The Messy Middle Podcast

Have you ever noticed how saying a simple "No, I can't make it" somehow turns into a five-minute explanation?

You start listing your schedule, apologizing, justifying your decision, and trying to make sure the other person understands... even though they never asked for all the details.

If that sounds familiar, you're not alone.

In this episode of The Messy Middle, we're unpacking one of the most common survival patterns after emotional and narcissistic abuse: over-explaining.

Because over-explaining isn't really about sharing information.

It's often about trying to manage someone else's disappointment, avoid conflict, earn permission, or prove that your boundary is "reasonable."

Together, we'll explore:

• Why so many survivors feel compelled to justify every decision
• How childhood conditioning and abusive relationships teach us that "no" isn't enough
• The hidden difference between being kind and negotiating your own boundaries
• Why some people keep asking "why"—not because they don't understand, but because they don't like your answer
• How over-explaining becomes an attempt to prevent rejection
• Why someone else's disappointment is not your responsibility to fix
• The surprising power of silence after you've said what you need to say
• A simple practice to help you notice when you're explaining out of fear instead of choice

If you've ever caught yourself thinking:

• "I hope they don't think I'm selfish."
• "Maybe I should explain a little more..."
• "I don't want them to be upset with me."

...this episode is for you.

Your boundary is not a courtroom. You don't need to present evidence before you're allowed to say no.

Your needs don't become valid because someone else agrees with them.

Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is trust that your first answer was enough.

Listen now and discover why you don't have to earn the right to take up space - you already have it.

📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast!

📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper.

🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 

📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

Can healing ever become a way of avoiding life?

It sounds like a strange question... but if you've been reading all the books, listening to every podcast, taking every course, journaling endlessly, and still feel like your life isn't actually changing, this episode is for you.

In this honest and thought-provoking conversation, we explore a pattern I see time and time again with survivors of narcissistic abuse: the moment when learning and self-awareness quietly become a substitute for taking action.

Because understanding yourself is powerful.

But eventually, understanding has to become living.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• How "healing" can unintentionally become another place to hid
• Why your nervous system often prefers preparation over action
• The difference between understanding your patterns and changing your life
• Why readiness usually comes after courage, not before it
• A simple exercise to help you identify the one action you've been postponing while you keep preparing

If you've been waiting for one more book, one more breakthrough, one more course, or one more sign before you finally start living your life...

...this episode is your sign.

Because your next chapter probably isn't hiding inside another workbook.

It's waiting in the boundary you've been avoiding.

The conversation you've been putting off.

The decision you've known you needed to make.

Healing was never meant to become your identity.

It was meant to help you reclaim your life.

Listen now, and ask yourself one powerful question:

📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast!

📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper.

🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 

📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

Have you ever caught yourself laughing, enjoying a peaceful day, or realizing you hadn't thought about your ex for hours... only to be hit by an unexpected wave of guilt?

If you've experienced emotional or narcissistic abuse, happiness can feel surprisingly uncomfortable.

Not because you don't want it but because your nervous system learned that peace never lasted.

In this episode of The Messy Middle, I explore why so many survivors feel guilty when life starts getting better, why joy can feel unsafe after trauma, and how healing isn't about forgetting what happened. It's about finally giving yourself permission to live again.

Inside this episode, you'll discover:

• Why happiness can trigger guilt after narcissistic abuse
• How trauma teaches your nervous system to expect the worst
• Why you don't have to keep suffering to prove your pain was real
• The hidden fear of "moving on too soon"
• Why your ex appearing happy doesn't mean they're healthier
• How to stop interrupting your own joy
• A simple somatic practice to help you feel safe experiencing happiness again

If you've ever thought:

"Am I allowed to be happy?"

"What if moving forward means I'm forgetting what happened?"

"Why do I feel guilty when life is finally getting better?"

This episode is for you.

Listen now, and give yourself permission to stop surviving... and start living.

📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast!

📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper.

🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 

📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

You escaped the relationship. You survived the chaos. So why are you suddenly so angry?

If you've found yourself feeling unexpectedly furious months or even years after leaving a narcissistic or emotionally abusive relationship, you're not going backwards. You're healing.

In this episode of The Messy Middle, we explore why anger often arrives long after the relationship ends, why so many women fear it, and why healthy anger is one of the clearest signs that your nervous system finally feels safe enough to tell you the truth.

You'll learn:

• Why survivors often suppress anger during abusive relationships
• The connection between trauma, the nervous system, and delayed anger
• Why women are conditioned to fear their own anger
• The difference between healthy anger, resentment, and abusive rage
• How anger helps rebuild boundaries, self-respect, and confidence
• Why becoming "less tolerant" isn't becoming bitter. It's becoming honest.
• A simple somatic practice to safely process anger when it shows up

If you've ever wondered:
"Why didn't I leave sooner?"
"Why am I only getting angry now?"
"What if I'm becoming bitter?"

This conversation is for you.

Your anger isn't a sign that you're failing at healing. It may be the part of you that finally loves you enough to stop accepting what hurt you.

If this episode resonates, subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear that their anger isn't the enemy. It might just be the beginning of coming home to themselves.

📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast!

📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper.

🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 

📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

How long should healing take after narcissistic abuse? What if you're still thinking about it years later?

If you've ever caught yourself thinking, "I should be over this by now," this episode is for you.

One of the biggest traps survivors fall into isn't staying stuck. It's believing they shouldn't still be affected by what happened. Society expects you to move on, stop talking about it, and become the "better" version of yourself on someone else's timeline. But recovering from emotional abuse isn't the same as getting over a normal breakup.

In this episode, I explore why that quiet pressure to "just move on" creates shame, why healing after betrayal and coercive control is far more complex than people realize, and why you're not failing simply because you're still making sense of what happened.

You'll learn:

• Why the thought "I should be over this by now" is so common after narcissistic abuse
• How society pressures survivors to recover in ways that make everyone else more comfortable
• Why emotional abuse isn't just heartbreak. It's the collapse of trust, identity, safety, and reality itself
• Why your ex appearing "fine" says nothing about your healing
• The powerful question to ask instead of "Why am I not over this yet?"

If you've been judging yourself for still feeling angry, grieving, confused, or deeply affected months or even years later, this conversation will remind you of one important truth:

You're not healing on the wrong timeline. You're healing from something that changed your entire reality.

📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast!

📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper.

🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 

📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

Do you ever look around and feel like everyone else got the life you were supposed to have?

The stable relationship. The career. The home. The confidence. The clear direction.

Meanwhile, you're trying to rebuild after emotional abuse, betrayal, divorce, coercive control, or years spent surviving instead of thriving.

In this episode of The Messy Middle, Erica explores the painful belief that you're somehow "behind" in life, and why that feeling is so common for survivors of narcissistic and emotionally abusive relationships.

When you've spent years managing someone else's moods, walking on eggshells, second-guessing yourself, carrying the mental load, or simply trying to survive, it's easy to look back and feel like you've lost time. But what if you're comparing yourself to a timeline that was never yours to begin with?

Together we unpack: 

• Why survivors often feel left behind while everyone else seems to be moving forward
• The hidden cost of spending years in survival mode
• How social media and comparison can distort reality
• Why you're not comparing apples to apples when you compare your journey to someone else's
• The grief of the life you thought you'd have by now
• Why healing isn't about catching up, it's about creating a life that actually fits you

This episode is a powerful reminder that you're not failing, broken, or late.

You've simply lived through experiences that shaped your path differently.

And from here, you get to build a life based on what matters to you, not what looks good from the outside.

If you've been carrying that quiet ache that says "I should be further along by now," this conversation is for you.

📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast!

📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper.

🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 

📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "I seem okay on the outside... but inside I'm still struggling"?

After narcissistic abuse, emotional control, betrayal, or a high-conflict separation, many women find themselves functioning long before they feel healed.

You're going to work, looking after the kids, handling responsibilities, showing up for everyone else, and from the outside it might seem like you've moved on.

But underneath? You're still carrying grief, triggers, confusion, anger, and moments that knock the wind out of you.

In this episode of The Messy Middle, Erica explores the uncomfortable feeling that you're somehow "faking" your healing because the version the world sees doesn't always match what's happening inside. She unpacks why functioning is often mistaken for recovery, how societal pressure can make you feel like you should be "over it by now," and why healing is never as neat or linear as people expect.

You'll learn:

• Why healing and functioning are not the same thing
• How shame and unrealistic timelines keep women judging their own recovery
• Why feeling triggered doesn't mean you've gone backwards
• The difference between processing and being stuck
• How real healing often shows up in quiet, subtle ways
• Why you can be moving forward and still be affected at the same time

If you've been wondering whether you're doing recovery "wrong" because you're still having hard days, this episode is your reminder that healing isn't a performance, a personality, or a finish line. It's messy, layered, unpredictable, and completely human.

You are not faking it.

You're simply in the middle of it.

📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast!

📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper.

🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 

📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

One of the most confusing parts of recovery after narcissistic abuse or coercive control is the moment you catch yourself wondering:

"Was it really that bad?"

In this episode of The Messy Middle, Erica dives into the painful spiral so many survivors experience after leaving an abusive relationship. The memories start to soften. The good moments rise to the surface. The loneliness feels louder than the harm. And before you know it, you're questioning your own reality all over again.

If you've ever found yourself missing someone who hurt you, replaying the good times, or wondering whether you exaggerated what happened, this episode is for you.

Erica explores why this happens, how gaslighting continues long after the relationship ends, and why your brain naturally tries to edit painful memories to reduce discomfort. She also explains why so many survivors question themselves, return to unhealthy relationships, or worry that they're somehow the problem.

Inside this episode, you'll learn:

• Why your brain tends to remember the good moments first
• How loneliness can distort your perception of the past
• The lasting impact of gaslighting and self-doubt
• Why questioning yourself doesn't mean you're wrong
• How to stay anchored in reality without re-traumatizing yourself
• The difference between remembering isolated moments and looking at the overall pattern
• Why it's possible for good memories and harmful dynamics to exist at the same time

This is a compassionate conversation about self-trust, healing, and staying connected to the truth of your experience when your mind starts rewriting the story.

If you're caught in the "maybe it wasn't that bad" spiral, take a breath and press play. You are not alone, and there are very real reasons this happens.

As always, send in your questions and Erica may answer them in a future episode.

📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast!

📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper.

🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 

📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

Dating after narcissistic abuse or coercive control can feel less like excitement… and more like a full-blown survival exam.

In this episode, I’m talking about why dating after abuse often becomes loaded with pressure, hypervigilance, self-criticism, and endless overthinking.

The “Am I gonna miss the red flags again?” spiral. The scanning. The second-guessing. The feeling that every interaction somehow determines whether you’ll end up hurt all over again.

But what if dating wasn’t actually about finding “the one” right now?

What if it became a practice ground for rebuilding self-trust instead?

We dive into:

• Why dating apps and modern dating can feel so dysregulating after emotional abuse
• Using dating as a social experiment instead of a high-stakes performance
• How to stay connected to yourself while interacting with other people
• The small moments where self-trust is either built or abandoned
• The importance of noticing how your body feels after a date, not just during it
• Red flags to pay attention to, especially around misogyny, accountability, empathy, and control
• Why discernment is more important than perfection

This episode is not about becoming cynical, guarded, or terrified of relationships. It’s about learning how to stop disappearing inside them.

Because the goal isn’t to become perfect at spotting every bad person instantly. The goal is learning how to stay connected to yourself while gathering information, observing behavior, and trusting your own nervous system again.

Dating becomes very different when the focus shifts from:
“Do they like me?”
to:
“Do I actually like how I feel around them?”

This is an episode about self-trust, nervous systems, boundaries, intuition, discernment, people-pleasing, healing after narcissistic abuse, and learning how to stop betraying yourself in tiny ways just to keep someone else comfortable.

And somewhere in the middle of all that… you might actually start having fun again too.

📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast!

📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper.

🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 

📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

After narcissistic abuse or coercive control, there’s a phase nobody really talks about enough: the moment you go from missing red flags… to seeing them absolutely everywhere.

In this episode, I’m talking about the hypervigilance that kicks in after emotional abuse recovery.

That feeling where every comment, every inconsistency, every weird vibe suddenly feels loaded. Your nervous system is scanning constantly. Your body reacts before your brain can even catch up. You start wondering: Am I finally seeing clearly… or am I becoming too guarded?

We dive into the overcorrection phase that so many survivors experience after leaving abusive relationships. The swing from over-explaining harmful behavior and giving endless benefit of the doubt… to wanting to run at the very first sign something feels “off.”

I talk about:

• Why your nervous system starts flagging danger everywhere after coercive control 
• The difference between discernment and hypervigilance 
• How trauma can blur the line between noticing something and actually being unsafe 
• Why not every uncomfortable moment is automatically a toxic pattern 
• Learning to trust yourself again without shutting the whole world out 
• The importance of observing behavior over time instead of rushing to conclusions 
• Why your body reacts so strongly to familiarity after emotional abuse 
• How self-trust and discernment are rebuilt slowly, through practice and awareness 

This episode is for the women who feel exhausted from constantly scanning, second-guessing, and trying to “get it right” early so they never end up trapped in abuse again.

You are not broken for noticing more now. You are awake. Your awareness has expanded. And now comes the next part of healing: learning how to work with that awareness in a way that protects you without imprisoning you.

As always, we’re talking nervous systems, somatics, self-trust, trauma responses, emotional safety, and the messy middle of healing after narcissistic abuse.

And yes, I’ll still be reminding you to put your feet on the floor, breathe, and trust your damn self. 💛

📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast!

📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper.

🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 

📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.