The Messy Middle Podcast

In this episode of The Messy Middle, we tackle one of the biggest, most painful questions almost every survivor of narcissistic or emotionally abusive relationships eventually asks: How did I not see it?

Spoiler alert: it’s not because you’re naive, dumb, gullible, or any of the garbage your inner critic might fling at you. 

I break down exactly why intelligent, empathetic, emotionally aware women end up in these relationships, why the early love bombing feels intoxicating instead of suspicious, and how your nervous system, childhood conditioning, and craving for genuine connection all play a role in overriding those early intuitive nudges.

You’ll hear:

• Why charm is not a personality trait but a manipulation tactic
• How narcissistic partners gather “intel” early on and weaponize it later
• Why your nervous system will often choose the familiar over the healthy
• The real reason you cling to denial longer than you think
• How grief shows up when the truth finally lands
• Why “safe” partners can feel boring or wrong 
• How to start rebuilding trust in your intuition without fear

If you’ve ever tortured yourself with “I should have known better,” this episode will feel like a deep exhale. You’ll understand the psychology, the biology, the conditioning and the truth behind why you didn’t see it… and why none of it was your fault.

📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast!

📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper.

🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 

📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

In these first three episodes, I’m tackling the three questions I’ve been asked more than anything else.

After almost a decade and a half in practice and well over 10,000 hours with clients, these questions come up again and again in different forms. And if you’re at the beginning of this healing journey, or even a little further along but still wrestling with these thoughts, I think you’ll find a lot of clarity here.

Q1: How did I not see this sooner? I’m breaking down what narcissistic abuse actually feels like from the inside. How it messes with your memory, perception, and self-trust. The gaslighting, the manipulation, the subtle erosion of your reality, the way these people choose you, and even what’s happening in your brain throughout all of it.

Q2: Why did it take me so long to leave? Spoiler: it has nothing to do with weakness and everything to do with internalized programming, trauma responses, and relational conditioning that started long before the relationship itself. I’ll unpack the myth and the total garbage behind “Why don’t you just leave?” and explore the cycles, systems, and childhood dynamics that make this pattern so hard to recognize when you’re in it.

Q3: Will this always happen to me? We’ll talk about rebuilding self-trust, interrupting the shame loop, and why it feels like you keep attracting the same person with a different face. I’ll walk you through how to retrain your nervous system, what real safety actually feels like, and why healthy dynamics can feel weird or even boring at first.

This three-episode intro is designed to give you grounding, clarity, and a sense of direction as you move forward. Stick with me. We’re going much deeper from here, but I wanted to start with the questions I know so many of you are carrying. If you need these answers, these episodes are for you.

📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast!

📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper.

🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 

📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.

Welcome to The Messy Middle — the podcast for women finding their way through the raw, confusing, and often lonely aftermath of narcissistic and emotional abuse.

I’m Erika Leon, Trauma-Informed Abuse Recovery Coach, mom of five, and creator of The 6 Keys to Unfu*kwithable.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re piecing yourself back together, questioning everything, and trying to remember who the f*ck you were before someone tried to erase you - you’re in the right place.

In this first episode, I share a crumb of my own story: the devastating double betrayal that blew up my life and ultimately became the start of my freedom. 

From discovering my ex-husband’s affair with my 'best friend', to navigating the nightmare of family courts, systemic abuse, and total life collapse... it’s been one hell of a ride.

But it’s also what led me to my mission today: helping people reclaim their voices, rebuild their confidence, and rise the f*ck up after abuse.

Through unfiltered conversations, listener questions, client stories, and a healthy dose of righteous rage, we’ll explore the deeper conditioning that keeps women stuck — and how to dismantle it piece by piece. Expect truth bombs, laughter, healing, feminism, and the occasional f-bomb (because let’s be real).

Whether you’re still in survival mode or ready to feel bold and unfu*kwithable again, this is your space to learn, laugh, cry, and rise.

📩 Send in YOUR questions and get them answered on the podcast!

📢 Get a Laster Coaching call for only $150. A 45-minute session to get to know me, experience my approach, and receive a personalized plan to kickstart your healing journey. Perfect for testing the waters before diving deeper.

🎬 Watch Unfu*kwithable Boundaries Masterclass for FREE. Learn how setting clear boundaries can change your life for good and where to start! 

📝 Get the Somatic Keys Course. Learn how to recognize your signals, regulate your responses, and reclaim your nervous system as a place of truth.