The Northern Aggression Podcast

Gunter and Marshall record on Valentine’s Day, which means romance… obviously not. Marshall kicks things off by throwing shade at the Canadian curling cheating scandal, because nothing says love like sports controversy.

Gunter looks up restaurant wait times and discovers that Texas Roadhouse is clocking in at two-plus hours. Marshall wonders if they should interview the people willing to wait that long for steak. He also makes an inappropriate joke about Cracker Barrel’s loyalty reward “pegs,” proving once again that no branding is safe.

Marshall continues battling technology issues, prompting Gunter to suggest he just get an old-timey TV. Somehow that leads to crypto, an Enron sweatshirt sighting at the D.C. airport, and the missed opportunity for Waste Management to sponsor at Minute Maid Park after the Astros trash can scandal.

Marshall declares we’re past “peak doodle” now that people are realizing the dogs are neurotic. The two then dive into a surprisingly intense debate about eating habits, Taco Bell ordering fiascos, and Marshall’s ongoing disdain for DoorDash—even though he’s used it. Once.

They cover communion bread, Marshall briefly being nominated as a financial advisor, the nostalgia of Gateway PCs arriving in cow-print boxes, and the near-impossibility of canceling AOL. And just when things almost get sentimental, Marshall turns one of Gunter’s charitable acts into a joke.

Love, loyalty pegs, and logistical complaints—just another Valentine’s Day with Northern Aggression.

Marshall and Gunter kick things off by congratulating loyal listener Justin on his… PhD? They’re pretty sure that’s right. Close enough.

That naturally spirals into a discussion about professional certifications, degrees, and what actually counts as “competency.” Gunter takes aim at competency-based programs, while Marshall returns the favor by digging at her liberal arts degree.

Marshall also insists he doesn’t have control issues—which is immediately proven false by everything that follows.

He wraps things up by pitching a brand-new business idea that may or may not make any sense, but he’s fully committed to it anyway.

Degrees, digs, and delusion—another classic Northern Aggression episode.

Marshall and Gunter record this one fresh off dinner—and shockingly, Gunter was expensive. Marshall spirals over her seven-dollar shrimp, while Gunter fires back by calling him wildly unromantic. We also learn that even Gunter’s mom thinks she’s bougie… once she learned what bougie actually means.

Marshall then launches into a rant about servers who say “no rush” while handing you the bill (liars, apparently), which somehow turns into a comparison of American versus European dining culture. The Super Bowl sneaks in, along with news of an alternative halftime show that involves Kid Rock and Weird Al—mentioned by name only, don’t worry.

Marshall also shares what he believes Jerry Falwell Jr.’s autobiography should be titled, and—because tradition matters—closes out with another rant about the Oliver Springs cops.

It’s dinner drama, cultural critique, questionable opinions, and just enough chaos to live up to the title.

Marshall and Gunter record this episode immediately after leaving Panda Express, and Marshall has opinions. He recounts encounters with a woman who had what he calls “resting tragedy face” and another sporting a sweatshirt boldly declaring her love of Jesus and coffee. Naturally, this leads nowhere calm.

Marshall takes issue with the Panda Express menu—especially the mushroom chicken and its excessive extra ingredients—but his biggest grievance is the naming of their entrée sizes. He has several suggested renames and none of them are subtle. There’s also a debate about whether one should pray over Chinese food, with Gunter questioning if that’s mostly a Southern thing or just… a thing.

That opens the door to a broader discussion about Christianity versus Catholicism, because of course it does. And no episode would be complete without Marshall circling back to a story about a contest to name his high school cafeteria.

It’s fast food, faith, and cafeteria lore—served hot and without restraint.

Marshall opens with an inappropriate joke—so you’re warned early. He then revisits a recurring theme: Gunter dying. This time, he debates whether it would be worse for her to die in surgery or linger in a coma. Gunter’s response? Laughter. She also gives Marshall a hard time for his apparent lack of concern, which he does not deny.

Things escalate when Marshall explains—at length—how you can die on a submarine, listing far more scenarios than anyone asked for. This somehow involves the CIA and turns into another round of history according to Marshall.

He reassures everyone that Gunter is not a fugitive by confirming her ambulance bill from the Czech Republic has been paid, touches on transferring money to Europe, and then detours into stories from their trip to Iowa. Naturally, the Olympics make an appearance too.

It’s dark humor, historical tangents, and unsettling logistics—classic Northern Aggression chaos.

Marshall comes in aggressive today, while Gunter is dealing with a shoulder injury—which naturally turns into a recap of the time she broke her toe. Things escalate quickly from there, including a completely normal discussion about stabbing people in the neck with pins and a shared hatred of paper straws.

They both agree on one thing: Marshall is definitely not demure. He proves it by delivering yet another unsolicited language lesson, because apparently that’s his calling.

The conversation wanders into how people mess with Google Maps by adding places that don’t exist, followed by Marshall complaining about the cost of soda during a recent trip to New York. Gunter counters with how Europe is less wasteful, which somehow leads into a brief history lesson.

Marshall wraps things up by talking about his favorite Swedish techno country group—because of course that’s a thing.

It’s injuries, irritation, and international commentary—Northern Aggression at full force.

Marshall gets distracted almost immediately after discovering confetti on the dining room chandelier, setting the tone for the chaos to come. He hands Gunter her Mac Magic Mouse, which somehow turns into a much bigger discussion than intended.

The actual goal of the episode is to determine the official luxury vehicle of the SEC—and more importantly, what the official non-luxury vehicle should be. But that plan quickly derails when Gunter learns that Bevo is a real, live longhorn that attends Texas football games. Suddenly, for someone who doesn’t care much about college football, Gunter is very into live cows and buffalo mascots. Marshall claims he now understands how Gunter chooses her teams—this is not the compliment he thinks it is.

Marshall’s story about the Texas vs. Texas A&M mascot rivalry gets completely overshadowed, so they circle back to SEC vehicles. Marshall campaigns hard for the Kia Soul as the official SEC car and nominates the Chrysler PT Cruiser as the ultimate ’90s beater. Baseball and hockey briefly wander into the conversation, because of course they do.

It’s mascots, motors, and misdirection—classic Northern Aggression chaos.

Marshall takes issue with RFK Jr.’s slogan “Make America Healthy Again.” His logic? That implies America was healthy at some point, which he strongly disputes. According to him, even the 1950s weren’t exactly the pinnacle of wellness.

That leads him to quiz Gunter on what kids drank in the ’80s. She nails it: Sunny D. Gunter calls it fake orange juice, Marshall calls it “orange juice fortified with sugar,” and both agree it was basically liquid candy.

From there, the conversation veers—as it always does. Marshall reminisces about the games he played in elementary school, which quickly spirals into more rants about kids, rules, and how things have changed.

It’s fake juice, flawed slogans, and a nostalgic trip to the playground—Northern Aggression style.

Marshall opens by admitting this episode might be a bad idea—which is never a reassuring start. He wants to talk about sexual preference, and along the way gets hung up on furries, because of course he does.

From there, Marshall and Gunter take aim at society’s obsession with “the first of everything”—first this, first that—and question why it matters so much. That somehow leads into a discussion on participation trophies, including a personal story from Gunter that proves the point.

They also take a nostalgic detour into Gateway computers (yes, the cow boxes) and even touch on Everest expeditions, because no topic is too far out of reach.

It’s questionable topics, cultural commentary, and a few throwbacks—another episode that probably was a bad idea.

Marshall and Gunter are at dinner again—because of course they are—and the people-watching does not disappoint. Marshall attempts to break down the dynamics of what he calls a “fake-looking mom,” while Gunter casually drops that she learned some disturbing information about penises. As one does.

They share a story about someone they know who OD’d on gummies, which somehow leads into Marshall ranting about celebrity plastic surgery and unrealistic beauty standards. Gunter points out that Marshall is basically impossible to watch TV or movies with, and honestly… that checks out.

The surrounding tables continue to provide content, including a woman who mentions being held back in first grade. Marshall forms a strong opinion—based not on that fact, but on everything else she says.

From there, we revisit Marshall’s infamous leaf collection, and he closes things out with a story about mispronouncing paninis in a way you won’t forget.

It’s dinner, judgment, and questionable vocabulary—classic Northern Aggression.