Suffering as punishment, power seems negative, natural grief, divorce, not wanting to be here, making the world better, end to the story, self-love, enjoyment of work, let it take its course, barrier to intimacy, claim your body, can't enjoy anything, horrific awakening experiences, samadhis, years without thought for Jac.

Separation arising, desire for unity, consciousness believing manifestation, how to stop grasping, contraction without separation, angina, self-critical, there's perfection in everything, drop all desire, Decisions, intellect plays catch-up, it's simple without a story

Guided meditation, intellect can't get it, identifying with all/none of it, hindsight, all is imagined, consciousness pretends to be you, believing-mechanism at play

Letting life happen until a deeper level kicks in, glitches in the movie, sense of resonance, nothing & everything, feeling will loosen connection to the character, does enlightenment have to happen before the body dies? appearance of existence, threatening to the idea of what you think you are, letting the `I don't know' dissolve, enjoyment, keeping attention at home, consciousness is an illusion too, listening to the body, there is only God.

Objectify, enquiry, self-loathing, loops, everything is a setup to show what you are not, what is it about suffering that is so awful?, purpose, interconnectivity of all, forgiveness, mind will use the body for its own purpose, Jac's writings and DVD, relative and absolute, no reference point, feeling vulnerable, attention below the neck.

Meditation -- what you really are, experience of direct experience, refusing to invest in the unreal, investing in the projection of how you want to be perceived, existential fear, practice keeps the seeker alive, find the belief driving visceral fear, cultivate authority, can't get past me; if practices don't work, an attitude might.

Let the dark balance the light, emptiness -- what to do? it's not about shutting down the story, service shutting down natural flow, how to be at peace with a health condition, not wanting grandchildren to suffer, checking in with gut about relationship, potentiality of I is an idea, the moment ownership is entertained -- it is real, mind can see that it is all mind, "I am", localized perception has nothing to do with a you, pure subjectivity of consciousness sees through the body.

Meditation -- life is a sideshow, trust and resonances, fear of groups, trusting versus pretending, working mind without identity -- nothing is happening, let "I don't know", what's left when identity dissolves?, free flow is a valuable phase, why did I leave my perfect life? we don't have free will

Can perception happen without identification?, near-death experience and emptiness, a mother's desire, Arunachala -- recollections, energy hotspots as catalysts, where the question comes from, feeling thrown by energy, can you drop the desire to go?

Guided meditation -- the machine of mind, feeling of helplessness, outside breaking up with a solid reference point, should I retire? psychotherapist with no memory