Ghosting people to prove a point or to manipulate…please stop doing it.

Likewise, replying to a text or email that you very much are frustrated by, saying “blessings,” or “Hope you are having the best day!” etc., just leave it off.

These things, among other ways we “stick it to the man,” are obvious and not at all healing or productive for either party.

This is part of checking your intentions. I have spoken about it before, and it’s a part of implementing healthy boundaries that is worth repeating.

Healthy boundaries produce healthy communication. The more communication we have in this world that is healthy creates a trickle-down effect and helps everyone.

When you are open about your needs, go the distance to do the work to make plans to get them met while also considering your priorities. Then when you do have that time alone, with your friends or shopping until you drop, you can enjoy it even more.

This is a very good beginner boundary baby step you can start practicing now.

I like to get it ALL right. I don’t like letting people down but y’all, sometimes it will happen. Even if you are a GURU at boundaries and personal development.

If it causes a break in a relationship, try and mend it. If it’s not looking mendable, pray the Lord gives you a do over at a later time. And then let it go.

We will try to get it right but we know we may not, and that is ok because tomorrow is anew.

Not everyone is going to have the same emphasis on certain boundary issues that you do. There is something that may trigger you like crazy but it doesn’t bother someone else. In my opinion, that is ok. Our goal is to be peaceful and healthy, and if your friend isn’t bothered then that is a peaceful place to be. Now let’s get YOU there.

I want you to feel the freedom of implementing boundaries but also feel freedom that when you have done the work, these things may not bother you anymore either. Eureka! This could be your future. And I so hope it is. 

Dr. Henry Cloud said this: “No one changes until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing.”

Where are you on this scale?

I dipped my toe into the initial rough waters of change a few times before I realized that it was more painful to stay where I was. But what I found out was that the waters became calmer almost immediately when I shoved the busy thoughts out of the way and took my place as the person responsible for the changing. Not completely calm, but calmer. Do you know why I think that happened? Because my inner person, my core, the soul created in the image of God, me, finally took a deep breath and was grateful I wouldn’t have to run anymore.

I can’t answer the question for you. This is something that only you know. 

We love our people. We want everyone to get along. If we are the peacemaker it eats us up more than others when there is conflict. To my peacemakers: boundaries will save you from a lifetime of heartache.

Families and tight-knit friend groups can be very emotionally layered. So, trying to set boundaries with a certain person in that group can be difficult.

You have your emotions, your past experiences, that person’s emotions and past experiences, and the emotions of the other people in your circle or family unit. And believe it or not, everyone has experienced the past differently. So one thing that you feel strongly about that happened in the past that has led to this emotional reaction to this person, the other people in this group could have no clue what you’re talking about, BUT they have other issues.

As sad as it is for the group to all have issues with this person, the boundary setting is just about your property. You cannot force people to take up boundary setting when they are not ready. You can’t make it important to them or expect them to “back” you on this or that. If you are wanting change, it starts with you.

I had a girl text me this past week regarding her parents’ visit to her normally happy home. She talked about how she loves her parents, but that her dad (and how he responds and reacts to things) really triggers her and makes it hard for her to set healthy boundaries.

When we are dealing with ANYONE that has been stuck for a long time in their ways and has had ZERO accountability about the way they respond, react, their actions, etc., it can be very hurtful, frustrating, and really draining.

We most surely have triggers that can completely remove us from a happy and healthy place. These triggers usually happen so fast, and before we know it we are saying things that we know are not from a healthy place. And then we get so mad at ourselves for being triggered, so we want to just toss it all out of the window and call it a fail and a loss.

DON’T! Please don’t. Push through. Try again. 

Do you want to know a secret? It’s something that we don’t talk about a ton or really put any emphasis on, but here it is.

Everything you feel, you think, you go through when navigating relationships? Everyone on earth has gone through, is going through, or will go through the EXACT same things. 

If someone does something for you and then expects that to be weighed when it comes to the next time they need something from you, this is manipulation.

There is no other way to say it. It isn’t right.

If someone does something for you it should be because they genuinely want to. There should be zero strings attached. And when YOU do something for someone else, you should not expect anything in return.

There is not enough room in our relationships for manipulation and control.

This boundaries journey is not about controlling other people, it is about changing the way you are operating around these people.

That said, I do want to remind you that there are people with toxic behavior out there. You have them in your family, your friend groups, your churches, etc. You will mostly likely not totally get away from dealing with people that engage in toxic behavior. And honestly it is a beautiful time to practice boundaries. Remember, these people are asleep in their minds. Most of them do not know what you have come to learn yet.

It’s not our job to wake them up, but when they are in our lives we will have to exercise boundaries that just may help them in the future.