Yesterday, we talked about each individual having a love bank. I want to expand on that. Imagine that your love bank is experiencing a series of credits and debits. You give love and you receive love. Let’s say both you and your partner have been putting in pennies because you don’t know any better. Each person is actually working really hard and doing as much as they know how to do. It may only take one thing internally or externally to break the bank because the balance is so low. It could be a tragedy like a death in the family or a job loss. Or it could be something subtle that triggers internal change or growth that needs to be processed. A low balance love bank is easy to bankrupt and the relationship is in danger of disintegration soon after without some serious intervention.   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

What’s valuable about knowing a person's love language? If you are wanting to show them love and add to their love bank, you can choose to put in pennies (their lower scoring love language) or dollar bills (their primary love language). If you are a gifts person and wanted to shower love on a quality time person, you could buy flowers which would be a deposit of a penny or share a meal with them giving them your undivided attention which would be a dollar. If you are an acts of service person showing love to a words of affirmation person, do you want to fold laundry and deposit pennies or give one exceptional heartfelt compliment at a dollar? Each person has their own love bank. It’s easy to go bankrupt with the demands of life and relationships when the love bank is only getting pennies.    Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

In the realm of love languages, physical touch is about way more than sexual contact. Advanced physical touch is about registering exactly what someone’s emotional needs are and then giving that to them. If you have a partner whose love language is physical touch, what does this mean? If he is sad, that may mean a reassuring and caring embrace. If she is angry, that may mean coming over to lay a calming but firm palm on the shoulder. If they took the time to get all gussied up, that may mean throwing them into a passionate twirl and dip. It’s about speaking their language, corresponding the correct level of touch that is associated with where they are at. It’s a far cry from someone who just wants to be touched In any way. The affection marries the emotional moment and the person.    Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

If you have a partner whose primary love language is physical touch, a lack of initiation in physical affection and sexual intimacy can be a make or break issue. They will start to doubt themselves and wonder what’s wrong, questioning whether you still find them attractive. They will take it personally. I knew a women whose primary love language was physical touch. Her husband had a different love language and a low libido. Talk about trouble in paradise. He didn’t initiate in the bedroom because she would come home from work and talk about how hard she worked and tired she was. He never wanted her to feel put out even further by making sexual advances. This would leave her feeling routinely rejected. So she would pick fights which he would resolve by giving her space. The opposite of what she really needed. Which was to be held with the comfort that he never wanted to let her go.

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If physical touch is your primary love language, then you feel especially loved when a person expresses feelings for you through physical contact. You enjoy being embraced and feeling affection from someone you care about.  In our culture, female friendships are more likely to share affection and emotional intimacy which is often missing in adult male friendships. Single men tend to think physical touch is their love language when in reality they are just starved for affection and intimacy. I’ve watched physical touch people in action. In platonic settings, this looks like a light brush on the elbow, a squeeze of the hand, a quick touch on the back, or a pat on the shoulder. This is not to be confused with downright creepy and unwelcome sexual harassment.    Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

Let’s dive a little deeper into the Acts of Service love language. Remember the quintessential service question: Does this act make their life easier and better? How about the early stages of dating since that’s a bit early for taking on household chores? When someone asks me on a date and invites me to dinner, this is an act of service. I am hungry. The person who feeds me is literally making my life better by satisfying a basic human need and for that, I’m incredibly grateful. If someone invites me out for a drink, this is not an act of service. Why? Because I don’t really drink much so it doesn’t make my life easier or better unless the venue is visually enticing since I appreciate good design. If someone invites me out for tea or coffee, I am putting myself out because I don’t drink caffeine. Acts of Service is specific to an individual. A mixology devotee, coffee connoisseur or tea aficionado would feel differently than me about the exact same scenarios. You really have to get to know your Acts of Service person.    Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

That saying the road to hell is paved with good intentions was probably invented by an Acts of Service person. Be careful not to make promises that you can’t keep with this person. If you say you are making dinner and then you get waylaid at work. You best order dinner because this person is relying on you to carry out your promise. Another one to avoid is the fake act of service. Suggest something but then have them do the behind the scenes work. I’ll pick up dinner but can you find a place that is vegan, gluten free and paleo friendly. Volunteering to babysit but asking them to drop off the kids across town where the drive time eats up most of the time. Perhaps you’re generally so disorganized about meeting times and places that the Acts of Service person in your life spends all their mental energy exhausted preparing for all the possible outcomes and scenarios. I’m an Acts of Service person. I basically make a list in my head every time someone says they will do something and hold my breath until they do.    Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

If your primary love language is acts of service, you feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help you, perhaps running errands or household errands. You feel most loved when someone helps you carry out your responsibilities or makes your life easier. This could include simple chores like laundry or taking out the trash that requires some combination of planning, time, effort and energy. The question to ask is, "does this make this person’s life easier?"  A great example is a mom I know, she confided that she hated Mother’s Day. They would plan a brunch for her but then she would have to spend all this time cleaning up and going to buy the stuff so her kids could do it. It ended up being really stressful. So does it make that person’s life easier or does it give them more work to do?   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

Perhaps you’re still not sold on the idea that gifts is a legitimate love language. That it’s more about status symbols over experiences or people. You clearly don’t understand the gifts that keep giving. If you gift your whisky loving friend that fancy silicone ice ball mold, every time they engage in their favorite hobby of making drinks they will think of you. If your partner wears that fabulous watch, every time someone compliments it, not only is it reinforcement of positive feelings towards you, the admirers will often say wow, how lucky, what a terrific partner you have. You don’t have to say nice things about yourself, other people will do it for you. One of my favorite necklaces is a gift from an ex-boyfriend that he purchased for me while he was out of town on a trip. We have both moved on but I still appreciate his good taste. More often though, I hold the sentiment sacred, it’s an affirmation of something that I already believe about myself. I am worthy of thoughtfulness and effort.   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!

If you are not a gifts person, you will likely confuse gifts with rewards. It’s like telling a kid if you finish all your homework, your reward is an hour of tv. That is a conditional reward. If you have to earn it, it’s not a gift. That’s why a paycheck is not a present. Have you heard of a selfish gift? That’s the gift you benefit from. It’s buying a tv for your wife who rarely watches tv. Or buying someone a top of the line food processor but they don’t really like to cook. Just because it costs a lot to make your life easier doesn’t make it a gift. I used to have a boyfriend who liked to buy me designer jeans and sunglasses. He liked seeing me wear them more than I liked actually wearing them.  I decided to teach him a lesson so I bought him a surfboard travel bag for his favorite hobby and encouraged him to take a surf trip. I don’t surf so not only would I not get anything out of it, it would be time spent apart. He did indeed take that surf trip and then vowed never to travel without me again because who wants to leave behind such a great girlfriend!   Want answers? Send your questions, comments and thoughts about life to [email protected]   Thank you so much for listening to The Lin Life Universe. I hope you’ve been enjoying it. Please leave a review!