The apology that I hear most often and I’ve been totally guilty of is what I call the Elephant Apology. I’m sorry but there was an elephant, and then there were rhinos and then there were monkeys. I use these phrases because it doesn’t matter what it is. As you soon as you said BUT the apology ended. What if though there were some crazy extenuating circumstances, right? You can just say hey I want to let you know that there was this elephant. there was this rhino and there was this monkey. You know what, that doesn’t change the fact that I wasn’t there for you. I’m really sorry that I hurt you. Please forgive me, let me make it up to you. That way you don’t diminish their pain and take away from their story to focus on your story instead. That’s a narcissistic tendency we have. Go ahead, try your next apology without blaming the elephants, rhinos and monkeys.   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

Ever hear the phrase love is not enough. Well sometimes sorry is not enough. A bad apology is one where you don’t even really say you’re sorry. You’re kinda like  I’m sorry if you felt that way even though someone has just told you that you’ve hurt them. Or sometimes you apologize and expect instant forgiveness, you don’t allow the other person to process their emotions. I had an ex who once left me waiting for a couple hours which I found pretty disrespectful. He apologized and gave me lots of reasons why he was late making me feel even more unimportant. He also didn’t know that my language of apology was making restitution. As a result, I needed some space on my own to mend myself since he wasn’t part of that process. He got even more upset condemning me for overreacting. His response ironically was a huge overreaction where he wanted to re-define the relationship. Obviously we’re not together anymore.   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

So what happens if you royally screwed up and hurt someone you care for and love deeply or you don’t know a person’s language of apology. Then you can make the master of all apologies that combines expressing regret, accepting responsibility, genuinely repenting, requesting forgiveness and making restitution. It sounds like this: I’m so sorry, I was wrong, I will change so this won’t happen again, please forgive me, I want to try to make it up to you, what can I do? If you watch carefully, you’ll notice that there is one phrase in there, where the other person’s demeanor softens. That means you found their language of apology. Next time, start there, it will have the most impact.   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

This is a continuation of the discussion on Gary Chapman's five languages of apology. If your apology language is Requesting Forgiveness, you find an apology most sincere when the other person places emphasis on asking for your forgiveness. That makes you feel like the other person values your relationship. It gives you some power back which you feel like was taken away. It honors the notion that you were put in a vulnerable position and the other party wants to see the relationship fully restored by putting themselves in the vulnerable position and putting the future of the relationship in your hands. What you long to hear: I’m so sorry I hurt you, can you find it in your heart to please forgive me?     Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

This is a continuation of the discussion on Gary Chapman's five languages of apology. If your apology language is Genuinely Repenting, you want to know that someone is willing to change to avoid hurting you again. It also needs to come from the heart. You feel an apology is most sincere when someone verbalizes a desire to change. You feel reassured when there is a dedicated plan. If the other person never sets up steps of action to ensure success, the apology has failed. I’ll try not to do that again. Here’s what I’m thinking to try to prevent this from happening again. If you know someone that needs genuine repentance, keep in mind to keep your goals realistic. I really want to change but this is hard to change all at once. Please be patient while I take these smaller steps.   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

This is a continuation of the discussion on Gary Chapman's five languages of apology. If your apology language is Making Restitution, you find an apology most sincere when the person that has wronged you takes action to make it right. You’re not just listening for an admission of fault, but hey what can I do to make this better? What can I do to make this right? Or here’s what I’m going to do to make it up to you. Is that okay, do you think that will help? If you know someone like this and it feels like you are paying penance, it’s because you are. Back in 2003, Lakers star Kobe Bryant admitted to cheating on his wife and then purchased an eight-carat, purple diamond ring for his wife. It’s a physical attempt at the restoration of something lost. A group societal example would be I’m sorry we took away all your property during this war, we want to make restitution by returning as much property as possible and creating a fund.   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

This is a continuation of the discussion on Gary Chapman's five languages of apology. If your language of apology is accepting responsibility, you long to hear the words “I was wrong” from the person who wronged you. You are looking for maturity and you want to hear the offending party say "I was wrong and I take responsibility for my actions.” This can be very difficult for some people to admit they are wrong since it makes them doubt their self-worth or feel like a failure but it makes a world of difference to the partner who speaks this language. Some examples include: Hey I no showed and stood you up. No excuses. How careless of me.  I was wrong and take responsibility for that. Or I changed the schedule on you last minute to do something I enjoy but made your day a lot harder without running that by you. I was wrong for being inconsiderate. Just saying sorry will sound shallow because the injured party wants to know that you understand your role in their pain.    Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

Of the Five Languages of Apology, Expressing Regret is probably the most straightforward one. This one is pretty simple, you are pretty satisfied with, “I’m sorry.” An immediate expression of sorrow for causing you pain goes a long way. How do people get this wrong? They combine it with an excuse, “I’m sorry I was late but I got held up at work.” How to fix this bad habit of turning apologies into deflections? "I’m sorry I was late. I did get held up at the office. But that left you in the lurch to handle the kids on your own. That must have really sucked. I’m sorry.” Notice the difference. Stay with the experience of the person who was hurt. Otherwise you come off like an egomaniac “but it wasn’t me" who has to make everything not your fault instead of a sincere "I’m sorry I hurt you.”   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected] Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

In addition to the Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman also explains that there are Five Languages of Apology. Ever wonder why sometimes your apologies seem to fall on deaf ears? You try to apologize but the other person just seems to get more hurt. Or have you ever had the experience where you are owed an apology but the other person just makes you feel worse. Words appear to be coming out of their mouth as they explain themselves but it’s making you more upset. You just can’t quite explain why. Stay tuned. We’ll be covering the five languages of apology: Expressing Regret - saying I’m sorry, Accepting Responsibility - saying I’m wrong, Making Restitution - what can I do, Genuinely Repenting - I will change, and Requesting Forgiveness - can you forgive me. Do you know your language of apology? Let’s delve deeper in the days ahead.   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

I want to introduce the idea of immature love and mature love. Immature love - you just love somebody the way you know how, the way you feel comfortable loving them. Mature love is loving somebody the way they need to be loved. You take it upon yourself because you care about somebody to learn their language and how to speak it and love them in a way that makes them feel truly cared for. I actually met a couple in Milan that met in a nightclub. Their eyes locked across the room and they shared a passionate kiss on New Year’s Eve. Then discovered that she only spoke Italian and he only spoke English. They literally had to learn a new language to be together and they did. They fell in love, got married and started a family. Mature love, it’s good for your own growth, it’s good for your partner. It’s how you build a strong relationship that inspires the other person to grow. And if you want to be super advanced, don’t make the mistake of assuming that your partner should just know what you need to feel loved, be vulnerable enough to request it.   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!