The People Builder

The mental health of corporate Australia shows almost one third of people are suffering from some form of mental illness.

Of those, 36% were suffering from depression, 33% from anxiety and 31% from stress.

A decade ago only one in five Australians were found to be suffering from a mental illness. It’s time to turn things around.

Hi this is Grant Herbert, international speaker and sustainable performance coach, and today I want to continue our conversation around stress by helping you get to a point where you feel more empowered to ask for the help you need.

I’ve had a couple of weeks where I have had to take my own medicine as a lot of travel and being unwell had really taken it’s toll. That’s why I missed our conversation last week and am coming to you a week later. I am currently in the beautiful city of New Delhi in India where I am about to run a 3 day leadership intensive with the top 100 leaders of a very large corporate.

So let’s have a chat about asking for help.

Mental illness appears to have increased by a third in the last decade. Depression is now the primary mental health disorder.

This is the first time depression has exceeded anxiety which has traditionally been twice as common as depression. Australia’s last official figures list anxiety at 14.4% and depression at 6.2%. The program, using data from 3,500 employees across 41 organisations from a range of industries, was conducted by the mental health technology group Medibio.

Now studies and statistics are one thing. We can dismiss them because of sample size or many other rationalisations we choose to use to avoid the issue. However I have the privilege of working with thousands of individuals and teams in these organisations every year and I can attest first hand that this is definitely a true reflection of what is going on right now.

People are hurting and therefore so are their families and the bottom line of the companies they work in.

A couple of weeks ago we celebrated RUOK day. A special day set aside each year where we are encouraged to ask our fellow humans how things are, and hope they respond in a way that we feel empowered to deal with.

Well my question is, what do we do on the other 364 days?

We take responsibility for our own well-being and ask others for help.

Now I know why a lot of you do not feel comfortable to do this. You feel that asking for help means you failed or you aren’t good enough. That’s what held me back before my burnout forced me to ask.

But I don’t want that for you so as we round off this series on Stress, let me encourage you with 7 key strategies that will help you escape the statistics and enjoy a more healthy and happy life.

It’s time for you to grow your support network.

1. Cast a wide net.  

When it comes to your social support, one size doesn't fit all. You may not have someone you can confide in about everything  — and that’s okay. Maybe you have a colleague you can talk to about problems at work, and a neighbour who lends an ear when you have difficulties with your kids. Look to different relationships for different kinds of support. But remember to look to people you can trust and count on, to avoid disappointing, negative interactions that can make you feel worse.

2. Be proactive.  

Often people expect others to reach out to them, and then feel rejected when people don’t go out of their way to do so. To get the most out of your social relationships, you have to make an effort. Make time for friends and family. Reach out to lend a hand or just say hello. If you’re there for others, they’ll be more likely to be there for you. And in fact, when it comes to longevity, research suggests that providing social support to friends and family may be even more important than receiving it.

It’s nice to sit down with a friend face-to-face, but it isn't always possible. Luckily, technology makes it easier than ever before to stay connected with loved ones far away. Write an email, send a text message or make a date for a video chat. Don’t rely too heavily on digital connections, however. Face-to-face interactions are definitely the most beneficial.

Do you like to hike, sing, make stuff, play sport, get involved in local events? You’re more likely to connect with people who like the things you like. Join a club, sign up for a class or take on a volunteer position that will allow you to meet others who share your interests. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t make friends overnight. Try to enjoy the experience as you get to know others over time.

If you’re dealing with a specific stressful situation  —  such as caring for a family member or dealing with a chronic illness  —  you may not find the support you need from your current network. Consider joining a support group to meet others who are dealing with similar challenges.

 If you feel awkward in social situations and just don’t know what to say, try asking simple questions about the other person to get the ball rolling. If you’re shy, it can be less intimidating to get to know others over shared activities — such as a bike ride or a cooking class — rather than just hanging out and talking. If you feel particularly anxious in social situations, consider talking to a professional coach with experience in social anxiety and social-skills training.

If you lack a strong support network and aren’t sure where to start, there are resources you can turn to. Places of worship, community centres, local libraries, refugee and immigrant groups, neighbourhood health clinics and local branches of national mental health and support organisations may be able to help you identify services, support groups and other programs in your community.

So that’s a wrap on this current conversation series on stress. I hope you have a few take aways that you are committed to implementing in your own life. Thank you for the privilege of being a part of your journey so far and if you haven’t yet grabbed your copy of my free resources on stress reduction then CLICK HERE and get started now. You deserve to live a life with less stress and conflict.

Well that’s it from me this week. Next week we will be back with a conversation around self awareness. See you then. 

The mental health of corporate Australia shows almost one third of people are suffering from some form of mental illness.

Of those, 36% were suffering from depression, 33% from anxiety and 31% from stress.

A decade ago only one in five Australians were found to be suffering from a mental illness. It’s time to turn things around.

Hi this is Grant Herbert, international speaker and sustainable performance coach, and today I want to continue our conversation around stress by helping you get to a point where you feel more empowered to ask for the help you need.

I’ve had a couple of weeks where I have had to take my own medicine as a lot of travel and being unwell had really taken it’s toll. That’s why I missed our conversation last week and am coming to you a week later. I am currently in the beautiful city of New Delhi in India where I am about to run a 3 day leadership intensive with the top 100 leaders of a very large corporate.

So let’s have a chat about asking for help.

Mental illness appears to have increased by a third in the last decade. Depression is now the primary mental health disorder.

This is the first time depression has exceeded anxiety which has traditionally been twice as common as depression. Australia’s last official figures list anxiety at 14.4% and depression at 6.2%. The program, using data from 3,500 employees across 41 organisations from a range of industries, was conducted by the mental health technology group Medibio.

Now studies and statistics are one thing. We can dismiss them because of sample size or many other rationalisations we choose to use to avoid the issue. However I have the privilege of working with thousands of individuals and teams in these organisations every year and I can attest first hand that this is definitely a true reflection of what is going on right now.

People are hurting and therefore so are their families and the bottom line of the companies they work in.

A couple of weeks ago we celebrated RUOK day. A special day set aside each year where we are encouraged to ask our fellow humans how things are, and hope they respond in a way that we feel empowered to deal with.

Well my question is, what do we do on the other 364 days?

We take responsibility for our own well-being and ask others for help.

Now I know why a lot of you do not feel comfortable to do this. You feel that asking for help means you failed or you aren’t good enough. That’s what held me back before my burnout forced me to ask.

But I don’t want that for you so as we round off this series on Stress, let me encourage you with 7 key strategies that will help you escape the statistics and enjoy a more healthy and happy life.

It’s time for you to grow your support network.

1. Cast a wide net.  

When it comes to your social support, one size doesn't fit all. You may not have someone you can confide in about everything  — and that’s okay. Maybe you have a colleague you can talk to about problems at work, and a neighbour who lends an ear when you have difficulties with your kids. Look to different relationships for different kinds of support. But remember to look to people you can trust and count on, to avoid disappointing, negative interactions that can make you feel worse.

2. Be proactive.  

Often people expect others to reach out to them, and then feel rejected when people don’t go out of their way to do so. To get the most out of your social relationships, you have to make an effort. Make time for friends and family. Reach out to lend a hand or just say hello. If you’re there for others, they’ll be more likely to be there for you. And in fact, when it comes to longevity, research suggests that providing social support to friends and family may be even more important than receiving it.

It’s nice to sit down with a friend face-to-face, but it isn't always possible. Luckily, technology makes it easier than ever before to stay connected with loved ones far away. Write an email, send a text message or make a date for a video chat. Don’t rely too heavily on digital connections, however. Face-to-face interactions are definitely the most beneficial.

Do you like to hike, sing, make stuff, play sport, get involved in local events? You’re more likely to connect with people who like the things you like. Join a club, sign up for a class or take on a volunteer position that will allow you to meet others who share your interests. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t make friends overnight. Try to enjoy the experience as you get to know others over time.

If you’re dealing with a specific stressful situation  —  such as caring for a family member or dealing with a chronic illness  —  you may not find the support you need from your current network. Consider joining a support group to meet others who are dealing with similar challenges.

 If you feel awkward in social situations and just don’t know what to say, try asking simple questions about the other person to get the ball rolling. If you’re shy, it can be less intimidating to get to know others over shared activities — such as a bike ride or a cooking class — rather than just hanging out and talking. If you feel particularly anxious in social situations, consider talking to a professional coach with experience in social anxiety and social-skills training.

If you lack a strong support network and aren’t sure where to start, there are resources you can turn to. Places of worship, community centres, local libraries, refugee and immigrant groups, neighbourhood health clinics and local branches of national mental health and support organisations may be able to help you identify services, support groups and other programs in your community.

So that’s a wrap on this current conversation series on stress. I hope you have a few take aways that you are committed to implementing in your own life. Thank you for the privilege of being a part of your journey so far and if you haven’t yet grabbed your copy of my free resources on stress reduction then CLICK HERE and get started now. You deserve to live a life with less stress and conflict.

Well that’s it from me this week. Next week we will be back with a conversation around self awareness. See you then. 

Stress is a normal part of life. Many events that happen to you and around you and many things that you do yourself put stress on your body.

Hi this is Grant Herbert, international speaker and sustainable performance coach, and I want to continue our conversation around stress this week by looking at Physical Stress.

Stress is any change in the environment that requires your body to react and adjust its response. Your body reacts to these changes with mental, emotional and physical responses.

So how does Stress affect your health?

Let’s face it, the human body is designed to experience stress and then respond to it.

Positive Stress, called ”eustress”, comes from events such as getting a promotion or being given greater responsibilities at work.

Negative Stress, called “distress", is when you face continuous challenges without relief or relaxation between them. As a result, you become overworked and stress-related tension builds.

Distress can lead to physical symptoms like headaches, digestive problems, elevated blood pressure, chest pain and sleep disorders.

Stress also becomes very harmful when people use alcohol, tobacco or other drugs to try to relieve their stress.

Unfortunately, instead of relieving the stress and returning the body to a relaxed state, these substances tend to keep the body in a stressed state and cause more problems.

Consider the following statistics from the Mayo Clinic:

• 43% percent of all adults suffer adverse health effects from stress.

Stress symptoms may be affecting your health, even though you might not realise it. You may think illness is to blame for that irritating headache, your frequent insomnia or your decreased productivity at work, but stress may actually be the cause. 

In Australia, 1 in 5 people suffer distress to the point of a mental illness. In some occupations like law, it’s often quoted as high as 1 in 2.

You must act now to manage your stress

If you have stress symptoms, taking steps to manage your stress can have many health benefits. 

Explore some stress management strategies such as:

• Getting regular physical activity

You are better served when you find active ways to manage your stress.

Inactive ways to manage stress, such as watching television, surfing the internet or playing video games, may seem relaxing but they may increase your stress over the long term.

Be sure to get plenty of sleep and eat a healthy, balanced diet. Avoid tobacco use, excess caffeine and alcohol, and the use of illegal substances.

It might be time for you to ask for some help.

If you're not sure if stress is the cause or if you've taken steps to control your stress but your symptoms continue, see your doctor or other healthcare provider who may want to check for other potential causes.

Consider seeing a professional coach, counsellor or therapist, who can help you identify sources of your stress and learn new coping tools.

It’s time to take a stand against your stress and make some changes now, instead of waiting too long like I did and my body just gave up.

Let me help you learn from my experience.

Grab your copy of my eBook and then register for the FREE Stress Reduction Maximiser online course where I unpack my 3 hot tips to reduce your stress fast.

Well that’s it from me for another week. Join me again next week where we will continue the conversation around this silent killer called Stress. See you then. 

Stress is a normal part of life. Many events that happen to you and around you and many things that you do yourself put stress on your body.

Hi this is Grant Herbert, international speaker and sustainable performance coach, and I want to continue our conversation around stress this week by looking at Physical Stress.

Stress is any change in the environment that requires your body to react and adjust its response. Your body reacts to these changes with mental, emotional and physical responses.

So how does Stress affect your health?

Let’s face it, the human body is designed to experience stress and then respond to it.

Positive Stress, called ”eustress”, comes from events such as getting a promotion or being given greater responsibilities at work.

Negative Stress, called “distress", is when you face continuous challenges without relief or relaxation between them. As a result, you become overworked and stress-related tension builds.

Distress can lead to physical symptoms like headaches, digestive problems, elevated blood pressure, chest pain and sleep disorders.

Stress also becomes very harmful when people use alcohol, tobacco or other drugs to try to relieve their stress.

Unfortunately, instead of relieving the stress and returning the body to a relaxed state, these substances tend to keep the body in a stressed state and cause more problems.

Consider the following statistics from the Mayo Clinic:

• 43% percent of all adults suffer adverse health effects from stress.

Stress symptoms may be affecting your health, even though you might not realise it. You may think illness is to blame for that irritating headache, your frequent insomnia or your decreased productivity at work, but stress may actually be the cause. 

In Australia, 1 in 5 people suffer distress to the point of a mental illness. In some occupations like law, it’s often quoted as high as 1 in 2.

You must act now to manage your stress

If you have stress symptoms, taking steps to manage your stress can have many health benefits. 

Explore some stress management strategies such as:

• Getting regular physical activity

You are better served when you find active ways to manage your stress.

Inactive ways to manage stress, such as watching television, surfing the internet or playing video games, may seem relaxing but they may increase your stress over the long term.

Be sure to get plenty of sleep and eat a healthy, balanced diet. Avoid tobacco use, excess caffeine and alcohol, and the use of illegal substances.

It might be time for you to ask for some help.

If you're not sure if stress is the cause or if you've taken steps to control your stress but your symptoms continue, see your doctor or other healthcare provider who may want to check for other potential causes.

Consider seeing a professional coach, counsellor or therapist, who can help you identify sources of your stress and learn new coping tools.

It’s time to take a stand against your stress and make some changes now, instead of waiting too long like I did and my body just gave up.

Let me help you learn from my experience.

Grab your copy of my eBook and then register for the FREE Stress Reduction Maximiser online course where I unpack my 3 hot tips to reduce your stress fast.

Well that’s it from me for another week. Join me again next week where we will continue the conversation around this silent killer called Stress. See you then. 

Putting yourself first for a change is vital if you are going to sustain your performance and reduce your stress.

Hi this is Grant Herbert, speaker and sustainable performance trainer and coach, and I want to continue our conversation around stress this week by unpacking the topic of SELF CARE.

You’ve probably heard this before during the safety briefing before take off. “If the cabin pressure drops, masks like these will drop down from the overhead locker above. Immediately pull down on the mask to start the flow of oxygen. Fit the mask over you nose and mouth and breath normally. Secure the mask by pulling on the two ends of this strap. Oxygen will still flow, even if the bag doesn’t inflate”

Now the first thing you are probably thinking right now is ‘this guy flies a lot”, and I do, but what’s really important here is what they say next…

“Fit your mask first before assisting other guests”.

There is so much power in that final statement and it is the framework for the whole concept of self-care. Why? Because you cannot help anyone if you are not in a fit state yourself. It all starts with you!

Life is a delicate balance between helping others with self taken care of.

It’s like all you mums out there. You’re making dinner and there isn’t enough for everyone so all of a sudden you’re not hungry. You make sure your family eats, and you go without for them, because you love them and you see it as your role to nuture and look after them. But here’s the problem with that. Your motive for doing this is pure and admirable but the action itself is very counter-intuitive. You see if mum doesn’t eat and mum falls off the perch, no one eats.

Self-care is anything you do deliberately in order to take care of your mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it's a simple concept in theory, I pretty sure it's something you very often overlook. I know I did.

 So let’s have a look at a few tips you can use to exercise a little more self care:

• Prioritise and block out some ‘me time’ every week

These are just some of the things that work for me. Drop your thoughts in the comments below as to what you would add to the list.

The first thing you need to do before starting out this process of self-care is get to a position where you feel worthy of giving yourself this priority attention. Work on your identity and stop caring about what others think of you so much. If you missed my video on Performance Stress a couple of weeks ago, go back and watch it and it will help you to do this.

Once you start taking better care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally, you will be in a much better position to handle what goes on in your day to day world. This will reduce your stress levels and help you manage your responses in a healthier way.

Well that’s it from me for another week. Let’s continue the conversation next week when we talk about physical stress. 

If you are enjoying this series then I would love to hear about how it’s helping you s leave a comment below. Share it on your social media so we can help more people, use the #stressreductionmaximiser, and if you haven’t grabbed your eBook copy yet, CLICK HERE and get one.

You are worthy of a less stressful life…you just need to believe that and take the action required. See you next week.

Putting yourself first for a change is vital if you are going to sustain your performance and reduce your stress.

Hi this is Grant Herbert, speaker and sustainable performance trainer and coach, and I want to continue our conversation around stress this week by unpacking the topic of SELF CARE.

You’ve probably heard this before during the safety briefing before take off. “If the cabin pressure drops, masks like these will drop down from the overhead locker above. Immediately pull down on the mask to start the flow of oxygen. Fit the mask over you nose and mouth and breath normally. Secure the mask by pulling on the two ends of this strap. Oxygen will still flow, even if the bag doesn’t inflate”

Now the first thing you are probably thinking right now is ‘this guy flies a lot”, and I do, but what’s really important here is what they say next…

“Fit your mask first before assisting other guests”.

There is so much power in that final statement and it is the framework for the whole concept of self-care. Why? Because you cannot help anyone if you are not in a fit state yourself. It all starts with you!

Life is a delicate balance between helping others with self taken care of.

It’s like all you mums out there. You’re making dinner and there isn’t enough for everyone so all of a sudden you’re not hungry. You make sure your family eats, and you go without for them, because you love them and you see it as your role to nuture and look after them. But here’s the problem with that. Your motive for doing this is pure and admirable but the action itself is very counter-intuitive. You see if mum doesn’t eat and mum falls off the perch, no one eats.

Self-care is anything you do deliberately in order to take care of your mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it's a simple concept in theory, I pretty sure it's something you very often overlook. I know I did.

 So let’s have a look at a few tips you can use to exercise a little more self care:

• Prioritise and block out some ‘me time’ every week

These are just some of the things that work for me. Drop your thoughts in the comments below as to what you would add to the list.

The first thing you need to do before starting out this process of self-care is get to a position where you feel worthy of giving yourself this priority attention. Work on your identity and stop caring about what others think of you so much. If you missed my video on Performance Stress a couple of weeks ago, go back and watch it and it will help you to do this.

Once you start taking better care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally, you will be in a much better position to handle what goes on in your day to day world. This will reduce your stress levels and help you manage your responses in a healthier way.

Well that’s it from me for another week. Let’s continue the conversation next week when we talk about physical stress. 

If you are enjoying this series then I would love to hear about how it’s helping you s leave a comment below. Share it on your social media so we can help more people, use the #stressreductionmaximiser, and if you haven’t grabbed your eBook copy yet, CLICK HERE and get one.

You are worthy of a less stressful life…you just need to believe that and take the action required. See you next week.

The inability to understand and manage your emotions is a major issue in today’s fast-paced, superficially connected world.

Hi, this Grant Herbert and I want to continue our conversation around stress this week by taking a look at one of the crucial areas you need to get on top of if you are to reduce and manage your stress, and that’s how you navigate your emotions.

Let be really clear. Humans are emotional beings and not robots.

You respond to things emotionally. You make decisions on emotion.

Marketers are taught to connect with you emotionally.

Navigating your relationships with others can often be very emotional and stressful.

Your emotions are present in every waking moment of your day, so while some people subscribe to the myth that talking about emotions is just warm and fuzzy, or labelling them ‘soft skills’, is ridiculous.

Some people even believe that they can check their emotions in at the door when they get to work and only work on logic. That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. It is literally impossible to do that. You are an emotional being.

It would be like you trying to leave your arms at the door or your brain. Emotions are a necessary and powerful ingredient of our make up, and we need to know how to embrace them for the service they give us and manage our response to them.

When we are out of whack emotionally, our thoughts can lead us to react and behave erratically. This can cause you to feel more anxious, fearful, anguish and worried.

This adds to your stress levels and can become quite disruptive and debilitating in daily life. Emotional stress can be particularly painful, challenging to deal with, and can take more of a toll that many other forms of stress.

So, learning to be aware of your emotions, and have healthy strategies to manage your behaviour, is paramount in the quest to reduce and manage your stress.

Perhaps one of the more challenging aspects of coping with emotional stress is the feeling of being unable to change the situation. If you can't change your stress levels by eliminating the stressful situation, you can certainly work on your emotional response to it.

This is a set of skills I learned, and now teach, in the arena of Social and Emotional Intelligence. They are definitely the game-changer.

Here are some exercises you can use to help you reduce your emotional stress:

• Practice Mindfulness. When you feel emotional stress, it's also often experienced as physical pain like a 'heavy' feeling in the chest, an unsettled feeling in the stomach or a dull headache. It's common to try to escape these feelings, but it can actually be helpful to go deeper into the experience and use mindfulness to really notice where these emotional responses are felt physically. Some people notice that the pain seems more intense before dissipating, but then they feel the emotional and physical pain is lessened. Give it a go and see what happens when you try it?

• Distract Yourself. We used to think that if we didn't express every emotion we felt they would show themselves in other ways. In some ways, this is true. There are benefits to examining your emotional states to learn from what your emotions are trying to tell you, and repressing your emotions in unhealthy ways can bring other problems. However, it's also been discovered that distracting yourself from emotional pain with emotionally healthy alternatives — such as a feel-good movie, fun activities with friends, or a satisfying mental challenge, can lessen emotional pain and help you feel better.

• Take Some Time Out. If you find that emotional stress and rumination creep into your awareness quite a bit, and distraction doesn't work, try scheduling some time — an hour a day, perhaps — where you allow yourself to think about your situation fully and brainstorm possible solutions, concoct hypothetical possibilities, replay upsetting exchanges, or whatever you feel the emotional urge to do.

• Practice Meditation. Meditation is very helpful for dealing with a variety of stressors, and emotional stress is definitely in the category of stressors that meditation helps with. It allows you to take a break from rumination by actively redirecting your thoughts, and provides practice in choosing thoughts, which can help eliminate some emotional stress in the long term.

• Talk to a Professional. If you find your level of emotional stress interfering with your daily activities or threatening your well-being in other ways, you may consider seeing a therapist for help working through emotional issues.

Whatever the cause of your emotional stress, you can work toward reducing and managing it and feeling better in the process, without losing the supportive 'messages' that your emotions are bringing you.

That’s it from me this week. Join me again next week when we keep the conversation going around the benefits of self-care.

I’m on a quest to help as many people as I can to reduce and manage their stress, so make sure you grab a copy of my eBook by clicking the button below.

DOWNLOAD EBOOK

See you next week!

The inability to understand and manage your emotions is a major issue in today’s fast-paced, superficially connected world.

Hi, this Grant Herbert and I want to continue our conversation around stress this week by taking a look at one of the crucial areas you need to get on top of if you are to reduce and manage your stress, and that’s how you navigate your emotions.

Let be really clear. Humans are emotional beings and not robots.

You respond to things emotionally. You make decisions on emotion.

Marketers are taught to connect with you emotionally.

Navigating your relationships with others can often be very emotional and stressful.

Your emotions are present in every waking moment of your day, so while some people subscribe to the myth that talking about emotions is just warm and fuzzy, or labelling them ‘soft skills’, is ridiculous.

Some people even believe that they can check their emotions in at the door when they get to work and only work on logic. That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. It is literally impossible to do that. You are an emotional being.

It would be like you trying to leave your arms at the door or your brain. Emotions are a necessary and powerful ingredient of our make up, and we need to know how to embrace them for the service they give us and manage our response to them.

When we are out of whack emotionally, our thoughts can lead us to react and behave erratically. This can cause you to feel more anxious, fearful, anguish and worried.

This adds to your stress levels and can become quite disruptive and debilitating in daily life. Emotional stress can be particularly painful, challenging to deal with, and can take more of a toll that many other forms of stress.

So, learning to be aware of your emotions, and have healthy strategies to manage your behaviour, is paramount in the quest to reduce and manage your stress.

Perhaps one of the more challenging aspects of coping with emotional stress is the feeling of being unable to change the situation. If you can't change your stress levels by eliminating the stressful situation, you can certainly work on your emotional response to it.

This is a set of skills I learned, and now teach, in the arena of Social and Emotional Intelligence. They are definitely the game-changer.

Here are some exercises you can use to help you reduce your emotional stress:

• Practice Mindfulness. When you feel emotional stress, it's also often experienced as physical pain like a 'heavy' feeling in the chest, an unsettled feeling in the stomach or a dull headache. It's common to try to escape these feelings, but it can actually be helpful to go deeper into the experience and use mindfulness to really notice where these emotional responses are felt physically. Some people notice that the pain seems more intense before dissipating, but then they feel the emotional and physical pain is lessened. Give it a go and see what happens when you try it?

• Distract Yourself. We used to think that if we didn't express every emotion we felt they would show themselves in other ways. In some ways, this is true. There are benefits to examining your emotional states to learn from what your emotions are trying to tell you, and repressing your emotions in unhealthy ways can bring other problems. However, it's also been discovered that distracting yourself from emotional pain with emotionally healthy alternatives — such as a feel-good movie, fun activities with friends, or a satisfying mental challenge, can lessen emotional pain and help you feel better.

• Take Some Time Out. If you find that emotional stress and rumination creep into your awareness quite a bit, and distraction doesn't work, try scheduling some time — an hour a day, perhaps — where you allow yourself to think about your situation fully and brainstorm possible solutions, concoct hypothetical possibilities, replay upsetting exchanges, or whatever you feel the emotional urge to do.

• Practice Meditation. Meditation is very helpful for dealing with a variety of stressors, and emotional stress is definitely in the category of stressors that meditation helps with. It allows you to take a break from rumination by actively redirecting your thoughts, and provides practice in choosing thoughts, which can help eliminate some emotional stress in the long term.

• Talk to a Professional. If you find your level of emotional stress interfering with your daily activities or threatening your well-being in other ways, you may consider seeing a therapist for help working through emotional issues.

Whatever the cause of your emotional stress, you can work toward reducing and managing it and feeling better in the process, without losing the supportive 'messages' that your emotions are bringing you.

That’s it from me this week. Join me again next week when we keep the conversation going around the benefits of self-care.

I’m on a quest to help as many people as I can to reduce and manage their stress, so make sure you grab a copy of my eBook by clicking the button below.

DOWNLOAD EBOOK

See you next week!

Every day that we pretend to be someone we are not, to gain the approval of others, we slowly but surely erode away another chunk of our true identity.

Hi there, this is Grant Herbert, and I want to continue our conversation around stress this week by exposing one of the biggest causes of stress out there; always seeking the approval of others.

Eleanor Roosevelt is quoted as saying; “What other people think of you is none of your business”. She went on to say; “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. These are life defining statements that you all need to embrace if you are to reduce and manage your stress.

If you are serious about getting your stress under control then it’s time to escape “The Performance Trap” and stop letting what others think or say about you push the wrong buttons and cause you to feel stressed.

Even when you put on the best performance you can, with the hope that you gain acceptance and significance in the eyes of another, there is no guarantee, that you will receive their approval. When you get it you feel great, but when you don’t you can be left feeling deflated and frustrated.

That leads to unhealthy self-talk which creates even more doubt and uncertainty of your worth. You might have an internal dialogue that says things like,

“Why am I never good enough?” or “What do I need to do to please these people?”

The result is that your identity takes a beating and you feel even worse about yourself.

You must remember though that a performance is something you DO but your identity is who you believe you ARE.

Let me give you an example.

If I get upset and raise my voice toward my teenager, in a desperate hope to get respect and compliance, I immediately feel uneasy in the pit of my stomach. Instantaneous remorse makes me start to question my actions because I love my child and it’s not my intention to take out my frustration on them. I know what I did was not good behaviour and want to do better next time. That’s OK, it’s healthy to recognise when something you DO needs to change. The problem is when you nurse and rehearse the feelings of guilt for not doing a good job in the situation, you can go from “I yelled at my child” (something I did) to “I am a bad parent” (someone I believe I am).

The way to escape this performance trap and becoming authentic again is through SELF approval.

You see, ‘performing’ is not the problem; it’s the motive for doing it that is.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with showing others around your gifts and talents. It’s even OK to like getting a word of affirmation or a pat on the back in the process. The trap is set however when the underlying reason we are performing is to get the approval, be liked and accepted.

So instead of running this old strategy that creates a lot of stress, let me teach you a more resourceful one that has changed my life and the lives of many people I was impacting. It was the main mindset and behaviour change that helped me get my stress under control again.

Here it is in 3 simple steps.

Step 1: Take sole responsibility for defining your worth,

Step 2: Engage in positive self talk-that builds your identity, and

Step 3: Perform from a position of SELF APPROVAL, rather than seeking it from others.

When you decide to do this, and then actually take the steps, you will find that the removal of the internal conflict created by The Performance trap will help you dramatically reduce your stress.

That’s it from me this week. Remember to reach out if you need some help with this.

Let’s keep the conversation going next week where we will discuss your emotional stress. See you then.

P.S.: If you still haven’t got your copy of my ‘Stress Reduction Maximiser’, CLICK HERE and grab one now.

Every day that we pretend to be someone we are not, to gain the approval of others, we slowly but surely erode away another chunk of our true identity.

Hi there, this is Grant Herbert, and I want to continue our conversation around stress this week by exposing one of the biggest causes of stress out there; always seeking the approval of others.

Eleanor Roosevelt is quoted as saying; “What other people think of you is none of your business”. She went on to say; “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. These are life defining statements that you all need to embrace if you are to reduce and manage your stress.

If you are serious about getting your stress under control then it’s time to escape “The Performance Trap” and stop letting what others think or say about you push the wrong buttons and cause you to feel stressed.

Even when you put on the best performance you can, with the hope that you gain acceptance and significance in the eyes of another, there is no guarantee, that you will receive their approval. When you get it you feel great, but when you don’t you can be left feeling deflated and frustrated.

That leads to unhealthy self-talk which creates even more doubt and uncertainty of your worth. You might have an internal dialogue that says things like,

“Why am I never good enough?” or “What do I need to do to please these people?”

The result is that your identity takes a beating and you feel even worse about yourself.

You must remember though that a performance is something you DO but your identity is who you believe you ARE.

Let me give you an example.

If I get upset and raise my voice toward my teenager, in a desperate hope to get respect and compliance, I immediately feel uneasy in the pit of my stomach. Instantaneous remorse makes me start to question my actions because I love my child and it’s not my intention to take out my frustration on them. I know what I did was not good behaviour and want to do better next time. That’s OK, it’s healthy to recognise when something you DO needs to change. The problem is when you nurse and rehearse the feelings of guilt for not doing a good job in the situation, you can go from “I yelled at my child” (something I did) to “I am a bad parent” (someone I believe I am).

The way to escape this performance trap and becoming authentic again is through SELF approval.

You see, ‘performing’ is not the problem; it’s the motive for doing it that is.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with showing others around your gifts and talents. It’s even OK to like getting a word of affirmation or a pat on the back in the process. The trap is set however when the underlying reason we are performing is to get the approval, be liked and accepted.

So instead of running this old strategy that creates a lot of stress, let me teach you a more resourceful one that has changed my life and the lives of many people I was impacting. It was the main mindset and behaviour change that helped me get my stress under control again.

Here it is in 3 simple steps.

Step 1: Take sole responsibility for defining your worth,

Step 2: Engage in positive self talk-that builds your identity, and

Step 3: Perform from a position of SELF APPROVAL, rather than seeking it from others.

When you decide to do this, and then actually take the steps, you will find that the removal of the internal conflict created by The Performance trap will help you dramatically reduce your stress.

That’s it from me this week. Remember to reach out if you need some help with this.

Let’s keep the conversation going next week where we will discuss your emotional stress. See you then.

P.S.: If you still haven’t got your copy of my ‘Stress Reduction Maximiser’, CLICK HERE and grab one now.