The Neurodivergent Professor

Doubt is tricky. A little bit is a good things. Too many of us think we're right all the time - and that simply can't be true. A little bit of doubt is healthy and says, 'hey, i may be wrong here'. Admitting you may be wrong, and doubting your ability to 'know the truth' is healthy. 

However, doubt can become a lifestyle. Take it from me. I used to fancy myself as a 'Cartesian thinker' or one who 'thinks, therefore, I am'. I told myself that I 'doubted things until I couldn't prove them untrue'. Just typing that out sounds horribly pretentious and is embarrassing to admit.

Not only was I delusional about my scientific or philosophical prowess, I allowed my doubt to grow in to cynicism, and even pessimism. You see, it's easier to be negative than it is to be positive, and doubt can push you toward negativity real quick like. Or at least it did me.

I realized during the recoding of this podcast that my 'healthy cynicism (doubt)' had grown into a negative pessimism. And all I was trying to do is remind myself that I could be wrong.

So remember to keep your healthy doubt in check!

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Many of us bought into the dream of the previous generation; our parents, family, teachers, and other adults in our young lives. We were taught to follow the linear path of good grades -> good college -> good job -> good retirement -> successful life. Then we hit some point in or 30s, 40s, maybe 50s where we question what the hell we got ourselves into.

That was a great idea for the post WW2 generation who lived through truly sucky times. And many of those folks followed that dream, got a fat pension, retired at 55, and lived a little before settling down into old age. 

I’m not so sure that works any more, and probably hasn’t worked very well for quite awhile.

I often say that ‘retirement is wasted on the old’ because a lot of us nowadays feel like we have to work into our late 60s or maybe forever to continue to make ends meet. Pensions went away and were replaced by 401ks that sometimes work but sometimes don’t. Health care costs went up, especially for the older folks. We live longer and are pressured into more expensive lifestyles during middle age and just can’t, or don’t, save as much.

Anyway, here’s my take on the great American midlife pivot where we re-define our dreams and try like hell to change course midstream and make it happen.

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Seriously.  WTF? Habits are really hard to change. Trying to exercise? Eat better? Cleaning up your potty mouth? It ain't easy. And the crazy thing is, as hard as habits are to change it seems like picking up bad habits is easy.

Changing habits is hard stuff. And I’m not just talking about physical addictions or bad habits. Besides just habitual behavior we also have emotional and intellectual habits that could use some modification.

I overthink to the point of anxiety – I’d like to change that habit!

I have an addiction to nicotine – that one needs to go.

I habitually prioritize my family’s needs over my own – this one is HUGE, and I STRUGGLE to even modify it a little.

In this episode I’ll discuss my own issues and demonstrate how the struggle to change habits is universal. I don't have much advice to offer, except that changing habits is probably a slow process that will require some effort - there's no magic bullet.

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I suck at a bunch of things. This video is about how we can have very high ranking values (e.g., be a good spouse, parent, sibling, child) that we often don't live up to. I just wanted to share some of my important values that I struggle to meet. I think we all beat ourselves up too much and often fail to recognize our achievements, and just wanted to call that out. 

I also get a little tired of people talking about how easy personal growth is and how they have achieved so highly. I think sharing about our shortcomings can also be helpful.

In the end, I don't think our 'suckage' is nearly as bad as we think. Those of us who strive for personal growth can get bogged down and frustrated by our failures, and hopefully calling my failures to your attention will help us all treat ourselves a little better.

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I grew up in a house without Religion. My parents never went to church and my only experiences with church or religion was attending weddings and funerals. As I grew older I sought a spiritual connection, maybe because I didn't have religion in my life - I don't know.

I found spirituality in philosophy and ecology. I also grew to appreciate native spirituality from cultures that pre-date christianity. 

In short, I've pieced together my 'religion' or 'spirituality' essentially on my own. 

Here I share my journey and where I am currently with respect to my personal spirituality and my views on religion in general.

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Would you rather be right, or happy?

It's a good question. It also subtly implies that if you're right, you aren't necessarily happy. I know when I push to 'win' an argument, or to 'be right', I usually feel a little guilty. Certainly not victorious or celebratory. Being right usually means having to tell someone they're wrong.

I guess some things have pretty clear right and wrong. 2 + 2 = 4. But one could argue that, for fun and through a discourse, that math is made up by humans and blah, blah. But we can probably agree that some things are more clearly correct than others.

But our opinions, ideas, and thoughts toward or about certain, more emotional elements of humanity can certainly have multiple 'rights'. What's right (about some things) for one person, may not be right for me. 

Here I argue that being happy is more important, and that having to be right, or choose winners and losers, is only making the U.S.A., and probably other parts of the world, more divided - and that is basically unhappiness at the global population level. I also add that some things are critical to be right about (e.g., personal boundaries).

How about you? Would you rather be right or happy?

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Time is our most valuable resource. It's very limiting as we only get maybe 70 or 80 years. And the tragedy is . . . we think it's infinite. Personally, I didn't appreciate time until I was in my mid 40s when I started needing reading glasses. Now I think about it every day.

So how do we get more time? We budget better.

We think we have no time. But the truth is (and this hurts, I know) that we do. Myself, I am not very good about managing my time. I know WHAT to do, but I can't habitualize DOING IT. 

This week I offer the advice I've been given about how to prioritize your needs and ensure you MAKE the TIME to meet those needs.

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I hear a lot, from my therapist, other researchers, and articles, that many of us complain that we feel 'different' or 'other' in the context of our immediate communities of friends and families. Here I argue that, doesn't feeling different unite us somehow? Also, that being different is the secret to success for the human race - diversity is the key to evolution! How do we re-contextualize this pervasive feeling to be a superpower rather than a weakness? How do we use this 'suffering' for the greater good? Here I share a few ideas and suggest that we need to utilize these special differences to make the world a better place.

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When asked how much is enough, John D. Rockefeller famously replied, "Just a little more". We've all thought this about some things. Whether it's losing 'enough' weight, making 'enough' money, being loved 'enough' we all (mistakenly) believe that if we get 'enough' of 'whatever', we'll be 'happy'. And since a lot of us either want many things, or aren't sure which things we want the most, we tend to maximize 'enough toward everything'. So we end up chasing many 'enoughs' and, even if we get them, we (amazingly) aren't happy.

Here I discuss the Law of Diminishing Returns (or Cost/Benefit Analysis) as a metric to learn that 'enough' is less than we think. And I use this 'rule' to help prioritize my life and focus on what things I need to maximize, and how to be efficient about it so I have enough energy left over for all the other stuff.

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Most of us have some kind of addiction. Whether it's something as benign as Diet Coke, or as life threatening as heroin, we can relate to the pull of being addicted to something. Much of what we talk about addiction is related to the biological or physiological nature. Here I discuss the more psychological aspects of my own addiction to nicotine, talk about childhood loveys and security blankets, and venture toward the concept of Buddhist suffering.

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