This week, shockwaves echo throughout Sweet Valley with the return of America’s second favorite homo, Todd. Yes, “Todd’s back”—and this time… he’s rich. Liz must decide whether to stay with Jeffrey, her current boyfriend and Pardo’s truest prince, or to go back to Todd, discarding Jeffrey like so much week-old chicken salad.

Along the way, we trace the history of gazebos throughout literature, Pardo gives Liz a long-overdue performance review, and Robert becomes gradually radicalized into the #Justice4Jeffrey movement, in “The New President of Varitronics” (Sweet Valley High #58, Brokenhearted).