The Open Nesters

Welcome to this week’s podcast! We have a very special interview for you, with a “modern elder” named Pat Whitty. This remarkable septuagenerian (age 78) is the very picture of an Open Nester. Life changes, career changes, finding great meaning in his life in his Act IIl (or as Pat calls it ‘Chapter Four’) define this fascinating man.

Pat is an alumnus and community leader of an organization called M|E|A The Modern Elder Academy. This organization is in Baja, California and is positioned as a “mid-life business school.” People “connect with their wisdom” during two week visits to their campus. It’s about finding your path in your next chapter of life.

Pat Whitty calls himself a Modern Elder Whisperer. Through his own study of health, aging, and his own transition to a Modern Elder, Pat has a unique understanding of the emotional and psychological needs of elders.

Pat recently left his position as the Dean of the School of Business at a San Antonio university to pursue a new career as a Health and Life Transition Coach helping people in midlife and beyond write the next chapter of their life.

He has a Master’s Degree in Organizational Development from Incarnate Word University. He was manager of Leadership and Management Training at Chase Bank for 10 years.

Pat is the president of the Rotary Club of San Antonio at the Dominion.

More About Pat

Pat has been in this space for a long time. He owned the Dale Carnegie Training franchise in South Texas for most of his life. There they focused on personal development, communication skills, leadership, and management. Most recently he found himself to be the dean at a school of business in San Antonio, TX. He observed his life there. Private parking space, prestige, responsibility. Yet he was mostly just answering emails all day long where the dialogue was mostly about “CYA… covering your ass.” THIS was not how Pat wanted to spend the rest of his days. He made a decision to leave that big job… voluntarily… at age 78!! At this age that is most certainly a “bridge burned!”

Pat formed his company “Chapter Four Coaching.” The name comes from Pat’s mom’s advice:

Chapter One: “Get a Good Education”

Chapter Two: “Find a Real Good Job with a Real Good Company”

Chapter Three: “Retire and Live Happily Every After” 

For Pat it’s all about Chapter Four.

My old self stalks me

Like a jilted lover

Keeping me from the new person

I’m eager to discover

That person did not make me happy

Yet it is still pulling on me

The security of misery

Is keeping me from being free

Am I Vladimir or Estragon

Waiting for Godot

Wasting my life away

In search of someone I don’t know

I’m hearing the call

Ready for the adventure

Can’t cross the threshold

Until I find a mentor

Why am I afraid of uncertainty

Seduced by the illusion of knowing

It’s all in the past

Keeping me from growing

The whales in the ocean

Come up for air

Their water spouts telling me

They know it will be there

What should I do

As I hang in mid-air

Let go. Let go

Trust that it will be there

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

Resources from Pat Whitty

Pat’s Private Facebook Group

Modern Elder Academy

Welcome to this week’s podcast! This is Tessa. Amir and I have a big idea to share with you… in a word hashtag open (#open). Our guests are two people living in an open relationship… who are behind this incredible new service, software, app. David Epstein and Amanda Wilson are the co-founders of this community. From the website:

David and Amanda consider themselves “open together.” They have been in an open partnership for seven years after David’s divorce. They make decisions together with their eyes at all times on honesty and transparency. They work hard together to satisfy their needs as individuals, and as a couple. Amanda and David are deeply in love, so lovely to see.

I particularly love a phrase that they both used in our interview… a “win-win-plus.” These two inspiring people are looking to make better the lives of so many who are seeking ethical non-monogamy.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

Welcome to this week’s podcast! This is Tessa. I have for you today two separate interviews with two divorced people, who do not even know each other. Meet Ava and Dan (pseudonym). We blended these two talks together e voilá, a little bit of post-marriage magic. We get right to the point on divorce, dating, and dreams on Episode 30 of The Open Nesters Podcast.

Ava is now a life coach for mid-life women that you can learn more about at: Ava Diamond Performance & Wellness Coaching. She has many strategies that she employs with her clients. She discusses shame, guilt, and resentment in some detail, conditions that she deal with in her coaching practice.

Ava’s ability to “love fully” in the past has almost done her a disservice. Her giving nature lead to great heartbreak. Now she calls her “baggage” only the size of a fanny pack… a big step forward. But that has come full circle. She was cautious about love for a while, but now feels ready to fully express her love again.

“OPENNESS IS MET WITH OPENNESS”

One point of interest in my conversation with Dan was his comments and the “civility” of dating in the modern age and yet the primal urges that still drive us. Tieing someone up… for instance. This is not an uncommon fantasy for some of the women that Dan has dated since his divorce.

Dan’s advice for divorced singles: Don’t lay it all out on the first date. No baggage on the first two dates. Share some realities about you on the third date. And remember that some things about you are simply private and should be held back… at least for a while.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

What a fascinating conversation!!

It is not often that I [Tessa] am able to meet with such a forthright person. Gloria tells it like it is. She “owns” her many identities, the selves that come together to make up her as a full person. And she helps us understand how we are all an amalgamation of selves, defining the concept of intersectionality along the way.

Gloria has also done a lot of work in the area of “shame” and “sexual shame.” She has had a lot of difficult challenges in her life that turned out to be sources of shame for her as she grew up. She has spent a lifetime dealing with her own shame, and is now helping others deal with their own personal demons.

Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti is a poet, public speaker, panelist, singer, photographer, performance artist and long-time artist’s model, as well as a former fundamentalist Christian and cult member. She is also a breast cancer survivor. In fact, it was the cancer diagnosis in 2013 that helped her realize how short life is; this served as the catalyst that caused her to come out as sex-positive, bisexual and polyamorous.

Gloria has presented at various conferences in the US and Canada, including Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit (Arlington, VA), Poly Living (Loving More) Conference (Philadelphia, PA), Rocky Mountain Poly Living (Loving More) Conference (Denver, CO), and Polytopia (Portland, OR). She lives in Seattle, WA. You can find Gloria on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

I [Tessa] had a delightful chat with Wendy Perrotti and Dana Hilmer about the reinventions of their lives, parenting as their children leave the nest, and life in Act III of their lives. And I am so pleased to share this illuminating conversation with you on The Open Nesters Podcast. I am sure you will appreciate what these two smart women are doing for so many though their programs at their new company, Camp Reinvention.

You will hear about the work they are doing with clients in this podcast. And there is quiz you can take to get started on your own path of reinvention. For women over 50 I highly recommend that you explore the many programs Wendy and Dana have built. As always I would love your feedback. Send me a note here: TESSA

Wendy Perrotti is a Certified Professional Coach, speaker and leadership trainer with over 25 years of experience in helping individuals and groups nationwide to affect change in themselves and others. Wendy believes anything is possible when you know what you want and “you’re all in” and she navigated her own successful reinvention when she realized her vision of success had nothing to do with the company she spent years building. Wendy is a sought-after speaker and the author of the forthcoming book, Reclaiming Muchness. To receive big doses of actionable inspiration, sign up for her Lessons Learned newsletter at WendyPerrotti.com or check out her podcast, A Glimpse Inside: Moving People from Stuck to Happy.

Dana Hilmer is a certified coach, positive psychology consultant, speaker and trainer and is passionate about helping women live courageously so they can build their dream and love their life. Dana is no stranger to reinvention herself as mid-life is when she finally listened to her heart and stopped “shoulding all over herself” to do the work that she loves today. Dana has been featured on hundreds of radio and television shows across the country and she speaks on topics related to mastering your mindset, optimal living, the habits of success and creating the life and work you love. Dana lives in Madison, CT with her husband and their three teenage boys. To receive free tips and videos to help you create the life and work you love, go to DanaHilmer.com.

At Camp Reinvention™ we’re on a mission to give every woman over 50 the community, tools, and skills she needs to create what she longs for, love what she has, and own who she is.

We are not our mother’s generation.

There are more women over 50 on the planet than any other time in history.  Research has shown that our ambition doesn’t even peak until we hit 65. Yet many of us continue to measure ourselves (or allow others to measure us) by the old rules.

We’re here to re-write the rules and embrace a new set of fundamental beliefs.  It’s never too late to pursue a dream. Your past does not dictate your future.  We have barely begun to tap into the wisdom and power of our gender and our age.

We’ve got you covered.  At Camp Reinvention, we know that leaning into power and wisdom requires ongoing learning, a curious mind and a posse of friends and colleagues who have each other’s backs – who are committed to raising one another up.

We are just getting started.  Join us! Together we’ll create More joy. Meaningful work. Deep connection. And peace of mind. Together we’ll create a better world.

Welcome to Camp!

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

I [Tessa] reached Maggie in Malaga City in Spain. She is there to set up a co-living business. Originally from London, Maggie was able to leave during a “break in the pandemic” in December of 2020. She sold her car and possessions and jumped on this big adventure in Spain. Now more than half a year later she is well underway in building her dream.

But what is this co-living thing? Maggie originally was simply interested in real estate and while she was pursuing various opportunities in that area she came across this idea of co-living and began Cosy Quarters. She had just called it a day on a relationship. And at 54 she decided that her “prince charming wasn’t coming.” It was “now or never” for the start of Maggie’s dream.

Cosy Quarters matches you with people in your local area. Use a secure platform to interact with matches, Cosy Quarters arranges online face-to-face meetups. Her customers find the perfect 40+plus house share.

Maggie helps people find the perfect property for their co-living home, as an additional service. She only select those that fit this vision for an enhanced lifestyle. You can explore here: Cosy Quarters.

Cosy Quarters was founded in 2020 by Margaret Byrne, whose values of community have been shaped for many years. When Margaret became a single mother thirty years ago, she formed friendships with mothers who eventually became an extended family to Margaret and her son.

Christmas, birthdays and holidays were shared together, good times and bad times. Margaret’s son grew up with cousins, aunts and uncles from around the world – Irish, Caribbean, South African, Greek Cypriot and mixed race Jamaican/Scottish. They had a rich sense of belonging.

This strong feeling of family and connection has driven Margaret to help others find a place where they belong. After her son left home, coliving became Margaret’s passion, as she wanted to find an alternative solution to living alone. She prefers to colive with like-minded people and she understands the importance of finding the right match for long-term coliving as well as the right property.

Margaret has spent most of her career working as a teacher for children with special educational needs, specialising in autism. She has lived in Italy and Spain and loves travelling, walking, art and good conversation. She also loves dogs and spending time in nature.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

If you are looking for open relationship counsel, advice, help… you have come to the right place. We have an expert in the field in our guest this week, Sumati Sparks. Sumati is an Open Relationship Coach and has a lot to say on the topic. In our interview Sumati brings out a lot of specific stories from her coaching work. And… they are absolutely fascinating.

Sumati has a kindness about her. She is not threatening, rather she bring a great deal of love and caring to her clients. She explains how she helped many 50-something men who found themselves in a marriage without sex. She became really good at helping these men have a frank and honest conversation with their wives.

We are sure that you will get a lot out of this episode. So much so that you will want to listen to Sumati’s radio show here: Leading Edge Love Radio

Sumati Sparks’ first name was given to her by the great living saint, Amma (Mata Amritananda Mayi). Sumati means pure essence. She is a relationship coach with a life PhD!

She has a regular meditation practice and a deep spiritual orientation to life and relationships. Yet she highly values a life of love, ease and joy. She has an easy laugh, a compassionate heart and a sharp mind.

Sumati is a trained Zegg Forum Facilitator and part of the Network for a New Culture, has studied Non-Violent Communication (or NVC) with Marshall Rosenberg, has been practicing 12-step work in the areas of relationship and addiction since 1985, is a trained PSYCH-K Facilitator (a process used to remove limiting beliefs), has a Yoga & Meditation teacher certification through the Sivananda school, and has studied sacred sexuality with Evalena Rose, Baba Dez and other prominent teachers.

Since 2000, she has been coaching people in the areas of relationship and sexuality and now specializes in helping people create successful open relationships.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

Tessa: I was a guest on Bianca’s radio show (Let’s Talk Mom) many years ago. I remember how much fun it was and how professional and well-run Bianca’s company was. Just all around impressive.

Now I have the chance with Amir to revisit this wonderful lady. To catch up. What a wonderful and rare opportunity to reconnect.

And how things have evolved in her life since then. Bianca’s husband of 21 years was diagnosed with prostate cancer five years go. This, of course, disrupted everything. Life went upside down.

It’s Cancer. Now what? This entire journey was captured on their podcast that you can listen to here:  Let’s Talk Mom

Bianca is a 3-time award-winning television journalist who has also been honored with 8 additional independent awards including a Citation of Excellence from the Connecticut State Senate, the Women’s Leadership Award, and the prestigious Katie Award for the best Television Spot News Story in the State of Texas. She’s also been honored with the Award of Excellence in Journalism.  Both are presented by the Press Club of Dallas, which received more than 1900 entries for its 110 categories of competition; she also received the second place award for Best Spot News Story, Division III, from the Texas Associated Press Broadcaster organization.

Bianca, a passionate documentarian and photojournalist, lives in the metropolitan New York City area with her husband, children and their pets. When asked what her greatest assets are she says, “Unconditional loving; compassion; loyalty; communication; and multitasking.” Bianca loves family time, animals, production and editing, photography and travel, and is currently working on two books.

Full Bio

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

We are so pleased to share this interview with therapist, Trevor (Mullineaux) Crow. She sheds a lot of light on us as Open Nesters. That was a lot of fun. She practices what is called Emotionally Focused Therapy (by Sue Johnson). This uses a concept called “attachment theory.” This put the focus on the family of origin. The ideas is that you develop your attachment style from age 0-3. The responsiveness of the caregiver, the environment and your personality type. She defines four attachment styles in our interview:

Secure

Anxious (fighters)

Avoidant (dismissive)

Chaotic (come to me go away)

Below there is a link to the quiz to help you answer the question – are YOU securely attached?

Trevor Crow is a Certified Executive Coach, Author, Talk Show Host, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT), and ICEEFT Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist (EFT) and Supervisor.

Trevor’s unique expertise of relationship expert and executive coach positions her to advise family business, executives and companies on solutions for leadership and team building with an eye toward creating more diversity at the senior level.

Trevor believes that our well-being is profoundly affected by the quality of our relationships. Her aphorism “We Help” is supported by her testament, “When our connections with those surrounding us are safe and inclusive, we thrive.” In her 2013 book published by New Horizon Press, Forging Healthy Connections: How Relationships Fight Illness, Aging and Depression, co-authored with Maryann Karinch, Trevor’s theory is proven by science: the healthier our relationships are, the healthier we are physically, living longer and more productively.

Her diverse educational background includes Wellesely College where she received a BA, which then led to a BS from Parson’s School of Design, and then on to Harvard Business School where she earned an MBA.  Trevor earned a Master’s degree from Fairfield University in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT), where she serves on the board for the Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s Program. Following her completion from the MFT program at Fairfield, Trevor opened her private practice and earned her licensure. Trevor has recently become a Certified Executive Coach through the Center for Executive Coaching.

Trevor has appeared as a guest speaker on “The Kerri Lee Mayland Show”,  “Anderson Cooper”,  and “The Bill Cunningham Show”. She has her own talk radio show on revolutionizing relationships and hosts a YouTube Channel series titled “Keeping Connected with Trevor Crow”. Trevor has interviewed numerous modern day intellectuals, scientists, notable psychologists, and authors in the field of relationships.

She currently resides in Connecticut.  In her down time Trevor enjoys yoga, lots of hugs from her loved ones, trips to the beach, and winter sports.

Take this quiz to determine your attachment style. Knowing your attachment style is the first step to creating more meaningful connections, feeling valued and developing more harmony in all of your relationships!

You may not be aware of what you had to repress and hide as a child in order to feel safe and have your needs met, but your body doesn’t forget.

Your symptoms are a gift because they show you your blind spots – something you typically aren’t consciously aware of that needs to be addressed.

Your true feelings and needs are now expressing themselves to you through your body and patterns.

Each symptom has a message supporting your expression and fulfillment. There is a clear path for your truest and greatest self!

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

We made new friends immediately when we interviewed this unique loving pair. These two have been married for seven years. They met on Facebook… as sort of a lark… on Elicia’s birthday. She knew what she wanted for her birthday… and it turned out to be Doug. Both coming from a very grounded spirituality, they immediately hit it off. When they actually met in person they found how much they had in common. Doug had two teenage children at the time who were able to embrace Elicia as an important part of their lives… as a “second mom.”

In Doug’s words: Elicia is a self-healing warrior.

Elicia started as a health coach, then became a journaling facilitator. And then she sold everything she owned and moved to Thailand. She developed healing directories helping people find the resources they needed. When she returned to the U.S. she moved to San Francisco. Then back to Atlanta. Elicia then met Doug. Elicia hosted retreats in Costa Rica and Doug became a part of her business. A clinical psychologist, Doug was a perfect match for Elicia’s work.

If you’ve already tried diets, supplements, and holistic therapies for your ongoing physical and emotional issues with no success, don’t give up just yet!

Treatments can only take you so far. Your physical ailments, unhealthy behaviors, and relationship patterns won’t go away because you are still stuck in your emotional pain from childhood.

CORE EMOTIONAL HEALING

You may not be aware of what you had to repress and hide as a child in order to feel safe and have your needs met, but your body doesn’t forget.

Your symptoms are a gift because they show you your blind spots – something you typically aren’t consciously aware of that needs to be addressed.

Your true feelings and needs are now expressing themselves to you through your body and patterns.

Each symptom has a message supporting your expression and fulfillment. There is a clear path for your truest and greatest self!

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group