A dog goes away, and comes back, and goes away, and comes back. Also, he punches two children in the face.

Children ride escalators, and a girl doesn't know how eggs work. Also, a bird has a swingin' bachelor pad.

A bird and a dog try to find a stolen nest. Also, a dirty child is lonely.

A bird and a dog try to find a stolen nest. Also, a dirty child is lonely.

An awful child invites herself over to her weak-willed friends' house, and is upset that she is force-fed starch. Also, a dog and a chair fight to the death.

Children are bad at school, interpersonal relationships, art appreciation, and personal pronouns. Also, a dog gets his foot stuck in a shopping cart.

A boy runs for student body president. A girl can't open her locker. Also, a dog wears sunglasses, and prepares himself a well-balanced breakfast (though not at the same time).

A terrible girl loves a terrible boy who does not love her back… because he is terrible, and she is terrible. She gives him an opportunity to play his music in front of a live audience; he's a dipshit.

Also, some things are in cans, and a girl is angry at a jump rope & everything else in the whole stupid world.

For our two-part HOLIDAY SPECTACULAR, Nicole Dieker and Andy Cownden join us to talk about Eric Schaeffer's popular stage adaptation of _A Charlie Brown Christmas_.

A boy enters a spelling. Also, a dog drinks three glasses of water.