The MILF Code

I had so many opinions about this whole 50 Shades thing I needed an entire Podcast to express them, and express them I did. As a sometime BDSM dabbler, I wanted to bring some nuance to the discussion about this movie i.e. context while others bandy about terms such as "domestic violence" and the idea that all people who practice BDSM are damaged. Uh, no. We go from Story of O, through Anais Nin, to how much hotter the movie would have been with Charlie Hunnam in it (well, I don't actually say that in the podcast, so I'm saying it now.) Mostly, I found the movie to be quite sexually vanilla, and outside of the money-porn aspirational aspect of dating a guy with such a great apartment who can fly you around on his helicopter, I conclude that the biggest turn on in the movie is not at all what you'd think. Also my biggest issues with 50 Shades are also not others people's issues (when are they ever?)  Don't forget, there's a better word for "mommy porn" and that's "porn." Listen to the world's coolest mom talk about 50 Shades, and take from all this what you will, but don't forget to report back. After all, I only watched this movie for you... the least you can do is the same.

Kindle Singles including “The Long Run,” “Are You Lonesome Tonight?”

and most recently “Of Mice and Me.” Not because he’s an ultra-marathon

runner and punk rock singer, touring with bands such as The Strokes, The

Yeah Yeah Yeahs and comedian Doug Stanhope. Not even because I’ve

interviewed him before. But before he makes me cry…

We talk about the realities of touring, karma vs. science the origin of

his name, and the deepest voice you will ever hear saying, “I’m a

little mouse or a little bear,” which leads to a cool story about his

ethnic origin (you’ll never guess.) He drops an exclusive bit of news,

you have to listen to find out, and then we discuss the drawbacks of having

a threesome with Mishka, myself and Amy Dresner. Then at minute 26.16, Mishka starts

talking about my writing, how he feels reading it and then something

gets in my eye… We talk about our families and how hard it is to let

them love us. Eventually we circle back to my first interview question,

“When was the last time you thought about suicide?” and discuss what

keeps us from “tapping out.” Far from feeling heavy after it all, I get

home from interviewing Mishka at 3 a.m. feeling curiously light, “seen,”

and though you were not actually there, I’m sure you will feel it too.

already in yours, he will be. A true original in the comedy world, he was in

the first two Hangover movies, and is one of the biggest warm up-guys in L.A. –

he was the audience guy on “Chelsea Lately,” and currently on “At Midnight” on

Comedy Central. He’s had his own show “Brody Stevens -Enjoy it!” on Comedy

Central, and a ton of podcasts, the latest of which is “The Brody Stevens Festival

of Friendship.”  Also some appearances on

Kroll, the lucky duck. We reminisce about the old days doing shows in Surf

Reality and Collective Unconscious in the Lower East Side of New York. Brody

also had a well-publicized reaction to stopping medication a few years ago,

which he publically shared on Twitter, and we get into a talk about mental

health, taking meds, and whether having a sensitive nervous system may just

mean you’re an artist and a Jew. Brody played baseball at Arizona State (!) so

he is a dichotomy: an athlete who needs

a creative outlet. Which leads me to a rant about how people think they know

you because of the Internet, and I encourage Brody to do online dating, before

offering to take him to Bed, Bath and Beyond. Brody talks honestly about his

mom and sister, who were featured on his Comedy Central show, and I commend him

on being an exemplary son. He has a strong message for dealing with life

(cardio!) especially the etiquette of warm-up, stand-up, managing love

relationships and the daily ancillary job of social media. Brody finishes by

sharing some personal growth so POSITIVE ENERGY, PUSH and ENJOY IT!

Egyptian American comedian who is HUGE in the Middle East, and pretty big here

too. Where ya been? He was on the show “Sullivan and Son,” as well as being

featured on Vince Vaughn’s “Wild West of Comedy,” the “Axis of Evil” tour, as

well as directing and being featured in the documentary “Just Like Us” about doing

stand-up comedy in the Middle East. We meander into conversation starting with

weed (living in Venice, he fits right in) then shares genius stories about

doing huge comedy tours from the U.S.

to Lebanon, and how he got banned from performing publicly in Abu Dhabi (but

they never said anything about private gigs!) We also reminisce about one legendary

night at the Comedy Store, when Ahmed was doing a set in the Belly Room that

almost ended in a racially motivated fistfight, and how he’s learned since then

in therapy to “de-escalate.” We also get personal about why he’s attracted to

dating “train wrecks,” how it affects him when people hate Arabs, and whether

he wants kids. Ladies, get those childbearing hips ready, Ahmed is a warm,

charming, Middle Eastern Alpha male who has had some therapy and is not afraid

to use it!    

her comedy career by posing for Playboy and winning Star Search, not

necessarily in that order. Now she entertains me in her 1960’s furnished abode.

Felicia’s and my life have run somewhat parallel; we both married comedy

managers. We discuss the irony of them not wanting to pull any strings to

further our careers to preserve their “integrity.” Felicia tells a great story

involving hair care, which I won’t ruin here. We discuss the parallels of our early

stand-up comedy careers, including showcasing at The Comic Strip during Fleet

Week.

inimitable Lucien Hold who used to book and run the Comic Strip for many years,

and how unusual his criteria was for passing comics. We talk about the

challenges of being the “artist” dating a manager and why we both gave up

stand-up comedy when we had kids! (We might be twins.) We discuss whether

comedians are darker than civilians, and Felicia discusses how she deals with

other comedians. Then we move onto how to deal with other moms, I rant about

Malibu moms, and that Felicia thinks my blog is outrageous (pretty rich considering

her latest album – MILF and Cookies.)

talks about how she transitioned to being a comic, after an early marriage, and

her early career as a stripper in Denver in 1984. It’s a fucking great story,

you won’t want to miss it. We talk about career envy, self-doubt and what it

was like being a “pretty young comic,” getting gigs for looks vs. merit, and

the early Golden Age at the Comedy Store. Also how being a comedian relates to

being a felon.

little chick,” and I’m quoting her so it’s okay. She gets real about men’s

attention when she was stripping, and the power from that, and then we get deep

y’all.  Felicia talks about her father, I

talk about my father, and we get into some psychology, being a mom and having

sons. Then segue again into chasing dick, and it’s pros and cons, and when to

introduce men to your kids. Somehow we end up talking about Jay Leno, and the

limit of how many comics you can fuck as a female comic.

a depressive, and Felicia opens up about her family, who may have been the ones with the issues. And I admit that in my

family I’m the one with the issues. Ouch. Felicia and I both crave honesty, but she is less judgmental of

other people’s relationships. We talk about the cougar thing, online dating and

why we are both aging well and it’s not from sitting outside watching our kids

skateboard. We talk about being what it is to be a MILF and how much sex we had

in our marriages, which we’ve both discussed elsewhere, but Felicia talks about

it all with respect, kindness and empathy, and I put forward my case for

polyamory. Then Felicia convinces me go to back to stand-up comedy!!! It’s a

Christmas miracle! We talk about Laurie Kilmartin and her incredible work

ethic… It’s apparent that I need Felicia Michaels, not just on my show but in

my life, and you will too!

star/dancer/roommate, then he gets me to kiss her, then he tries to get me to

show them both my tit (not happening.) This becomes a recurring theme. I mean

has Ron Jeremy not seen enough tits? Then my esteemed guest starts giving me

what he says will be a non-sexual massage, but gets too distracted to answer

questions. Then he starts tickling me (watch out for sudden volume spikes) and

there is a perfect Kafka/Kauffman-esque moment where he is telling me there is

nothing wrong with the porn business as I’m getting progressively more grossed

out with the “massage” even though I have all my clothes on.  We adjourn to the other room to start talking

about MILFs vs. Barely Legal, what his family thinks about porn, and why he

never had kids. Also if he ever felt like the “gift” was all he had going for

him.

admits his biggest addiction (which may or may not surprise you.) He talks

about his popularity vs. Jenna Jameson’s (all the while still trying to get me

to show him my boob) then about the need for chaperones for rock stars and porn

actors, capping it off with a story about a porn star on party drug GHB.  We ascertain that I am kinkier than he is and

he calls me “the female Ron Jeremy” which better be a quote for my next book!  Ever wondered if porn stars watch porn? Well here’s

your chance to answer that question, plus whether you can fuck your way into a

career in Hollywood.

after his aortic aneurism in 2012, which leads him to reminisce about ex-girlfriends.

We then start Googling Ron’s first ex-girlfriend (she’s in his book), which

he’s never done because he has a flip phone and doesn’t go online. We discuss

the future of the world is it pertains to being a neo-Luddite, conspiracy

theories on 9/11 and then Ron tells me a never before publically shared story

about Larry Flynt’s daughter Theresa Flynt. He rounds it out with a harmonica

performance, including “Waltzing Matilda,” for my former Australian homeland.

Jeremy- Renaissance Man, poet, cocksman, and jester. He is a dichotomy- brash yet

insecure, endowed with more than most men, yet needy, a filthy perv who is also

a sincerely great friend. Too bad he's never going to see my boobs...