of RECEIVING, ALLOWING, AND ACCEPTING or a place of trying to block and control.

So it just takes that one person to step up to the plate, and love themselves.

At the core of loving yourself is learning how to be present with yourself.

Gaining the capacity to do what's best, kind and loving for you, you're then able to understand and have compassion for your partner.

You're able love them and have the capacity to be present for them.

You're then able to have capacity for your kids if you have them.

And then understanding the story you have been telling yourself all this time..

Is it a story of "I'm going to be rejected if..XY and Z happen"

Or is it "I'm going to be abandoned if they leave or XYZ happens."

When you believe these fears, you do behaviors and strategies to compensate because you think it gives you what you want.

But the truth is… you're not getting your needs met.

If you know someone, or you are that someone struggling to love themselves

Or Maybe you're not allowing other people to love you.

Or maybe you find it hard to set a boundary when you're in a situation of unloving behavior

I just want you to know there is hope and possibility for you out there.

There is a choice out there for you

There is a commitment out there for you to make a shift and a change.

You can do something different.

You can change the pattern.

You can break the patterns of the past.

Thanks for listening to TKOL podcast.

As always, if you're struggling in harmful relationship patterns, on the verge of divorce, and want to reclaim your self-worth, you can connect with me on instagram @aarontosti or thekindoflove.com

I'm here to be of service.

Thanks for Listening TKOL Podcast

I'm Aaron.

Best of Love to You.

In this episode, Aaron talks with Lisa Zega, a Grief Specialist and Coach, about releasing stories of grief after divorce, death, and loss of self.

Instagram.com/lisamichellle.legityou

https://www.facebook.com/groups/legityou/?ref=share

thekindoflove.com

Instagram.com/aarontosti

Show Notes

:25 Aaron Talks

Not to be a downer, but we are going to be talking about grief…

What doesn't work is holding on to your untold stories of grief. and these untold stories of grief stick with us and get played over and over again either in our minds or in our experiences.

If you experienced a major break in relationships, if you've experienced a death in your family, if you've have to move in your life, if you've experienced anything where you have loss and aspect of yourself or your life, it's ok to grief that loss.

We've been told a lie as adults that we're suppose to avoid pain at all costs. We're taught to rush to a positive mindset without honoring the pain. That somehow being hurt isn't strong. Unlike little kids who are willing to admit their hurt, acknowledge it, cry it out, feel better and move on, adults tend to hide, avoid, compensate, and let our grief go unprocessed. When you do this you actually DON't let go of the past and instead continue to suffer for it. You hold onto it and it becomes a filter you see the world through, and so you will continue to have the experience over and over again.

What we need is to learn to listen to our emotions. How to learn how to learn from our emotions. Process our grief from the past. Welcome the pain, honor what it's there to teach us. Be our younger selves best friend. So we can experience more of the live we want to live.

My guest Lisa Zega is a mother, wife, and coach who experienced the loss of many things. The loss of the connection with her kids, the loss of death of her fiancé, and the loss of herself in her first marriage.

She's a Life Coach now that specializes in helping women process grief on all levels.

As a teenager I met Lisa years ago when she was in her first marriage, and it's always powerful to see people when they step into their full selves after many tragedies..

I'll let Lisa tell you the rest..

3:40 min

What got Lisa into grief coaching

• Recognition of grief

• Unsaid stories from grief that holding us back

• Anything that brings up conflicting emotions is grief

3:08 Lisa's story of grief

• After Lisa divorced, her children stopped talking to her

• Engaged and her fiancé died in a motorcycle accident

• Happening for me rather than against me

• Grief lives rent free put costs us a lot

• When stories are locked inside of us, we can't imagine a future

5:15 To Me vs For Me

• Different forms of grief

• Lisa's life was "like job in the Bible"

• Processing the loss of relationships and physical connection

8 min living life as a victim

• Misconception of being strong

• Therapist tells Lisa the truth

• "Being obedient to your husband" is a great structure for living like a victim

• Being a self righteous victim

10:40 min Becoming a coach

• Words and wisdom are always the same thing

• Getting over a break up or a death

• Sadness can be a healing emotion

12 min Why is this happening to me ?

• Its a victim question

• The suffering you add to your suffering

• Releasing the why and the idea that there's something wrong with me

• Being ok with the normal emotional responses

14 min - not intellectualizing grief

• Not go sleep with someone to hide the pain

• Allow for the pain without judgment

• Loss is apart of many parts of loss

• Pause for laughter

17:30 min Aaron's story of his parents divorced

• Aaron thinking he caused his parents divorce by bad karma

• Did I wish this upon my family ?

• Having the language of the heart

• Our intellect was not meant to solve for our heart

• In the church a scripture can solve and wish a pain away

• 12 year old Aaron needed a voice to conflicting emotions

18:50 min

• We don't have emotional language for our grief

• Not Rushing to the good pots without comforting the pain

• Welcome emotions, what are you hear to teach me

• Suffering becomes a choice

20:20 min Learning to learn from your emotions

• How to process sadness where there's an acceptance period

• Clean pain, and then what we make that mean

• Dirty pain is the thought that comes with it

• Tied in with I'm not worthy and there's something wrong with me

22:10 min Lisa never met her biological father

• What little kids do to make sense

• Foundation of rejection and abandonment

• Belief that creates a grief story that

23:45 some of the stories that people tell themselves

• "I'm not enough" was Aaron's story

• We're all human and going to stay human

• Healing isn't becoming perfect

• Pause for laughter

• Expansive humans are willing to feel all the feelings

• Otherwise emotions get dulled

27 min

• Your heart speaks a different language than you're brain

• Being willing to sit with your emotions

• Words are healing once you understand and feel the emotional component

28 min Aaron's story

• Aaron wouldn't be a coach if he didn't re-traumatize himself and understand for himself

• Observing yourself as the victim

• Stop the overthinking, it's a trauma response

• Observing your thoughts set you free

• Shame comes in to re-punish self

• Rehearse the trauma over and over again

31:40 min Lisa interviews Aaron

• Aaron had to grieve the loss of that relationship

• Hiding sadness with anxiety

• I need to go grieve the thing from your childhood

• Pain is locked in a closet of a house

• Being your childhood selfs best friend

34:30 min

• Energy of expansion

• Sold the lie that we're suppose to avoid pain at all cost

• Helping people resolve emotions

• Like a kid processing pain

37:20 getting the results of childhood over and over again

• Living in the familiar painful comfort

• Let me tell you about my "was"-band

• We get attracted to people similar energy

39 min survive and evolve

• We're always becoming more of ourselves

• And honest reflection of grieving the lost

• If you don't grieve the lost you'll head back to old ways

• Refining more of your true self

• You can only change what you're aware of

• Rip the band aid of awareness

• Be kind to yourself and let go

38:40 creating a life that you have not yet experienced

• Getting comfortable getting uncomfortable

• Every human goes to the familiar

• Creating and allowing new pathway

• Loved

44 min Aaron endorses this message

• Let's not do math of when we met shall we?

• Lisa Comes in swinging with joy

45 min Aaron Closes

Thank you for listening.

If you'd like to connect with Lisa you can go to..

Instagram.com/lisamichellle.legityou

Or find her on Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/groups/legityou/?ref=share

If you are struggling in harmful relationship patterns, overthinking, people pleasing, and self doubt, you can connect with me at

thekindoflove.com

Instagram.com/aarontosti

You're listening to TKOL Podcast

I'm Aaron.

Best of Love to you.