The office coffee machine has three settings: burnt, weak, and empty.

• Intro: Candy Girl, New Edition, Warlock Records (1983)
• Poem: We Could Get Drunk in This Field Because We're in a Field & We're in Love & What Else Would We Do?, Nicholas Bon
• Music: Save World Get Girl, I Fight Dragons, Photo Finish (2011)

Someone behind you is composing a strongly worded email about that merge.

• Intro: Candy Girl, New Edition, Warlock Records (1983)
• Poem: This Morning I Pray for My Enemies, Joy Harjo
• Music: Where's the Music, Medeski, Martin & Wood, Little Monster Records (2014)

You don't need to signal while you're turning; the wheels give it away.

• Intro: Candy Girl, New Edition, Warlock Records (1983)
• Poem: Negligence These Days, AR Ammons
• Music: Funky Times 1.0, Funky Times, K-Mountain Productions (2021)

A balanced breakfast means coffee AND a donut.

• Intro: Salvation, The Cranberries, Island Records (1996)
• Poem: Lit, Andrea Cohen
• Music: Bad Bad News, Leon Bridges, Columbia (2018)

Small talk makes the world go more slowly.

• Intro: Salvation, The Cranberries, Island Records (1996)
• Poem: The Black Guitar, Paul Henry
• Music: 9 to 5, Dolly Parton, RCA Records Label (1980)

People who cheat in the carpool lane are the same people who only signal as they're turning.

• Intro: Salvation, The Cranberries, Island Records (1996)
• Poem: Instead of Depression, Andrea Gibson
• Music: Call off Your Dogs, Lake Street Dive, Nonesuch (2016)

Is this a merge or a hostage negotiation?

• Intro: Salvation, The Cranberries, Island Records (1996)
• Poem: [i want to go back], Gregory Orr
• Music: Candy Girl, New Edition, Warlock Records (1983)

Wondering which donut to eat is like wondering which lottery to win.

• Intro: Awesome Ways, Yung Bae;Nile Rodgers, Groove Continental (2023)
• Poem: A Cedary Fragrence, Jane Hirshfield
• Music: I Think We're Alone Now, Tiffany, Geffen* (1987)

Merging is about logistics, not karma.

• Intro: Awesome Ways, Yung Bae;Nile Rodgers, Groove Continental (2023)
• Poem: Magdalene: The Addict, Marie Howe
• Music: Golden, Cory Wong;Cody Fry, Cory Wong (2020)

The coffee pot doesn't care that you're muted.

• Intro: Awesome Ways, Yung Bae;Nile Rodgers, Groove Continental (2023)
• Poem: [I won't be able to write from the grave], Fanny Howe
• Music: Too Close - Radio Edit, Next, Arista (1997)