The Open Nesters

[Tessa] Get ready for a deep conversation about the intimate. We are so fortunate to have Isha Vela with us this week. We cover some complicated ground in our chat. Cards on the table, I turned to Isha at one point when my life got pretty complicated. I can say from personal experience how intuitive she is when it comes to our bodies and how we handle personal intimacy and relating to others.

As complicated as these conversations can get, Isha has a way of just making sense of a hard-to-talk-about topic. I am sure you will get a lot out of this one… and you’ll likely listen to it twice as there is so much good information here. It’s positively… somatic! 😝

We see this in our dysfunctional relationship patterns, in the ways we subtly use power to control, and the ways we neglect to truly be affected by one another. Internally, you attack yourself with judgment and criticism, gaslight your emotional experiences, and don’t say what needs to be said out of fear of being wrong or humiliated.

Or you talk yourself out of what you truly want because deep down you feel like you can’t have it (or don’t deserve it). You distract yourself with whatever’s going to help you avoid the fear of TRULY harnessing your firepower. You may give freely to others but hold back your heart for yourself, ultimately keeping yourself from receiving what you want most: to be witnessed, heard, and loved.

In full ownership of your playful (and fierce) sexual energy;

Capable of expressing your vulnerability and truth;

Embracing your Shadow as part of your authentic expression;

Setting impeccable boundaries and unapologetically protecting your energy;

Connected to the pleasure that’s readily available to you in every moment;

Enjoying cleaner communication and deeper intimacy with the people you care about;

Holding more expansive space for difficult emotions and conversations;

Able to meet life’s challenges with more trust and courage;

Following the flow of intuition to create what you desire;

Using your voice and passion for the issues that matter most to you;

Fully anchored and dropped into the Divine within you.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

[Tessa] You have never met a man like Cort. This… I know. You may have heard Navy Seals, or outdoorsmen, or adventurers speak on The Joe Rogan Podcast. You may have seen “black ops” Hollywood movies. You may even have a brother, dad, uncle with dramatic and exciting stories from the military. But I’ll say it again… you have never… met a man like Cort!

Amir and I traveled to Portland, Maine to do this interview. It was the kind of talk that needed to happen in person. We had met Cort in the swinging scene years ago. And we kept in touch. And we explored Cort’s life in a wide-ranging three+ hour interview. For your ears… we distilled it down to under an hour… which is good… right? Well, we may do more with the material. We may just do another interview with Cort… his stories, his life, his lust for life are simply that cool, compelling… and incredibly sexy!

OK, simmering down… ahem. This is Tessa from The Open Nesters Podcast… and I am so very pleased to share with you a man named… Cort Geraipy.

[Cort] And for me, you know, here I am. I’m sending my oldest daughter solo, right? She’s not hiking with a group. She doesn’t have a buddy. She doesn’t have a partner. She is heading off, just her and her backpack. And having never spent a day in her life backpacking before. And she’s got a hundred miles of wilderness ahead of her.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

[Tessa] Twists and Turns. Side to Side. Front to Back. The path that Sabrina and Seth have been on is somewhat mind-boggling. They each divorced. They each have children. They each embrace open relationships. They are married and they live a thousand miles apart. Think that through for a second… then you might think any working relationship would simply be impossible under these circumstances. Then listen to Sabrina and Seth peel back the layers of their remarkable relationship.

[Tessa] Seth shared his headlines about expectations, general principles, that people can think about related to a functional relationship.

Understanding our own expectations helps us define the criteria of what we seek in a relationship. They are not judgments of someone else’s capacity in a given area; they are simply what works best for us. 

[Seth] On the Nature of Relationships: What is it that’s real here? That’s truly important. And what is it that we’re kind of arbitrarily putting into things? The expectations that we put in there because we see other people do it. We saw our parents do it, and therefore that’s the way relationships are supposed to be. So we throw in these rules and then get disappointed and resentful when other people don’t meet them without really understanding what the rules we’re actually are to begin with.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

[Tessa] We start off Season Two with a bang. This one is about a couple who are, in truth, redefining what it means to age. Dr. Bill Thomas and his partner Jude Thomas have been at it for a long time and in a very big and meaningful way. These two don’t trifle… they do on the grand scale. So grab a mug of green tea, get in your favorite chair and listen to our interview with Bill and Jude Thomas.

Dr. Bill Thomas is an author, entrepreneur, musician, teacher, farmer and physician whose wide-ranging work explores the terrain of human aging. Best known for his health care system innovations, he is the founder of a global non-profit (The Eden Alternative) which works to improve the care provided to older people. He is the creator of The Green House® which Provider Magazine has called the “pinnacle of culture change.” Dr. Thomas also developed the Senior ER model of care and is now working to transform the acute care services provided to elders.

Jude Meyers Thomas (Born September 23, 1959) is an American advocate and educator whose work has centered on improving the well-being of older people with a focus on promoting inclusion for people of all abilities. She is the co-founder of multiple long-term care reform efforts including, The Eden Alternative, The Green House Project, The Pioneer Network, and Minka Homes and Communities.

She married Dr. Bill Thomas in 1993 and their first child was born in 1994. Soon after her birth, Haleigh Jane Thomas was diagnosed with a rare neurological condition known as Ohtahara Syndrome. A second daughter, Hannah O’Hara Thomas, was born with the same condition in 1997. Hannah died of complications related to the syndrome in 2015. A healthy third child, Caleb James Thomas, was born in 1999. Her work caring for her daughters had a significant impact on her outlook and advocacy for people living with differing abilities.

[Jude Thomas] We have such an amazing group of friends of all ages. My son, Caleb, our youngest, 22 years old, his friends love coming and hanging out with us as much as my friends who are in their eighties and nineties. I didn’t have that when I was in my thirties. All of my friends were just about the same as me. You just thought you had to hang out with people your own age. I love that it has opened a door for me to be friends engaged with people of all ages and all abilities. I’m really proud of that.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

Can you sense it? Can you hear it? Can you feel it?

It’s Coming… Get Ready for a Host of New Experiences.

In our first season, we learned so much from a multitude of smart and forward-thinking people. Over the course of our first podcast year, we zigged and zagged and explored a wide range of lifestyles, hobbies, new ventures, and relationship opportunities. We were blessed by so much positive energy coming our way from many different directions. Along the way, our definition of Open Nesting also zigged and zagged. It evolved. Open Nesting took on new meanings. As much as we taught and educated, we learned.

Season Two

This all brings us to now. Armed with new knowledge and fortified with new energy, we face the future and our season two with open minds and open hearts. Season two is coming on January 5, 2022. And with it so many new doors will be opened for us and for you, dear listener.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

[Amir] Sixty years old is a big deal. Our Tessa is hitting that mark although you would never know that when you see her. She is truly in her prime. I am forever in awe of her ability to take on life fully each day. So it is with great pleasure that I present this interview with Tess on The Open Nesters Podcast.

An Excerpt from the Interview

“Well, three things stand out in our lives and I think it’s all of our lives. And I think that we have more opportunities as we are older to explore that and to continue to have courage, not to let things kind of overwhelm you, to be able to try new things. So…curiosity, which I’ve talked about that a lot here;  becoming curious about what interests you or what you can still learn and open up to as an Open Nester. And compassion. Because when we come from self-compassion, then we can be compassionate with others, and that helps us align with them. And that just makes our lives richer.”

Tessa says that “being fully present as she becomes an elder is the gratitude.” She is grateful for every moment. The love that she can give to those around her is another expression of gratitude.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

[Tessa] I have followed the work of Pamela Madsen for years. She is one of my heroes. What a pleasure to speak with such an open and honest woman who has helped so many thousands of men, women, couples get in touch with their own sexuality.

An Excerpt from the Interview

[So a woman says] “I’m 40 or 50. And I think I still have so much more erotic energy in my body, and I wanna explore that. And, you’ve got the program for that and I’m in.”

We have those women, and then we have the women who are dealing with the ‘adolescence of midlife.’ The body, the body changes. And they’ve been fed the story that menopause is a time of ending. When I always say menoplay… hit that play button.

Menosexual, menoplay, menogorgeous. If women are given the chance to really explore their body in midlife, they may remember themselves as 22 and having an orgasm and then saying, ‘Ooh, I’m too sensitive. Don’t touch me there anymore,’ to a midlife woman who is probably encouraged and shown, and has epicurean therapists working with her, who may find out that she can have 16 orgasms.

You can learn about the many many resources that Pamela offers on her website.

Maybe it’s a congenital disorder. Maybe it’s something I learned as an itty-bitty baby. But when I find something wonderful or liberating or even mildly helpful, I can’t keep my mouth shut. Even my mother, the original unfiltered talker, marvels at my compulsion to spill the beans whenever I’m on a mission.

Once I owned up to my deepest, untapped desires, I discovered a wellspring of happiness and self-confidence inside me that extended to every part of my life. Whoa! I thought. This is incredible! Everyone should know they have the power to experience life in all its richness right now, just as they are. No diets, no plastic surgery, no nothing. Just intact, healthy sexuality.

If I can stop warring with my weight and workaholism, I think most people can. I know that when I stopped denying my hearty and normal sexual appetites, I started losing my uncontrollable urges to overeat, overwork and over-compensate. For the first time, I could relax in my own skin.

Admitting your desires takes a tanker-load of courage, and a rip-stop web of support. That’s what I’m here to provide. That’s my mission. That’s why I wrote SHAMELESS.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

[Tessa] I met Jonathan Pillot on… wait for it… a dating site. Yes, there is a story there that I may share with you at another time. He has a supremely artistic nature. Film, images, ideas, words. And he is a person with a cause. Jonathan’s current mission is to implode outdated paradigms around the most paradoxical and charged global issue of our time: The Duality of Language. Words. Labels. This is his primary raisons d’être.

Jonathan, Amir, and I participated in a talk in Greenwich Village in October that centered on polyamory. It was an intimate talk, filled with highly interested New Yorkers. What fun! Amir and I got to know Jonathan through that event and subsequent chats. Which led us to the podcast interview that you are about to hear.

Every single one of us, at various times in our lives, has either been labeled or has labeled others through language and messaging, assumptions and generalizations. At UnLabelMe, we seek to destigmatize, unshame, and create pathways for a paradigm shift in consciousness around language. We believe that language, words and labels and how we use them contribute both positively and negatively to our lived experiences and how we create the future.

UnLabelMe is a social impact media company that is igniting a youth-inspired, intergenerational movement to implode outdated paradigms around the most paradoxical and charged global issue of our time: The Duality of Language. Words. Labels.

We are creating a platform for (truthful, respectful, authentic) self-expression. We use storytelling in all forms (words, pictures, music, film/video, live events) to create perspective, which enhances empathy, compassion and human connection in all of us, which has never been more needed by all of us. Entertainment, media + pop culture become our pathways to entertain + elevate. As we believe in the notion that “being social is as important as social media,” our live gatherings are as important as our online presence. We meet people where they are – in their truths + issues, on their platforms, in their homes, cities, towns, villages.

We hope you will come join us.

“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

tumm·ler – noun

1. a male entertainer, as formerly employed by resorts in the Catskill Mountains, who combined the duties of a comedian, activities director, and master of ceremonies to keep the guests amused throughout the day. 

2. any lively, prankish, or mischievous man. 

3. someone who makes things happen.

Origin:  1930–35; Yiddish tumler – one who makes a racket.

Jonathan Pillot is more than a tummler; he is The Tummler.  And while Jonathan is a “Connector” in that Gladwellian way, and his connecting and linking and matchmaking is a piece of what Jonathan DOES, it does not fully get to the essence of what makes him The Tummler.  As much as what he may do, it’s more about who he IS at his core, who he has always been.  At a time when technology has often created more disconnection from our “tribes”, when the extended family has deteriorated, and as a society, we have often become fragmented into broken, little pieces, JP is all about creating family, making and connecting community wherever he goes – person-to-person, nabe-by-nabe, hood-by-hood – doing whatever he can to glue together as many as possible. Anyone who enters his world for even 5 minutes gets it.

Labeling and Unlabeling. You can reach Jonathan on his website.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

The comfort that can come from a mantra. In two minutes we can transform our lives. Tami and I spoke a lot about what is simple and yet powerful. This incredible lady raised two remarkable children, a son, and a daughter. Each shares gifts that they learned from their parents. Each is quite spiritual.

I think the most notable part of Tami is how she has dealt with loss in her life. Her partner died “almost instantly.” And it was devastating. She was not herself for more than a year. And she turned to the “I am OK” mantra. She learned that she was not alone, would never be alone because she was there for herself.

Tami has also composed and sang some beautiful music. In the episode, we hear her original song, “A Man Walks the Earth.” It is about the loss of her partner.

She has written a book called “Dancing with Life.” And she has written a play called “Elohima.” It was the art that Tami created that helped her move on with her life.

Visit this page to learn about Tami’s work. THE SPIRAL OF CREATION. In her work with clients she focuses our energy on what we have, not what we lack. Tami encourages us to live with passion. She says passion is the fuel for our lives. And we need to question our negative thoughts. Ask the question “is it true?” when a negative thought comes to you. This breaks the momentum of that negative thought. She came to realize that every negative thought is a lie.  Negative thoughts are about the past and the future… but we live in the present.

You can reach Tami on her website.

Listen to the full versions on Tami’s website or on Spotify.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group

Heather Hundhausen, a mind/body/spirit healer and facilitator, works with heart centered individuals who are ready to release their physical and emotional pain and reconnect their minds with their bodies so they can start living a life of passion and purpose. She assists people in making decisions in their lives by following their heart, mind, intuition and soul, from a place of being whole and in integrity. With over fifteen years as a licensed massage therapist, Heather understands the connection between how someone’s emotions can show up as physical pain.

Using a variety of massage techniques, including neuromuscular therapy and structural realignment, she now does her groundbreaking work by helping her clients to reach back through the pain and remember who they are to create wholeness and fullness. During her years practicing traditional massage therapy, and while an intern working on her Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling, she realized that people responded strongly when addressing their feelings and not just their thoughts. Working with this knowledge, she began to create an experiential environment for her clients, having them focus less on what they were thinking and more on what they were feeling. She discovered that when people began to release their emotions, they also released their physical pain. Heather is now passionate about helping people do just this so they hear their inner voice and then act upon their intuition so they create a new physical, mental and emotional life for themselves. Heather’s authenticity, integrity, honor, commitment to her clients, and ability to create trust ensures that client’s have a safe space to experience the exploration and release of their pain.

Heather’s clients say she is skilled at spiritual and emotional healing and is a great partner to have on the journey to contentment. As one particular client stated, “She opened my heart so the grief could emerge and then joy was able to fill that space.” Heather is a popular speaker and workshop leader and facilitator, with one of her most popular workshops, “Connect on Purpose: Interpreting Your Body’s Signals for Greater Wisdom and Empowerment” helping guide people to live their purpose, which Heather describes as “being able to take your talents and gifts and put them into action.” She is currently authoring a book and developing additional workshops, including a meditation group. A licensed massage therapist, specializing in Thai Massage, Neuromuscular Therapy and Myo-skeletal Alignment Technique, she has a Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling, is certified in Redirecting Children’s Behavior as a facilitator and coach.

Heather Hundhausen found that her role as a dominatrix was transformative for her life. I [Tessa] met Heather somewhat recently in Florida and was so impressed by her high energy and vibration from the start. Her story of relationships, child-rearing, personal development, dating, and of course work with her coaching clients is mesmerizing.

We spent a considerable amount of time discussing how she learned to be a dominatrix, how she works with clients, and what role this plays in her life-coaching practice. Truly – this is an episode not to be missed. Healing with the Dominatrix.

Heather creates peaceful environments for powerful, world-changing, female leaders who are overwhelmed and stressed and looking to create peace, abundance, freedom and joy by using transformational life coaching and experiential body-mind therapies.

Here’s Heather’s proven ultimate work life balance formula she uses for her own life, her loved ones, and her transformational life coaching clients successfully.

Click here to see Heather’s bodywork options that are right for you.

We want to provide you with support and many many resources for your own Open Nesting Journey. Our resource page has so much to offer as does our private discussion group on Facebook about queerness and other topics of interest:

Open Nesters Resource Page

The Open Nesters Private Facebook Group