The Man Rules

The rules have changed for being a Dad. There's a lot of pressure these days for men to be more emotionally involved in parenting than their Dads were. But without role models, guidance and support for making these radical changes, what's a Dad to do?

That's why Dan is writing a book with a working title of Awesome Dads. He's interviewed more than 30 Dads in all stages of parenthood and collected their best tips and advice. In this new podcast series, Dan will focus on one of the new rules for Dads each month, giving you a little bit of the guidance and encouragement you need to be as awesome a Dad as you can be.

In this, the first episode of the series, Dan explains the intent of his new book and reads an excerpt.

One of the most frequently mentioned Man Rules is "don't be weak." As a result, many men end up feeling ashamed when they become ill or injured. "Don't be weak" may also be at the heart of a man's resistance to acknowledging his, and everyone's, ultimate weakness--that they are mortal.

Rick Belden is back on this week's show to talk with Dan about facing unexpected major illnesses, and reckoning with the inevitable--and often unpredictable--end of life.

We know—This episode sounds like a total drag. Why would anyone want to spend 45 minutes of their already too-short lives listening to two guys talk about death? Well…

Because it's something we all have to make peace with at one time or another, and it's hard to make peace with anything you aren't comfortable talking about. We hope this conversation might open doors to your own conversations with your friends and loved ones about the ultimate end, and how you can all support one another in the precious meantime.

Once a month, Dan and Dr. Allen Berger sit down to talk about a chapter from their forthcoming book, What Men Would Tell You…If We Weren't Too Busy Watching TV. The title of book is meant to be humorous, but it speaks to the real frustration that many women experience in their (heterosexual) relationships. The book breaks down each of The Man Rules in an effort to help women understand the roots of men's sometimes baffling responses to intimacy, commitment, and vulnerability.

This week, Dan and Allen explore The Protector Rule, and how it can bring out both the best and the worst in a man. The protector rule is often what drives a man to protect the family and the community he cares deeply about it. But, it also drives some men to justify cruel behavior toward their partners with the assumption that "it's for her own good." Dan and Allen help both men and women recognize how The Protector Rule is at play in their relationship in both negative and positive ways.

Once Tidying up with Marie Kondo hit Netflix this past January, it seemed like everyone was suddenly talking about the real impact of household upkeep on our minds, bodies, and spirits. Of course, conversations about the division of household labor are not new to anyone who is married, lives with a partner, or lives with roommates. It's often a topic that is loaded with anger and resentment, and that becomes a stand-in argument for any number of relationship troubles deemed too messy to even begin sorting out.

In this episode, Dan and Andrea discuss the show and its impact on their own personal messes and relationships. Has folding socks and towels more consciously helped them to live more consciously? Listen to find out.

Also, please email [email protected] or find Dan on Facebook (DanGriffinMA) to tell us what you think about the KonMari Method, explain how you split household duties with your co-dwellers, or tell us your favorite stain removal tips. Whatever! We'd just love to hear from you.

Dan traveled to Rio de Janeiro, and really stepped in it.

Well, except he didn't really step in it. He just thought he did.

You're really going to have to listen to him explain this one.

Then, go to Dan's Facebook page, and tell us your story:

Have you ever felt you had to do something you weren't proud of just to get by?

OR, have you ever shown empathy and kindness to someone who took advantage of you?

All too often men are tossed into The Water and told to sink or swim. For any struggle we face, we're often given some version of the same, age-old advice: "Man Up." (What the hell does that even mean? Especially at a time when we aren't entirely sure what kind of men we are supposed to be.)

But, it doesn't have to be this way.

Men need a space where they can have real conversations about the unique challenges they face in today's society - what frustrates us, what scares us, what confuses us, what gives us strength, what brings us joy, and what gives us hope for the future. We can learn so much about how to live the lives we truly want by hearing about one another's successes and failures, and by getting real, actionable advice on life and relationships from men and women who aren't afraid to get real.

In this, the first episode of The Man Rules podcast, Dan provides a description of the water and lays a foundation for the journey toward conscious masculinity.

Men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and their depression is more likely to manifest as anger and violence. TThe Man Rules may be limiting in many, many ways, but for a while, they at least provided solid ground for men to stand on. Lately, that ground has begun to crumble beneath their feet.

In this episode, internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author Terry Real will help you understand how depression shows up differently in men. You will also hear some practical advice on how to recognize and address the symptoms in yourself and others.

This is a replay of one of our favorite episodes. If you feel frustrated by discussions about consent and sexual morality, this is definitely one you won't want to miss...

Why are so many of us confused about consent? The idea has come up a lot lately in the wake of the #metoo movement. And, discussions about it recently intensified with reactions to the story a woman named "Grace" told to Babe.net about a sexual encounter she had with comedian Aziz Ansari. On news sites and Facebook feeds nationwide, people are asking, "Was that encounter assault, misconduct, or just a bad date? Is Aziz Ansari a good guy or bad guy? Is "Grace" a victim or a liar?

According to Mike Domritz, who has been teaching audiences far and wide about consent for years, these are the wrong questions to ask. He and Dan talk about what consent really means and what it doesn't, and about what's at stake when we're too afraid to ask the right questions. Isn't "consent" really the least we can do? What if we built a culture of mutuality instead? What if every person truly had the freedom to choose whether they wanted to have sex, without guilt, pressure, coercion, or the spectre of gendered cultural expectations?

This episode is a replay of one we first posted in back in 2017. Gillette's recent "Toxic Masculinity" ad recently brought ideas about the ways in which men are portrayed in popular media to the mainstream. Dr. Andrew Smiler has studied men and media for many years, and share some great insights. Definitely worth revisiting!

If you were a social anthropologist and you wanted to understand the norms and values of some ancient society, you'd likely take a look at their cultural artifacts. You'd closely examine their writings, paintings, sculptures, etc., to look for clues regarding how people within a certain culture were expected to behave and interact with the people around them.

1000 years from now, when anthropologists somehow get their hands on our TV shows, they're going to learn a thing or two about how men were supposed to behave in our society if they wanted to be respected or admired: Save the day, always have a witty comeback handy, be aloof - or a doof - in your relationships, and get the girl. Any girl. Actually, all the girls. And only girls, of course. As many as possible (and pretty much all of them are possible because you are the guy no girl can— or should— resist.)

Hopefully, the writings of researcher and therapist Dr. Andrew Smiler will survive until that day, so that future scholarly types can get a fuller picture of our off-screen reality, which is that most men are not promiscuous, most men do value intimacy and relationships, and most men, in fact, are not "most men." He and Dan share some concrete strategies on how to show up as the man you want to be, not necessarily the man advertised on TV.

As we near the end of January, we often also near the end or our resolve to finally get our shit together this year. We made our resolutions because we know that the feeling of being perpetually disorganized and out of control brings us down. It leaves us feeling lost, unsatisfied, and useless. So, why isn't that enough to keep us motivated to make changes?

According to this week's guest Darcy Luoma--who is an executive coach and organizational development consultant--it may be because you're focusing on the wrong things for the wrong reasons. Are you trying to get your life together because you want it to align more with your values, or with someone else's values? Do you even know for certain what your values are?

Listen this week for some tips on building the life you want based on Darcy's Thoughtfully Fit program. And, get even more great tips by texting tfcalendar to 33444

Let us know what you think about this episode--or anything related to the podcast, by sending an email to [email protected], You could also find us on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.