The People Builder

Are you really looking forward to the end of 2019? So that you can get into a new year, a new decade, and leave this one behind?

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to continue our conversation around Intentionality by talking about finishing strong and planning well.

Every year, I go through a process at this time of the year with my clients to help them to be able to move forward and have an even better year next year than the one that they had this year.

See, you can achieve more in the first 90 days of next year than most people will do in the whole year by learning from the past and strategically planning for the future. The problem is most people are anchored to the past. You know, they look at where they were at the end of 2018 and then look at where they are now and then look at everything that didn't go well and everything becomes a problem and I understand. I used to be there. You know, it's like going on a holiday and you book a hotel from the website and it looks really, really great on the website and then you get there and it doesn't look that good. It doesn't look anything like the one that you thought that you'd booked. Now, does that stop you from ever going on holiday again? Does that stop you from ever using the internet to book a hotel again? No. We learn from that and we move forward. And the other problem that I see is people reacting to chaos all the time. So instead of having things planned, they are just seat of your pants, let's just do it from day to day, and let's react to the chaos that are surround us. And one of the really big things I say at this time of year in particular is this debilitating behaviour of comparison.

So comparing yourself to where you were last year and have I been good enough this year? Have I done enough this year? Comparing yourself to others and your perceived view of their success. And that can be a major downer for you as you go into the holiday period and all these things end up that you go into the new year missing opportunities. It locks you up in the current year and doesn't release you to go and do greater things in 2020 and beyond. So I want to help you with that. I want to change your results by changing the way that you finish the year and move into the next year. Now, I'll tell you straight upfront, I do not subscribe to new year's resolutions. This is a process that I do not only at the end of the year, but I do it every quarter and so to my clients. So instead of being anchored in the past, what we want to do is learn from the experiences we've been through and then move on.

You know, it's like Benjamin Franklin. He failed so many times in getting the light globe to work. The electric light globe. But what he really did and every time he got asked about it is he learnt all the ways not to do it. So he moved on to the next one, otherwise we would be standing in the dock right now, perhaps. So we learn to move on from things. We take the time to realign where we are, realign where we're going, realign with our values. So we look at what we did and we make sure that it's realigned and on purpose where we're going.

And we set up a personal flight plan. You know, an airplane, and I go on a lot of them, airplanes are only ever on track twice. Once before it pulls back from the gate and then again once it's reached the gate at the other end and it stopped. And in between the first and the second, the A and the B, we've got a series of tweaks and adjustments and, you know, flight plan changes based on atmospheric conditions, weather, and that amazing thing called air traffic control. You know, I always love it when we seem like things are going well on a flight and the captain will come on and say, "I'm going to get you at the gate early." And I immediately think, please don't say that because there's an air traffic control at the other end that normally gets you to do five or six laps of the airport before they let you land because of congestion. But we have a personal plan around how we're going to do things differently next year and those things help us to create massive momentum. So instead of being locked up from opportunity, we get started quickly. And as I said, you can get more done in the first 90 days than most people will do in the entire year.

So the whole process starts with getting clear on where you want to go. I use a system. I call it the R4 Method, where we look at the results that you want at the end of 2020. And then we come back to now and go, "Well, how is it different now? What's my current reality?" And then we've got a gap and then we look at what are the roadblocks that are going to stop you from going from where you are now to where you want to go. Things like limiting beliefs, mindsets, behaviors, things that you're doing that sabotage your results. And then we go, "Okay, so what are the resources that we need to add there so that I can go from where I am now to where I want to be and overcome those roadblocks to get there?" So once we've done that, we then can focus on the first 90 days. So let me take you through the process now, once we know where we want to go, that we go through at this time of year so that we can get into 2020, hit the ground running, and build that momentum.

By the way, if you would like a copy of a worksheet to do this, hit me up in the comments and our team will get that to you, but right now you just need a piece of paper. So the first thing we need to do is we need to reflect on the year that's passed. So we look at 2019 and we look at two things: we look at things that worked well and things that didn't quite go as we wanted them to. Now the difference here is the way that we do it. So we do it with what's called forward focused reflection. See, what a lot of people do at this time of year is they get back into the year and they look at everything that didn't work and they get down on themselves and they allow that small voice to pull them back. And those limiting beliefs come up again and it deflates them and disempowers them and they start the year flat. But if we imagine we're in a car and we're going on a journey, when we're in that car, we have two pieces of glass in front of us and no, one of them is not your phone. We have the windscreen or the windshield. This large piece of glass so that we can see where we're going. And then we have the rear-vision mirror, which is that small piece of glass up in front of us so that we can, every now and then, have a look up and see where we've been and see what's happening.

And that metaphor tells us how we need to reflect on our year. So we're reflecting on what's happened, what's been, whilst we're keeping most of our focus on where we're going. So we quickly go back into our past and look at our wins and look at the things that didn't go so well. And the only purpose that we go there is to be able to extract the information that's going to help us as we move forward. So we look at our wins and we go, "What did I do well? What worked?" And we take that and we use it again. And then we look into the things that didn't go so well and the only reason we look at them is to go, "What could I do differently moving forward?" So we reflect in a forward focused way to gather that information for moving forward.

The second thing that we do is we realign. You know, we've probably gone off on a few different paths over the year and done many things that took us off on a tangent that were the things that stopped us from getting everything done, from getting where we needed to be. We've also, perhaps, gone off on some of our priorities, our true priorities, our values, and done some things that were outside that. So we look at what's ahead and we realign based on what we're doing and where we're going and make sure that that fits in with our priorities and our values.

And then the last thing we want to do is make sure that we know exactly what needs to get done in the first week of 2020. And when I say the first week, it could be the first week back at your career, at your business, or it could be on the 1st of January. That's up to you. But we want to relaunch into the year knowing what we're going to get done. See, those who get more done in the first 90 days will invest time now, invest energy now to go through this reflect process, through the realign and refresh process, and have a plan ready. Those who don't want that momentum will wait 'til somewhere in January and then they'll might put a plan together and get started sometime mid-February. And they're already behind the eight ball. So we want to reflect, we want to realign, we want to refresh, and then relaunch with full of energy knowing exactly what we need to do.

So that's it for me this week. As I said, jump down in the comments. I'd love to hear what this has meant for you, what your reflection tells you, what your refreshing is going to be, and if you want a copy of a worksheet to help you to do that, make sure you ask that as well and give us, you know, an email address to be able to send that to you. That would be fantastic. So next week we're going to continue on this journey of intention by looking at other areas in our plan. I'll see you then.

Do you think and act on purpose and deliberately? Knowing what it takes to control your own outcomes? Your own destiny?

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to start a conversation with you about your Intentionality.

So over the next few weeks, I want to take you through some of the things me and my clients do to make that happen in our lives. Things like making decisions and taking action consistent with your goals and values. Managing distractions and staying focused on your goals. Making a consistent effort to bring about the results you want at this time of the year. Getting clear about what you want to make happen in your life, in your career, in your home life or in a particular relationship. It all starts with acting deliberately to achieve the outcomes you want and that takes purpose.

Are you one of these people that has a problem saying no? It's a bit of a trick question by the way, and I asked my clients that all the time and most of them come back and go, “Yes, that's me. I have a problem saying no”. I'm going to challenge you on that today. You don't have a problem saying no at all because every time you say yes to something out of obligation, you're saying no to something that's probably one of your true priorities.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to have a conversation with you around learning to say yes and no appropriately.

So over the last few weeks, we've been talking about developing our Personal Power, that inner self-confidence, and knowing that we have everything within us and around us to be who we need to be to get done what we've been put on the planet to get done. We talked about self-care and how self-care is not selfish. It's about putting yourself first so that you can then help others. It's about having a balance between taking care of others with self-taken care of. We talked about on the airplane when the mask drops down and they say fit your mask before assisting other guests. 

We went on this month to talk about the number of things and we talked about boundaries, we talked about setting boundaries, and we talked about your priorities and what it is that's important to you, and we talked about making 2 decisions, and then there was the 4 steps that I took you through last week. And by the way, if you're just joining me right now, go back and listen or watch each of those episodes and it'll take you on the journey to where we're getting to today. So today I wanted to finish up this series around Personal Power by talking about saying yes and no appropriately.

We're just about to come into the Christmas season and I find that this is an area or a time of year where there is a lot of people that want a lot of us, and we can have a bit of an energy challenge if we say yes to everything. So the reason I've taken you on this journey to get to here now is we need to have a high personal power, high value on ourselves, exercise self-care, get that mindset sorted out and those behaviours started before we're able to go through with what I'm going to teach you right now.

So right at the start I challenged you and I said, "You don't have a problem saying no, you have a priority problem." So, for example, in my corporate career, if my boss continually asked me to stay back and I just went yes, because I felt I needed to do that, to be liked, to belong, to be part of that team, to get to stay, whatever it was that my inner dialogue was telling me. Then immediately after saying yes, I'd have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that I had to then miss out on something that I'd promised one of my kids or my wife or someone in my family or a friend. So I said yes out of obligation. And quite often we do that and then that person goes away and then we go, “Oh, why are they asking me to do these things all the time?”.

And at the end of the day, the reason why I ask got asked those questions all the time was because I always said yes. And it's that instant response of, "Yes, I'll just say yes to everything because if I say yes to everything, then people will like me, people will accept me, people will approve of me. And that's where we talked about breaking free of that performance trap. So step one in being able to learn to say yes and no appropriately is to make sure that we have a clear understanding of our true priorities.

Now, right now, this week, it's been pretty hectic for me. I'm just about to go and get on a plane and fly to Melbourne overnight, working with some clients tomorrow, sorting out some things for next year. So even doing this right now, it's going to be shorter than what it normally is because I need to prioritise getting some self-care things done before I go. So it's good for you to know that I most of the time, because I'm human, practise what I'm teaching you. So I'm saying yes to getting those things done that I need to get done before I go that are important to me and no to getting this perfect and getting it, you know, a good length. That's what I'm used to doing.

So let's take a look at how we can learn to say no. So the first thing, as I said, is we get the priorities right. The second thing we want to do is I want you to do an exercise with me where you identify when you say yes, what you're actually saying no to. So, for example, my boss has asked me back, so I go, "Yes!" So that yes is getting me to say no to spending that time with my son or going to my daughter's recital, whatever it is. So we call it out and we write it out this way. We go, "By saying yes to staying back after hours, I'm saying no to going to have quality time with my children."

Now we're doing this not to beat ourselves up and to feel bad, we're doing this to identify which of those are of the highest priority and that's why we need to start with getting the priorities down first. So let's do it the other way, "By saying no to this, I'm saying yes to this." So if I just flip that one, "By saying no to working back every night this week, I'm saying yes to having a balance and quality time with my children."

So you can see how you can flip it the other way, "By saying no to eating this cake, I'm saying yes to my gut health and to a good night's sleep."

"By saying yes to eating all that fast food, I'm saying no to good gut health, which affects my mental health and my ability to perform, et cetera." So we are doing an audit, we're doing an inventory of saying yes and saying no.

So I'd love you to do that. What are the things that you say yes to way too quickly? And write those out as a list in the way that it says, "By saying yes to...," And then insert whatever that is, "I'm saying no to..." And call it out. So that's the first thing. And there's an exercise for you to do as soon as you've listened to this or watch this video. The second thing I want to empower you with as I leave today is learning to say no in a way that people understand. And it's about using a soft no. You see, that instant reaction of someone asked me to do something, so to fight those fears of not being good enough, not belonging, not being loved, I go, "Yes!" And it's in that split second we go, "Why did I say that?" We want to take it back. So what we want to do is we want to have an exercise or a process that gives us some space to think.

So my boss comes in and says, “Hey Grant, I've got this project that I want you to invest some more time in, and it's going to mean that you're going to need to work back 3 or 4 days next week.” Now instead of going, "Yes!" And then regretting it, what I could do differently is go, "Yes, boss, I'd love to see if I can do that. I'll need to get some more information from you as to what that actually entails so that I can see if it's going to work for me. So I've said yes, they've heard that I'm, you know, on board with them in what I'm going to do or what they wanted me to do. But I've got to filter at first and see if it fits with what I've got on. And what that does is two things: it gives me space and something different to do so that I don't just go "Yes!" And it gives me an understanding of what I need to do next and that is check it against my priorities.

So two things that I want you to do going into Christmas is set up a list that says, "When I say yes to this, I'm saying no to this." Both positive and negative. "And when I'm saying no to this, I'm saying yes to this in the same way." And then practise the soft no. Practise saying, "Yes, when I get some more information." And then because you are someone with a high level of personal power, say no boldly because your priorities are what's important to you. That's it for me for another week. I'm off to Melbourne. Have an amazing weekend and a great week coming up, learning to say yes and no appropriately. I'll see you next week.

Setting Boundaries

Summary:

• l Just like protecting our home, the same is true with our personal boundaries. We have power to say no.

• l You CAN set your own boundaries. Boundaries don’t separate you from life; in fact they enrich it. Boundaries give you the freedom to become the person you desire to be.

• l If you desire to be in charge of your own destiny, you have to learn how to speak up and tell others what is acceptable and what is unacceptable to you.

• l The first thing you need to do is make some decisions about you and your boundaries. Decision 1: Decide what you want and don’t want from other people. Decision 2: Decide to enlarge your boundaries.

• l 4 steps to enforcing boundaries in your life. Step 1: Have conversations. Step 2: Tell people what you want and don’t want, and how you feel. Step 3: If you do not see anything change, give a warning. Step 4: If after all this it still remains the same, distance yourself.

• l You are not here to live up to the expectations of others, and neither are they here to live up to yours. Use assertiveness in balance or seek the the middle path.

• l The purpose of setting boundaries is not to be separated from others, but to gain the freedom and strength to live your life to its full potential. It is only after we learn how to protect, honour, and love ourselves that we are able to do the same for others.

• l Join me again next week when we continue the conversation by taking a look at saying Yes and No appropriately.

You have core beliefs that guide the decisions you make. They affect how you interpret the events in your life and they influence the way you think, feel, and behave.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to continue the conversation around your identity by helping you to rewrite your limiting beliefs.

Last week we looked at how your performance is what you do and your identity is built around who you believe you are.

Your healthy beliefs are serving you well. But, the unrealistic, self-limiting beliefs you are still holding onto, will hold you back from reaching your full potential.

It's important to acknowledge your core beliefs and examine which ones might be inaccurate and unproductive. Only then, can you take the steps required to let go of the beliefs that are limiting your results.

Concluding that you are a loser, a failure, unlikable, or incapable will prevent you from being your best version of you. Even overly optimistic beliefs can be unhealthy. Thinking you're the best at everything you do or that you are above the rules can be just as dangerous to your well-being as an exaggeratedly negative core belief about yourself.

Believing everyone is against you, untrustworthy, or manipulative will make it impossible to develop healthy relationships. Similarly, believing everyone can be trusted or that everyone is a kind person can cause you to be taken advantage of or to get into relationships that aren't good for you. 

Assuming that you can't succeed in today's world, or thinking that the world is too dark of a place to ever be happy, will take a huge toll on your life. On the flip-side, minimising social problems and looking at the world through rose-colored glasses isn't helpful either.

There are many different beliefs you have about yourself, other people, and the world around you. And while you're likely to think that all of your beliefs are 100 percent accurate, the truth is, you likely hold onto at least a few core beliefs that are irrational and unproductive.

Beliefs Turn Into Self-Fulfilling Prophecies!

Unhealthy beliefs lead to unhealthy habits. Unhealthy habits produce negative outcomes that ultimately reinforce your unhealthy beliefs. It's a vicious cycle that can be tough to break. But it’s possible!

You can remove your roadblocks and change your results when you rewrite your belief system.

It’s difficult to change your self-limiting beliefs. After all, you've likely held onto them for a long time and believed they were 100 percent accurate. You're also constantly looking for evidence that reinforces your beliefs (while simultaneously ignoring evidence to the contrary).

You're not going to talk yourself out of your beliefs overnight. Telling yourself you're not a loser won't suddenly make you believe deep down inside that you're a winner.

The best way to change your beliefs is to challenge your beliefs head-on. To do that, you need to give up the unhealthy habits that are draining your mental strength. By changing your habits, you can chip away at your unhealthy beliefs a little bit at a time from the ground up.

As you are challenging your beliefs, pay close attention to evidence that suggests your beliefs might not be 100 percent accurate. Slowly, over time, you'll begin to unravel some of your unhealthy core beliefs. Instead of thinking you're too socially awkward to make friends, you might be able to accept that although you are a little awkward at times, some people will like you for that.

The fact is you have to be willing to prove your brain wrong if you want to challenge your beliefs, and I believe you're stronger than you think. Your brain lies to you sometimes. Challenging your beliefs will help your brain see you, other people, and the world in a more accurate light.

Let’s take a look at the 5 Step Process to change your beliefs…

Step 1. Identify Your Limiting Beliefs

Start by writing out a list of your current beliefs and then sort them out so you can set the limiting beliefs apart.

Step 2. Acknowledge Your Beliefs

Give attention to each belief, showing it gratitude for protecting you up until now. Let it know that it has served you well however there was so new information coming to hand that you both need to adopt.

Step 3. Reframe the Belief

Flip each belief with a new and empowering truth. There are 2 ways you can do this. A soft way, or if you are really serious about changing your life for the better, there’s a more direct and in your face kind of way.

“I’m the type of person who…..”, for example, is easier for your brain to believe than coming straight out and saying “I am….”

Step 4. Create New Empowering Beliefs

With your big voice in control, write out a list of new beliefs. Beliefs like, “I am an inspirational leader” and “I am capable of taking my business to the next level”. Whatever you have on your limiting list, flip it into the reverse.

Step 5. Practice and Repeat 

Take ownership of the new beliefs by writing and reading them to yourself every day for the next 30 days and watch for the dramatic change in self-belief and performance. Be ruthless with your mind, stepping in when your little voice tries to steal the new truth from you.

Repetition of a new belief allows the brain to unlearn the old belief and relearn the new one. I love the power of Neuroplasticity.

Well, that’s it from me for this week. Join me again next week when we continue the conversation around the topic of Setting Boundaries. See you then.

Have you ever done the best job you could possibly do with something and it still wasn’t good enough? Approval from others is never a guarantee.

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and this week I want to have a conversation with you around The Performance Trap.

Just to set the scene for this week’s chat, let’s recap a few things we have talked about in previous episodes.

We talked about the 3 universal fears that we all perform to avoid:

- the fear of not being good enough,

- the fear of not belonging, and

- the fear of not being loved. 

We talked about always caring too much about what other people think of us, needing their permission to feel approved.

When you operate out of fear, it can cause you to behave in ways that are not healthy and helpful at all.

Personal Power is about being OK with who you are becoming, and feeling capable of doing life well.

So let’s go deeper now into what I have found to be one of the biggest roadblocks to having a healthy level of Personal Power. 

I call it, THE PERFORMANCE TRAP.

You see, you and I get up every day and PERFORM. That’s what we do. I’m performing right now as a speaker, a trainer and a coach. My performance is designed to empower you, shift mindsets and help you remove roadblocks. That’s OK, my performance has a healthy agenda.

The performance isn’t the issue we need to look at here. The motive for the performance is.

When I do a great job at having this conversation with you, and everyone else watching or listening to me on these episodes, lives are changed for the better. That’s a good thing. But if my motive for this performance is to get you to like me and approve of me, validate my significance or get your APPROVAL, then that’s where the problem starts.

You started this episode by agreeing with me that approval from others is never guaranteed, even when you do your very best performance. When you do get the approval, it fires the pleasure circuits in your brain and you feel good for a moment. When you don’t get the approval however, it makes you feel even less valuable and gives you more evidence that the negative beliefs you have formed about yourself are true. “I’m not good enough, I don’t belong, and I am not loveable”.

Whether you get the approval or not, it affects your IDENTITY. 

You see, the PERFORMANCE is about what you DO, your IDENTITY is who you believe you ARE.

What you do and who you are can create totally different emotions. If I yell at my child, something I might DO, that can make me feel guilty. This emotion is a powerful motivator that compels me to DO things differently next time. On the other hand, those same thoughts nursed and rehearsed by that negative inner voice, it can quickly escalate to… “therefore I AM a bad father”. This brings feelings of shame, a debilitating emotion that tears down another building block of a healthy identity. 

So when you get the APPROVAL and feel good about yourself, it adds some positive to your inner dialogue and builds up your self-belief and level of self-worth. However, when you fail to get the APPROVAL, your negative self-talk goes into overload and you think it’s a waste of time trying any more because you will never be good enough.

Being addicted to the APPROVAL of others damages your authenticity and destroys your Personal Power. Every time you engage in ‘people pleasing’ performances to fit in and feel worthy, you erode away another piece of your true sense of self. When this happens over time you stop stepping up and the world, especially those closest to you, miss out on your unique gifts and talents and it becomes a never ending cycle that can spiral out of control and cause major issues in your life. I know this oh too well. This was the pattern I ran for many years in my life, and it hurt me, and the people I loved the most.

So, let’s shift gears now and take a look at what I do to help people break free of the Performance Trap, regain their true self and live a life with more fun and fulfilment. To do that, you have to shift your thinking and flip the process upside down.

Now we have IDENTITY on top and that’s where you need to start.

Take responsibility for your own identity, for who you are.

Take practical steps to develop your Personal Power.

Remove the roadblocks of negative belief and self-talk.

Become OK with who you have become so far and set an intention to become who you need to be for the journey ahead.

To do this you will need to tame your inner dialogue and unlearn some of your past conditioning. Having a good coach who will step up and give you support, and keep you accountable, was crucial in this process for me and if you are serious about finally getting free and moving forward from this yourself, then you may need to invest in yourself this way too.

When you work on your identity, and no longer care what other people think about you, you will come to a place called SELF APPROVAL. There is no better place on earth to be. It lifts a heavy load from your shoulders, frees your mind and sets you up for a life with way less conflict and stress. Don’t get me wrong, you’re still teachable and can learn from constructive feedback. But you no longer need external permission to feel good about yourself.

Are you ready to finally move the monkey of approval off your back and take back your self-esteem? As you are nodding yes right now, watch this. Let’s flip the model and get you free once and for all.

So instead of performing now to ‘get’ approval, you now PERFORM ‘out of’ a position of SELF-APPROVAL.

Now getting a pat on the back, a smile or a nod when you do something well can still make you feel good, BUT you no longer need it to feel good about yourself. That responsibility is yours alone and you are liberated from the shackles of fear, doubt and worry. It’s a gift you are worthy of and so are the people around you.

Well, that’s it from me for another week. Join me again next week when we look more closely into your identity and how to build it up. See you then.

Many people have difficulty speaking their truth or lack confidence in their own judgment.

Do you find yourself avoiding confrontations with people, even to get a problem resolved or when the confrontation might be best in the long run?

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and this week I want to start a conversation with you around the crucial competency called Personal Power.

Personal Power is about having a healthy sense of self-confidence and an inner knowing that you can meet life’s challenges and live the life you choose. It’s the ability to have the difficult conversations in life, and to speak your truth quietly, sincerely, assertively and appropriately.

When you lack this competency, you might avoid going to the heart of an issue, hesitate to try new things, have difficulty defending their ideas, avoid challenges, give in too easily, question your own ability and often feel powerless.

You may avoid taking risks or chances and be unable to set boundaries or demand respectful treatment from others.

This was true for me for a major portion of my life and it held me back from becoming all I could be. The beliefs I formed about myself through experiences and negative influence from others, created roadblocks to the release of my full potential.

Having been rejected several times as a child, I formed a belief system that kept reminding me that I wasn’t good enough, I didn’t belong and wasn’t loveable. If I lowered my expectation then I lowered the risk of being hurt, so I thought. This eroded my true identity, and stripped away my authentic self, as I tried so hard to be who I thought others needed me to be. I had a very low sense of self worth but I put on a mask of confidence and it was really challenging to keep up the charade.

So what about you? What is it that is holding you back?

Personal Power is one of the 26 competencies I work with people on, in the area of Social and Emotional Intelligence, and my experience tells me that it is the baseline competency that underpins all the others. Without Personal Power, your unhealthy habits will deter you from developing and using the others so it’s where I start with every person or team that I develop.

So let’s take at look at what this empowering skill-set can give you and how to start developing it.

Let’s start by understanding the context of the word power. It’s about internal power and not power over others in that command and control kind of way. It’s all about feeling empowered and in control.

When you have a healthy level of Personal Power, you have a calm inner conviction about who you are and your ability to get the things you want and need in life. You believe you can set the direction of your life, and you do. 

You are able to distinguish between the things you have control over in life, and those you do not, and you don’t stress over things.

You define yourself from the inside out (“I’m capable,” “I’m good at managing setbacks,” “I’m pretty good at managing conflicts,” “I’m creative”) rather than from the outside in (“I’m a CEO,” “I’m a banker,” “I’m a lawyer,” or “I’m a doctor”)

Instead of believing in fate, you make things happen, and you feel in control of your life. You know what you want and you go after because you are confident in yourself.

You can speak your truth, give voice to your convictions and set healthy boundaries.

So on a scale of 1 - 10, with 1 being the lowest and 10 being perfect with no room for improvement, how would you rate yourself on the Personal Power scale right now?

These days I fluctuate between 8 and 9.

How committed are you to increasing that number and giving yourself permission to realise your full potential? 

I would love to help you but only if you want it more for yourself than I want it for you.

There are concepts and strategies that you can learn and implement that I can teach you and starting next week we will go deeper on a few of those.

So, that’s it from me for another week. Join me again next week as we continue the conversation by looking into the damage done by constantly trying to fit in and get the approval of others. See you then.

Many people have difficulty speaking their truth or lack confidence in their own judgment.

Do you find yourself avoiding confrontations with people, even to get a problem resolved or when the confrontation might be best in the long run?

Hi, this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and this week I want to start a conversation with you around the crucial competency called Personal Power.

Personal Power is about having a healthy sense of self-confidence and an inner knowing that you can meet life’s challenges and live the life you choose. It’s the ability to have the difficult conversations in life, and to speak your truth quietly, sincerely, assertively and appropriately.

When you lack this competency, you might avoid going to the heart of an issue, hesitate to try new things, have difficulty defending their ideas, avoid challenges, give in too easily, question your own ability and often feel powerless.

You may avoid taking risks or chances and be unable to set boundaries or demand respectful treatment from others.

This was true for me for a major portion of my life and it held me back from becoming all I could be. The beliefs I formed about myself through experiences and negative influence from others, created roadblocks to the release of my full potential.

Having been rejected several times as a child, I formed a belief system that kept reminding me that I wasn’t good enough, I didn’t belong and wasn’t loveable. If I lowered my expectation then I lowered the risk of being hurt, so I thought. This eroded my true identity, and stripped away my authentic self, as I tried so hard to be who I thought others needed me to be. I had a very low sense of self worth but I put on a mask of confidence and it was really challenging to keep up the charade.

So what about you? What is it that is holding you back?

Personal Power is one of the 26 competencies I work with people on, in the area of Social and Emotional Intelligence, and my experience tells me that it is the baseline competency that underpins all the others. Without Personal Power, your unhealthy habits will deter you from developing and using the others so it’s where I start with every person or team that I develop.

So let’s take at look at what this empowering skill-set can give you and how to start developing it.

Let’s start by understanding the context of the word power. It’s about internal power and not power over others in that command and control kind of way. It’s all about feeling empowered and in control.

When you have a healthy level of Personal Power, you have a calm inner conviction about who you are and your ability to get the things you want and need in life. You believe you can set the direction of your life, and you do. 

You are able to distinguish between the things you have control over in life, and those you do not, and you don’t stress over things.

You define yourself from the inside out (“I’m capable,” “I’m good at managing setbacks,” “I’m pretty good at managing conflicts,” “I’m creative”) rather than from the outside in (“I’m a CEO,” “I’m a banker,” “I’m a lawyer,” or “I’m a doctor”)

Instead of believing in fate, you make things happen, and you feel in control of your life. You know what you want and you go after because you are confident in yourself.

You can speak your truth, give voice to your convictions and set healthy boundaries.

So on a scale of 1 - 10, with 1 being the lowest and 10 being perfect with no room for improvement, how would you rate yourself on the Personal Power scale right now?

These days I fluctuate between 8 and 9.

How committed are you to increasing that number and giving yourself permission to realise your full potential? 

I would love to help you but only if you want it more for yourself than I want it for you.

There are concepts and strategies that you can learn and implement that I can teach you and starting next week we will go deeper on a few of those.

So, that’s it from me for another week. Join me again next week as we continue the conversation by looking into the damage done by constantly trying to fit in and get the approval of others. See you then.

Social Resilience is an emerging, but not a magical, property. People who have diverse interests, skills, and resources, and who can work together, make it more likely that the group as a whole can respond quickly to unforeseen problems and challenges.

Hi this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to continue our conversation around resilience by looking at how our interpersonal effectiveness can help us bounce through challenges.

So what is Social Resilience?

Social Resilience is way more than having great friendships and embracing the collaborative exchange of ideas. Although trust is essential, social resilience is not about warm hugs, unconditional positivity, and inclusive sentiments.

Social Resilience recognises that, as a social being, you work, think, and excel in groups and teams, as well as individually. Lions hunt in packs, and by doing so they are able to bring down prey that would be impossible to conquer alone.

Human civilisation hinges on the specialisation, differentiation, and use of individual gifts and talents so that we, as a collective, can achieve far more than we could by our own efforts.

Socially resilient individuals value diverse perspectives and recognise that many projects require collaboration with people with differing backgrounds, values, and priorities.

Any team would have little chance of success if all their team members possessed identical features and skills.

Social Resilience implies not merely acceptance of diversity, but rather the intention to incorporate diverse perspectives into group activity for the creative adaptations that such diversity predisposes.

Less resilient people seek to shun the idea of diversity by excluding individuals who differ, or by pushing a message of uniformity.

Surrounding yourself with a lot of mini-me’s can be self-affirming but it hinders your ability to adapt to new challenges and problems or to withstand or recover quickly from very difficult conditions.  People are not unique in this regard.

The core of Social Resilience is to celebrate differences, accept and give attention to others, practicing mutual respect and care for others, and being responsive to their needs.

Here are 3 simple ideas around how to practice being more socially resilient:

Number 1, expand your social network. Meet new people who are different to you in their experience and interests. Expand your comfort zone when it comes to inviting yourself along to community and networking gatherings where you do not yet know anyone.

Number 2, open your mind to differing points of view and learn to contribute to healthy debates around topics of conversation, without taking it personally or in a competitive way.

Number 3, let others lead your team meetings and sit back and learn what others think and feel, contributing more as a part of the team, rather than the leader of it. It’s mind-blowing what you can learn when you give yourself permission to not have all the answers.

Well, that’s it from me again this week. I hope there was at least one thing that caught your attention and gave you something to work on in the days ahead.

Join me again next week where we will start a new conversation around the fascinating subject of Personal Power.

Social Resilience is an emerging, but not a magical, property. People who have diverse interests, skills, and resources, and who can work together, make it more likely that the group as a whole can respond quickly to unforeseen problems and challenges.

Hi this is Grant Herbert, International Influencer and Sustainable Performance Coach, and today I want to continue our conversation around resilience by looking at how our interpersonal effectiveness can help us bounce through challenges.

So what is Social Resilience?

Social Resilience is way more than having great friendships and embracing the collaborative exchange of ideas. Although trust is essential, social resilience is not about warm hugs, unconditional positivity, and inclusive sentiments.

Social Resilience recognises that, as a social being, you work, think, and excel in groups and teams, as well as individually. Lions hunt in packs, and by doing so they are able to bring down prey that would be impossible to conquer alone.

Human civilisation hinges on the specialisation, differentiation, and use of individual gifts and talents so that we, as a collective, can achieve far more than we could by our own efforts.

Socially resilient individuals value diverse perspectives and recognise that many projects require collaboration with people with differing backgrounds, values, and priorities.

Any team would have little chance of success if all their team members possessed identical features and skills.

Social Resilience implies not merely acceptance of diversity, but rather the intention to incorporate diverse perspectives into group activity for the creative adaptations that such diversity predisposes.

Less resilient people seek to shun the idea of diversity by excluding individuals who differ, or by pushing a message of uniformity.

Surrounding yourself with a lot of mini-me’s can be self-affirming but it hinders your ability to adapt to new challenges and problems or to withstand or recover quickly from very difficult conditions.  People are not unique in this regard.

The core of Social Resilience is to celebrate differences, accept and give attention to others, practicing mutual respect and care for others, and being responsive to their needs.

Here are 3 simple ideas around how to practice being more socially resilient:

Number 1, expand your social network. Meet new people who are different to you in their experience and interests. Expand your comfort zone when it comes to inviting yourself along to community and networking gatherings where you do not yet know anyone.

Number 2, open your mind to differing points of view and learn to contribute to healthy debates around topics of conversation, without taking it personally or in a competitive way.

Number 3, let others lead your team meetings and sit back and learn what others think and feel, contributing more as a part of the team, rather than the leader of it. It’s mind-blowing what you can learn when you give yourself permission to not have all the answers.

Well, that’s it from me again this week. I hope there was at least one thing that caught your attention and gave you something to work on in the days ahead.

Join me again next week where we will start a new conversation around the fascinating subject of Personal Power.