I wanted to be someone that people could count on. I wanted to be someone with integrity, love, and peace that people needed in their life. I wanted so deeply to have healthy connection with my family, my friends, and my coworkers. 

I knew I could not have those things if I was going to continue to make excuses for why I didn’t show up, or why I said what I said behind my coworker’s back, or why I was able to let someone else’s unhealthy behavior wreck my entire day. 

And that is why learning healthy and loving boundaries helped me to really live a full life, for the first time ever.

One of the reasons I love the people I do life with is that they are not afraid to challenge me. And I know it’s all out of love. They love me enough to keep me in check. This is one of the many reasons it’s so important to have solid people in your circle.

If I am living out healthy boundaries I have to remember this world is not just about me. I can have my beliefs and nobody can take those away, but I also need to love and respect others when they don’t agree. 

We talk about honesty a lot when we talk about boundaries. Honesty is very important because self-awareness is the beginning of acting from truth, and good healthy boundaries come from really dialed in self-awareness. So…you can be really honest with people about your boundaries journey.

As I learned about boundaries, grew, and implemented them into my life, I learned that to show grace was very important. And I know it’s hard to even think about showing grace when maybe you have had a tumultuous relationship with someone and you are desperately trying to use boundaries to have peace. But grace we must show.

Showing and giving grace does not in ANY WAY take away from the pain that this person’s lack of self-awareness has caused us, it just completes the circle of empathy that I believe God has designed. 

Have you dreamed and longed for an easy relationship? A friendship that wasn’t always about reading between the lines? A work relationship that didn’t have you walking on egg shells? A relationship with your relatives that didn’t leave you drained and crying after the gathering?

I know sometimes it feels like life will always be difficult and you will always have to do life with difficult people, but I promise you that is just not true.

Everyone has their own voice, their unique way of speaking. I love that. And because of that it is easier to discern sometimes how people are really feeling or what they are thinking when you hear THEIR voice talking. This is so nice when you are implementing boundaries because it keeps you, you, but you are also able to use your boundary language.

Let’s say you have two siblings-in-law. One is very delightful and you get along with them great! The other is not so delightful. This one brings the negative energy into a room every time. They are disagreeable about most things, make everything about them and basically just cause a ruckus during every family function. What do you do?

Neediness is boundary crossing. I am not talking about us needing our spouse to love us and accept us or us needing our friends to be there for us when we are crumbling from a tragedy. I am talking about the neediness that has crossed into a dangerous place of co-dependence. So much so that our neediness is becoming an issue in our relationship. That is when we are crossing people’s boundaries, and if they are co-dependently needy for us too, they are crossing ours.

A word to my adult audience that find themselves trying to make new friends in this season of child rearing… Give the friendship time to grow and to develop.

This life can be tough enough, so going it alone without friendships sounds awful. Don’t miss out! Start praying for God to bring you those friends that may not look like you but will be a fun and trusting friend. Ask God to open your eyes and heart to it and to give you the courage to let someone in. 

People are not entitled to know our thoughts just because we are in a group with them. We can be kind, outgoing, fun, and loving to EVERYONE, but when it comes to our deepest thoughts, maybe they aren’t for everyone. They are for a select few that we have done life with, who have earned our trust, and we have earned theirs.