A top-to-bottom reassessment of 1986 classic Pretty In Pink with Duckie himself, Jon Cryer. Which team was Duckie playing for? Was Duckie a stalker? Why did Molly Ringwald end up with Blane, "a major appliance" when he was obviously such a dud? Why were co-stars Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy so lame on set to the Duck-ster? Plus, a ten-year retrospective on the testosterone (or was it oxy?) meltdown of Cryer's Two And A Half Men costar Charlie Sheen, peddler of disembodies vagina pics, and possibly the 47th POTUS. PLUS: Trump v Sheen tale of the tape, No, Jon's not Matthew Broderick, not-really getting his cherry popped by Demi Moore, and all the HUGE similarities Cryer has with Pete Davidson. AND—an unfortunate Goldman/Cryer duet en español.