The Projectors

“WOOF” that’s what we said after we watched 2021’s “Clifford the Big Red Dog” directed by Walt Becker. “OOF” is the feeling of trying to discuss it. That’s the risk you take when you decide to randomly generate movie titles for specific content. Yes, two months ago “Clifford” came up in a random generator and here it is wedged between Paul Robeson and Denzel Washington movies. Nobody is making us do it but we have this compulsion and it sure as hell won’t blow the doors off. We all know about the Big Red Dog named Clifford. There is cuteness here. No doubt. Formulaic as hell? It’s practically a Hallmark movie. I think fuckin’ ChatGPT will be scripting kids movies soon and it will probably hit this exact tone and structure with the speech at the end. Continuity buffs are gonna be PEYISSED when they find out that this movie is set in New York City as opposed to Birdwell Island like in the books. It’s never as good as the book, is it? This dog would accidentally kill people in such a dense population area. They need a sequel where Clifford accidentally crushed someone to death as well as a pooping scene. God help us we randomly generate another movie to review at the end of this episode.

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This month’s theme is “PORTRAITS OF THE ARTISTS” where we analyze selections from the careers of two, distinct, leading black men from film history. Our classic selections are devoted to the one and only PAUL ROBESON. We delve into another silent film from 1930 with strong modernist influence that was made in Switzerland. Paul acts alongside his wife, Eslanda, whose character had an affair with a shitty little white dude named Thorne who is literally played by Chester A. Arthur’s grandson. Some fresh techniques, unique camera angles and lesbian bartenders set this 1930s silent “art film” ahead of its time by several decades. The historic significance definitely helps the overwrought drag that occurs mid-movie but Paul Robeson certainly stands out much more breathlessly than his bohemian writer and musician co-stars. Lost until the 80s, Kenneth Macpherson’s “BORDERLINE” from 1930 is a must see for folks interested in film history and Paul Robeson. You can find it right here: https://youtu.be/VmP1A8IvwB4?si=qrDkzzz0Os3BmJuW Be a nerd and go learn something because we got a special drop tomorrow that’s gonna dumb everything down.

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January’s theme is “PORTRAITS OF THE ARTISTS” where we analyze the works of two major black leading men and a lot of this month is devoted to DENZEL WASHINGTON. Today’s discussion is a bit of casting and franchising genius as Denzel gets to essentially be a superhero without the costume and green screen. Antoine Fuqua and Denzel Washington plucked a deep cut TV series and turned it into a box office action success. This one is for the grandads who imagine themselves being badass in a Home Depot. Bob has a mysterious past, a built in detective mode in his mind and he made friends with a sex-trafficked Chloe Grace Moretz so, of course, he has to kill a bunch of people. Russians in particular. We’re talking about THE EQUALIZER from 2014 and now they’re on the third one. The things he can do with a nail gun and a shot glass are a trip. Denzel pulls out “franchise action star” later in his career and it’s pretty impressive even if some of the story feels a wee bit overbaked.

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ACCIDENTALLY CALLED CARL FRANKLIN "Carl Perkins" A FEW TIMES. OOPS.

January’s theme is “PORTRAITS OF THE ARTISTS” and we’re discussing some of the roles of two historically significant black leading men in film. Most of the month will be films starring DENZEL WASHINGTON. We’re starting it off mighty hot with a very solid noir adapted from a Walter Mosley book by director Carl Franklin. The Denzel study begins with the 1995 film “DEVIL IN A BLUE DRESS” starring our man, Don Cheadle, Jennifer Beals, Tom Sizemore & Lisa Nicole Carson. Ezekiel “Easy” Rawlins needs some cash to pay back some mortgage on his home and gets recruited by Tom Sizemore to find a woman by the name of Daphne and I bet you can’t guess what color she wears. Then you got poor Coretta who is quietly the most fatale. Then there’s Mouse as played by Don Cheadle in one of his best performance. Mouse is fucking wild. I gotta read those books to see what happens to Mouse. We got a soft spot for noir stuff and, honestly, you should too. It’s chill and gritty. And what’s up with that guy trying to cut down everybody’s trees? 

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This month we’re excited to analyze the films in our January theme of PORTRAITS OF THE ARTISTS. In this theme we will be discussing the films of two major black leading men in film. For our Monday classics we will be exploring the films of Paul Robeson, an actor and activist who would be an outlier in any era of film. The title of our theme is inspired from the Criterion Collection’s Paul Robeson set titled “Portraits of the Artist”. For our first discussion in this New Year of MOVIEHUMPERS, we’re going to explore an important root in film history with an early work by the prolific pioneering director, Oscar Micheaux. Religion gets a little dragged as a crooked and fraudulent reverend (played by Paul Robeson) has connived his way into women and money in the small town of Tatesville. Isabella’s mother wont let her marry the nerdy ass inventor, Sylvester (also played by Paul Robeson) because she’s gotta marry the evil faux reverend. Some great characters in a fairly strange story with an early appearance of a certain film trope. Oscar Micheaux certainly has plenty to say with his 1925 silent film “BODY AND SOUL”, which you can find easily on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-A9alUp1pa8 Check out some history and hear our take on it. This is just the beginning of our talks on Paul Robeson and there is LOTS of Denzel Washington to pair with it.

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It’s been 20 years since Richard Curtis dropped “LOVE ACTUALLY” on our chestnuts and this holiday romantic comedy remains prolific. As lauded as it is critiqued. It seems like this UK ensemble movie may never leave the zeitgeist of Holiday hits. It’s here to stay. A tangential web of romance and sad attempts at romance. It has its ups and downs. “Love, Actually” is like a pie but you see that all the pieces are cut and each individual piece is its own flavor. There are a couple of pieces that are very good. Surprisingly good. A few pieces are fine. Typical of what they are but not bad. Then there’s a piece that seems like apple but tastes like they put anise in it so it’s kind of weird. Then you get to that one piece that you think is fudge but SURPRISE that piece is actually made of cat shit. “Love Actually” is that pie but how does the overall depth of the drama and comedy hold the film together? Bill Nighy, Hugh Grant, Laura Linney, Emma Thompson, Liam Neeson, Alan Rickman, Colin Firth, Keira Knightly. That’s only about a quarter of the full cast. Hear us out in the final episode of our inaugural year of MOVIEHUMPERS. Thank you so much for hanging out with us. January is around the corner and we will be discussing the films of Denzel Washington and Paul Robeson. Until then, let’s hit you with it one last time in type, HAPPY NEW YEAR AND DEATH TO ALL TRAITORS.

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(PRETTY SPOILERY EPISODE ABOUT A TRUE STORY) December is always a good month for the movie theaters and we’ve been scouting the release of today’s discussion for a while now. As pro wrestling fans, we’re pretty much in the bag for this tale of wrasslin’ and tragedy but the family turmoil presented here can still hit home for a lot of people. We’re discussing Sean Durkin’s cinematic adaptation of the Von Erich wrestling family in “THE IRON CLAW” starring a yoked Zac Effron, Jeremy Allen White, Harris Dickinson, Holt McCallany and many more. If you know anything about the Von Erich’s then you probably know this is going to be sad. There are many Von Erich in wrestling history. You had the father, Fritz Von Erich. Then you had Kevin Von Erich, Kerry Von Erich, David Von Erich, Mike Von Erich, Chris Von Erich, Lance Von Erich. One of these Von Erich’s wasn’t even a real Von Erich. All of the actual Von Erich’s listed have passed but one. Hell, one of those Von Erich’s wasn’t even in the movie because the truest form of the story is even more tragic. Not even getting into Jack, the oldest, who tragically passed when he was a small child. Shit, this family has been through it and a lot of it seemed rather avoidable in any other circumstance. It’s our last AT THE MOVIES drop of our inaugural year. Chill out with some leftovers and hear our judgement.

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MERRY CHRISTMAS! It’s that one and only day. Seems like people are mad as hell leading up to this day and can’t drive for shit but once the day gets here then it all feels all right. We culminate in our theme of THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR with this ultimate Christmas Classic. Some might say that having this movie as your favorite Christmas movie is perhaps typical. Cliche. But it’s much more typical to proclaim it as typical because this is one of the most anti-cynical movies ever made. It wasn’t even a hit in its time. Not until around the 70s did it truly become iconic holiday fare. It’s a heavy hitter that stands the test of time for a reason. Of course, we’re talking about Frank Capra’s 1946 classic “It’s A Wonderful Life” starring Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed, Lionel Barrymore & Henry Travers. Bob & Angela actually saw it in the theater as is the annual tradition of the Belcourt to show it during this time every year. There’s not much more you can say about it (we still say a lot) but maybe we can inspire you to relive it if it’s been a minute. Y’know we get choked up. Merry Christmas and a Happy New year.

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It’s THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR and for the tail end of the loaded week we’re presenting you a special episode for our last episode before Christmas. You didn’t really think we would go through this month without hitting up some HALLMARK CHRISTMAS SELECTIONS did you? When we come for Hallmark we gotta go to the queen. Nah, fam. We ain’t talking about that uptight Candice Cameron Bure. No we’re doing the Holidays right with “Party of 5” and “Mean Girls” alum, LACEY CHABERT. We’re hitting up another 6 pack and it’s all Lacey Chabert Hallmark Christmas movies. Relationships fail and spring anew. Jobs keep you busy until they don’t. Mistletoe smooches? Plenty. White dudes that all kind of look the same? Of course! Single parents? A couple. Ridiculous conflicts that feel forced? Just about all of them. CHRISTMAS CHEER????? COMING OUT OF EVERY GODDAMN ORIFICE! We’re talking “Christmas in Rome” from 2019, “Christmas Waltz” from 2020, “Pride, Prejudice and Mistletoe” from 2018, “The Sweetest Christmas” from 2017, “A Wish for Christmas” from 2016 and “A Christmas Melody” from 2015. That last one is directed by Mariah Carey but don’t get too excited. Half of these aren’t bad but that one is rough. Not because of Lacey Chabert. No way. She’s a perfect snow angel. You better not “Chablow” it because when it comes to Christmas, Lacey Chabert is going to “Chabring” it. Grab some pie and hear us out. Don’t make us HO HO HOLD you to it. ROFLMAO we’re totaled Hallmarked now. No going back. Never in my life have I had a roasted chestnut. Never. I didn’t even know they were actually nuts. I thought it was slang for boobies. 

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It’s THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR! Get out that eggnog, stoke the fire, put on that cozy sweater because we’re all going to watch a movie that will bring the whole family together. Of course we’re talking about the 1999 Stanley Kubrick Christmas Classic “EYES WIDE SHUT” starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. This “erotic” thriller didn’t really chub us out. Beautiful but cold. A jealous cold. Stanley Kubrick passed away just a few days after screening it which lends a little bit of mystery to this strange movie. It also features the tamest illuminati orgy you’ve ever seen. Like, seriously, if they just let Dr. Bill go and he went to the police, what would he say? “A bunch of men in masks and cloaks were having consensual sex with women in masks”? There would have been nothing they could do. Were any visible laws even broken? They didn’t need to kill that lady at all. The man who invented the moon landing couldn’t go harder than this? You know these sick fucks are doing shit that you truly wouldn’t want to watch. But they did kill a girl. Maybe. I think the illuminati got ahold of Angela, actually. She seems to downplay their capabilities in this episode. Did they get to her? Is she one of them? What the hell is going on here? Is this entire YouTube/Podcast channel some kind of cover for dark elitist rituals??? Who am I? Who are you? Do you think that sailor is cute? Merry Christmas.

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