The Open Nesters

In this Episode 12 we meet Laura Campbell.

Laura helps us look at the spiritual essence of our years after 50 when we have the time and space to be still for a while, rather than always do. I (Tessa) was so delighted to do this interview. Laura is a Certified Life Coach, and is a transition and leadership strategist. Laura has an MBA from NYU and is a widely published writer having been published in such publications as The Huffington Post and Medium.

I watched and witnessed Laura’s journey for many years, observing her grow in her wisdom. I wanted to call this episode “growing our wisdom muscle.” And I am so excited for you to hear the incredible knowledge and wisdom from this very special lady.

The fastest thing way to get want you want is to let go of what you don’t.

We are always at the starting line: there actually is no finish line.

I have downsized homes more than once. I have gotten rid of 80% of the stuff that I’ve every known, which was incredibly liberating.

I want to shift the conversation on how we view the different stages of aging.

There have been many of life’s milestones in my life that all seemed to happen early in my life. Marriage, kids, divorce and a second long-term relationship – all well before I was 50 years old.

My “wisdom” come from my ability to understand my various life transitions.

I specialize in extraordinary communication, inspiring courage, resilience and the vision for what’s possible, and designing plans for empowered and intentional action.

Simple, simpler, simplest is my mantra; together we will turn complexity into opportunity.

I will never leave you asking “What am I supposed to do next?”

I believe in your higher purpose and unlimited potential, no obstacle will stop you from achieving your goals.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

There are two words that I believe hold women back more than any others; “sure” and “fine”.

In fact, I find these words cringeworthy.

They are cop outs, cover ups and almost always, total bullshit.  They are what women often say when they are not comfortable speaking their truth; when they are afraid to say what they really want.

The problem with using these words, is that they prevent you from doing and becoming what you truly desire and ultimately lead you to mediocrity in your life and career.  A few years back, I broke up with mediocrity, I had had enough.

Read Laura’s blog here: New & Next

These Two Words Have to Go

In this Episode 11 we meet Jahaira and Marvin who are swingers who really never stopped swinging, even when they became polyamorous. These are our good friends from way back when we were exploring all sides of our own relationships and sexuality. They have a full-fledged “quad open relationship.” And we hear about Jahaira’s “I want that” moment.

Jahaira came from a very formal background. Her parents were never allowed to be alone together. In fact Jahaira was born nine months to the day of her parents’ marriage. She comes from a Latino household, and had so many questions at a young age. For a moment she thought that she was gay… yet was also attracted to boys.

Marvin’s parents were from the Caribbean and had a strong work and life ethic. Sturdy, traditional, conservative are good words to describe his parenting and background. Together these two “did everything in the right way.” Yet they made the transition to “more their relationship”… namely non-monogamy.

Jaharia has always been such a curious person… which led her to one-night-stands. She knew she was taking risks and Marvin began to ask lots of questions. And Jahaira was always 100% honest, acknowledging that she was “pushing things.” Once in New York they had a lot of fun socially, in clubs, with others interested in swinging. And there, Jahaira found out that she enjoyed sex with women too. Lots of fun. Yet they shared with us that fact that swinging was really not that satisfying to them.

And it was at a party when Jahaira and Marvin met a woman who was accompanied by her husband… and boyfriend. Jahaira was impressed. To say the least. And she knew that this kind of relationship was what she wanted. Really wanted!!!

Marvin was able to understand and deal with jealousy. Yet that was challenged when Jahaira fell for another man. He became the “home person” while Jahaira had her “fantasy person.” And this caused them to have to learn how to bring the right love and energy to the home… beyond the fantasies.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

For anyone who has ever dreamed of love, sex, and companionship beyond the limits of traditional monogamy, this groundbreaking guide navigates the infinite possibilities that open relationships can offer. Experienced ethical sluts Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy dispel myths and cover all the skills necessary to maintain a successful and responsible polyamorous lifestyle–from self-reflection and honest communication to practicing safe sex and raising a family. Individuals and their partners will learn how to discuss and honor boundaries, resolve conflicts, and to define relationships on their own terms.

The Ethical Slut

In this Episode 10 we meet entrepreneur, creative and simply fascinating, Palle Bo. And we love his style… traveling vagabond!

We were so excited to meet one of our travel heroes, Palle. Such as delightful man. And we were struck by his openness and honesty. He is so free in expressing his path from his secure Denmark nest to travel the world… first selling his house, his stuff, donating everything else.

A self-confessed digital nomad, now living in Medellin, Columbia… living his digital travel advice. He is truly a radio vagabond who lives the life that he describes in his highly acclaimed The Radio Vagabond Travel Podcast. Originally from Denmark, he embarked out on the world in 2013. His clients did not even now he was gone thanks to the miracle of technology. Once he began to travel he just never stopped.

Twice divorced, with wonderful children out of the nest, Palle was free to move about the world.

Try out this fact in your brain… and come back and continue reading once you have thought it through: Palle has been to 91 countries and 42 U.S. States. Think that through. We’ll wait.

Palle told us the more empty his home the more apprehensive he become… moving out of his home and way out of his comfort zone.

Palle told us that he was truly not sure he was making the right decision to up and leave everything. But he said that he felt that he could always go back to the old life if he wanted. That helped him begin his journey with some degree of confidence.

At the beginning his travels were highly planned… but after three countries… poof… those carefully crafted itineraries flew out the window. We love to travel… both in the U.S. and internationally.  But our travels just pale in comparison with the depth of Palle’s explorations. He really inspired us to take our Open Nesters Podcast on the road and to the world.

We are sure you will enjoy this inspired interview with this remarkable and lovely man… Palle Bo.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

Palle Bo is an experienced public speaker and has given talks about radio, creativity, traveling, and podcasting in Canada, Czech Republic, Denmark, Finland, Germany, Great Britain, Greenland, India, Iran, Iraq, Norway, Russia, Slovakia, South Africa, Bahamas, The Nederlands, and the USA.

In 2018, he was teaching travel podcasting and TBEX Travel Media Conference in Europe and on The Nomad Cruise in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. And again at Traverse in Italy in 2019.

In 2020 he did a TEDx talk for TEDx Aarhus Salon event.

The Radio Vagabond

In this Episode 9 we meet Dr. Rosalyn Dischiavo.

Tessa: I met Dr. Roz when I was doing my masters degree Mindfulness Consciousness and was doing my thesis in sexuality. She has such a body of knowledge in a wide range of fields.

Dr. Roz discusses the concept of “a second awakening,” particularly after children have gone, noting that we have this urge to wake up, maybe a lot due to our biology… the “midlife crisis.*” Carl Jung identified the combination of a mortality crisis and an identify crisis in relation to the midlife crisis.” Dr. Roz brought up dark shadow and the golden shadow, concepts created by Jung. Essentially shadows are urges.

We discussed people’s Act III in detail paying particular attention to sexuality. Dr. Roz is interested in how this idea challenges peoples identity. For example monogamy could be a part of someone’s identity. Yet someone can find themselves challenged by the changes presented to them in Act III. And she questions if the possibility of polyamory challenges ones very self-concept or identity. She poses the question: “is faithfulness and monogamy the same thing.” And she makes the point that identity is fluid.

And then a real zinger “is sexual polyamory a behavior (action) or an orientation (an identity)?” Dr. Roz suggests that she believes that polyamory is simply a “capacity.” It does not have to be an identity.

*Elliott Jaques, a psychoanalyst, social scientist and management consultant coined the phrase ”midlife crisis.”

“As poly as I am I can only look at one pair of eyes at a time.”

Who gets you on your birthday?

What turns people on – The Erotic Equation … Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement*

Compersion: A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship.

*Jack Morin “The Erotic Mind”

Dr. Rosalyn Dischiavo is the Founder and Director of ISEE, and the author of “The Deep Yes: The Lost Art of True Receiving.” She is a professor, author, an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator (CSE) and Sex Educator Supervisor (CSES), and the current Chairperson of the Professional Education and Steering Committee on the AASECT Board of Directors (2018-2020). She has a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy and a Doctor of Education in Human Sexuality.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

At one time her career included a nightly women’s interest radio show on WTIC FM in Hartford. She also took part in a 3-year Tantra Teacher Training program with Dr. Rudolph Ballantine (Swami Ravi), author of “Radical Healing”, former president of the Himalayan Institute for Yoga Science and Philosophy.

Roz is also a poet who loves to walk the beaches of Cape Cod, where she lives with her calico cat, Abby.

Dr. Dischiavo’s book “The Deep Yes: The Lost Art of True Receiving,” is available on Amazon and Kindle.

The Deep Yes, The Lost Art of True Receiving

A counselor and nurse specialising in polyamorous singles, couples and groupings, Kathy Labriola has spent many years helping people to understand and manage their jealousy. This book is a compendium of the mental techniques and hands-on exercises she has developed. These accessible, simple techniques are designed to be easily implemented in the event of an intense jealousy crisis. Also included are tips and insights from the polyamory community s top educators, therapists and authors.

The Jealousy Workbook

In this Episode 8 we meet Thea and Curt. And we explore, among many other subjects, how they have been able to eroticize jealousy.

Co-parenting for Thea. The relationship with her co-parent got a lot better once they separated. The same for Curt. And now his kids are nearly fully grown. Complications. Growth. Exploration. Loving more than one partner. Open Nesting has been rich and wonderful for these to adventurers.

Amidst COVID these two open-minded adults found each other. And they found that polyamory could work for them both. Thea and Curt met in early March – just prior to COVID. And then quarantine. Phone calls. Video chats. “It was challenging, I didn’t know if we had physical chemistry,” noted Curt. “We had never kissed. Never touched skin. Not until summer. But I knew that I wanted Thea. This was the first time that I tried to pursue an additional partner. It sounded fun, but I didn’t know that I would be able to do it.”

And now Curt’s partners know of each other and know each other. “It’s been now without complications, but there has been more love in the household,” said Curt.

Thea’s kids are aware of her love and relationship circumstances. Explaining her relationships with her son. That led to them both seeking a new vocabulary to describe monogamy and non-monogamy and polyamory.

Curt has come out to his kids as polyamory in theory, but has never given them any real-life examples. And the pandemic has put much of that discussion on pause. He expects there will be some hesitancy down the line.

Thea and Curt share a fascinating thought that they are better as an Open Nesting couple than they would be as a traditional couple.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

At last a comprehensive, no-holds-barred guide for anyone who dreams of having all the sex and love and friendship they want. Here are the skills you need for successful – and ethical – sluthood, from scheduling dates to handling jealousy, finding partners to resolving conflict, raising children to caring for your health. If you’ve ever envisioned a universe beyond traditional lifetime monogamy, this is the book for you.

Thea read and enjoyed The Ethical Slut. An avid reader, she also recommends: Esther Perel: Mating in Captivity. Also Dan Savage: The Savage Lovecast. And Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan, Cacilda Jethá.

The Ethical Slut

Tessa interviews yoga teach and life coach Joy Okoye. Joy is in the middle of a huge life change. She is in “the void.” She is moving from mother to friend with her two teenagers. And she is asking questions of herself… “Who am I?”

Parenting has changed for her as the boys have grown. She expressed the significant benefit of “letting go” vs. directing the action. Not trying to “fix things,” rather to guide gently. Joy feels humbled by the collapse of a lot of her dreams. Such a sense of loss that she grieves for those lost wishes and hopes. By allowing herself to be present for herself… in this moment… she feels that she can avoid living someone else’s dreams and focus on being present and capturing what is right in front of her.

Joy was raised an Evangelical Christian in Kansas. She feels blessed by chaos as she washed way some of these beliefs from her early life. In fact she was on a path to become an Evangelist for Jesus Christ. Joy describes a moment on an airplane when her view of the world simply shifted… and she could let go and felt born again in the sense of being free. Free to dance, join drum circles, express herself in a new way. Since 2001 and her airplane moment Joy has been on a journey of living. From McDonald’s and Olive Garden to the delights of Pakistani food… she began to eat of the “smorgasboard of life.”

She describes “Finding the Yes, and Following the Yes.” The yes in her body, the reason for her to be. She had to make a choice, leaving the no’s behind her. Her life energy took over. And this led Joy to dance and a thing called JourneyDance.

Joy Lynn Okoye is 500 HR RYT Integral Yoga Teacher, with trainings in Restorative, Yin, Adaptive, and Trauma Sensitive Yoga. She is a JourneyDance™ Facilitator and on the JourneyDance Teaching Training Staff, a Certified Integrative Nutrition Holistic Health Coach specializing in Body Positive wellness and trained in Toni Bergins Embodied Transformations Method. She is the co-founder of Ecstatic Dance Princeton and Naked Feet Productions. Joy is committed to bringing diversity and inclusion to the Yoga and Transformational Movement world. Authenticity and vulnerability are just as important to her work as playfulness and humor— whether on the yoga mat, the dance floor, or in Joy’s private coaching practice. To reach out to Joy email: Joy Lynn Okoye

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

The Embodied Transformation Method is a 3-month one-on-one private program designed to help you uncover your gifts so you can express them more fully in the world. Because the truth is: in order to uncover our gifts, we must go through an emotional process to notice and let go of old feelings and create new possibilities for our lives.

Unlike other coaching programs, this isn’t just about “talking it out” – each session is designed to get you moving, being, doing and EXPERIENCING a new possibility for your life!

VISIT JOY LYNN OKOYE

Within an Embodied Transformation Session, participants can expect to:

• Experience authentic movement and soul-igniting practices that allow for self-inquiry and personal discovery

Tessa and Amir discuss gender roles and play. Enchantress Shane worked as a stripper working with men who were looking for opportunities to play. Now she provides counsel to both men and women through her creation, The Awkward Academy. She helps people leave behind the limitations that people have from what is imposed upon them during their childhood.

Shane says, “women were really left out of the play picture. There was nowhere for women to escape to except shopping and eating. Going through a transition to an Open Nest can be really exciting and really confronting.” When opening up a relationship to more than a one-on-one, people begin to ask “if I am not limited… what am I?”  The Enchantress Shane further observes that once the kids are gone and the nest is open, there are a host of questions. And there is no template or manual to follow… “not even a movie about it.”

Tessa, Amir, and Shane explore the concepts of a power exchange, power dynamics and kink. Shane takes us through means of letting go, relaxing the body, relaxing the mind, releasing tension. A key phrase that Shane encourages her clients to use is, “right now I feel.”

Have you considered the possibilities of “adult” conversations on a Zoom meeting? What does a threesome look like on video?

It is a fascinating conversation that you will not want to miss.

Enchantress Shane is a spiritual teacher, behaviorist, community leader, educator and guide for women and men who need support, coping skills and mindset shifts to life can be lived with more ease, empowerment and connection. She coaches women and men privately, in groups, at retreats, workshops and conferences. Shane knows that the masculine and feminine wounding that is part of this society’s programming, can be temporary and is passionate about supporting those that are willing to work with their shadows. She guides people to feel safe being seen in their intimacy, passions, and creativity. To reach out to Shane and her team email: SHANE KULMAN

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

Have you joined the Awkward Enchanted Coven  and the Relational Embodied Intimacy free groups on FB?

This is for you if:

VISIT GET SHIT DONE

This week the Open Nesters get into it with Erika Obando. Erika is a self-professed “open nester.” After Erika’s son came back from college she had the opportunity to build a relationship with her son as an adult. She moved from “mom” to “Erika.” Having never lived on her own, at age 43, Erika found herself in brand new territory… able to find herself for the first time. And thus came the concept of “dating Erika” or “dating myself.”

Everyone comes from a story… I know that all too well myself. But the key is what you do with the lessons within your story that ultimately defines who you are and who you are willing to become!

The traumatic events and challenges of my childhood could have been the perfect crutch and excuse to set my bar pretty low. From abuse, to violence to catastrophic life decisions that went wrong, my life had become riddled with failures. But the difference was made the day I decided to grow within those failures and accept the change I needed to make for myself. I chose to rewrite my script and change the narrative of my story and through my mentorship, I help guide you in rewriting yours.

You already have all the tools you need to create the better version of yourself. Sometimes… you just need a little help getting there. I am here to help!

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

Erika: “Without a Voice is my first book and an insight to my life’s journey. My story isn’t one that is easy to hear, read or understand. But I finally chose to open the doors to my past to help counsel you through the trenches of your struggles and to let you know that when you think you can’t possibly survive your pain or circumstance… I am absolute living proof that you can.

From broken child to empowered Woman, my mission and purpose is to help others through their journeys of finding peace, forgiveness and ultimate strength in the most difficult of experiences. Using the depth of my story, I share the tools of becoming Victorious at life instead of a Victim of it.”

Learn more about Erika Obando here.

This week the Open Nesters talk separate beds, lingerie on Saturday mornings, business briefs and meditation. They are each highly aware of their needs for time apart while cherishing special time together. It is an ongoing negotiation between the needs of them as a couple and each as an individual. Amir is goal oriented much of the time. Tessa has a degree in Mindfulness. Not exactly oil and water, but certainly territory that demands careful navigation at times.

Yep – just like it sounds. Date night with the 2021 twist of the absence of technology… on, you guessed it… Wednesdays.

In today’s world it has come to that. Tessa and Amir focusing their attention on each other, not the iPad, the radio show, the financial markets, outside friends. Rather the center their energy on enriching their life-long partnership. It is a night of play and enjoyment with just the two of them.

These weekly occasions are about reconnecting, reaffirming, reinforcing the bonds that have been in formation for more than 30 years.

A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship. Compersion can be thought of as a positive emotional reaction to a loved one’s other relationship. The term was coined by the Kerista Commune. [Source: Urban Dictionary]

The Open Nesters fully embrace this concept in a wide range of topics, from exploration of any kind, intellectual, physical, spiritual to the concept of open love and sexual relationships. Compersion is a concept that we will explore in many subsequent episodes of The Open Nesters Podcast.

Episode 4 from The Open Nesters Podcast is pivotal in the unfolding of Season 1. Upcoming are experts in all areas of life that will help you open up your life and space including:

Trevor Mulllineaux, LMFT – Becoming Our Authentic Selves

Trevor is both an LMFT and EFT Certified therapist and supervisor. Trevor applies the best researched couples model (EFT), to create healing and transformational experiences for her couples. Step and Blended Family are difficult to navigate! Trevor is an expert, she has co-authored her second book “Blending Families: Merging Households with Kids Ages 8-18”. Trevor works individuals as well to gain awareness of underlying emotions that inform negative patterns of behavior. Trevor Mullineaux Website

Ms. Mullineaux offers up a few case studies related to cross-dressing, polyamory and finding a safe space to share within a relationship. Her extensive family and relationship counseling work helps us understand the incredible importance of trust in a relationship, particularly when one or both partners have the strong desire for personal growth outside of the core partnership.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

People Didn’t Used to Ask for ‘Space’ in Their Relationships – The New York Times

Why Having Space in a Relationship Is Important – Make Me Better

Taking Space: How to Use Separation to Explore the Future of Your Relationship – by Robert Buchichio

Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships.

About Talking Space

Talking Space provides struggling couples and individuals with a step-by-step process for managing separations. This work presents a model, which allows people to view and use separations as a proactive way to get space, reduce conflict, and focus on self-growth.

Aviva & Hezie are a mature and intriguing Tel Aviv-based married couple of 36 years. As they became Open Nesters, Hezie retired from high tech and began dabbling in the arts and is now a museum consultant, while Aviva took up mountain biking in the hills of Jerusalem which turned into a commitment to her triathlete training.

Kristen & Liam live on the New England Coast. As they became Open Nesters they were in the midst of their journey to sobriety. Their spiritual practices, and Kristen’s work as a yoga and yoga dance teacher, brings them together to dance, drum, and have a renewed appreciation for life.

Julie & David live in Urban CT. She is a high school English teacher and has a career musician & professor for world music. As their sons left the nest, they began exploring new hobbies together to connect more deeply with one another.

From ballroom dancing to… a spiritual practice, yoga, drumming, climbing, these three couples enlighten us to the many possibilities that arise with an open nest. And what about challenges with sobriety and the damage excessive alcohol can do to a relationship? This episode of The Open Nesters Podcast explores what three couples face once their kids leave the nest. We learn what they do to keep their relationships together, their passions alive, and their minds and bodies healthy.

Tessa and Amir uncover a treasure trove of pursuits from their guests. Three different but equally viable paths to evolving as individuals and as couples. Tessa introduces the Six Love Languages in the podcast:

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

Relationship Advice and Good Counsel, from Esther Perel

Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships.

And if you love the stories of our three couples, you may very well enjoy: The Passionate Marriage

About Passionate Marriage

Passionate Marriage is recognized as the pioneering book on intimate human relationships. With a new preface by the author, this updated edition explores the ways we can keep passion alive and even reach the height of sexual and emotional fulfillment later in life. David Schnarch accompanies his inspirational message of attaining long-term happiness with proven techniques developed in worldwide workshops to help couples develop greater intimacy. Chapters provide the scaffolding for overcoming sexual and emotional roadblocks— from evaluating personal expectations to laying the groundwork for keeping the sparks alive years down the road, and everything in between. This book is sure to help couples overcome hurdles in their relationships and reach the fullest potential in their love lives.

Amir and Tessa describe their passions in this podcast. You can learn more about their passions here: Radio Passion