The People Builder

You have core beliefs that guide the decisions you make. They affect how you interpret the events in your life and they influence the way you think, feel, and behave.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to continue the conversation around your identity by helping you to rewrite your limiting beliefs.

Last week we looked at how your performance is what you do and your identity is built around who you believe you are.

Your healthy beliefs are serving you well. But, the unrealistic, self-limiting beliefs you are still holding onto, will hold you back from reaching your full potential.

It's important to acknowledge your core beliefs and examine which ones might be inaccurate and unproductive. Only then, can you take the steps required to let go of the beliefs that are limiting your results.

Concluding that you are a loser, a failure, unlikable, or incapable will prevent you from being your best version of you. Even overly optimistic beliefs can be unhealthy. Thinking you're the best at everything you do or that you are above the rules can be just as dangerous to your well-being as an exaggeratedly negative core belief about yourself.

Believing everyone is against you, untrustworthy, or manipulative will make it impossible to develop healthy relationships. Similarly, believing everyone can be trusted or that everyone is a kind person can cause you to be taken advantage of or to get into relationships that aren't good for you. 

Assuming that you can't succeed in today's world, or thinking that the world is too dark of a place to ever be happy, will take a huge toll on your life. On the flip-side, minimising social problems and looking at the world through rose-colored glasses isn't helpful either.

There are many different beliefs you have about yourself, other people, and the world around you. And while you're likely to think that all of your beliefs are 100 percent accurate, the truth is, you likely hold onto at least a few core beliefs that are irrational and unproductive.

Beliefs Turn Into Self-Fulfilling Prophecies!

Unhealthy beliefs lead to unhealthy habits. Unhealthy habits produce negative outcomes that ultimately reinforce your unhealthy beliefs. It's a vicious cycle that can be tough to break. But it’s possible!

You can remove your roadblocks and change your results when you rewrite your belief system.

It’s difficult to change your self-limiting beliefs. After all, you've likely held onto them for a long time and believed they were 100 percent accurate. You're also constantly looking for evidence that reinforces your beliefs (while simultaneously ignoring evidence to the contrary).

You're not going to talk yourself out of your beliefs overnight. Telling yourself you're not a loser won't suddenly make you believe deep down inside that you're a winner.

The best way to change your beliefs is to challenge your beliefs head-on. To do that, you need to give up the unhealthy habits that are draining your mental strength. By changing your habits, you can chip away at your unhealthy beliefs a little bit at a time from the ground up.

As you are challenging your beliefs, pay close attention to evidence that suggests your beliefs might not be 100 percent accurate. Slowly, over time, you'll begin to unravel some of your unhealthy core beliefs. Instead of thinking you're too socially awkward to make friends, you might be able to accept that although you are a little awkward at times, some people will like you for that.

The fact is you have to be willing to prove your brain wrong if you want to challenge your beliefs, and I believe you're stronger than you think. Your brain lies to you sometimes. Challenging your beliefs will help your brain see you, other people, and the world in a more accurate light.

Let’s take a look at the 5 Step Process to change your beliefs…

Step 1. Identify Your Limiting Beliefs

Start by writing out a list of your current beliefs and then sort them out so you can set the limiting beliefs apart.

Step 2. Acknowledge Your Beliefs

Give attention to each belief, showing it gratitude for protecting you up until now. Let it know that it has served you well however there was so new information coming to hand that you both need to adopt.

Step 3. Reframe the Belief

Flip each belief with a new and empowering truth. There are 2 ways you can do this. A soft way, or if you are really serious about changing your life for the better, there’s a more direct and in your face kind of way.

“I’m the type of person who…..”, for example, is easier for your brain to believe than coming straight out and saying “I am….”

Step 4. Create New Empowering Beliefs

With your big voice in control, write out a list of new beliefs. Beliefs like, “I am an inspirational leader” and “I am capable of taking my business to the next level”. Whatever you have on your limiting list, flip it into the reverse.

Step 5. Practice and Repeat 

Take ownership of the new beliefs by writing and reading them to yourself every day for the next 30 days and watch for the dramatic change in self-belief and performance. Be ruthless with your mind, stepping in when your little voice tries to steal the new truth from you.

Repetition of a new belief allows the brain to unlearn the old belief and relearn the new one. I love the power of Neuroplasticity.

Well, that’s it from me for this week. Join me again next week when we continue the conversation around the topic of Setting Boundaries. See you then.

Are you someone that can set healthy boundaries for your life or do you let people treat you the way that they want to treat you and then feel bad about it later?

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today, I want to continue our conversation around developing our Emotional Intelligence in the competency of Personal Power by talking about exercising some assertiveness and setting healthy boundaries.

For FREE resources and coaching from one of the leading personal development experts in the world, visit: https://www.grantherbert.com

Get the FULL TRANSCRIPT here:

https://www.grantherbert.com/blog/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries

Become A Coach and grow your influence, income, and impact here: https://www.peoplebuildersinstitute.com.au 

Have you ever done the best job you could possibly do with something and it still wasn’t good enough? Approval from others is never a guarantee.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and this week I want to have a conversation with you around The Performance Trap.

Just to set the scene for this week’s chat, let’s recap a few things we have talked about in previous episodes.

We talked about the 3 universal fears that we all perform to avoid:

- the fear of not being good enough,

- the fear of not belonging, and

- the fear of not being loved. 

We talked about always caring too much about what other people think of us, needing their permission to feel approved.

When you operate out of fear, it can cause you to behave in ways that are not healthy and helpful at all.

Personal Power is about being OK with who you are becoming, and feeling capable of doing life well.

So let’s go deeper now into what I have found to be one of the biggest roadblocks to having a healthy level of Personal Power. 

I call it, THE PERFORMANCE TRAP.

You see, you and I get up every day and PERFORM. That’s what we do. I’m performing right now as a speaker, a trainer and a coach. My performance is designed to empower you, shift mindsets and help you remove roadblocks. That’s OK, my performance has a healthy agenda.

The performance isn’t the issue we need to look at here. The motive for the performance is.

When I do a great job at having this conversation with you, and everyone else watching or listening to me on these episodes, lives are changed for the better. That’s a good thing. But if my motive for this performance is to get you to like me and approve of me, validate my significance or get your APPROVAL, then that’s where the problem starts.

You started this episode by agreeing with me that approval from others is never guaranteed, even when you do your very best performance. When you do get the approval, it fires the pleasure circuits in your brain and you feel good for a moment. When you don’t get the approval however, it makes you feel even less valuable and gives you more evidence that the negative beliefs you have formed about yourself are true. “I’m not good enough, I don’t belong, and I am not loveable”.

Whether you get the approval or not, it affects your IDENTITY. 

You see, the PERFORMANCE is about what you DO, your IDENTITY is who you believe you ARE.

What you do and who you are can create totally different emotions. If I yell at my child, something I might DO, that can make me feel guilty. This emotion is a powerful motivator that compels me to DO things differently next time. On the other hand, those same thoughts nursed and rehearsed by that negative inner voice, it can quickly escalate to… “therefore I AM a bad father”. This brings feelings of shame, a debilitating emotion that tears down another building block of a healthy identity. 

So when you get the APPROVAL and feel good about yourself, it adds some positive to your inner dialogue and builds up your self-belief and level of self-worth. However, when you fail to get the APPROVAL, your negative self-talk goes into overload and you think it’s a waste of time trying any more because you will never be good enough.

Being addicted to the APPROVAL of others damages your authenticity and destroys your Personal Power. Every time you engage in ‘people pleasing’ performances to fit in and feel worthy, you erode away another piece of your true sense of self. When this happens over time you stop stepping up and the world, especially those closest to you, miss out on your unique gifts and talents and it becomes a never ending cycle that can spiral out of control and cause major issues in your life. I know this oh too well. This was the pattern I ran for many years in my life, and it hurt me, and the people I loved the most.

So, let’s shift gears now and take a look at what I do to help people break free of the Performance Trap, regain their true self and live a life with more fun and fulfilment. To do that, you have to shift your thinking and flip the process upside down.

Now we have IDENTITY on top and that’s where you need to start.

Take responsibility for your own identity, for who you are.

Take practical steps to develop your Personal Power.

Remove the roadblocks of negative belief and self-talk.

Become OK with who you have become so far and set an intention to become who you need to be for the journey ahead.

To do this you will need to tame your inner dialogue and unlearn some of your past conditioning. Having a good coach who will step up and give you support, and keep you accountable, was crucial in this process for me and if you are serious about finally getting free and moving forward from this yourself, then you may need to invest in yourself this way too.

When you work on your identity, and no longer care what other people think about you, you will come to a place called SELF APPROVAL. There is no better place on earth to be. It lifts a heavy load from your shoulders, frees your mind and sets you up for a life with way less conflict and stress. Don’t get me wrong, you’re still teachable and can learn from constructive feedback. But you no longer need external permission to feel good about yourself.

Are you ready to finally move the monkey of approval off your back and take back your self-esteem? As you are nodding yes right now, watch this. Let’s flip the model and get you free once and for all.

So instead of performing now to ‘get’ approval, you now PERFORM ‘out of’ a position of SELF-APPROVAL.

Now getting a pat on the back, a smile or a nod when you do something well can still make you feel good, BUT you no longer need it to feel good about yourself. That responsibility is yours alone and you are liberated from the shackles of fear, doubt and worry. It’s a gift you are worthy of and so are the people around you.

Well, that’s it from me for another week. Join me again next week when we look more closely into your identity and how to build it up. See you then.

You have core beliefs that guide the decisions you make. They affect how you interpret the events in your life and they influence the way you think, feel, and behave.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to continue the conversation around your identity by helping you to rewrite your limiting beliefs.

For FREE resources and coaching from one of the leading personal development experts in the world, visit: https://www.grantherbert.com

Get the FULL TRANSCRIPT here:

https://www.grantherbert.com/blog/rewrite-your-limiting-beliefs

Become A Coach and grow your influence, income, and impact here: https://www.peoplebuildersinstitute.com.au 

Have you ever done the best job you could possibly do with something and it still wasn’t good enough? Approval from others is never a guarantee.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and this week I want to have a conversation with you around The Performance Trap.

For FREE resources and coaching from one of the leading personal development experts in the world, visit: https://www.grantherbert.com

Get the FULL TRANSCRIPT here:

https://www.grantherbert.com/blog/the-performance-trap

Become A Coach and grow your influence, income, and impact here: https://www.peoplebuildersinstitute.com.au  

Many people have difficulty speaking their truth or lack confidence in their own judgment.

Do you find yourself avoiding confrontations with people, even to get a problem resolved or when the confrontation might be best in the long run?

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and this week I want to start a conversation with you around the crucial competency called Personal Power.

Personal Power is about having a healthy sense of self-confidence and an inner knowing that you can meet life’s challenges and live the life you choose. It’s the ability to have the difficult conversations in life, and to speak your truth quietly, sincerely, assertively and appropriately.

When you lack this competency, you might avoid going to the heart of an issue, hesitate to try new things, have difficulty defending their ideas, avoid challenges, give in too easily, question your own ability and often feel powerless.

You may avoid taking risks or chances and be unable to set boundaries or demand respectful treatment from others.

This was true for me for a major portion of my life and it held me back from becoming all I could be. The beliefs I formed about myself through experiences and negative influence from others, created roadblocks to the release of my full potential.

Having been rejected several times as a child, I formed a belief system that kept reminding me that I wasn’t good enough, I didn’t belong and wasn’t loveable. If I lowered my expectation then I lowered the risk of being hurt, so I thought. This eroded my true identity, and stripped away my authentic self, as I tried so hard to be who I thought others needed me to be. I had a very low sense of self worth but I put on a mask of confidence and it was really challenging to keep up the charade.

So what about you? What is it that is holding you back?

Personal Power is one of the 26 competencies I work with people on, in the area of Social and Emotional Intelligence, and my experience tells me that it is the baseline competency that underpins all the others. Without Personal Power, your unhealthy habits will deter you from developing and using the others so it’s where I start with every person or team that I develop.

So let’s take at look at what this empowering skill-set can give you and how to start developing it.

Let’s start by understanding the context of the word power. It’s about internal power and not power over others in that command and control kind of way. It’s all about feeling empowered and in control.

When you have a healthy level of Personal Power, you have a calm inner conviction about who you are and your ability to get the things you want and need in life. You believe you can set the direction of your life, and you do. 

You are able to distinguish between the things you have control over in life, and those you do not, and you don’t stress over things.

You define yourself from the inside out (“I’m capable,” “I’m good at managing setbacks,” “I’m pretty good at managing conflicts,” “I’m creative”) rather than from the outside in (“I’m a CEO,” “I’m a banker,” “I’m a lawyer,” or “I’m a doctor”)

Instead of believing in fate, you make things happen, and you feel in control of your life. You know what you want and you go after because you are confident in yourself.

You can speak your truth, give voice to your convictions and set healthy boundaries.

So on a scale of 1 - 10, with 1 being the lowest and 10 being perfect with no room for improvement, how would you rate yourself on the Personal Power scale right now?

These days I fluctuate between 8 and 9.

How committed are you to increasing that number and giving yourself permission to realise your full potential? 

I would love to help you but only if you want it more for yourself than I want it for you.

There are concepts and strategies that you can learn and implement that I can teach you and starting next week we will go deeper on a few of those.

So, that’s it from me for another week. Join me again next week as we continue the conversation by looking into the damage done by constantly trying to fit in and get the approval of others. See you then.

Many people have difficulty speaking their truth or lack confidence in their own judgment.

Do you find yourself avoiding confrontations with people, even to get a problem resolved or when the confrontation might be best in the long run?

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and this week I want to start a conversation with you around the crucial competency called Personal Power.

Personal Power is about having a healthy sense of self-confidence and an inner knowing that you can meet life’s challenges and live the life you choose. It’s the ability to have the difficult conversations in life, and to speak your truth quietly, sincerely, assertively and appropriately.

When you lack this competency, you might avoid going to the heart of an issue, hesitate to try new things, have difficulty defending their ideas, avoid challenges, give in too easily, question your own ability and often feel powerless.

You may avoid taking risks or chances and be unable to set boundaries or demand respectful treatment from others.

This was true for me for a major portion of my life and it held me back from becoming all I could be. The beliefs I formed about myself through experiences and negative influence from others, created roadblocks to the release of my full potential.

Having been rejected several times as a child, I formed a belief system that kept reminding me that I wasn’t good enough, I didn’t belong and wasn’t loveable. If I lowered my expectation then I lowered the risk of being hurt, so I thought. This eroded my true identity, and stripped away my authentic self, as I tried so hard to be who I thought others needed me to be. I had a very low sense of self worth but I put on a mask of confidence and it was really challenging to keep up the charade.

So what about you? What is it that is holding you back?

Personal Power is one of the 26 competencies I work with people on, in the area of Social and Emotional Intelligence, and my experience tells me that it is the baseline competency that underpins all the others. Without Personal Power, your unhealthy habits will deter you from developing and using the others so it’s where I start with every person or team that I develop.

So let’s take at look at what this empowering skill-set can give you and how to start developing it.

Let’s start by understanding the context of the word power. It’s about internal power and not power over others in that command and control kind of way. It’s all about feeling empowered and in control.

When you have a healthy level of Personal Power, you have a calm inner conviction about who you are and your ability to get the things you want and need in life. You believe you can set the direction of your life, and you do. 

You are able to distinguish between the things you have control over in life, and those you do not, and you don’t stress over things.

You define yourself from the inside out (“I’m capable,” “I’m good at managing setbacks,” “I’m pretty good at managing conflicts,” “I’m creative”) rather than from the outside in (“I’m a CEO,” “I’m a banker,” “I’m a lawyer,” or “I’m a doctor”)

Instead of believing in fate, you make things happen, and you feel in control of your life. You know what you want and you go after because you are confident in yourself.

You can speak your truth, give voice to your convictions and set healthy boundaries.

So on a scale of 1 - 10, with 1 being the lowest and 10 being perfect with no room for improvement, how would you rate yourself on the Personal Power scale right now?

These days I fluctuate between 8 and 9.

How committed are you to increasing that number and giving yourself permission to realise your full potential? 

I would love to help you but only if you want it more for yourself than I want it for you.

There are concepts and strategies that you can learn and implement that I can teach you and starting next week we will go deeper on a few of those.

So, that’s it from me for another week. Join me again next week as we continue the conversation by looking into the damage done by constantly trying to fit in and get the approval of others. See you then.

Many people have difficulty speaking their truth or lack confidence in their own judgment.

Do you find yourself avoiding confrontations with people, even to get a problem resolved or when the confrontation might be best in the long run?

For FREE resources and coaching from one of the leading personal development experts in the world, visit: https://www.grantherbert.com

Get the FULL TRANSCRIPT here:

https://www.grantherbert.com/blog/developing-personal-power

Become A Coach and grow your influence, income, and impact here: https://www.peoplebuildersinstitute.com.au  

Social Resilience is an emerging, but not a magical, property. People who have diverse interests, skills, and resources, and who can work together, make it more likely that the group as a whole can respond quickly to unforeseen problems and challenges.

Hi this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to continue our conversation around resilience by looking at how our interpersonal effectiveness can help us bounce through challenges.

So what is Social Resilience?

Social Resilience is way more than having great friendships and embracing the collaborative exchange of ideas. Although trust is essential, social resilience is not about warm hugs, unconditional positivity, and inclusive sentiments.

Social Resilience recognises that, as a social being, you work, think, and excel in groups and teams, as well as individually. Lions hunt in packs, and by doing so they are able to bring down prey that would be impossible to conquer alone.

Human civilisation hinges on the specialisation, differentiation, and use of individual gifts and talents so that we, as a collective, can achieve far more than we could by our own efforts.

Socially resilient individuals value diverse perspectives and recognise that many projects require collaboration with people with differing backgrounds, values, and priorities.

Any team would have little chance of success if all their team members possessed identical features and skills.

Social Resilience implies not merely acceptance of diversity, but rather the intention to incorporate diverse perspectives into group activity for the creative adaptations that such diversity predisposes.

Less resilient people seek to shun the idea of diversity by excluding individuals who differ, or by pushing a message of uniformity.

Surrounding yourself with a lot of mini-me’s can be self-affirming but it hinders your ability to adapt to new challenges and problems or to withstand or recover quickly from very difficult conditions.  People are not unique in this regard.

The core of Social Resilience is to celebrate differences, accept and give attention to others, practicing mutual respect and care for others, and being responsive to their needs.

Here are 3 simple ideas around how to practice being more socially resilient:

Number 1, expand your social network. Meet new people who are different to you in their experience and interests. Expand your comfort zone when it comes to inviting yourself along to community and networking gatherings where you do not yet know anyone.

Number 2, open your mind to differing points of view and learn to contribute to healthy debates around topics of conversation, without taking it personally or in a competitive way.

Number 3, let others lead your team meetings and sit back and learn what others think and feel, contributing more as a part of the team, rather than the leader of it. It’s mind-blowing what you can learn when you give yourself permission to not have all the answers.

Well, that’s it from me again this week. I hope there was at least one thing that caught your attention and gave you something to work on in the days ahead.

Join me again next week where we will start a new conversation around the fascinating subject of Personal Power.

Social Resilience is an emerging, but not a magical, property. People who have diverse interests, skills, and resources, and who can work together, make it more likely that the group as a whole can respond quickly to unforeseen problems and challenges.

Hi this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to continue our conversation around resilience by looking at how our interpersonal effectiveness can help us bounce through challenges.

So what is Social Resilience?

Social Resilience is way more than having great friendships and embracing the collaborative exchange of ideas. Although trust is essential, social resilience is not about warm hugs, unconditional positivity, and inclusive sentiments.

Social Resilience recognises that, as a social being, you work, think, and excel in groups and teams, as well as individually. Lions hunt in packs, and by doing so they are able to bring down prey that would be impossible to conquer alone.

Human civilisation hinges on the specialisation, differentiation, and use of individual gifts and talents so that we, as a collective, can achieve far more than we could by our own efforts.

Socially resilient individuals value diverse perspectives and recognise that many projects require collaboration with people with differing backgrounds, values, and priorities.

Any team would have little chance of success if all their team members possessed identical features and skills.

Social Resilience implies not merely acceptance of diversity, but rather the intention to incorporate diverse perspectives into group activity for the creative adaptations that such diversity predisposes.

Less resilient people seek to shun the idea of diversity by excluding individuals who differ, or by pushing a message of uniformity.

Surrounding yourself with a lot of mini-me’s can be self-affirming but it hinders your ability to adapt to new challenges and problems or to withstand or recover quickly from very difficult conditions.  People are not unique in this regard.

The core of Social Resilience is to celebrate differences, accept and give attention to others, practicing mutual respect and care for others, and being responsive to their needs.

Here are 3 simple ideas around how to practice being more socially resilient:

Number 1, expand your social network. Meet new people who are different to you in their experience and interests. Expand your comfort zone when it comes to inviting yourself along to community and networking gatherings where you do not yet know anyone.

Number 2, open your mind to differing points of view and learn to contribute to healthy debates around topics of conversation, without taking it personally or in a competitive way.

Number 3, let others lead your team meetings and sit back and learn what others think and feel, contributing more as a part of the team, rather than the leader of it. It’s mind-blowing what you can learn when you give yourself permission to not have all the answers.

Well, that’s it from me again this week. I hope there was at least one thing that caught your attention and gave you something to work on in the days ahead.

Join me again next week where we will start a new conversation around the fascinating subject of Personal Power.